Single Black Male: Do Men Really Judge Women By Their Hair?

October 5, 2012  |  


iStock photo

A few months back, I wrote an article about women changing hairstyles impulsively. The point in this argument was that sometimes, women want a change so bad that they will resort to drastic changes in hairstyle to appease their need for something different. Their friends may know that it’s a bad move, but will let them fall into that trap anyway. Some women have success with a completely new hairstyle, while others fail. While the post was written in 25% jest, I started to wonder whether a woman’s hair played a major factor in the courting process for men. Do men really scrutinize and judge women’s hair?

First of all, men front a lot when it comes to the importance of women’s hair. We chime in on Twitter, Facebook, and any other social media outlet with our jokes on weaves, yet we will not hesitate to holla at a woman who’s Hot with “fake hair”. Trust me when I say that I have never heard a man say “I took this woman out, and she was feeling me. We were ready to get it on, but I couldn’t go through with it, man. She had a weave! I was turned off, yo!” Yes, men have preferences, but few will let those type of superficial barriers stop them from approaching a woman, dating them, even marrying them! As men, we have much more going on in our lives to be concerned with whether a woman’s hair is in a certain style. Here are some key points that smart men have already figured out:

More Women Wear Fake Hair Than Ever

If Beyonce can rock a weave and box braids from the 90s, and still command a level of attention from men that’s off the charts, then you know that other women will attempt to wear it with no issue. It actually blew my mind when I found out that black women weren’t the only women wearing weaves and wigs! Women will do different things to their hair over time, and if it’s an official hair-do, you shouldn’t be able to tell unless you touch it. My personal issue is when you have the type of hair that gives me the urge to buy a token and wait for the 6:45 train. Raggedy hair is a complete turn-off. I wouldn’t expect to be appealing to a woman with no haircut and unkept facial hair resembling a bum, so i don’t expect women to do that either. Women are way more particular about their looks than men, so if you are going to rock a weave, rock it right!


If Your Hair Isn’t Complementary To You, Men May Not Find You Attractive

You would think this point is simple, but it’s completely overlooked. When men say they don’t like a particular hairstyle, what gets lost in the translation is that they don’t like that particular hairstyle on you! Women have to be real about how hair looks on them. All women aren’t built for short hair, natural hair, blonde (!!) hair, etc. Men may not come out and say that your hair doesn’t work, because that’s just doing too much. If we want to just have a physical relationship with you, then most won’t care. If they face the reality that you will be around for a long time, then the hair and other factors will be more heavily scrutinized.

Men Who Superficially React To Hair Shouldn’t Matter To You

I won’t act as if I’m naive. There are groups of men who only want a woman with long flowing natural hair. It’s one of the measures of popular beauty out there, and you can see it in all areas of life. Natural hair (afros, curls, etc) are beautiful also. I still swoon at seeing all the natural sistas that were on shows like A Different World. I wouldn’t let a weave stop me from approaching a woman, but many men won’t even give a woman a chance if they don’t fit the hair quota. You can’t get past that, so you shouldn’t try. The way I see it, those men aren’t for you, and there are plenty of men who won’t be as superficial. There’s nothing wrong with preferences, but glorifying one set of women over another because of their hair only, is disheartening. However, those men have the right to do it, and you have the right to take your womanly goodness elsewhere.

Do I like women with long hair? Yup? Do I like women with short hair? It depends on how they look with it. Do I like women with wigs? That isn’t a relative? Umm.. next question. My point is that although I do have preferences, I prefer women overall. It isn’t my place to demand what a woman does with her hair, but I won’t let it become a dealbreaker. That doesn’t mean that I enjoy women with ratty hair either. Men who let the insignificant things deter them from a chance at a woman with overall redeeming qualities means more for the smarter dudes. If I were a woman, I wouldn’t sweat it either way.

How important is a womans hair to men? Is it a deal breaker? Ladies any stories of men who passed you by because of your hair quality?

Vaughn Streetz

Twitter: @Streetztalk

Trending on MadameNoire

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  • Farty Fartsalot

    No, we don’t care.

    If some Monica Bellucci-lookalike shaves her head, we still wouldn’t kick her out of bed.

  • Desya_beloved

    All women ARE built for natural hair! It is the hair that grows out of our heads! NO one tells a white woman “oh you’re not made to wear your natural hair texture”. Ridiculous! This is the problem in or communities, hating on women for doing nothing more than existing as they were created!!

  • Pingback: Ten stupid things women do for men: A little humor, but it’s not that funny. « My Life in my 60's()

  • tyty

    No, they don’t care about hair. I never met a man who asked me for hair…lol,

  • Shawty

    I had a guy tell me once that he liked females to have “straight” hair aka perm. He wasn’t into natural hair (including braids, whether synthetic or own hair), and that was a few years ago before going natural was the thing to do. I see he’s still into that notion today cuz his gf rocks her hair straight and weaved up’d. lol. Smh @ some men’s way of thinking. Its been poisoned to be European or bust!

  • Me

    Something interesting I observe: many men like to say that they want an au-natural woman with her real hair, no makeup, and a simple white t-shirt and jeans but those same guys’ heads turn for the weaved up, made up chicks with the tightest dresses they could find. I have no prob with the latter women, just find it interesting that what most guys say they like and what they demonstrate that they like are two different things.

    • calixteliss

      Totally agree! And i think its part of the get-all-the-women-you-can game. If they say they only like one type, they automatically alienate almost half of the women population. In all of this, the old adage still holds true: Be you and find someone who can appreciate that. Because trying to impress men (and women for that matter) is a full-time job and i already got one of those.

  • YouHeardMe!

    Well I find black men do judge black women by thier hair. I have had dread since 1994 they are down to the back of my knees, I’m 5’5. I very rarely wear my hair down and if I do its in a ponytail. But from the begining of my dread growning black men have been very negative, I get more complements from white folks especially the men. I noticed that black men with dreads are more excepted by the opposite sex, from both black and white women, but a sister with dreads is very rearlly excepted by the brothers, and I don’t date out of my race the blacker the better, but any whooo, that is something I just don’t understand. But on the real I believe that sisters with dreads who are into the brothers have a hard time finding a man. The only time I have seen a black man and women with dreads that are a couple is a couple that started growing thier dreads together. I will die single before I get rid of my dreads. When I made the choice to change my hair in 1994, it was 4LIFE!

  • Danes

    I can’t believe this article got this many comments.

  • Nope

    A lot of times women like to pass off their own insecurities on men or others in general.

  • Nope

    Yeah, by all of the activities I wouldn’t be able do to with her, namely anything that involved water or perspiration.

  • U Already KKnow Sis

    And I wish they could watch some video footage of themselves smacking their head like they hear voices upstairs (!!!!) because MONTHS after they used their Bills Money to have it sewn in….it’s itchin like it got ticks n stuff! Whoa.

    • Me


      yES! What IS that?!!!!

  • Kayo Halana Malie

    Yes, as a matter of fact, they do.

  • Teefer

    This article is so on point. I decided earlier this year to do away with the perm and went for a more natural look and let me tell you in the beginning I felt like a leper because men didn’t spare me a look but as my hair grew out more and more I was able to style it differently and now even those caucasian men give me a double look of interest.

    • CarlaKah

      Confidence girl! That is probably what grew out!

  • Magg

    It just depends of the man… Some do REALLY care, some can’t care less… But at the end of the day it’s YOUR hair, on YOUR head… You do whatever you want with it, as long as you feel good… Come on now we’re not gonna do our hair for them too…
    I like your writing Streetz though, you’re funny!

  • Candi

    @ lightbrownis Girl you sound delusional !!

    • Anon

      Yup. I am a weave wearer on occasion but my girls aren’t and I know for a fact they are not jealous of me because of a weave. We attract different men.

      • lightbrownis

        Then I’m not talking about your girls . . . re-read my post, I was talking about the women who have negative things to say about women who do wear weaves.

    • lightbrownis

      And you sound like that chick I’m talking about . . . . a hit dog always barks. . . .

  • lightbrownis

    Great article!!! I’m a weave wearer and the men love it! And I think that is why women who don’t wear weaves are jealous of those who do.

    • polymathk

      I agree. Why be mad because another woman looks great and gets attention with her weave. Mad=jealous here.

    • realadulttalk

      I don’t get that logic. Why would someone be jealous of something they too can purchase and have sewn onto their head???

    • Gye Nyame

      Why would anyone be jealous of a weave…its no accomplishment. All you need is $12.99 for a pack of hair and $1.99 for some glue to achieve that look. Trust me I’m not jealous of all the bald spots most women with weaves have from years of constantly pasting fake hair to their scalp.

      • JaneDoe

        You’ll be surprised… Real Indian or brazilian here will brake ur pockets a good $500 so I do see where some women will stop and stare bc they can’t afford it. But really, who would be pressed that much about hair if its not real?

        • Gye Nyame

          Oh I know some hair that can run you $3,000, but let’s be real the majority of these women are not spending $500 for hair. I don’t want to seem like I’m bashing women, but I think black women are gorgeous and its sad to see some of them with these things pasted and pinned on to their heads. It often times makes them look older…imo.

      • me

        you are stupid!!!!!!!!why should they be jelous of something they can buy from a store too? shame on u. dont reproduce

    • @ Gye Nyame, Well said!!! @ lightbrownis have a look at Naomi’s hairline and ask us non-weave wearers if we’re jealous again. Unless you are willing to spend a lot on hair and hair products, most women i see with weaves look busted!!! Weaves smell and stress the scalp, hairline and just end up making your hair drop-off, because there is little air for the scalp to breathe. Black women’s hair would grow at normal rates if they stopped frying and suffocating their hair…..the companies aren’t gonna tell you that though, because they want your money, fools (directed at the cottoncandy hair colour weave wearing fools out there).

  • Des

    My hair used to be shoulder length, over the summer I had it cut to about ear length but left enough for a side bang thing in the front. I feel like I’m approached by men even more than when my hair was longer…

  • kahlijr

    of course hair makes a difference in what kind of men approach you, just as clothes do. if you have nicki minaj weave and provocative clothes on don’t expect to attract good men (at least not for more than a “hit it and quit it”). if we’re talking about the difference between natural hair/hairstyles vs. relaxed/chemically treated hair or fake hair, if you look together and well-groomed vs. trashy then you should expect a men of equal quality to approach you.

    • This is true. You should wear the way YOU want and that flatters YOU. Don’t women want to only attract men that are into them and dig the style they choose to rock? So why worry about a man who judges you for having dreds more than likely you guys wouldn’t have been compatible anyways.

  • MimiB

    I have a short haircut, and it’s cute. it never fails though, every guy that i date tells me that he prefers a woman with long hair… but my “hairstyle is cute and complements my face so” they can hang. Either way… It’s my preference so in the intelligence of Weezy “if you ain’t runnin with it, run from it”

    • Allie

      I’ve had the same experiences with guys, girls with short hair ROCK!

    • Intelligence and Weezy is an oxymoron. Maybe a ghetto philosopher, but nothing except crabs from him will ever stick in the years to come. My two cents.

      • Drew Smith

        Intelligence and Weezy would actually be a paradox. An example of an oxymoron would be “pretty ugly,”or a “calm storm.” Perhaps, it’d be apt for you to revisit your position on ghetto philosophy, lest you mistakenly exacerbate it…

  • realadulttalk

    I cut all of my hair off years ago and started rockin’ an almost bald look and I noticed that very different men were approaching me than had when I was wearing a weave or my longer processed hair.

    • Gye Nyame

      I’m so glad you mentioned this. I have had natural hair for over 15 years and the truth of the matter is that when you have natural hair you attract a DIFFERENT TYPE OF GUY, and I LOVE IT. That’s not to say you won’t be approached by all kinds of men, but I see it as a natural weeding out process, if you can’t rock with a natural sista we probably won’t have much in common. Natural hair is not just a hairstyle for some, but there is a consciousness that comes along with it, and men that don’t like natural hair usually don’t have a certain level of consciousness.

      • diggy.p

        I agree. Ever since I went natural I’ve been meeting a long of foreign men. They’re generally more serious about being in a relationship also. My current boyfriend loves my crazy bushy afro and refuses to let me straighten it. It’s cute to me. I don’t know if this is true, but the men I have met since I cut my hair have also been more genuine and faithful.

        • realadulttalk

          I deleted it, but I had in there that a lot of Caribbean and African men sought me when I had no hair.

  • Since i loc’d my hair i have gotten rude comments, and i have gotten good ones. Most were from older Women. The few men that do comment are never negative. I guess it does depend on the man and the area you live in. I do see more women with relaxed hair or weaves than Natural Hair’d sister’s. There are some women out here with beautiful natural styles. I say don’t hate cause my hair is different, embrace it. If you don’t like my choice in hairstyle, fine, keep it moving, no need for negativity.

    • YouHeardMe!

      I feel you sister, you kind of elaborated on what I said in my comment.

  • Why do chicks cut off their REAL hair to wear WEAVE? I’m a female and this bothers me

    • lightbrownis

      What another women does should not bother you? . . . . . if it does, then there more to it that you aren’t revealing.

  • KIR12

    First of all hair is the standard of beauty in almost all cultures not just the western culture and African American community. Why do you think the Muslims make their women cover their head. It’s considered their crown and glory and naturally makes women more feminine and attractive to other men.

    Secondly, black women need to realize that just as with any other hair style not all natural hair STYLES look good. It’s like if it’s not a perm or press&curl it’s automatically suppose to be beautiful on them, NOT! Stop lying to yourselves. Some weaves and sew-ins aka WIGS look clownish. Some natural hair STYLES look unfeminine, don’t enhance the appearance and facial features of the woman, and some are distracting or matted as if you just got out of bed or came out of the field from picking cotton. I’d rather see a black woman in a basic (well maintained) ie trimmed up afro than some of the crazy looking “natural” STYLES they’re wearing these days.

    • OhNoHeDidnt

      And how old are you? 73? rotfl. “Crazy Looking “Natural” Styles”. Wow. No further comment.

  • Tamz

    I have a guy friend who does not like women with natural hair. His way of thinking is women with natural hair don’t have good hair hygiene, they’re lazy, etc. I have seen some FIERCE sisters rocking natural hair. I have locs and my hair stays looking and smelling nice. I think women are harsher on women also, my fiance loves my locs and so do I.

    • Miss K

      I stay freshly loc’d up too 🙂 If the average person knew the amount of WORK that goes into maintaining a healthy head of locs, they would never call us lazy again! Of course, there are exceptions to every type of hair.

    • he prob doesn’t date women “too dark” either now, does he? Rolls eyes. Next!

    • So you’re friends with this guy? He sounds very shallow. You’ve explained that you keep your hair nice, so what is his frame of reference? Anyway, never mind.

  • Eggy

    I think most men care that you look pretty. Some women with natural hair do not look pretty with it. Some do. Same with weave. My fiancee loves my natural hair and the way I wear it and prefers I not put weave or relaxers in my hair.

    • get real

      Smart man.

  • me

    i have afro hair, never wore a weave and plan never to until i die. if u r a man and u dont like that, LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!go to a woman who will fit your expectations and leave me alone

    • Drew Smith


  • Pivyque

    They do care. My husband has never liked weave. After making sure my hair was mine, he asked me out on a date lol I’ve cut my hair and had it medium and long, he doesn’t care about the length, he just prefers it be mine.

    • Miss K

      lol, he checked first?? then asked you out…wow. Good for him, and you, I guess.

      • Pivyque

        Lol yeah. When we had our first conversation, I asked if his eye color was real and he asked me if my hair was real. He’s not a fan of weave. I’m not a fan of color contacts lol

  • yea…pretty much we dont care as long as you look good. our eyes tend to stay focused on the neck down anyway. hence the reason fraggle rock faced females with bangin bodies get men.

    • Eggy

      Hilarious. “Fraggle rock Faced females”

    • MLS2698

      Don’t you, as a man, get tired of seeing these articles about women’s hair? Your statement is true, men don’t care ’bout no hair. And I wish a man would say something about mine! I’d accuse him of being soft!

    • lmao

  • Yes men do. But I think Woman are the harshest judges of other woman. A man would screw a bald woman if he could get away with it

    • realadulttalk

      Of course we are–all these articles about what men want in hair/makeup/clothes are pointless. We dress for other women…not men.

      • L-Boogie

        We dress for both. But sometimes one more than the other.

      • Why would it be Pointless if men look at that too? You can dress for whomeever but it still appeals to MEN

      • Kay Bentley

        What is tha point of dressing for another woman??? What can another woman do for u besides talk ish about any little flaw they find about u as they r staring u down……a Real Woman dresses for her man or tha man she wants bc he can give her what she really wants which is attention, love, companionship, our maybe eventually a ring. Another woman can offer NONE of that so f’em & what they think. When I step the room the men should b drooling & the women should notice me to take notes & to keep a hold on their man that is looking 😉

  • Ms. Priss

    Yes they do… I have had guys stopped me in the stores to ask me if my hair is all mines. My partner now has even said when we were planning to have a child that he would like for her to have all his features but my hair (jokingly but I doubt it). I remember meeting up with another date of mines on a rainy day to attend a basketball game and I had my hair in a ponytail and the first thing he did was comment on my hair not be down. I have so many stories even my dentist who is a male before he started a procedure felt the need to ask me if I was Indian. So yes from my experience and I wasn’t trying to sound vain men do care about their ladies hair.

    • aii

      nooo, u dont sound vain at alll *rolls eyes* i hope ur daughter doesnt get the bad english skills tho

      • Ms. Priss

        Thumb me down all you want to and say what you want but don’t talk about my child.. Really, thats low

    • Eggy

      Ignore aii… for you to get that kind of attention, you must have beautiful hair. I’d be vain too (not that you do!).

    • polymathk

      I see we have some haters. If its one thing black women are good for, its hating on other black women who have long flowing REAL hair. Smh.

      • Ms. Priss

        And its really pathedic.. Maybe I should have posted my pic in the avatar so they can really hate.. Sad how one comment can fuse so much hate

      • JaneDoe

        You would have thought she insulted some of them.. SMH

      • diggy.p

        And you ladies are the only two? I’m sure women don’t have a problem with it but why go on & on about what all of these men think of your hair? We see what happened to Samson when his was cut, would yours be the same thing?

        • YeaThatsRight

          Make that three. I don’t find anything wrong with her sharing her experience. Why is everyone getting so offended? I too have beautiful flowing here. Men compliment me all the time and all women do is just stare. Sounds to me like some of you have that short, nappy hair complex. Go purchase you a bag and stop hating on others.

          • YeaThatsRight


    • thirtythoughts

      So, your dude basically said you were ugly w/beautiful hair and you stayed?? Smh

      • Ms. Priss

        Jealous much… You think if I was ugly I would get all those compliments?

        • thirtythoughts

          The compliments you mentioned were all about YOUR HAIR if I’m not mistaken. Why would I be jealous of someone I can’t see whose dude insinuated that she was ugly with beautiful hair?? I’m pretty sure you’re unattractive if he said that and then says he was joking, but you think he was serious. It’s called reading comprehension…think much??

          • Ms. Priss

            So bc he likes my hair down I have to be ugly.. I bet you were the little girl in school who was called ugly all your life. As a result you hide behind your computer reading too much into other peoples comments calling them ugly. Get your life sweety. My man like to show me off. I get plenty of attention with my hair worn up or down. People like you is the reason I walk around with my head held high. Hater!!!!!

            • thirtythoughts

              Girl bye.

      • I was thinking the same thing . . . lol

      • FLATLINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Nyomi

      You sound stuckup and conceited. Get a life lady.

  • get real

    As long as that ish looks good, men don’t give a flip. Me personally I like natural hair. Most of these kind of chicks are smart conscious sisters (not saying permed out sisters aren’t). And there’s nothing sexier then a smart conscious sister.

    • Adrina

      Uh oh….he says something (j/k I know you say nice things sometimes) I have natural hair and love it…