True Life: He Asked Me To Pay For Our Date

53 comments
October 4, 2012 ‐ By madamenoire

"Black couple bored on date"

There has been a lot of talk of more and more men asking the women they take out to pay for their dates. Well, this struck us as a bit unbelievable so we took to our Facebook page to ask our readers if a man had ever asked them to pay and what they said in response to this request. See what they had to say.

Davina: Does hell go with no?!?!

 

Karen: Yes. I guess me still being Single answers my response.

 

Lydia: Told that nigha hell no if u ask me than that’s ur treat

 

Lloyd: I once had to pay for a lunch date we had at ihop, on top of that this broke bastard only left a $3, needless to say we never went out again. Every time I think about that mess I get heated.

 

Crystal: I looked at that fool like he had three heads, rolled my eyes and kept talking like he never asked.

 

Meshele: I paid his A$$ no attention and left !

 

Kristina: I went to dinner with a guy and he informed me that he found it Hot when a woman exudes her independence. I said watch me independently get a ride home and left!

 

Tiffany: I left him at the table

 

Noelle: yes and i told him no and told him to take me back home and i called him a bum

 

Rochelle: Yes. He was very late & then said he forgot his wallet. It was our 1 & only date.

 

Charmaine: Yes, on new years eve , all day we was talking about hanging out , then when I called and asked him when he wanted to hook up, said thAt he forgot to tell me he was low on money, I told him ok I will talk to him tomorrow, lol

 

Candice: Yes, and my response was, ”…and what would possess me to do that? ” We don’t speak anymore. :D

 

Tenee: Yeah, and he waited after we ordered food and drinks; When the bill came he came up with this lame A$$ story about not having enough money, so I kindly left my part of the bill and walked out of the restaurant. That’ll teach his A$$

 

Latanya: Yes, I’m married to him. We would go dutch throughout our dating status. It’s fine.

 

Anastasia: I went on a first date with this dude and when the check came this mofo was like oh your part is $$$. I was so shocked, never in my life has that happened to me. Oh and he didn’t have a car so I picked him up.I told him I needed to use the bathroom and I left. Needless to say I never spoke to him again.

 

Gennifer: Yes, a guy asked me to pay, but soon as the check came he said..”i was just testing you” and then he paid. What turned me off about him wasn’t the fact that he asked me to pay, but the fact that he was testing me…playing these mind games instead of just getting to know a sista…

 

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  • cris1582

    I think it’s the proposer’s responsibility if I ask you out, means I plan to pay. If you ask me out, you should have money ready for the date. Stop being lazy.

  • CarlaKah

    OMG! That happend to me 2 days ago! He payed for most of the day (at the Spa ) and asked if I could “carry dinner” meaning pay for it. I was quiet acted like a fly just farted. Then he said “Or did I just ask something crazy?”. I said “uhu” and he was quiet about it and did what a gentleman has to do.

  • Cinnamon71

    I believe the man should pay for the 1st date, period. If you become a couple and in a serious relationship later on, then going dutch is fine. If a man is serious about pursuing you, then this is his way of showing it. There is no need to break the bank to go out on a date. There are many venues to go to that aren’t expensive. It is the chivalrous gesture of paying for the date that counts. There is nothing more tacky than asking a woman out on a first date and expecting her to go dutch or pull the “I left my wallet at home” due to you not planning effeciently for the date.

  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    Men don’t have to pay for the first date or any date for that matter. There are women who would be cool with that. Not the majority and definitely not the most desirable women but there are some. If some men are so anti-paying why not let your date to-be know that way before you get to the restaurant etc.? Give her the power of choice up front. That doesn’t seem like such a hard thing to do.

  • Adrina

    I never ever had to pay for a first date ever. I’ve offered though. But if I’m dating someone, I’ll pay some times…I think it’s fair. SN: MN loves this topic…this has to be the 4th or 5th article about this.

  • Na Na

    When I was in HS this guy asked me to go on a triple date with his friends and their girls. We went to Red Lobster, everybody had a good time. When the bill came he was like your part is xyz. I politely rode home with his friend and his girlfriend that night. funny because he still tries to talk to me to this day and I am so uninterested.

  • guest

    I dated this guy that lost his job after we had been dating a few weeks so I offered to pay a couple of times when we went out cuz I felt bad for him. But then it became more and more often that I was paying until I was paying for everything we did. He would conveniently go to the bathroom or walk away. The last straw was when we went to dinner one night and the waiter gave him the check and he immediately handed to me with the waiter still standing there!! I was done with him!! Why do men have to take advantage of nice girls and then say we are the ones who are gold diggers!

    • bt

      Lost his job a few weeks after dating you… that’s not a coincidence. That man probably never had one…

    • mia

      You set the tone in that situation.
      After the first 2 or 3 times, he probably assumed you were okay with paying. And rightfully so, quite honestly.
      Just like people make time for things they wanna make time for, people who cry broke tend to miraculously find money when it comes to things they really want.
      If he was really interested in seriously dating you, trust me, the money would have come from somewhere.
      And if he was truly broke, he could have improvised and found free or low cost events for you guys to attend.

      Any man with so little self respect that he would okay with a woman getting his tab even twice in a row, is a man that would’ve never heard from me again.

  • get real

    Paying for the date is one thing but you women know good and well that you don’t want a “gentlemen”. If you had a gentlemen you wouldn’t respect him, call him too nice, too caring etc. You know good and well that you don’t want a man opening your car door for you. In your book he would be the lamest, most greenest dude out there. Then you would cheat on him with the dude that “don’t care”.

    • lol

      now we know what kind of women you’ve been dating. stay away from the hoodrats.

      • get real

        I don’t know if you are man or woman but if you are man I’m pretty sure that either you or someone you know has been told that “you are to nice”. Or if you treated a woma like a queen and she still didn’t give you 100% cooperation. Samething. If your a woman then I’m willing to bet the house that you wasn’t feeling a dude because he was too nice or did anything for you. Every man in America know about the “girl he was too nice for me” stories.

        • Adrina

          And every woman knows the “he wanted to turn the ho into a housewife” story, then he gets mad when he cheats and says there are no good women or come on blogs and bash women by posting all the negative things and applying it to all women. Know what I mean?…It’s two fold.

    • http://twitter.com/LilMsJayMo Jasmine Moore

      Heres a tip..date women not girls. Been cruising the high school?

      • get real

        Ok play dumb baby girl.

        • hollyw

          I legitimately have never heard any woman with common sense (b/c those are the only ones I hang around) have “girl he was too nice for me” come out of her mouth. You are grossly simplifying the issue, and putting girls who only appreciate disrespect from a man with women who want a nice balance between a man who can show her respect and courtesy while also maintaining respect for himself. Any person, man or woman, who allows himself to be taken advantage of, or is too giving w/o the person having earned it, will be taken advantage of. This is not the topic we are discussing, b/c obviously, there are men who don’t have a problem getting women AND paying for dates. This is about a change in gender norms, and whether it’s ok to EXPECT a woman to pay for you. I say it’s fine as long as you also are willing to let that woman be in charge of the relationship. If that’s what you want, sir, and she does, too, then go at it!

        • hollyw

          I legitimately have never heard any woman with common sense (b/c those are the only ones I hang around) have “girl he was too nice for me” come out of her mouth. You are grossly simplifying the issue, and putting girls who only appreciate disrespect from a man with women who want a nice balance between a man who can show her respect and courtesy while also maintaining respect for himself. Any person, man or woman, who allows himself to be taken advantage of, or is too giving w/o the person having earned it, will be taken advantage of.

          This is not the topic we are discussing, b/c obviously, there are many suave men out here who don’t have a problem getting women AND paying for dates. This is about a change in gender norms, and whether it’s ok to EXPECT a woman to pay for you. I say it’s fine as long as you also are willing to let that woman be in charge of the relationship. If that’s what you want, sir, and she does, too, then go at it!

        • mac

          I for one very much appreciate it when a man does all the things listed above.
          Jasmine is right. Any female that can’t appreciate a good, chivalrous man is
          not a woman but a girl. And the fault also lies with the man for going
          after such immature females.

          But on a separate note, I will say
          this. A lot of self proclaimed “nice guys” cry women don’t know how to
          recognize a good man, and say they can’t find a woman because “nice guys
          finish last”. Bullsh*t.
          A lot of the time, it’s something else they’re doing wrong, or some other character flaw.

          • Beebz

            Amen. I have definitely ran across some so-called “nice guys” that weren’t so nice.

    • hollyw

      Lmbo @ “you women”

    • bt

      Right I’ve gotten that a few times and I hear it more from “Tiffany”/”Ashley” than from “Keisha”/”LaQuita”. Don’t get me wrong I’m chivalrous but I see exactly where you are coming from.

    • Adrina

      I’ve heard women say that men are too nice but most of them are hoodrats though. Every guy I ever dated or went out with paid, open car doors, house doors, and whatever for me. I never thought he was too nice and we certainly never broke up because of it. However, I grew up in the South so, most guys there do that kind of thing. But in regards to paying…I’ve paid as our relationships went on.
      But you know, here we go again with you pointing out only negatives about women actions and trying to apply it to all women or most women. Smh…I mean when will it stop with you (rhetorical question)? You should upgrade your women for real

    • RealTalk

      “Too nice” or “Too caring” is code for you ugly, breath stank, or there’s something wrong with you that a girl is too polite to tell you about. But you still have other qualities they like so they keep you around, but eventually they won’t be able to stand it anymore and will give you an excuse. Just FYI :)

    • CarlaKah

      Bulls***. I love men like that. Not all of those men know when to recognize a witch, when they see one and that’s when your romantic horror story comes to life.

  • hollyw

    This has admittedly never happened to me organically. I’ve offered on every date, however, and I can tell you that the two times that the guys agreed, was also the time I decided never to see them again… No coincidence, I swear! They were all-around shady guys… o.0

  • 305MovesLikeDagger

    Women only want equality when it works in their favor. If we are dating long term she needs to pitch in. A guy paying for the first date is fine but women need to pay up for the next dates. Time have changed, women have jobs and want equality. It is only fair to contribute.

    • mac

      lol i hate when some of you men use “equality” as an excuse not to be gentlemen. Please.
      It’s not about women having jobs, and men paying for dates isn’t about lack of money on the woman’s part. It’s a courtesy. It’s called courtship.

      But you’re right, times have changed, most of you guys don’t know what courtship is anymore. If some of y’all had it your way, dates would consist of “chilling and watching a movie” at your place.

      Honestly if a guy has to worry about whether a measly restaurant tab is gonna break the bank, maybe he can’t afford to date. *shrug*

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

        “Gentleman” is code for “chump”.Men have figured that out.The good old days of men constantly coming out of pocket because you decide your time is that valueble are over.Equality sucks dosen`t it ladies.

        • mac

          over for whom? Because i’ve yet to pay for a date in my life LOL

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

            Then your argument is baseless.

            • Na Na

              Men pay for our dates because they want to. I bring him entertainment, good companionship and joy, that’s equality, why would he not want to pay for our date.

              • hollyw

                EXACTLY! He’s paying for the company! That’s why HE asked YOU out!

                • 305MovesLikeDagger

                  lol so you ladies are no different than the woman working the corners at night han?

                  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

                    You said it,not me!

                  • hollyw

                    EXACTLY! =|

                    NO, tho your typical response proves that men def see it as the same. Moot point: if she doesnt screw you after, then she’s not a prostitute.

              • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

                That`s that mans choice,dosen`t obligate it to be MY choice.To each his own.Every man has to find what works for him,not what YOU think should work for him.

        • SunshineBlossom

          I would think that a man wanting to pay for a woman shows his interest and ability to conform to etiquette like how you want us to when we are with you. The only kind of “chump” is a man who doesn’t believe in being a gentleman. But I see now that obviously it applies to cheap men as well.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

            As a b/m in this society,being called “cheap” is the least of my concerns.You could call me “dead-beat dad”,or “crackhead”,or “felon”,three things i`m not so if calling me cheap is the worse thing you could call me,well i`ll just have to live with it.

        • hollyw

          Hahaa! This dude is hilarious! Equality is great, actually, thanks, but you know why it’ll never spread fully to dating? BECAUSE MEN LIKE SEX. And at the end of the day, if they think that opening their mouths about not wanting to pay will ruin their chances at making it, the ones with common sense will keep it shut! Sucks, doesn’t it, “gentleman”? BOO AND BYE.

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

            I agree,that`s why men have to be honest about their motives.You could call me crass,but at least i`m honest about it ,so no ones being deceived by this “dude” here.And i `ll still stick behind my statement about the term “gentlemen”.What most of you have a problem finding is a MAN.BOO AND BYE.

      • Tam Tam

        Amen!!!!!

      • SunshineBlossom

        …And the church says “AMEN!” Girl, I’m starting to think movies and “chillin” at home are the only things men know how to do…

      • 305MovesLikeDagger

        lol chillin and watching a movie is the way to cut all the b.s, it is pretty much code work that I want what is in your pants. A girl invited me to chill and watch a movie of course we ended up smashing!

        • hollyw

          …aaand THAT is EXACTLY why you’re species has a double-standard =|

    • Candacey Doris

      We’re not talking about equality here. If you meet a girl an ask her out, you pay. After you’ve been together awhile you can go dutch or whatever. But you don’t spring it on someone on the first date or act like it’s owe to you when you’re the one that asked. Not cool.

    • mia

      let’s not forget, you men only want women to be considered your equal when it’s convenient for you also. You guys want a woman to live up to these ancient gender roles, wait on you hand & foot, submit to you, and look up to you, but when it comes to your wallet, you wanna cry equality. FOH.

      • SunshineBlossom

        Thank you!!!! My point exactly… I wish I could like that 1000 times…

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      Who said anything about a woman NEVER paying? Clearly the examples in this article are from first dates. Men are so sackless in this generation. No wonder so many women get on their soapbox and shout they’re independent. Males have no balls or notion of what being masculine and manly and courting a woman (not that big bootie hoochie momma a real lady) is anymore. I glad I snagged one of a dying breed. Good grief do I grieve for my sister and the knuckleheads she’s stuck wading through.

      • mia

        girl!!!!!!! *church wave in agreement*

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          I’m telling you these are sad times. Really sad times.

  • diva

    I’d say sure, let me go to the ladies room really quick, then walk out on his a$$

  • Alexa

    This happened to me once on a double date to the movies. As soon as we got to the booth and the price for our movie tickets came up he looked at me and asked if I was going to pay for my ticket, I said ” No I’m not paying for a thing, YOU asked me out.” The guy behind the booth found that amusing and my date ( embarrassed ) ended up paying. I couldn’t believe it! The nerve…chivalry is dead.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/TUEXVVHBFHYJ5T36VNTAD3PYTQ Cool Breeze

      You lucky someone even asked you out because I would have turned around and left you standing there.

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