My Goodies, Not My Goodies: Reasons You Should NOT Give Up the Cookie

September 22nd, 2012 - By Brooke Dean

Digital Vision

We can all make a compelling argument for why we SHOULD have sex. After all, it’s fun, it feels good and is good for you, and it’s the most intimate way you can share yourself and your love with your partner. But there is a flip side to that frisky coin, and varying attitudes towards sex show that there are plenty of reasons why you should hold off on doing the do. If you’re on the fence on whether or not you should have sex with a new guy, or for the first time ever, here are some things to consider before going all the way.

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Team Nymphis

If your cookies have been smashed into chips and you no longer have any walls…by all means keep your cookies to yourself
applesauce585

My male cousins and uncles say the game done changed! Women just want SEX without any commitment or even getting to know you. Believe it or not, lol my cousins and uncles are like WTF, they don’t like that…because they feel liked they’re being used for SEX (yeah, right lol).
- taz
  
  I can believe it,what if the woman doesn’t want a relationship?
jdmann

If women learn the difference between sex and love things would be a lot easier for everybody and expecting something in return for sex is hoeing.
- Herm Cain
  
  Exactly learn the difference and stop putting emphasis on your goods like its made of gold for every 1 lady putting a lock on the box it’s 10 coming home readily some brothers will wait a while get the cookies and never call I’ve done this to teach a lesson pray protect yourself and sisters stop shunning BC
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QuestionsBeforeActions

The first thing we need to do is stop putting all of our value and self-worth in our sex, so we don’t feel like we’ve given up everything if we make the adult decision to do it. If we stop putting all of our value there, maybe men eventually will, too.
- taz
  
  Exactly,finally someone said it.
Ms Jan

Once he puts a ring on it, the bakery will re-open and he can get the cookies, pound cake, AND some sweet potato pie. Amen!
Machelle Kwan

Sex has become way too casual and wreckless these days. I have taken a vow of celibacy from here on out. And it suits me just fine. I’ve already been married once and have two kids, so who needs it? Most men these days aren’t worth dirt, so what’s the point? I now live my life in peace without the hassle of men.
- koffybrown
  
  Amen sister. No More Drama! I will drink to that. lol
Just saying!!

I’m a 22 yr old virgin who plans to save her virginity for marriage but lately I’ve been realizing there are also some reasons not to. Could you guys do a pros and cons list or jst a comparison
- http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins
  
  hey,sweetheart! i am a 29 yr old virgin (by choice,of course) so i congratulate you! you should talk to your health care professional about stds among the single and married and how to keep yourself from contracting them.
- Soldier
  
  Hey, stay a virgin until you’re married! It’s worth it….trust me. There’s NOTHING like getting your cherry popped on your wedding night; or the morning after!!
  
  Just a tid-bit……..you want to know how to tell if your (future) partner will be good in bed???…*wait for it*……….Take him/her dancing. How he/she moves on the dance floor says a WHOLE LOT!.
http://twitter.com/docbndgrl9113 Keesha (Киша)

I agree with every point in the article. I just want to get to know the person that I am in relationship with. To me, sex just complicates things. That can wait until marriage.
Negress

“Women play at sex for love. Men play at love for sex.” -
Fran Sciacca, The Laws of the Jungle
- MLS2698
  
  And the games have got to stop!
Hello_Kitty81

Every man I dated, I would give up my goodies about almost a year after dating, some broke up with me because they couldn’t get it sooner, but hey, my mom taught me self worth and I’m worth more than a booty call or hit it and quit it! The only guys who waited were my future husband (now-ex) and my fiance.
- Peanut Butter Complexion!
  
  so you waited a year and he still left you?
  - Hello_Kitty81
    
    No I left my ex because he wanted to move down South and I wanted to stay here in Chicago with my family and friends. Plus I was with him for 7 years, married 3 of those years.
    - MLS2698
      
      The sacrifice of moving comes along with marriage; and both of you should have come to an agreement about where to live. Sorry to say, but some of the excuses for breaking a marriage these days are extremely weak. Now, If you couldn’t trust him, and if he was a known cheater, then yes, I wouldn’t go anywhere with that type of man, and it would be the incentive to divorce.
      - Hello_Kitty81
        
        Look, my mom had a stroke and I wanted to stay by her and help her out, what do I look like leaving my mom behind when no one in our family would help! I’m the only one to help her out and make sure she got therapy! He wanted to move because he got sick of Chicago, and I don’t know anyone living down south! So I told him to go and let me be here for my sick mother! Now is that a weak excuse, not in my favor!
        
        GodIsMyJudgeMeNotYOU
        
        So sorry about your moms, I wish her nothing but the best for her. I know you don’t want your mom to be alone and if your now-ex couldn’t understand that, then it was a reason to divorce. I wouldn’t want to leave my mom sick and dying alone in another city while you’re down south worrying about your mom’s well being. I lost my mom 6 months ago and couldn’t be there for her funeral because I didn’t have money to travel. She lived in Miami and I lived in Hammond, IN at the time, I had to move back to Miami so I can buy her a headstone and clean her house. I know how you feel sweetie, just keep praying for her.
        
        Hello_Kitty81
        
        My mom is doing okay and thank you for understanding, unlike some people!
      - GodIsMyJudgeNotYOU
        
        So you’re implying that her ex force her to move away from the very people she knows? You don’t her story b*tch so don’t judge her without knowing her situation! Plus if I was her I would not move to the racist south too. Just because she’s married don’t mean she has to do what her husband wanted her to do, from reading her comment below, her mom is sick and you would rather for her to move her down south and not know anyone because her husband wants to than let her mom die alone in Chicago and no other family to take care of her! Sacrifice doesn’t mean do what one spouse wants you to do! Next time understand instead of judging you moron!
        
        Smh
        
        LOL @ “the racist south” pure ignorance. I lived in Chicago for over 20 years & it’s one of the most segregated racist cities in the country. Now I live down south & I love it! There is nothing in Chicago but snow & death get out while u can.
      - Rayjulian85
        
        Well said. I couldn’t agree more.
ms. lisa

wish i saw this article 9 months ago
- MLS2698
  
  LOl! Did you just have a baby?
http://www.facebook.com/jone.last.71 Jone Last

hh
JazzyJay

Give up the cookies? Blink…blink… If I’m on a diet, he is too!
- Miss Anonymous
  
  lol JazzyJay you owe me a new laptop for making me spit my water out on it with your comment.
Sabrina

Yup, it’s definitely not worth it, and that’s the God honest truth. And NO man is worth compromising my promise to God, so until I’m married, my legs will forever remain closed. Jesus is allllll the man I need.
- me
  
  halleluyah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JaneDoe

I too have taken a break from the whole sex craze to get my mind right. Giving it up to someone who I am not in a comitted relationship with or even someone who is not worth it is not the business anymore. I want to be valued. Therefore I have to value myself first. And to be honest a man isn’t going to go anywhere if he doesn’t get whats in the box. Us women have the power and so we should use it
- Cinnamon71
  
  I agree 100%!!! Sometimes you have stop and smell the roses so you can get some clarity.
- love thy self fool……
  
  JaneDoe I completely agree. I had to take a long break from s3x just to find myself. and realized that I truly loved myself and didn’t “need” a man to be happy.
- JaneDoe
  
  I just died… lol
Reese

I took a vow of celibacy after the whole fiasco with my BD. I’m not saying I’m waiting until marriage, I just want to make sure I’m in a commitment with a strong foundation built around the right things; love, trust, and maturity.
Janay

Women give it up so easy now that the value of sex in they eyes of a man has depreciated greatly. Men have it so easy these days that they will tell you that sex is a gift for “YOU”. Historically sex has always been more of a gift for men. Many women cant even climax from sex. Men need sex way more than women do. If more women kept their legs closed until marriage, you would see a drastic change in the world.
- wepo1
  
  Black women need to keep them legs closed and sealed until marriage and yes the change will have less baby mamas and bastard children running the streets!
  
  See, black woman do not like to hear people telling them to close them legs because that means they cannot gain victim status when they have an out of wedlock baby!
  
  Black women have accepted having out of wedlock babies as a normal achievement of a woman’s feminist strong independent woman’s right!
  
  If black women stop being so easy to sleep with and gained morals and values that demanded commitments from men, the black woman would be the standard and in high demand!
  - Miss Anonymous
    
    SOME black women, Some. And lets add married men who sleep with said unmarried women and have kids by them using the “im separated” excuse because him and his wife want to screw other people.
    - wepo1
      
      70% of black women are unwed baby mamas so that is the majority not some hun!
      
      Black women are so easy a married man is the most sought after item because black women have no repeat for anthers black women marriage if she can’t find a husband! So, the black women has no problem sleeping with married men! For every one black married man there are 30 black baby mamas looking for a man or marriage to destroy!
      
      So, it is hard being a married black man is an ocean of whoes with no respect for marriage and other black women!
      - Try My Statistic Knowledge
        
        No, 70% are not but of the black women who have kids, approximately, 70% of black homes are fatherless home. Still not good but definitely decreases the statistic you are giving.
        
        wepo1
        
        My stats are correct the number for bastards black children and black baby mamas are the same just google it!
        
        teach before preaching
        
        show tha stats of bastard white kids aswell and dont forget the bastard kids that white woman have gotten from the black males im waiting but then again u probly dont even know smh
        
        wepo1
        
        When I see cities like Chicago I only see the bastards of the 70% of black baby mamas running the streets!
        
        KamJos
        
        I certainly don’t agree with wepo1, but I don’t think comparing with white people is the way to go. For one Blacks have the highest illegitimacy rates among the races even among the educated. It just doesn’t make us look good. (Google the New York times article “Unmarried families increasingly the norm” to read it without paying.)
        
        Secondly, I think we should be focused more on what works for us as a community regardless of what White people are doing.
        
        Miss Anonymous
        
        *Currently thinking of all the white, asian, etc females that I went to high school with in Alaska who was sporting baby bumps more then they was sporting snow suits.*
        
        Summer
        
        I agree. Some people do not know how to interpret statistics because they are quick to believe negative things about Black women in general.
        
        KeepinItReal
        
        Wepo1 ain’t runnin nothin but his mouth. If his state of ‘marital bliss’ was so desirable, he wouldn’t have time to troll a WOMENS’ Online Lifestyle Site and subject us Humble Sistahs to his rusty 2 cents! He clearly ain’t got the glue to keep his OWN stuff together, or he wouldn’t be so affected and unnerved by ‘the ocean of whoes with no regard for marriage’. it’d be like being offered generic soda pop en rote to a wine-tasting (no brainer, right?). What the heck does he think a married FEMALE has to deal with when SHE’S amongst ‘the ocean of MALE whoes’?!?! These hound dogs seem to go FOR the chick with a ring on her finger, do they not!?!?! (Those of us with Rings know what I’m sayin!) He’s probably on this site to try and START to understand his wife—-who clearly has him feelin some kinda way to even hafta BE here!
      - WhyAreYouStalkinOurSiteAnyway
        
        Dear wepo1: I’d like to invite you down from your High Horse for a quick talking-to. Congratulations on being married to a female who (betta have!) waited until marriage to have any form of sex. Congratulations that yo mamma (betta have!) done did the same. Grandmothers /Sistas/Aunties/Cousins too. Being perfect must keep you pretty busy, but I hope you find some time to holla @ AskASmartBrotha to present him with these statistics so that perhaps the Accountability can be more-evenly (and REALISTICALLY) distributed amongst your fellow-MANkind who are BEHIND your “70%” situation. If many of your fellow ‘man’ weren’t such damaged by-product of the w ill ie lyn ch agenda; there’d BE no Maury Povich, Judge Mathis (hapless females gettin played for their money by sociopathic wannabe gigolos. THEY the real whoes, bro!), or Divorce Court. Research THAT and take off dat “BettaThan” hat!
        
        wepo1
        
        G!rl please, thats your problem you don’t want anyone but the white man to correct you, but the white man will never correct you because he makes a living from your dysfunction!
- Cinnamon71
  
  Amen, Janay!!! Preach it!!! I also wanted to add with the high ratio of women to men, especially good men, in this day and age, men can literally sit back and enjoy the ride. We women need to know our worth and wait and make him wait. There shouldn’t be any hurry to jump in the bed with any man without knowing his sexual health status, criminal/marital status, and emotional and financial status. In other words, it’s going to take time to find these things out. I understand there may be attraction/sexual tension from time to time but know your worth and don’t put yourself in a situation that will lead you astray if you’re not ready. If a man truly loves/respects you, he will not pressure you and will respect your feelings and wishes.
- Observing
  
  Amen! And Church!
  - http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins
    
    thanks,sweetheart!
- http://www.facebook.com/violet.renee.9 Violet Renee
  
  Yes you are so right. That’s why losers, ugly and fat unattractive men and wannabe playas are treating women like crap because women have devalued themselves and all women by humping with men they just met or don’t know well and all women are expected to act the same way,
- KeepinItReal
  
  If ‘we’ only `but valued our (unique and irreplaceable) vaginas —as we do our jewelry, hair maintenance detail, and braggin rights ["at least I GOT a man!"]—-there’d be a change in how men treat us regarding sex.
me

i am waiting until i get married. for now, i am seeking the kingdom of God and all its righteousness and all these things shall follow
- getyourhandouttamypocket
  
  You’re a great example to many and hopefully alot of the brothers/sisters in this younger generation will follow suit. Having a close relationship with God trumps any relationship that anyone can have with another being on this Earth.

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