Real Talk: Are You Too Crazy To Have A Relationship Right Now?

October 12, 2012  |  
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Does every ex of yours avoid you like the plague? Do most of your breakups end with yelling, things breaking, and a borderline war? Are you incapable of an amicable split? If so, you might have some issues to work out before luring another victim into your web.

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How do you feel about male/female friendships?

If you can’t accept them, your relationships are bound to be turbulent. Your guy may not have a female BFF, but he’ll have female co-workers, or girlfriends of his friends that hang around a lot. You can’t stop him from interacting with other females. And if you are trying to do that then your problem is from within, not from without. If you’re trying to stop your man from socializing with other women, then that means you believe he might cheat. Cut out all the but’s and maybe’s—at the heart of it, you do this because you think he might cheat. And if you have a major fear of infidelity, you have trust issues to work out.

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How do you feel when you think about his exes?

Do you feel angry when you envision him with his exes? Does your blood boil when he so much as mentions his exes? If so, you are way too territorial. A man is going to have exes. He wasn’t just born the day you met. But if you feel like your head is going to explode anytime you so much as think about the fact that he has been with other women, you’ve got your claws dug too deep into your guy. So deep that mere ghosts upset you.

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How do you handle anger?

If your boyfriend does or says something that makes you angry, do you react right away? Or do you pause, and try and understand why you are angry, and what he meant by what he did or said? If you instantly react, then you have some growing up to do. You still throw temper tantrums like a child, and are in the mentality of, “This is what I feel, so it must be correct!” But that is unfair to a partner. Unless he intended to hurt you, he doesn’t deserve your wrath.

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How do you handle jealousy?

Similar to anger, if a man does not intend to make you jealous, then he should not have to deal with your feelings of jealousy. If you tell him he cannot hang out with certain people, or go certain places, or if you simply act cold towards him because you are feeling jealous, then you are turning your insecurities outward onto him.

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How much would you change for a man?

Would you change the way you dress for him? Would you become the biggest fan of The Goo Goo Dolls if he was? Would you stop drinking if he was sober? Yes? Then you’re a relationship chameleon, and that is crazy…you’re willing to alter your identity to be with a man. And, odds are, that’s left you pretty upset after breakups, when you went so far as to change who you were for a guy, and it didn’t work out.

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Do you believe in love at first sight?

If you do then odds are you are a little too crazy to carry on a stable relationship right now. What I mean by this is, if you would be willing to start seeing a guy every night of the week, ditching your friends for him, moving to his town, moving in with him, and making big decisions to be with him, all because of what you felt after one encounter, then you don’t have the healthiest ideas about love. You certainly don’t value your own life and the things you have built for yourself enough, if you’d be willing to change or sacrifice them to be with somebody you just met.

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How much would you do for a man?

Would you lend a boyfriend of two months $1,000? Would you buy a plane ticket to surprise him when he was across the country on a business trip, for only three days…? Similar to the relationship chameleon, you give way too much to your relationships, which inevitably grows your hopes for those relationships tenfold. And grows your disappointment just as much when they don’t work out.

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What’s the longest you’ve been single?

If you don’t have at least a four month period in there somewhere (really it should be half a year) you’re probably a relationship addict. You don’t realize it but you are terrified of your relationships falling apart, because you don’t know how to survive without a relationship. And if that is the case, you’re probably prone to those other behaviors like being a relationship chameleon and believing in love at first sight—you’ll do anything, beyond reason, to make things work.

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What is your boyfriend’s “Uh oh” face?
Think about the faces your past boyfriends have made whenever you’ve gotten mad at them. If you’re envisioning a lot of completely shocked, “Where the heck is this coming from?” faces, you might be a little too crazy for love. If your boyfriends always felt your anger came out of left field, odds are you were a bit delusional sometimes.

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Does arguing make you feel deeply depressed?

Arguing with your boyfriend is painful, but it shouldn’t feel like the end of the world. If you feel deeply, darkly depressed to the point where you can’t do anything any time you fight with a boyfriend, you put way too much pressure on your relationships. And you probably have let your friends/career/family fall on your priority list. So, the tiniest prospect of losing your boyfriend feels like the end of the world because, well, you’ve set it up so that he’s all the world you have anymore.

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Do you have close girlfriends?

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Do you not have girlfriends because you are crazy, or are you crazy because you don’t have the healthy element of female bonds in your life? Either way, something’s off if you don’t have any real, close female friends that you can share intimate conversations with. Typically, this means you’ve given too much of yourself to your relationships and abandoned all of your friends, or other women have found you to not be trustworthy.

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Are you angry at your parents?

Do you still get into screaming battles with your parents? Can something they said have you on edge for days, lashing out at everyone? If you don’t have a healthy relationship with your parents, you can’t really carry on a healthy romantic relationship. Learning how to accept yours and your parent’s differences plays a big part in learning how to compromise, be diplomatic and handle conflict with your head instead of your emotions. If you can’t do that, you’ll be a nightmare of a girlfriend.

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Are you angry with your exes?

Most of what has been said about your relationship with your parents applies to your exes. Learning to let go of your anger towards exes is a big part of learning how to move on from conflict, whether big or small. If you can’t think back to your exes without feeling furious, you haven’t learned how to forgive and forget yet. And that also could make you a nightmare of a girlfriend.

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How much do you change after breakups?

Do you feel the need to get a tattoo? Dye your hair? Move to Europe? Quit your job? If you have to make a drastic change to get over a breakup, then once again you probably put too much energy into your relationship, and let your own life fall apart. Otherwise, if you had an individual life that you were proud of and enjoyed, you wouldn’t be tarnishing it by quitting your job and moving to Europe. If you are a well-adjusted, emotionally healthy individual, you would have always been creating a life you liked for yourself alone, and that you could enjoy even if single.

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