About That Gay Kappa Wedding Video: Let’s Ignore The Negative And Focus On The Positive

46 comments
October 12, 2012 ‐ By Charing Ball

Source: youtube.com

A YouTube video of the wedding of Robert Brown and Nathanael Gay, yes two men, have been making the rounds on the black blogosphere and all the reaction hasn’t been kind.

No I’m not talking about the reaction from YouTube posters, who historically have always leaned towards douchebaggery, but the reaction from commentarists, who while not having a problem with a gay wedding, seem to only focus on whatever negative reaction the video has spurred.

Overall the reaction to the video, which shows a slideshow of Brown and Gay, donned in red and white celebrating their nuptials, has been the same reaction that you would except from a wedding; some hate and jealousy but most congratulatory.  However among bloggers the comments like, “Beautiful LOVE is LOVE and people need to realize that. I wish Robert and Nathaniel the best, CONGRATS!!!!!” from YouTube user Va2ga have been overshadowed by reaction to comments like this:

To each his own, love who you want to love. HOWEVER, this is really a punch in the gut to show Kappa Alpha Psi in a position that , majority, would not appreciate. As a whole we stand for brotherhood but not for gay individuals to infiltrate our fraternity and feel that it’s ok. Once again, love who you want but it would be wise for you not to wear any items showing that you’re a Kappa.”

Coincidentally, this YouTube user is named Smartazzit, which is probably more of an indictment on the user than the content of the actual video.  However this hasn’t stopped some writers from addressing full on the negative comments like, Jenee Desmond-Harris for The Root, who wrote:

“Without going into all of those, we’d like to gently suggest that anyone who’s outraged rather than touched by the video (watch it below) should consider pledging Hater Phi Homophobe.”

And then there was Britini Danielle from Clutch Magazine who wrote: “It’s clear when it comes to sexuality (and race, and sexism, and several other hot-button issues) people conveniently forget the adage, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself.” But in this case, I wish they would. Not only are they taking shots at a couple’s special day, but they’re also slandering a 101-year-old institution in the process.”

There is not overtly wrong with either of the ladies thoughts on the matter. However by focusing solely on the negative reaction to the video, they have inadvertently creating a false dichotomy that the only response was negative, when in fact, the video received over two thousand likes, which is by far more of an indication of response than the 110 or so dislikes.  So in essence, even though these writers might be well meaning in their attempt to show that a gay wedding is not a big deal, by focusing solely on the negative reactions, they have ultimately ended up making it into a big deal.

This is what I like to call the Gabby Douglas effect, where a few negative comments via one social networking site spurred a month long (and it is still going on in some circles on the web) discussion about the “controversy” over Gabby Douglas’s hair. After much debate and in some cases bitter divisive attacks, the mainstream media caught wind of it, picked up the story and soon Douglas’ hair became an official national black issue.  Then, in an effect to disassociate ourselves from this new “black issue” we had a new round of commentary, which had writer after writer, expounding on why Douglas’ hair doesn’t matter. Well if her hair didn’t matter, how the hell did we end up talking about it in the first place?

The funny thing was, I hadn’t an opinion on her hair until the topic started to show up ad nasuem in blog posts, columns, news articles and on television news program. I was too busy looking at her medals. And apparently, so was Douglas, who responded, “I’m like, ‘I just made history and people are focused on my hair?’ My point exactly.

As a writer and a commentarist, I have come to learn the difficulty in towing thin line between addressing a controversy and actually creating one. And quite frankly, even I don’t always get it right. Heck, in some ways this post might be  as guilty of over-emphasizing the negative.  But I would hate for this couple’s beautiful nuptials to be overshadowed with a slew of false outrage, which I am sure is soon to come. If we are as progressive as we say we are and  it doesn’t matter that two gay men get married than let’s just make it not matter. And if the Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc hasn’t issued a statement condemning the wedding, which I hope not, and a band of bigoted homophobes didn’t crash their wedding with picket signs and pitch forks, than who cares about a few negative comments over the internet?  Let’s just wish them well.

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  • johnny wishbone

    eff them fags and the hypocrites who support them

    • johnny wishbone

      and before you say you are NOT a hypocrite… how many of you are pro gay marriage and anti polygamy… if love is supposed to be love and all. clowns

  • tt

    It hurt me to see what this world have come to,(thy shall not judge),but I know this is sad..

  • Breakdown

    Leave it to the Kappas to charter new frontiers, I remember the early seventies when what I figured was the first white kappa pledgee on an HBCU campus in Virginia crossed over.

  • Chassie

    what a beautiful wedding! I wish them the best.

  • dana p

    beautiful ceremony!

  • Miss D

    Here are two men who really love each other and have strong, supportive families behind them. I don’t care that they are gay. It’s not easy to find someone you love and I am happy that they did.

  • Pingback: Gay Kappa Wedding: Ignore The Negative & Focus On The Love … | Love Advice

  • Miss D

    I’m sorry to hear that you’ve gone through so much in your lifetime. I hope that you have healed or are currently seeking it. I’m sure it has been difficult, but I’m sending positive thoughts your way. Wishing you all the best.

    • Red

      Thank you Miss D. That compassion means all of the world to me. That is how God;s love is to be spread and received by others. Thank you.

  • Not Surprised At All

    Not surprised at all. If you had said sigmas or alphas my jaw woulda hit the floor…..but kappas? Lmfao is this really news?

    • brickinit

      really? I always heard it was the Alphas that were gay. oh well…

  • http://twitter.com/MadameGigglez Im TinkerBell

    Thats wonderful! i wonder where they exchanged vows at…

  • Tamz

    They like it, I love it!! :)

  • Candacey Doris

    Congrats to them.. I hope they have a happy life. And that i can have such a nice wedding one day.

  • TxNellie

    So I guess if you all who agree with this saw some one stealing in the store you’d say,” Oh that is so wonderful. They are eating by any means necessary.” A sin is a sin…No difference in most of them to God. But a spade is a spade and a sin is a sin. I woiuld never jeopardize any of my childrens’ souls by telling them, “That’s ok Baby.” Why would a person repent for anything that is wrong if they think it is right? And no I’m not some blinded bible thumper with a holier than thou attitude. I sin. But I can admit it. I don’t care about being politically correct because everyone else is. I know many people who consider themselves gay. And I like them as a person. But I won’t lie to them just so they can feel better about what they are doing. They respect my opinion and I respect theirs. Yes, the world is a-changing. But God hasn’t.

    • Charing Ball

      Lots of stuff that we do frequently is considered sinful. Heck, I’m about to head over to my favorite seafood spot and get me some crab legs (Leviticus 11:10) while wearing a cotton shirt and some 97 percent cotton, 3percent polyurethane skinny jeans (Leviticus 19:19). I guess that is where, Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone, comes into play.

      • Kay

        Thank You!! I don’t under stand the but it’s a sin debate. A lot of stuff we do is a sin. Hell it’s a sin to charge interest..

        • Candacey Doris

          I don’t even think we’re supposed to borrow or lend money at all. Everyone beholden to Sallie Mae stand up!

        • Red

          Absolutely! Guess what? God is going to be looking at the condition of the heart. I believe that there are going to be a lot of homosexuals in heaven before there will EVER be these jacka*ses that can only highlight someone else’s life and not their own. When a lot of folks speak on homosexuality, they are not concerned for the person’s soul. They just want to have someone to point at and take the attention off of themselves. God knows all and sees all. That is it and that is all!

          • victoria

            John 3:15-17 New International Version (NIV)
            15 that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.” 16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.We are ALL sinners. But those who believe Jesus is Lord will have everlasting life.Point is, why is homosexuality, fornicaion, disobeying parents, glorification of violence, etc all acceptable in today’s society? Is that something God wants us to accpet or practice. Should we be in the club drinking alcohol? Should we be living in sin? Should we patronize strip clubs? Is homosexuality something God wants us to do? If God is against it…why do we accept it as the norm?

            • Red

              I don’t know about WE I know about ME. I notice that word Love in there too. Love is what will establish the relationship with God. Do you have someone on the outside checking you on ALL of your sins? I did not even speak of all of those things that you listed so I don’t know what you are trying to prove right now. You are suppose to draw others in with Love. When I talk to others about God, I tell them about myself and the mistakes that I made and make and how much He loves me in-spite of my iniquities and molds me when I am willing. Their relationship with God is between God and themselves and not a bunch of flawed humans.

              • victoria

                Red, I agree with you regarding God’s love. And it’s not about checking a fellow sinner. My focus is on accepting the sin. We are to love the person and hate the sin. I believe many of us forgot the hate the sin part. Regardless of what the sin is. I dont hold myself as sinless or without flaw. But I will tell my children that sins can keep us from having a fulfilling relationship with God.

                Romans 12:2
                And be not conformed to this world: but be
                ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is
                that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
                I commented because I was attracted to TxNellie’s comment about how we should raise our children – teaching our children what’s right in God’s eyes. That b/c certain sins are the world’s norms doesnt make it acceptable to God. Therefore, I have no problem hating the sin.

                • Red

                  As long as when you hate their’s, you remember yours. God is going to judge us individually and we wont be able to look to the right or the left, but at ourselves only. I was not referring to anything being the world’s norm that was you. I said, the condition of the heart is what God will base His judgment of us on. Keep in mind that those are your children and these are adults so you will not be able to come at them the way that you would your kids. You have to come from a place of understanding and love. It is easy to say, “That’s sin! That’s wrong! Your’e going to hell”, but somehow a lot of yall can not seem to minister in love and compassion. Even though you feel and believe the way that you do, make sure that you tread lightly and don’t put your nose where it does not belong when you encounter these adults unless they ask for your advice and want to share their story. Don’t be the reason that they reject God.

                  • victoria

                    Red, did I say something offensive? If so, please point it out. If I unknowingly offened another person I want to make sure that I will not make that same mistake in the future.
                    I stated, ”That we are all sinners; that we have to love the sinner while hating the sin; that those who believe in Christ will be with Him in Heaven (I never mentioned that this doesnt apply to homosexuals); that we should not conform to this world…” What did I say that was wrong, untrue, or offensive?
                    And why should I be careful to who I mention this to? Aren’t Christians suppose to witness to others?
                    Also, I never said anyone was going to hell (that is why I referred to John 3:15-17). Can you point out where I said that?
                    I was never rude, unlke you calling commentors belittling names.
                    That being said, I will not stop speaking about my belief. Just as you stated what you believed I will do so, as well. Simply b/c it’s dfferent than your belief doesnt upset me nor will it cause me to thread lightly. That attitude is just proof that people, including some followers of Christ, do not want to hear the truth.
                    Again, my original comment was in referrence to TxNellie’s stmt about how we should raise our chilren to not conform to this world.

                    • Red

                      Just so that you know, I was responding to what Kay said originally. I did not even read what you said before you responded to my comment. I never gave the impression that I was offended. I thought that we were all adults with views so during a discussion everyone is not going to have the same view. That is what this site is about. I said that if you want to express your beliefs to these “adults” that indulge in this lifestyle then it should be from a place of love and compassion. I mean, isn’t that what your aim is? Your aim is to let these people know that they are wrong right? You care don’t you? Is it that you are not liking that I am responding? It’s a discussion.

                    • victoria

                      Did I give you an indication that when discussing sin that I wasnt coming from a place of love? I have been respectful and have indicated myself as a fellow sinner. I never said anyone was going to hell. Nor I did I call a commentor a jacka$$. I didnt belittle anyone’s writing ability. And I never suggested that others should ”thread lighting” when stating an opposing view. These are the your actions. So there is no need to assume Im coming from a place void of love.
                      My aim when having these discussions are to have people (including myself) take a look at why WE accept sinful behavior as common place knowing it is not what God wants of US.
                      Regarding your responses, it’s not a matter of liking them; it’a matter of respecting. You have may suggest that ‘checking’ others is wrong and un-Christian-like, but I believe that as followers of Christ we should talk to each other about our ways and how it may hinder us from having a fulfillng relationship with God. And it’s not a matter of judging or throwing a stone b/c I do use my personal experiences when discussing these matters.
                      Take care and God Bless

                    • Red

                      The only way to see how your message will be received is to go spread it. I don’t read anything but the first sentences of your last 2 messages and barely a third of the one before those. No more blah, blah, blah from me and I will be reading no more blah, blah, blah from you either. This is all becoming repetitiousness and it is filled with pure boredom. Peace.

                    • PhDin2017

                      Victoria, your comments are spot on. Thank you for standing on truth and love with conviction. When one comes from a place of love that is contradictory to an issue such as homosexuality, the word of Yah is holy and will not be compromised. Yah hates sin, and homosexuality is an abomination of what a godly marriage is about. Yah said that even his believers would fall short, but he didn’t advocate for his children to continue in thier sin while professing to love him. May Yah bless and keep you always. You are one of the few Christians I’ve read on this issue that truly stands on the world ofYah without being moved by the covert and overt manipulation homosexuals and their apologists are craving for acceptance over the word of Yah.

          • PhDin2017

            Red, please oint out in scripture where gays are going to heaven, while engaging in the sinful abomination of homosexuality. And when you’re finished with that, post where Yeshua said, GO, and SIN NO MORE. Last time I checked, Yeshuaw was the living word of Yah in the old testament and He is the one that destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. Thanks.

      • victoria

        I think what TxNellie was trying to say is that just because this world accepts sinful behavior doesnt mean Christians should. Being gay is a sin. So is OOW sex. Premarital sex is more acceptable in society than homosexuality, but both are sins in God’s sight. Should I tell my child it’s ok to be gay or have premarital sex because society accepts it or b/c I wasnt a virgin when I married?
        As Christians we are choosing to go against God’s will…why? Do we not see the harm? Clearly we dont.
        At the end of the day, people have to choose whether being a part of this world is worth going against God. Choosing to walk as a Christian will mean not accepting many of today’s norms. It will mean loving the sinner, but hating the sin. As a Christian, I love the two men in the video;I will treat them with respect; break bread w/ them; etc. But I will not accept their marriage.

        • PhDin2017

          AMEN!!! Thank you for this post as well and explaining your points clearly, Victoria. Your post truly defined loving the sinner hating the sin to the “T”. I will not uphold this video as a loving marriage because I do not and will never believe in same sex marriage,but I will not stop loving my gay friends.

      • PhDin2017

        LOL @ Charing Ball. Those verses you quoted, and quoted ad nauseum by biblically illiteratle gays, those verses are not about litearally wearing fabrics, but symbolic language of being unequally yoked with the world and trying to sew it into Yah’s word. Any sin, and in this case for example, gays and their supporters keep trying to knit their sinful fabric into a godly sweater. I’m glad you actually posted that verses from the Hebrew Torah after all because Yah gave Mosaic law to the Israelites NOT to engage in unholy lifestyle such as pedophila, theivery, worshipping other gods, unnatural relations between same sex. Get it?

    • Jina

      Nothing worse than an uneducated christian…

    • Red

      Focus on your own sin because their’s are not what are gonna send you to heaven or hell. Also, PLEASE take an English course or two. Your sentence structuring is HORRIBLE! Really, it is.

    • PhDin2017

      Agree with you so much TxNellie! Thanks for your post. This video is another latest attempt by black gays and their supporters to try to sway, no make that manipulate black anti-gay supporters at looking at the human, loving side of homosexuality, and not the abomination. I know I’ve sinned, and I’m forgiven, and I do my dead level best to walk a good life. However, being gay is unnatural and same sex marriage will never be ordained nor blessed by Yah. Yeshua said being in this world and not of it, and when I read lukewarm Christians supporting the in of homosexuality over loving the sinner, it tells me that the devil is truly in the church.

  • Jen

    This was so beautiful. They found true love and that’s what matters. Some people aren’t lucky enough to find that! Congrats!!!

  • Lissa

    thats insane. Congrats to the happy couple. I find it appaling that one minority will make it a PRIORITY to try to make another group feel inferior. We need to uplift, not beat down.

  • Princess

    Love it! Who ever the wedding planner was did an amazing job

    • Charing Ball

      Agreed on the whole wedding planner comment. Did you see the cake? I’m not a big fan of grandiose weddings but if you are going to do it, that is how it should be done. Stunning.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/N5NKO7SD25CEU6NUL7TJKDK2XQ Dreama

    The users of social media can be very nasty.Funny thing is the people that have the most to say via a keyboard would never say word in real life. It’s like they use the internet to vent and make their ignorance and hatred known to all. That’s why i quit reading the comments sections especially on youtube. Made me realize they are some very sick and disgusting people in the world.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nikia.dshiznit Nikia D-Shiznit

    All the cute ones are gay!!!!! Wtf

  • http://www.facebook.com/tineciabrooks Tinecia Lashaun Lewis

    congrats ..caint help who u love the wedding was beautifull

  • TeahMonae

    Beautiful ceremony and it was nice to see that they had the support of friends and family, fraternity brothers included.

  • Ms. Cambri

    I watched it and it was gorgeous! Only thing people can do is be human! & that means accepting our differences that make us unique.

  • jackieOsassin

    i thought the service was beautiful and sweet.

    put a few straight nuptial ceremonies i’ve been to to shame, actually.