Do You Feel The Need To Protect Your Relationship? How To Keep Others From Compromising Your Love Life

October 15, 2012  |  
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Have you ever gotten in a huge fight with your boyfriend, or even broken up with someone, and thought afterwards, “That wasn’t me…You weren’t really angry about what you were fighting about. You weren’t really insecure about what you were complaining about. It was like you were possessed…Usually, it’s just your friends and others that comment on your love life getting in your head! Don’t let them.

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“Wait to text him back”

Somehow, even though we have the right to vote, we have high power jobs and we dance on tables every weekend, women are still told to wait to text a guy back! To make it seem like we are “unavailable.” If you want to find a man that is emotionally available, organized and doesn’t play games, then you need to come off the same way by not being afraid to show your enthusiasm to respond, and by showing that you don’t randomly and regularly lose your phone for hours at a time.

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“Put yourself out there more”

Whether it’s because you’ve been complaining of being single, or your friends think it’s sad that you’re single, you don’t necessarily have to change the way you’re going about things. You don’t have to start walking up to every guy you think is cute, or open up an account with every online dating site, all because your friends suggest you’re not “putting yourself out there” enough. If that’s not your style, then you’re just going to end up feeling even more disappointed and embittered about the dating world if you put even more effort into meeting someone—effort you did not enjoy making—and you still don’t meet someone.

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Be wary of jealous friends

It can be subtle when a friend is jealous of your relationship because friends can cover anything up with the excuse of, “I’m just looking out for your best interest.” But keep an eye out for the friend that is always making under her breath comments about your man, or suggesting he doesn’t treat you right, or that he was flirting with somebody else. You know in your gut when these things are true, and if a friend is saying something that does not feel true at all, you may have a jealous friend on your hands.

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They only see what’s on paper

You can tell your friend every detail of your date but you cannot possibly explain chemistry. That is something that only you and the guy do feel, or don’t feel. So, if you don’t feel chemistry with a guy, but your friends are saying, “But he’s SO perfect!” don’t go back for a second date thinking you’re just not seeing something your friends do. It’s not about what you’re seeing; it’s about what you’re feeling. And that’s something only you can know.

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But they also only see the bad traits on paper

Just like friends can think a guy sounds perfect when you didn’t feel chemistry, they can also think a guy sounds awful when you had a really good feeling about him. Don’t fall for the “If he did x, y or z that’s a huge red flag” line. Yes, there are red flags. But they are only red flags if they feel like red flags. If a detail of your date sounds like a warning sign to your friends, but you could feel that the guy had good intentions and it was just a misunderstanding, don’t listen to your friends.

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STOP talking to your ex

The person that has the most power to ruin your relationships is your ex! But, honestly, it’s you because you are the one making the decision to talk to your ex. The problem with talking to him is that, no matter what dirt you have together, he is also someone that you get an instant good feeling from speaking to because he knows everything about you. In his eyes, you are special and unique. But to a new guy you’re on date #1 with, you’re just a blank slate. You have to work to show who you are. And that work is exhausting, so talking to the ex becomes tempting. But you’ll never want to put in the work to get to know somebody new if you keep hitting that happy button otherwise known as your ex’s number on your phone.

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“Google him”

Why does anything about anyone get onto Google? Because they did something really good, or they did something really bad. Google results of someone are not a fair representation of them. But your friends tell you to Google a guy so that you can see if he’s been recognized for anything good or bad. If you find something impressive, your idea about the guy will be clouded by that. You won’t notice red flags as much because Google says he’s okay! If you find something bad about him, that will be very hard to shake from your memory and you won’t give him a fair chance to prove himself.

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“Wait for him to make the first move”

If you have any male friends in your life then you know from their stories that plenty of guys never make a move because they thought the girl wasn’t into them. Somehow, with that knowledge, in our own dating lives we tell ourselves, “If he was into me, he would have made a move!” and so we accept that advice of, “Wait for him to make the first move.” But think of it this way: if he wasn’t into you, and you make a move and he rejects you, you simply get to find out sooner and move on! If he was into you, but you didn’t make a move, and neither did he, you may have just lost a good one.

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Guilted into girl time

You should still be spending time with your girls if you’re in a relationship, but don’t neglect having alone time with your guy! Don’t make your single friends make you feel “lame” for staying in with your guy (which they often will). You’re in a relationship. You’re not just casually seeing this guy. He is your partner now and deserves at least half of your nights of the week!

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Reminders of your past

Your friends know your history, your patterns, your mistakes. They will remind you of them either as warnings or just as fun anecdotes and if you let them get in your head, you’ll believe you are still the way you used to be and you will self sabotage your relationship.

Woman mad in bed

Don’t compare sex lives

If you feel happy with your sex life, good for you! Don’t feel your friend’s is better because they own every toy from the adult shop and have mastered every position in the Kama Sutra. Also, don’t get intimidated by stories of your friend that has sex four times a day. If you still feel emotionally connected to your man, and physically satisfied, don’t try to live up to somebody else’s standards.

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Don’t tell your mom unless it’s big

Parents are so protective and the second you even hint to your parent that you and your guy are having issues, in their head they see the words flashing, “BAD GUY!” They are your parents and want perfection for you. In their minds, you should be with a guy that makes you happy every second of every day. So once they get worried that things aren’t going well, they will have “that tone” every time you talk go them. You know the one, “So…how are things with your boyfriend???” If you hear that enough, you’ll actually start to believe that things are worse than they really are!

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Don’t talk about it if you don’t want to

Sometimes you just need to work something out in your head before you start accepting the input of other people. It can be confusing to get the opinions of others when you’ve barely digested the issue yourself. Don’t feel that you have to talk to your friends about your relationship if you don’t want to.

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“Stop wallowing!”

Okay, there is a point when it is no longer emotionally healthy to lock yourself up in your room after a breakup. However, just because you’re out and about doesn’t mean you have to be ready to date again. Don’t let your friends convince you to start dating when you’re still healing from a breakup. All that will ever get you is perhaps a short fling with a guy that you eventually realize you weren’t ready to emotionally invest in.

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