As The Song Says, “You Don’t Own Me”: 10 Signs Your Man Is Trying To Control You

October 4, 2012  |  
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There few things more annoying and hindering than being in a controlling relationship. The funny thing about these relationships is that some women will spot out a controlling man immediately and call him on his mess. Others don’t notice until someone points it out to them or something extreme happens. Then there are others who don’t realize they’re in a controlling relationship until the relationship is over. If you happen to fall into the latter three categories, check out some of these signs that may indicate your man is trying to control you. Alone they may not mean much, but collectively, they mean a whole lot: you’ve found yourself in quite a mess.

 

He obsessively checks your cellphone 

Whether or not a couple decides to check each other’s cell phones is completely up to them. Many feel that this is a sign that they do not trust one another, but hey, to each it’s own. Do what works for you. What seems a bit off though, is when one party becomes obsessive with it and tries to make a daily routine out of it. If plundering through your text messages and call history is a daily task on his to-do list, it may be a sign that he doesn’t trust you and is trying to control you.

His second occupation is monitoring your social networking profiles

The only thing more nutty than the compulsive cell phone checker is the social network lurker. If at least a handful of your arguments start with him asking you about the guy who liked your picture on Instagram, commented on your Facebook status or who retweeted one of your tweets on Twitter today, he may be a little on the controlling side.

He dislikes when you hang out with people other than him

A controlling person usually dislikes the idea of their significant other having a good time without them. If you’re frequently finding that your honey likes to start fights with you right before you’re about to have a girl’s night out, never has anything nice to say about your friends and even gets a little testy when you spend time with your family,  this could be a sign that he is trying to control you.

He flips out anytime he can’t get in touch with you

There are people who utilize cellphones for what they were created to do, which is to keep in touch. There are others who found a new use for them. If your man uses your cellphone like its some sort of tracking device and flips his wig anytime you miss one of his calls or don’t respond to one of his text messages right away, that’s a problem. When you’re finding that a missed call from him is usually followed by an accusatory text message or voicemail questioning where you are, who you’re with and what you’re doing, you may want to start paying closer attention because it seems like greater problems are ahead.

He puts you down

Ever been with a man that made you feel as if you couldn’t do anything right? It’s not a nice feeling. When you find that your significant other is always nitpicking, nagging and criticizing you about every little thing, it may be time to do some reevaluating. This is nothing but another form of control to keep you oppressed and feeling down on yourself as if you need him because you can’t seem to get anything right on your own.

He’s always trying to make decisions for you

A couple should work as a team, supporting one another where necessary. One person should not be making all of the decisions. If you begin to realize that you no longer have a voice in your relationship and you find that he is trying to make decisions that you know for a fact you should be the one making, such as what kind of birth control you should go on, whether or not you wish to go back to school, if you should accept a new job offer and so on, that’s a problem. While his input and opinion should be valued, your relationship should not be a dictatorship.

He uses your insecurities against you

This has to be one of the most disgusting and most common issues in relationships that center around a controlling guy. A man who knows that his wife or girlfriend is insecure about something and uses it to his advantage to hurt her feelings or put her down is sure to have some type of control issues. This is absolutely never okay. If you find that your guy knows that you are sensitive about something such as your weight and chooses to constantly point it out or make jokes about it, knowing that it hurts your feelings, you may want to reconsider this relationship. A person who loves you is looking to build you up, not break you down.

He needs to know every waking detail of your life

This one is probably the most annoying. Have you ever dated a guy that was offended or even got suspicious when you didn’t include him in on every single minuscule detail of your day? If you find that he’s always bringing your conversations to a screeching halt like “Woah, woah, woah you didn’t tell me you went to Starbucks during your lunch break today. What’s that about?” you might want to be careful,  because this guy is an über-control freak.

He goes overboard about wanting you to look or dress a certain way

Guys are known for sometimes being pretty vocal about what they like and don’t like to see when it comes to their significant other, but most know which lines not to cross. Controlling men, however, are known for heavily pressuring their women to measure up to some ideal image they’ve dredged up in their imaginations. If you notice that your man goes completely overboard about the way you style your hair, your clothes, your makeup etc., he probably has a few control issues.

He’s abusive

This is probably the most extreme type of control but it is more common than people wish to believe. Physical abuse is indeed a form a control and should never be tolerated. Any woman who finds herself in a physically abusive relationship should make an exit immediately. And it doesn’t have to be a flat out punch or slap, it can be the way he grabs you and more. And let’s not forget verbal abuse. If a great deal of what he says is laced with venom and leaves you feeling inadequate and upset, this guy wants to control you more than he wants to love you.

Jazmine Denise is a  freelance writer living in New York. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

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