Sometimes you don’t know exactly why a guy dumped you….and sometimes you do. The verdict is still out on which is worse. I’m inclined to say I’d like to know why, but as my friend Alivia* recently found out, sometimes the reason doesn’t make sense anyway.
She’d been dating this guy for several months and they were having a great time together. He’d even recently begun introducing her as his girlfriend – and that’s kind of big deal in this age of undefined relationships. One weekend, they went out of town to a party and, the next day, he wanted to barbecue at his relative’s house. Alivia is no Gina Neely and admittedly doesn’t know a thing about barbecuing, but she figured that was okay.
While he was busy getting the food ready, she made small talk with his uncle in a different room. Her boyfriend peeked his head in and asked her to prepare the baked beans. She jokingly declined pointing out that she was a guest in the house and, besides, had never made baked beans and didn’t want to mess them up.
This reasonable explanation did not sit well with him, so after huffing around with an attitude for a few minutes, he finally told her to “get the eff out.” (Of course, he didn’t say “eff”.) As she was gathering her things and trying to talk to him calmly, he refused to talk back and just pushed her out of the door, slamming it shut behind her.
Four hours away from home and thanking God she drove her own car, she drives back home shocked and bewildered over what just happened. While she is driving, he texts her a bunch of silly smiley emojis along with a screenshot of a text his mom sent him saying: “Put her out, she needs to work for food”.
When she told me the story, I found it hard to believe he dumped her over some baked beans, but Twitter tells all. And sure enough, not too long after the incident, he Tweeted:
“I was gone take this one chick outta the country for labor day til she ain’t cook them baked beans. Haha. Damn I’m petty.”
I think “petty” is putting it nicely.
I get that men like a woman who can cook, but the time to test that probably isn’t when she is completely out of her element. Besides, anyone can pop open a can of baked beans and heat them up on the stove or even in the microwave. It is truly not that serious. Judging from the fact that he not only texted his mom, but also sent Alivia the screenshot, it’s clear his maturity level isn’t the highest. He’s probably one of those guys on Twitter screaming about wanting a Michelle, despite not being anything close to a Barack. That kind of unrepentant disrespect is alarming to say the least.
His mother is only contributing to the problem and likely fully aware that she didn’t raise a gentleman. Men like him have been coddled by their mothers and taught that taking a college course and having a job bagging groceries at Walmart makes them the crème of the crop. Thus these men treat women like commodities now only to end up the old men in the club trying to relive the glory days while sporting throwback jerseys, gold chains, and beer bellies. These men fall off their barstools trying to buy drinks for 19-year-olds who happily accept, but make “eww gross!” faces behind their backs.
Of course Alivia isn’t the only person to ever have been unceremoniously dumped by a loathsome human being over something utterly ridiculous.
I know a girl whose boyfriend of six months dumped her because her family, who he met once because they lived three states away, was too loud. She wasn’t loud, her family was loud. A guy friend dumped his girlfriend because he found out she was wearing weave. “If she’s lying about that,” he told me, “then how can I trust anything else?” Never mind the fact that even Stevie Wonder could see she was wearing weave from day one. The fact that she put it past him for two months just proves he isn’t very observant. Women are not exempt from dumping guys for silly reasons. A friend told me she called it quits after spotting an US Weekly magazine among the mail on her boyfriend’s counter: “I don’t read that stuff, so either he’s cheating or he’s gay and, either way, I’m done.”
In Alivia’s case, it’s hard to feel bad for someone who was dumped to her face. As technology gives us more ways to connect, it also gives us more ways to dump or be dumped – and it also takes the excuses away from the guys who don’t even bother to officially end things. I would’ve taken a “we’re done” Tweet any day considering most guys I’ve dealt with in the past had me thinking I was Houdini and should take my “ability to make men disappear” act on the road. I briefly considered pitching my own primetime TV mystery special called “Vanished” where me and three friends would track down cold cases of love and finally discover what the heck happened to those guys.
Breaking up is hard to do and it’s not fun to be the dumped or the dumpee. You’d think though that people would be more willing to overlook the small things in favor of a potentially great relationship. If not, well I guess women like Alivia should be glad they’re not in a relationship with someone so shamelessly petty.
What do you think? Have you ever been dumped (or dumped someone) over something silly? Would you rather know why he wants to end things or come to your own conclusion?
*name has been changed
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