I am 31 years old, I don’t want children, I’m on the fence about marriage and I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year without any motive. I want to be with my man, I enjoy being with him but is a relationship without an end point or motive a selfish one?
Recently I was eavesdropping on a train conversation during my daily commute. Two young women, who appeared to be a few years younger than I, were discussing why an impending proposal should happen. From what I gathered it didn’t seem that they were certain that one of them was going to get proposed to, but it was obvious that the time for a proposal was upon one of them.
“You guys have been together for three years, you’re at marriage age and he’s older, it should be coming soon…” How long before one starts thinking about a marriage proposal? What’s the “marriage age”? More importantly, am I a floosy if none of the above matters to me?
I would love a life partner that I know. I do not want to be alone forever but I don’t mind my moments of living single. Sometimes I wonder about my motives, I wonder if my reluctance to set any goals or want the same things that “all women” want is me running away from those things. But the more I think about it, the more I don’t think so!
I’m not afraid of children, but at this point in my life babies aren’t for me and no matter how old I get I’m not going to force myself into believing that they are. I love the idea of long-term partnerships but I’m not quite ready to jump over the broom just yet. A few years ago I didn’t have to apologize for this, a few years ago when I was in my twenties I didn’t feel judged when I expressed this view, but right now at 31 I have to defend my motive-less loving and living.
I believe things happen when they’re suppose to, I want a proposal to come because the love is that deep, because I’ve decided that this, is, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and if that takes ten years or two, that’s what it takes. Forever is a very long time and I don’t know if I could put a time frame on how long I should be with someone before I make the commitment to be with “him” forever.
I’m also well aware that forever may never come, but what am I rushing to? Who am I trying to beat in what race and for those who set up a time frame, once it does happen, what happens next? And if it doesn’t happen in the time frame you want, then what?
When I meet women and men who are all about the goal or getting to the end point of the relationship and can’t figure out why it isn’t going in the direction they’ve planned, I can’t help but wonder is that because they’re too busy directing and not living in that relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get married and having children, there’s nothing wrong with setting a timeline for those beautiful things to happen for you but sometimes you have to fall back and let it happen and not make it a deadline!
If I had motive in my relationships I would be jumping ahead to that thing, be it a marriage proposal and/or children, I’d be skimming over the relationship and focused on my motive and when I got there I’d be wondering, what now? I’m not saying that’s what everyone’s doing, but next time someone gives me the side eye, that’s what I’ll tell them and if you’re like me you and someone questions your way of doing things, say that it’s not that you’re afraid to commit or are loose or hate children, you’re just making sure you’re prepared for what comes after. Besides, forever is a very long time, I can take my time!
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