Self-Pity? No Thanks: Why I Love The Chocolate Skin I’m In

October 11th, 2012 - By madamenoire

 

By Ashley Brumeh

I’m a dark-skinned woman who is well aware of colorism. Before you deduce this post to the typical “Here we go again with the light, bright, and everything right mentality” I’m ready to throw a curve ball.  I’m on the opposite side of the colorism debate. While I’m all for my lighter-skinned sisters, I actually think dark-skin is beautiful!  I love my complexion. My husband loves it too.  Even the suitors I dated before him thought my smooth, dark skin was gorgeous. Yet I find that people like to tell women of a darker complexion what colors they shouldn’t be wearing, what things don’t work for us, and try to make us feel that we aren’t accepted or swexy. (“You’re cute for a dark-skinned girl.”)

I have a healthy self-esteem and a pretty blessed life, yet somehow I feel like society thinks I’m supposed to wallow in self-pity because I wasn’t born with light skin. The majority of the online black community has seemingly become inundated with the theory that everyone wants to be light or date light.  Where are they getting this from?  Is it because Beyoncé is on virtually every cover of every magazine?  Is it because certain black celebrity men publicly profess their adoration for those of a lighter hue?  Or is it because almost every dark-skinned, female we hear, see, or read about blames their “early childhood low self-esteem” on their complexion? Newsflash!  EVERY chocolate sister isn’t drinking from the same regretful, “I wish I was lighter” Kool-Aid.

Perhaps everyone’s fascination with light-skin is the attention given to it. I can’t tell you how many times my frenemies have referenced my dark skin in a negative way.  Or how they frequently mention to me that most men prefer light-skinned women.  Or that the majority of successful, black women, be it in films, television, print, or other avenues of life are light-skinned.  I know this type of rationale is not only false, but it perpetuates the superior/inferior complex that so many of our people have.  Are dark-skinned women who possess beauty, brains, and happy and healthy relationships difficult concepts to fathom?

I can’t help highlighting a few of the many high-profile women of a darker complexion with a slew of beauty, success, and notoriety.  Michelle Obama is our FLOTUS.  Oprah is the only black, female billionaire in the world.  Gabrielle Union, Kelly Rowland, Rozonda “Chili” Thomas, and Nia Long makes the hearts of both men and women melt.  Melody Hobson, President of Ariel Investments, a $3 billion dollar investment firm, is in a long-term relationship with the well-renowned billionaire and Star Wars creator George Lucas. Surely their dark complexions didn’t deter them from being successful. Can the opponents of dark-skinned women catch a clue from these high-profile celebrities and realize that triumphs come in all shades? Or better yet, can they leave us alone already?

Regardless of how much or how little attention someone is given, if our lives are not directly benefiting from said attention then what difference does it make in the grand scheme of things?  Are those “hollas” on the street, shout-outs in songs, and spotlights in music videos paying the bills of everyday women?  I think not.  Feeding into colorism is inaccurate and illogical so please do us all a favor and just love the skin you’re in.  You never know who might love it too.

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  • Coco Cutie

    I love this!!! I love my fabulous chocolate complexion and it gets on my nerves to hear someone say you cant wear certain colors via lipsticks, hair, etc, because of your dark skin. News flash… WE CAN!! :)

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  • SXQN

    When I was an adolescent and didn’t know any better, I listened to my peers who were “color struck” as my Grandmother put it. My father always told me I was beautiful as chocolate candy. But that was Daddy. As I got older, an older man said to me “Don’t you ever walk around holding your head down cause you think you less than anybody else cause you dark skinned. Hold yo’ head up and walk proud. You the prettiest black azz gal I ever seen!” I was 17 years old. He told me that every time he saw me. He never made any improper advances or anything else. I took his advice. When my attitude changed, for the better, so did peoples’ perception of me…

  • nancy

    I love this post! I am Irish American Indian+…my daughter is that+Samoan…my grandchildren are that + African American. I have been colorblind my whole life. I have light and dark skinned friends. I was shocked to find out that one of my friends had been put down for her dark skin. She is absolutely gorgeous. God made us all. I am very happy to say she is accepting herself much better these days. Loving yourself is not selfish or self centered. We have more love to share when we start within. Thank you for sharing…Beautiful.

  • MJ Stripling

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article. However, I’m not dark-skinned in anyway unless you want to consider my freckles so. I’m a fair-skinned white girl with freckles and I’ve learned to appreciate my skin over time. Among white women (and even men), having naturally olive skin or darker skin (tan) is more acceptable than having the kind of skin I have. So, though I don’t have the same color skin as you I can defintely relate to colorism and I think it matters not! We all have different skin and it’s all beautiful! Aside from this, I actually think that women and men who are black with dark (and the darker the better!) skin are gorgeous! I don’t think I’ve come across a dark-skinned person I didn’t think had amazing skin! Great article Ashley :)

  • RukiaBlackBlazer

    ok obama 1st law, was to give women equal pay for equal work, whitewomen we’re gettin 70-77censt on the $ for the same work, WHILE black women were getting 45/55 cents on the dollar for the same work,( if a blackman grows up in a soceity where lightskin is highly valued)what happens in the more uneducated black communities, more children left without fathers, it matters if the women the man are having kids with is valued by the soceity they’re in, most men try to marry up, and if marrying a blackskinwoman is valued as less than( marrying down) how many will stay an help raise those kids? so it MATTERS WHAT THE WORLD VIEWS YOU, TO HOW FAR OR HAPPY YOU’RE ALLOWED TO BE, some blackwomen understands this, while having nothing more than there womanhood to offer a man,some go forward to success, but at 40 fine them selves alone, yes more blackskin females gotta get educated, but where will the inspiration come from? ( less than a generation after, THE CIVIL RIGHTS ACT, BFORE THAT MOST BLACKS WERE’NT EDUCATED), their uneducated parents or from the media, hopefully from there teachers, but we all know better, thats why when 1 or 2 to get there, we cheer, if more of those who overcome an get there is shown, more will be inspired to get there, sooo it matters, how we are shown & seen of ourselves, just as matters to white folks what is shown to there kids, they get up in arms, if something isnt teaching there kids the right values, so should we, am tired of folks saying it doesnt matter what soceity thinks of you, when we all know it does, but again another person, like most blacks saying forget it an move on, but how much must we keep foriving every generation,? everyone feelings is valid but the blackskinwoman, not unless she saying i forgave every hurt that was done to me or will be done to me, is our voices heard, so we blackwomen stuck between a rock and a hard place….. damned if we speak out & damned if we dont, speak for our kids sense of worth, JUST TAKE IT AND SHUTUP! is all we’re told…… it will leave the CEO & THE HOODRAT BITTER, WITH THE ONLY WAY TO CHANGE THINGS IS TO DO AS ALL OTHER RACES DO, TEACH OUR HISTORY TO OUR KIDS, HAVE DAYS OF REMEMBERANCE FOR OUR PAIN, AS ALL OTHER RACES DO….. CAUSE 1 LOVE DONT SEEM TO BE WORKING FOR THE FORGIVING HEART OF THE BLACKSKIN WOMEN, I WONDER Y ALL RACES GAVE THERE KIDS POSITIVE HEROES, THT LOOK LIKE THEM? AN THE FACT THT BLACKGIRLS DONT HAVE 1 but the ( aunt jemma mami OPRAH), YOU’LL SAY IT DOES’NT MATER? WHO YALL FOOLING, ALL YALL DOING IS BREEDING SELFHATRED, THAT’LL SPILL OVER ON ALL 1DAY….. BY DENYING THE FACTS OF THE DAILY LIVES OF DARKSKINFEMALES, JUS BCUS LESS THAN 1% MADE IT TO THE TOP, DOESNT RIGHT OF 96% OF US AS USELESS WHINEY & UNMOTIVATED…..THANKS FOR Allowing me to speakout, but who cares RIGHT,?????????????? blackwomen should just shutup an move on, but how has done that more than BLCKSKIN FEMALES.. OUR SONS LOVE THE WORLD & MOST OF OUR DAUGHTERS DONT COMPLAIN. WE JUST KEEP TAKING IT ALL….

    • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance Adonis

      Da hell?

  • http://www.facebook.com/ashley.brumeh Ashley Brumeh

    I genuinely appreciate everyone who took the time to read my article. This article was written to bring awareness to the opposite, less talked about side of the colorism debate. I think all women are beautiful, however light or dark we may be. Unfortunately main-stream ideals do not promote this notion. The articles I have read regarding colorism are usually regarding the woes of dark-skinned women and our alleged inferiority complexes. Dark-skinned women who do not suffer from complexion-related low self-esteem are rarely ever mentioned. However, we ALL seem to get a large dose of the ones that are suffering from some form of self-hatred. In life it is important to balance the scales and my article is my effort to do just that. Stay blessed!

  • Jo Ann Lewis

    Stunning beauty! Why should I be ashamed of my black skin – what, because some standard thinks I should? I am carmel color and have a decent length of natural hair – I love me and if you don’t that’s your loss.

  • Erin

    Can we please move on from this topic already? The more we discuss it, the more insecure, we (dark-skinned women) seem. Just be confident and go from there. No need draw up a list of successful dark skin women, as if you need proof to drive the point home. Michelle Obama doesn’t comment on her skin color because she doesn’t have to. We’re fabulous just as we are.

    • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance Adonis

      Thank you. Thank you. Thank You

    • http://www.facebook.com/ashley.brumeh Ashley Brumeh

      I genuinely appreciate everyone who took the time to read my article. This article was written to bring awareness to the opposite, less talked about side of the colorism debate. I think all women are beautiful, however light or dark we may be. Unfortunately main-stream ideals do not promote this notion. The articles I have read regarding colorism are usually regarding the woes of dark-skinned women and our alleged inferiority complexes. Dark-skinned women who do not suffer from complexion-related low self-esteem are rarely ever mentioned. However, we ALL seem to get a large dose of the ones that are suffering from some form of self-hatred. In life it is important to balance the scales and my article is my effort to do just that. Stay blessed

      • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance Adonis

        I appreciate you for saying friendly & cordial. It is NO WONDER why ol boy “put a ring on it.”

        I can see how Dark skin women in America can get a LSE complex, America racism is something of legend.

        Put the best Dark skin women in a room/bunker, And invite men to it, and watch how many of us show up. LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/char.angel.58 Char MumOfan Angel

    colourism really gets me mad! I have a daughter who is dark skinned and one day a relative of ours (who is brown skinned like me) commented on how her complextion seems to be “lightening up nicely” and it must be the Astral im using! For one Astral does NOT lighten skin tone and 2 how dare she talk such nonsense about my childs skin! As a brown skinned sista i have always admired the tone of my dark skinned friends and I adore the shade of my baby’s skin, I am also attracted to dark skinned men as personal prefance but the fact is ALL shades are beautiful whether chocolate or caramel people need to get over this foolishnes!

  • C’mon People!

    Every brown hue that makes up black skin is beautiful. No particular complexion needs to be highlighted more than the other. I for one have had enough of reading about why dark skin women are beautiful or light skin women are etc. We all have beautiful skin no matter how light or dark it is.

  • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance Adonis

    Again, @KIR12:disqus echos my sentiments.

    Dark skin women are doing more than fine. The 6s (beauty & youth) and better are choosing just like their lightskin counterparts.

    But like privileged people in America, they want even more privileges. So, they constantly worry about what is going on with the lightskin & white women.

    Another thing, Black male preferences are NOT hurting the Black Community. But black females choosing bums to have babies with is. But she will blame him leaving her & her child on her darkskin so she won’t take responsibility for her role.

  • http://twitter.com/MOTRenaissance Adonis

    To The Author: You Need More People. If you are really cool in being dark skin, no need to write about it. Let your boyfriend/husband tell us what it is.

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