Change Clothes: Can You Go From “Friends With Benefits” to “Wifey”?

September 30th, 2012 - By Brooke Dean

AP-P

1. Define “Friend”

For some, there is no difference between a F-buddy, a jump-off or a friend with benefits. However, I think if you are a true friend, you have something to work with. A friends with benefits situation IS a relationship, maybe just not one with the title you want. If you think about it, most relationships are friends with benefits relationships…boyfriend/girlfriend or even a marriage. What it really comes down to is the commitment, because the passion is clearly there. It’s easier for a person to invest in someone who is a true friend, because when the sex fades (and it will), friendship is what you’re left with. So if you’re just a chick who creeps by in the middle of the night once every couple of weeks who has never met his friends or family, then you’re a jumpoff or F-buddy, not really a friend with benefits.

However, if you talk on a regular basis about things that don’t involve condoms, you spend time OUT of the bedroom in PUBLIC, and don’t have sex on every encounter, there’s a chance that he can fall for you in a deeper way than just the physical. If he treats you with respect, is considerate of your feelings, and vice versa, then you probably are truly friends…and from there a committed relationship may be possible. But if you feel used, disrespected or ashamed after hanging out with him, then he’s probably a predator, not a friend…and there’s no where you can go from there.

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  • Kayo Halana Malie

    Who wants to settle for being a ‘wifey’ when one could be an actual wife?

  • Pingback: How to Go From Friends with Benefits to Wifey « Veronica's Place

  • L-Boogie

    Stay single. EFF being a jump off.

  • IllyPhilly

    Wifey is just another term for the girlfriend you sport in public.

  • DeepThinker

    How it starts is usually how it ends.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kay.moore.7965 Kay Moore

    LOL @a199a900c7bddf0f0923742736af3a31:disqus , you are a fine,fabulous, physically fit booty call. Get over yourself. You are not a wifey. LOL, keep dreaming! Cute girls come a dime a dozen, and this it factor you claim that men like, it is the factor that you are not setting any type of expectation, so they love to keep you around. You sound silly!

    • JaneDoe

      She is delusional

      • Blackberry Molasses

        Not with 50 haters and counting! Do the math (if you can), JaneSlow. It’s because so many black females in (and typically FROM) the US are so ‘basic’ that I use this site to express my poignant opinions on the same issues I, with eyeballs ever a-rolling, usually fail in trying to articulate to you folks when I’m subjugated to your Simplisms while I’m in a place of business (hair salon) just mindin my own. I know better than to intelligently adjust your trousers directly. The losers (like you) in a Battle of Wits often resort to physical assault, and I don’t wanna hafta take off my Intelligent Attire and change into BeatDat@$$ Gear, so this is great! I speak; y’all reply. We’re getting somewhere. Thanks Madame Noire. All’s I did was articulately propose to these hapless dames that their methods of securing a committed relationship are why they cain’t land one to save their lives. Figures over 50 Females would just lash out on me for proclaiming my self-confidence as my biggest asset. They’re just 50 outta 5 million who ain’t got none!

    • Blackberry Molasses

      I would like to thank you and your 30 other “Uglies” for letting me know that I’m on to something Big. I never said I proffer my 9u$$y to these fellas, stupido. That’s how the 31 of y’all get down. I got it goin on, KNOW I got it goin on, and act accordingly—which flows like water down a stream for how I’m treated; Like Gold. I simply shared some past experiences where a “friendship with benefits” resulted in the MAN clamoring and clinging onto my coattails wanting “more”. I’m too fly to be used. Speak for yourself. I was simply extending the courtesy of trying to Hip you idiots to some of the Game (which, at 30 Haters and counting, I clearly got an advantage over all-a y’all with!!!!) which you not only can’t play; but also muck up so badly that 1 outta 2 guys mistake Me for one of You. Too many of You (reading at this very moment) lack these elements, which is why they’ll continue to be nothing more than a booty call of convenience….til [He] gets bored with [your] basic butt and leaves you `be. Too many others are expending their time in Energy hatin on those [of Us] with the “It” factor[s] that produce indisputable results. If you’ll excuse me, it’s time to go sort through all these phone numbers from fellas who assume my bare 4th left finger and a smile on my face mean I’m that ‘friendly’. Later, Haters! ;)

    • Blackberry Molasses

      @ Kay Moore: you’re right. I’m not a “wifey”, “boo-boo”, “Bottom B*#9#”, or any of these other minstrel nicknames for being a guys ho/e. I have sold the 2 ENGAGEMENT rings I’ve acquired in my 20s from the last decade. Maybe your Toyfriend may buy 1 of em from the pawn shop to buy himself some more time with your settlin @$$. I am unmarried by CHOICE. My career entails a possible move out-of-country; and I wish to keep my options to open BEYOND slavery-by-product like your cousin, brother, uncle, and next-door neighbor ‘who just need a good womin to be there for him’. There are men OUT THERE who already GOT their intellectual, professional, and personal priorities in order. They don’t resort to high school stuff like taking on a female, exhausting her time and energy just to have her holding her breath for an 8th-grader’s “wifey” title. You’ll see me soon enough, and I’ll be happy to share how haters like you on an anonymous website further motivated to continue PRIORITIZING what’s best for me. I happen to KNOW I’m waaaaaaay more than a ‘trifey’, so if that’s your claim to fame; take a picture. It’ll last longer than your ‘refakeonship’ (with a fella who’d drop you for me as soon as he sees me; let alone hears the melodious verbiage emitting from my plump and shapely lips).

  • get real

    If they are cheating with each other then of course not.

  • Yokessm

    Nice article, but I’m very anal about establishing my role early on, I could not be a friend with benefit…

  • Blackberry Molasses

    Absolutely. “They” all fell for fine, fabulous, physically fit me! ;) A lot of females sell themselves short by stating a desire to do that though, which is why so few do. It takes a certain finesse which requires self-confidence, self-respect, and self-prioritizing. Too many (reading at this very moment) lack these elements, which is why they’ll continue to be nothing more than a booty call of convenience….til [He] gets bored with [your] basic butt and leaves you `be. Too many others are expending their time in Energy hatin on those [of Us] with the “It” factor[s] that produce indisputable results. Good luck, Ladies.

    • Raven_Bell

      What?

      • Blackberry Molasses

        Read it more slowly. Perhaps with an online dictionary and thesaurus to assist you, Raven_Basic. It should help. I further break it down in the more-recent comments to some of your fellow Haters above. Have a blessed day.

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