District Bans Daddy-Daughter And Mother-Son Events After Accusations Of Discrimination

September 20th, 2012 - By Clarke Gail Baines

Yung Joc and his daughter at a Daddy-daughter dance

Who else can remember getting their two-step on at the daddy-daughter dance?

Me neither. Getting my jig on to “Everybody/Backstreet’s Back” with my pops wasn’t really my thing. However, as the child of a father who spent more time slaving for the Chicago Public School system than he did showing up for basketball games, volleyball games and after-school activities, I relished the time I got to eat lunch with my dad and feel special during “Take Your Daughter To Work Day.” Plus, it was time out of school! Being that my dad always worked so hard, this school allowed quality time together was the beez-neez back in the day.

So maybe that’s why I was a little sad to hear that a School District in Rhode Island had banished the concept of all daddy/daughter, mother/son activities. Why? Because a single mother complained to school officials (the American Civil Liberties Union) that her child felt and was being left out of daddy-daughter dance activities because she doesn’t have a father or even father figure in her life. Feeling some sort of pressure, the superintendent of the Cranston, Rhode Island school district, Judith Lundsten, decided to ban all parent-child activities, with the ACLU even following up to say that such activities were actually a form of gender discrimination. Say wha? The ACLU statement, which we obtained through CNN, was released saying the following:

“The school district recognized that in the 21st Century, public schools have no business fostering the notion that girls prefer to go to formal dances while boys prefer baseball games. This type of gender stereotyping only perpetuates outdated notions of ‘girl’ and ‘boy’ activities and is contrary to federal law.”

Parents seemed to have a mix of opinions on this decision, with some, as you’ll see in the WPRI video below, seeing it as a “travesty” and others thinking that as times have changed, activities like this do need to change as well–or be done away with.

Talk about a sticky situation. I can somewhat understand what the ACLU is trying to say, but to ban ALL parent-child activities seems like a horrible idea to me. Why not make the dances shindigs for both moms and dads, as well as sons and daughters? Why not keep the baseball games and not make it gender specific? To ban it all seems like an overreaction, one that will put unnecessary heat on a parent who sounds like they just wanted everyone to be included in such specialized events, and punish mothers and fathers who want to partake in these activities. I think we all know that in this day and age, having events like this while kids are young, even if it’s something the school forces, helps more than it hurts, and it’s definitely needed in a time where people seem to be losing control and grasp of their children (see all the youngsters gangbanging in the Chi) and teen mothers have become common. Shoooooooot, we need as much daddy-daughter, mother-son time together as we can get, and if school officials can just make it a parent-child dance, baseball game, or take your child to work event, even better. But to cancel it all? What’s up with that?

What do you think? Should they have canceled all parent-child activities? Was the mother wrong for speaking out or was the school district tripping?

Photos courtesy of Black Celeb Kids

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  • She Speaks

    Wtf? So, did they replace it with something else? I hope that woman feels terrible taking that activity from the other children. I definitely agree with some of you saying they should have just had a parent/child dance instead of completely taking them away.
    Kids can be so cruel I hope her schoolmates aren’t using this as ammo to make fun of/bully her.

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    This is just getting out of control now. If you can’t get you what you want, now you have to sue and ruin it for everybody? Bad move Rhode Island, bad move. . .

  • Na Na

    Decisions like this is breeding future generations to be emotionally inept, social retards who cannot function a day without their feelings being hurt. I am a single mother raising a son, so believe me I speak from a place of understanding, however my sons father and I inability to get ish together has nothing to do with the next child who’s parents are hanging on. Please stop rearing our children to be cowardly fools, everybody has different issues that everybody is going to have to deal with.

  • kierah

    There is nothing wrong with promoting family unity. If your child doesn’t have a father figure in their lives, you really need to evaluate that situation personally. As other posters have stated, there are other male family members that can stand it. My husband belongs to the Big Brother program and he attended a Father’s Day event with his Little Brother. His Little Brother had uncles, but he wanted to make sure someone was there for him.
    If you feel some kind of way about it – FIND SOMEONE! Don’t spoil what could be a very special experience for other children.

  • http://www.facebook.com/tiffony.buckley Tiffony Buckley

    In this case, maybe a concession
    could have been made to allow the mother to attend the dance with her daughter.
    Now she has probably ruined a family tradition for many of the daughters and
    fathers that do attend these events. In my honest opinion it’s the old saying misery
    loves company. As a mother she should have been able to communicate effectively
    with her daughter the premises behind the dance, and in the event her daughter
    was still extremely upset, she could have just ask if she could accompany her
    daughter since there is no male figure in her life.

  • Jamillah G.

    i didn’t grow up with my biological father, but went to father/daughter dances with my step-dad through girl scouts. we also had mother/daughter dinners. my step-dad didn’t stay in my life, but i still had male figures to look up to such as daughters and close male friends of the family. i absolutely loved these functions. i do think it was an over-reaction to cancel all events. they could have made it all inclusive, or created a mother daughter dinner or a father/son dinner. that way, there is no exclusion and the family oriented events could have stayed.

    • Jamillah G

      **correction – male figures such as uncles and close male friends of the family

  • Hello_Kitty81

    My father died when I was 10 and I went to a father-daughter dances with my uncle and my step-father, I think this ban is stupid. Just because a child doesn’t have a father or a father figure in their lives don’t mean kids with fathers have to suffer.

  • realadulttalk

    So every child suffers b/c one woman did not take initiative? I understand that the child may not have a fathe present…but that you have not created any father figure in your childs life is a problem…YOUR problem. I’ve had many friends grow up with no man in the house…but they had uncles, cousins, grandfathers, etc that were there to be that male figure in their life. If this woman doesn’t have that then perhaps the problem is with her.

  • http://www.facebook.com/TrSeeker Treva R Martin-Scott

    I find it interesting that this happened in a school district in Rhode Island but Chicago is invoked so many times in this article! Rhode Island conjures pictures of suburbs and malls but there are issues and urban sprawl there as well. And as this issue points out there are people willing and able to sue over any and every issue. AND WIN!. Momma you don’t have a man or male figure in your life to take baby girl to the dance…. well guess what…. then she don’t go or you take her…. or go somewhere else…. See, single moms have been dealing with this FOREVER. This is NOT an issue for the daughter. NO. This is an issue for MOMMA. If your daughter comes to you and says and I quote…”that she feels left out and discriminated against because she does not have a father or father figure in her life” unquote …. I repeat…. that is a MOMMA issue all day every day!!!

    • SoWhenDIDYouBecomeAllKnowing

      Congratulations that you’re married, for pete’s sake. Your Nobel Peace Prize, however got lost in the mail. If you have a moment to climb down from your High Horse, you may gain some intelligent perspective. Remember one thing, Lady (using term loosely in lieu of &!t(h): That same student could be your very own grand-daughter one day! May wanna quell those judgemental tendencies you got goin’s on there, eh?

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/SG5QWRJ76HX7CUQZONIGTKARPI slp2011

    Seriously…so just because one child doesn’t have a dad, everyone who does have a father or male figure has to be penalized? Well let’s ban Father’s Day, because not everyone’s father is alive or involved either. This woman is probably a bitter, egocentric person who wants everyone to pay for her situation. Stop playing the victim and move on with your life.

  • Genia

    This is wrong. She made the choice to have the child without the father present. Why should everyone else have to suffer so that she doesn’t have to face the consequences her choice? This is not a discrimination issue, this is a: irresponsibility, regret, and envy issue. This is not about her child being left out, this is about facing the consequences of her bad choices. This way, she doesn’t have to look her daughter in the eye and say: “Mama made some bad decisions that we both have to live with”. Period. How selfish can you really be?

    • SayThereKettleMyNameIsCoffee

      So when did you find out all these specific details about her personal life? Oh! You have no idea what you’re talking about, and am just sittin on your high horse ASSuming upon a female who’s family situation you don’t even know! Gotcha.

      • Genia

        No, just being realistic. Everyone having to give up something for just one person:Selfish. Period. There are many females in my family in the same situation, that she’s in, so I think that I CAN talk about it. And everyone in family told them the same thing about living with your choices and consequences that I just posted. If the shoe fits….

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/SG5QWRJ76HX7CUQZONIGTKARPI slp2011

      There is no mention of why she is a single parent – there is a chance she was irresponsible, or maybe they were married, had a child in wedlock, and then got a divorce.

  • lalatarea

    The “beez neez” = died laughing! Yea this was an overreaction if anything the events should have been opened to allow and gendered parent to attend.

    • Miss Anonymous

      She probably was allowed. I seen father daughter dances where the grandfather, step father, uncle or adult male cousin stepdad in for the missing father, shoot someone mama can in cause she said “shoot Im the mama and daddy”.

  • Sophia L.

    I think banning the father/daughter, mother/son events was a really bad move in my eyes! I understand that there are single parents out there raising their child(ren) but it just seems like an overreaction just to please one person because they couldn’t find someone to take the father figure role at the dance. We’re living in a world that seems to demoralizes the significant role of the other parent (most of the time it’s the dad) just to make the someone happy. These types of event would be great to continue. And if this little girl could not attend a father/daughter dance maybe it would be a great move to introduce a parent/child dance as an alternative. I don’t I’m just coming up with ideas, but don’t take away these types of events and activities! This world NEEDS events like these to show that good parents do exist and that spending time with the kids do matter!

    • NEEMA

      i totally agree with you a parent/child dance would have been better than banning it alltogether.

  • Trisha_B

    I thought the whole point of daddy/daughter , mother/son things were to show the importance of parent figures being there. Showing how important it is for father’s to be in their daughters lives & show how important it is for mother’s to be involved in their son’s activities. B/c a lot of the time mother’s feel it’s the dads duty to do things w/ the son & the boy will be fine but a boy always wants some 1 on 1 time w/ mama & same goes for father & daughter. I’m sorry the lady’s daughter doesn’t have her father in her life, but does she have an uncle? grandfather? close male family friend that can take her to these functions? A father figure doesn’t have to be your biological father, it can be any man that steps in. Where i’m from, we had bring your child to work day. It never specified daughter or son so no kid was left out or “discriminated against.”

  • ijs

    I think it is ridiculous! Outside of a parent passing EVERYONE has two whether you get along with them or not, and if the biological parent isn’t in the child’s life there isn’t ANYONE who loves or care for the child to help fill in the gap? That alone speaks volumes! As far as the ACLU someone really NEEDS to stand up to them! What is so wrong about children and parents spending time together, NOT saying that mom wouldn’t like to go too the dance or father to the game but for these few hours let daddy and his daughter dance the night away

    • Miss Anonymous

      I agree because most of the time when it comes to school activities the mother is always there. Yes I know that there will be a father or two but the main ones there is the mom even if she is married. Father mostly attend award ceremonies or come when there is a big time issue with their child at the school (atleast mine did). Even though my dad was always gone here and there for the army I had my grandfather there for my events.

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