Single Black Male: Why Don’t Women Understand When Men Are Just Trying To Sleep With Them?

87 Comments
September 17, 2012 ‐ By Dr. J

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“Is he just trying to have sex with me, or is he really interested?” 

Perhaps, the reason it’s so difficult for women to figure out if a man’s sole purpose is sexual is because most men are raised with the foundation of their “game” rooted in “tell her what she wants to hear.” It may not have been our father, older brother or cousin, but somewhere along the way, a group of wise men sat in a room and bestowed upon us that in order to get anywhere with a woman you just “tell her what she wants to hear.” Inevitably this causes women to live in a constant state of paranoia and confusion.

A Feeling of Invincibility 

To be honest, the main reason why most women can’t tell when men are trying to sleep with them is because of a feeling of invincibility. Many women believe that they mature faster than men; some even go as far to think that women are smarter or cleverer than men. This is simply not true in all cases. This feeling of invincibility or superiority in the game of the birds and bees allows men to deceive women because they could never imagine that a man would be able to outsmart them. In some cases, it may not even be an issue of wisdom, but an issue of being overly confident. “Who in their right mind wouldn’t want me?!” That mindset will lead you into situations where men take advantage of you.

The Difference between Dreams and Reality 

All of us struggle with separating dreams and reality. We have an idea of how we’d like the situation to be in our head, and at times, nothing could be further from the reality of the situation. Women will tell their friends that the reason he only texts and never calls is because “he’s busy.” They’ll also tell their friends that the reason why he only comes by late at night and never stays over is because “he’s got a lot going on at work.” In their mind, everything makes sense because of his “situation,” but they often neglect their own situation. He may be your dream guy, but in reality he’s giving you no more than a booty call.

Inability to Accept Failure 

In addition to a feeling of invincibility or inability to separate dreams from reality, women sometimes don’t want to admit failure. They want to think in their mind that in the end this will lead to a relationship or marriage. They want to think that if they put in the effort, then good things will come to them. Even when they’re faced with the obvious truth, they don’t want to admit their circumstance because they don’t want to feel embarrassed. There aren’t many women out there who are bold enough to admit to their friends, “All he wanted was sex.”

So, what can women do to avoid this situation? 

The solution is simple. Evaluate your relationships with men based on the connections that you have. Is the connection or attraction, sexual or emotional? It’s actually just that simple, but we overcomplicate it trying to avoid having the egg on our face. If a man is interested in pursuing something serious with a woman he cares about how, he will communicate emotionally, not just sexually. His communication won’t always lead to sex or something physical, but they will be more emotional in nature.

Think of it this way, he’ll ask you, “How was your day?” instead of “What are you doing later tonight?” He’ll tell you, “I really like where things are going” instead of “I’m trying to see what’s good.” You’ll have to be honest with yourself too. In all things relationship related you have to take things at face value, and if they don’t make sense, speak up. If you are confused about where things are going, there’s nothing more clarifying than a simple question, “Where is this going?” If a man finds it hard to respond to this question, or hesitates, it’s a sign. Don’t ignore those signs, pay attention to those signs, and check your goals in a relationship against his actions. If you’re able to come to an honest assessment about your situation, whether privately or with the help of friends, you’ll avoid being just another girl in a man’s sexual adventures.

Dr. J is a writer for the men’s blog Single Black Male. Dr. J’s inspiration and motivation for writing comes from a desire to provide real and honest advice to all. His approach is no nonsense and rarely sugarcoated.  Follow him on twitter @DrJayJack.

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  • CommonSensePointerOuter

    Women also sometimes are taken advantage of becasue they are extemely ready to be in a relationship. This means that they could possibly throw all common sense and caution into the wind and go for a man who is clearly not interested in anything serious. Accepting being single and they fact that God will send you who you need when it’s right is important.

  • besides

    we know when men just want to sleep around. but if we want the same thing they want then it really doesn’t matter. what matters is if you can’t get rid of his a** and he can’t take the hint.

  • Pingback: Understand woman | Axsomboard()

  • MQ

    If women closed their legs more often maybe that would keep all the douchebags away!

  • Erin

    Is this joker for real? Now maybe I’m alone in this but I was taught from the day I popped outta my mother to the present that all a guy was looking for was sex and he’ll say whatever he has to to get it. My mother and father told me that and any afterschool special just confirmed it. This sh*T ain’t new. I love how he says some women believe they are smarter than men and that’s how men trick them. Eye roll. Most women I know smell bulls**t a mile away. Women already know what a man is looking for. A woman knows pretty early on if she is willing to even entertain the thought of sleeping with you. Plenty of women sleep with the wrong guy but chances are she knew he wanted to sleep with her and she liked his game so she gave him some. That whole “trickery” nonsense is just that “nonsense”.

  • Rastaman

    Here I am thinking “game recognize game” and I am being told I am wrong. Women offer sex to get love and men offer love to get sex. A simple equation that has been working well for both parties for some time. Being of course an experienced enough man to know that there are women out here who enjoy sex as much as men and have no qualms about just going for that. Based on this article, I too may have been a victim. Since women have used me for sex by feigning interest in other aspects of my life.
    Where do I go to lodge my complaint if I had one?

    Ladies, you cannot be stewards of your own sexuality and also claim to be victims in that area at the same time. Yup, we all make bad choices men and women both. Most men I know keep it moving.

  • diggy.p

    I’m dating someone now and we spend a lot of time together. I’ve asked him if he wanted to have sex..and he said yes. Lol. At least there are still some honest men out there. He isn’t getting it right away though. Not because I believe in the 90-day rule. I’m just not ready. He doesn’t mind waiting. The crazy thing is, he said I’m the longest he’s had to wait…but we’ve only been dating a little over a month…?

    • DeepThinker

      Good for you! You are worth the wait!

  • Kayo

    I pointed out to a male ‘friend’ that I knew he just wanted to have sex and he denied it all the way.

    • Machelle Kwan

      Evil men will lie and deny with no shame to get what they want. It’s all a wicked game and they will pay for their deceitful actions.

  • http://www.facebook.com/deehope100 Dee Hope

    If you have to ask a man where is this relationship going then it is not going anywhere. A man will not hesitate to let his intentions be known if they are serious. If he wants to be serious with you he doesn’t want to fool around and let someone else sneak him.

    • CommonSensePointerOuter

      I agree 100%! If a man has good intentions, the following will never cross your mind: why do all of our conversations lead to sex, why does he only communicate after midnight, why hasn’t he taken me on a real date, why am I the only one putting in a effort. If things seem to difficult, he’s just not all that serious. It happens to us all, men and women. People just have to recognize who has their best interest at heart and who’s seeking to take advantage.

  • OlayinkaFab

    I’m not sure where this promiscuous black male thing kicked in and became the thing to do, but it’s pathetic. I guess a lot of these stereotypes are pepetuated by these mother’s who contasntly bring different men in and out of their children’s lives. Then these boys grow up thinking its cool to be spreading their seed all over the place. Ratchet. But women are not solely to blame, men have to take responsibility for their actions too. Stop having kids with women you despise. When you abandon them, you abandon your child and the vicious cycle repeats.

    • Nope

      More men ‘abandon’ the woman than the child. A lot of mothers have this silly ‘full package’ mentality, but that’s another topic for another day.

      • OlayinkaFab

        I think these failed relationships are a combination of things. I have seen this happen with women I personally know so I will speak from that perspective. Guy says “I’m not interested in a relationship.” Woman thinks “I’ll change him, he’s just saying that, he’s single so why not…blah, blah, blah.” Then boom, guy finds the G.O.H.D. (Girl of His Dreams), falls in love but still hits missy on the side. She may or may not know this but at that point she in a perfect world, would sever the relationship. A lot of women do not and they end up with the K.A.N.B (Keep a N*** Baby) and ends up trying to hang on to him by having his child. Biggest epic failure ever. Never works. So boom, nowshe wants child support and to make his life miserable. Now please don’t mistake me for blaming all women because I am a woman as well. i just feel we have way more power and don’t use it. Men get things without any resistance and there’s no challenge or requirements for them to act in the manner they should. I hate to be preachy, but there is birth control, celbibacy and other things for a reason. Children are a huge responsibility and while sometimes things happen, I think more thought needs to be put into these situations. Realationships should be the goal. Now to get on the men, stop using your d***head and use the one on your neck. Philandering is not going to go out of style, but have some sort of respect for yourself and your future woman. Stop thinking the more chicks you screw, the better you look. if you’re a lame, you’ll still be a lame. Your manhood is not defined by the number of women you bang. And a gentleman never tells.

        • Nope

          I agree with everything you just said. No argument here on what you said about the actions of some men or women.

      • Machelle Kwan

        If they don’t want these women why are they sleeping with them? Oh my bad. They just want to use them for a receptacle and baby machine but not actually be there for them or the child. Dirty dawgs will reap their karma.

        • OlayinkaFab

          Sex is what men want. Not saying all are after it, but the woman has more power to protect herself. Some just refuse to do it. Common sense is obviously not that common.

          • DeepThinker

            Preach!!

          • CommonSensePointerOuter

            AMEN!
            My mother always put it best, “It’s a man’s job and nature to try to sleep with you. It’s your job to say no, wait on commitment, and hold on to your standards.” She also recognized that women have needs as well, she recommended toys. Yes, she recommended toys! lol
            It’s not always that simple, but no one wants to feel the burn and rejection of being used for your body and not loved your mind or your heart.

    • Kayo

      I think boys learn promiscuous behavior from other boys or even men. I don’t live in the ‘hood’, but I see all the time, older men hanging out with young boys, schooling them about life, giving them the wrong advice.

    • Machelle Kwan

      Preach. It’s just leaving a trail of dysfunction that will last for generations to come. So sad and so unnecessary to live that way. It’s the wages of sin. The children are suffering because of it.

    • CommonSensePointerOuter

      This is definitly not just a black thing. It’s a man vs. woman thing. Race is not a big part of this. That’s why that book, “He’s just not that into You” was successful (aimed at white people).

      • OlayinkaFab

        You’re right but we’re not talking about other races. We’re talking about black men.

  • Hello_Kitty81

    After my divorce I was single for 2 years, around that time I chose to be celibate until my next marriage and during those 2 years before I met my future fiance, I 3 met guys who looked as if they wanted to sleep with me more than they want to get know me or take me out on a date (someone’s home is not a dating spot!) but I told them how serious I am about my celibacy and they didn’t understand it so I kept it moving. I know my worth and I’m worth more than a hit it and quit it!

    • Nope

      “Didn’t understand”? Or maybe it was simply you made a choice, and so did they. Just because someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t mean they’re wrong.

      • Machelle Kwan

        They’re wrong because they were coming after a woman with the sole intent to deceive and conquer. Nine times out of ten they knew she didn’t just want quick relations with them. They just wanted quick relations. Take care of your needs in other ways and leave innocent women alone.

        • Nope

          You’re choice and their choice didn’t align. Simple as that.

      • Hello_Kitty81

        WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?

        O_O?

        • BW1615

          No one forced her. Bad choices, even on poor information are bad choices.

    • Machelle Kwan

      Amen to that. A lot of these men think it’s some of joke. Women aren’t human beings to them. Just objects to be used and discarded. We deserve more and women need to start demanding more. It’s my world, my life, my rules.

      • Drew Smith

        “It’s my world, my life, my rules.” <— Are you JUST now realizing that? Because from the tone of pretty much all your posts, it appears as though you've spent a considerable amount of time allowing men to control your world and life.

  • DeepThinker

    I think this article is so on point. Sometimes women cannot see past what they want and they can be so full of themselves that they can’t see or accept things as they really are. Some cannot seperate understanding when a man wants their body instead of them.
    I used to be that woman that thought because I am such a good woman that every guy that approachs me should want me for me.I had to learn that no matter how great and a good catch I think I am not every man will embrace or want all of what I have to offer. It does not make me less of a woman, or not good enough for that man, it’s just that he does not wish to reciprocate my feelings for whatever reason. Holding off on giving up the cookie to prevent clouding my emotions and paying attention to what a man says or does not say or what he does or does not do consistently helps me to decifer the b.s.
    Usually when a guy is pressing me to come to my house or me go to his, tells me he has a “friend”, and/or “he’s not looking for anything serious” are obvious red flags that a man is not interested in establishing a full relationship. Men and women communicate so differently, but if a man really really wants a woman he will always show her no matter how busy, down on his luck or far away he will make a way.

    • DeepThinker

      What I mean by trying to get to my house or trying to get me to his house instead ot taking me out. Shows me that a guy is trying to get acess to me without much effort on his part for obvious reasons

      • CommonSensePointerOuter

        I am currently in a very similar situation. A man I do not know well keeps inviting me over to him apartment. Yes, initially, this a huge red flag. However, this inivitaiton, accompanied with regular conversation aimed at getting to know each other, makes it a very confusing situation. So, yes, at first I admit that was one of those girls who sees what she only wants to see in men. But after really thinking about the that big red flag again, I realized that an invitation to a man’s house, without traditional dating and courting, is simply a cheap and effortless way to sleep with me. Another thing women, including myself, need to realize is that we’re probably better off without that confusing situation. I know that I have goals, hobbies, and friends to maintain my own happiness. I’m sure the same is true for many other women.

        Side note, I feel a little silly because I feel like everything I just said was pure common sense. But hey, we all need that dosage of common sense slapped in our faces every once in a while.

    • spill

      @a6a76ada94a1b4d0a30aa1828a12cd16:disqus I was like that too until it happened to me. I used to think it only happened to certain type of women but then i met a guy who did and said all the right things up until he got what he wanted. He just started acting different, but it taught me a lesson. Too be honest I thought I was an upgrade for him, but in the end I was the one looking crazy lol. You live and learn.. I got my eyes open now

  • IllyPhilly

    DEAD @ the title!

  • MarshaBrady345

    This is sad. While I somewhat agree with the author’s point, I just can’t vibe with this whole blame the victim stuff. Instead of addressing the fact that men blatantly deceive women, just blame the woman because she didn’t pick up on the “signs”. Telling women how to “fix” the situation doesn’t help if you absolve men of their responsibility as well.

    • TRUTH IS

      Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!!!

      • MarshaBrady345

        I understand that. But some people need to take responsibility for their actions. If a dude just wanna beat, tell a chick that. But some dudes don’t do that because they know the outcome.That’s were the deceitfulness comes in. A whole bunch of peter pan fairies pretending to be grown men.

        • Nope

          Didn’t you read the article? The point is that ALL men just want to beat initially, especially if you’re just a stranger, and women need to get out of denial that men actually care about what’s on her mind especially during the early stages of courting.

          • Kayo

            Or, better yet, instead of women ‘getting it out their mind that men actually care about what’s on her mind, especially during the early stages of courting’, we can just have women not date those men at all and move onto to someone who does care.

            • Nope

              I agree, no argument with that at all. Women just need to realize that a man’s initial attraction to a woman is usually purely physical. It seems like one one hand most women realize this, but get amnesia and then salty if a man’s mind just remains there. It’s like sour grapes with a lot of women (some of you should look that parable up….). But you can’t win everyone over. You’re not everyone’s type or deep interest. Women don’t have a monopoly on type, standards, expectations, or anything else. Also, don’t try to change his mind, which is another really big problem that regularly occurs but I know there have already been several articles on here about that.

              • Kayo

                Who wouldn’t eventually become annoyed with someone who can only salivate over their looks and offer nothing else?

                • DeepThinker

                  If the man does not see anything else but her looks, then she should move on BEFORE allowing him to sit down and eat. If all a woman is offering is her looks and sexuality there may not be anything for him to see. Or maybe she is a woman of substance but he is just a dog. Point is that unfortunatly, because men and women are wired differntly women need to play detective and look for clues. It’s really not that complicated, because men are more practical than women think.

          • Machelle Kwan

            Well if that’s all you’re looking for , you’re not trying to date anyway. You just want relations. Purchase a “lady of the evening” and leave innocent women alone.

            • Nope

              Women want attention, and men want sex. As crude as it sounds, that’s what it’s about at the most basic level when the courting process begins. I’m not saying it has to or even should remain, but the vast majority of men aren’t thinking ‘man, this woman that I barely know is the most incredible human being on the planet and every moment from now is a countdown until I make her my beautiful bride!’. No, he’s wondering what you look like naked.

              • MarshaBrady345

                You are projecting. Yes, at the end of the day WE(men and women) are all animals with sexual urges to reproduce. But, the one thing that differentiates us from other animals is the fact that we can reason, plan, and think. Our brain allows us to make more sense of our primal biological urges. So, just because you haven’t evolved yet,don’t place ALL men in the same category as you.

                • Nope

                  My wife thinks otherwise, but thanks for caring. And when I first met her, yes my first thoughts were that I wanted to beat. My urges evolved and an actual relationship and happy marriage blossomed but A) my first instincts were still primal B) if they hadn’t evolved, that wouldn’t have made me (or other men out there) a bad person. If things don’t evolve, then yes, it’s mostly just biological urges.

              • Machelle Kwan

                Seeing as those I hate you men, I don’t want anything from you. So please vaporize from my presence. Most of you are the scum of the Earth. Get over yourself.

                • Drew Smith

                  Knock it off. Unless you’ve retired to a senior citizen’s home and live with 6 cats, you most certainly want something from men (or, women…). Be honest with yourself.

            • CommonSensePointerOuter

              Men don’t want to purchase a “lady of the evening” if they can get a nice girl for free. That’s just good economics. And just because your’re innocent does not make you automatically unaware. You still have to be smart about with whom YOU allow yourself to be involved. At the end of the day, you have to use your common sense, your gut and those tips.
              If a man, generally, has good intentions, it will eventually come to light.

        • CommonSensePointerOuter

          A man is not going to tell a woman that mess! He knows that he’ll rarely attract anything worth “beating”. His best bet is to tell a lie that will help him gain what he want wiht a fairly nice woman. This is why paying attention to those aformentioned signs is crucial and helpful. they may not be perfect, but they’ll help. I’m just saying. :)

      • IHonestlyDisagree

        Not so much. `Truth IS……when one of us (Females) fall for ANY tom-FOOLery—even once—she sets us ALL back two steps. That same Joker will now have yet another tried-and-true-Trick up his sleeve, and present the same shullbit to another (Female) with your detrimental ‘hopin for the best’ idealogy. Who will demonstrate it to her daughter, etc.
        Shame on ALL of Us who are over the age of 18, who haven’t yet got a clue—-that if we correctly play our Upper Hand in the (easier than y’all even know!!!) Game……”they” can stop makin such a sick sport of PLAYIN US. It ain’t gonna happen though, as long as we got females such as yourself hangin on to this 20th Century Martyrdom Complex!
        Even the bummiest scrub is gonna make sure whoever he invests most of his time with has somethin to offer [them]. Females with your mentality end up on Court TV shows admitting to the world that they got played ‘hopin for the best’. Get It? Hope So.

        • Kayo

          Men will continue their behavior as long as we have people like you who tell women they are the one’s who need to change.

          *Not all females are girls or women. The word female encompasses, plants, animals, and women.

    • bluekissess

      Why is it ALWAYS the woman? Ridiculous

      • MarshaBrady345

        Reading comprehension is key.

      • Nope

        IMO, with a lot of women, unfortunately Any = ‘Always’…….

    • JaneDoe

      In the end its really up to us women.. We can play fool if we choose to or realize what it is and walk away. The author is saying just that. He’s not placing blame on women at all. Men can’t do what us women don’t allow them to.

      • MarshaBrady345

        “Men can’t do what us women don’t allow them to” This is what I’m talking about. I can rob a bank and use that same reasoning. Well, they handed me the money right? They shouldn’t have allowed me to do that? lol. Just like the men in this article, the person robbing the bank knows it wrong. Rationalizing actions just helps the delusion feel a bit better.

        • No Disrespect

          You rob the bank and you will be held accountable just like you should hold the guy accountable for his actions despite his excuses or reasons for why he isn’t treating you the way you want to be treated. You can sit around all day (week, year, decade, etc) listening to his no good excuses or you can end the relationship and move on. It’s not any more complicated than that. You can wait for him to break up with you or you break up with him. If you’re not happy (and everyone should know what happy feels like, but that may be the problem – you don’t know what you want so you can’t tell when you aren’t getting it), then you need to walk away.

    • DoinMe

      Listen, articles like this are written by immature men. Anytime I read something written by a man excusing men’s ill behaviors and blaming women for not understanding it, I skip right over it. That tells me that the writer has not evolved to a level of maturity to even speak about the topic.

      • MsRedBone

        Tthe author isn’t excusing the behavior of men just acknowledging it and giving his opinion on how to respond. Men deceiving women isn’t ok but women can’t always fall for the shenanigans either! It is what it is…either he wants you or just your vajayjay and some of these women need to be REAL with themselves!

      • Thank You!!!

        You are right. I noticed this in another one of these “ask a black man” articles…the men answering these questions are ridiculous … if your a smart woman you dont even entertain it.

    • Machelle Kwan

      Now that’s true. and This website always has articles that seem to relieve these dirty dogs of their human responsibilities. Some of these guys purposely deceive women and pretend they want to date you because they know it’s the only way they can get certain women.

    • DidSheReallyGoThere

      The face that you nicknamed yourself after a now-defunct sitcom (which ran from 1969 through 1974) lets me know that you’re not With The Current Times. As long as we Females own a ‘va-you-know-what-!’, we got the Upper Hand in The Game. Period. Everyone ain’t subscribing to the rainbow coalition, as I’m sure you know. When a Female compromises her Upper Hand without ascertaining Key Elements are in place PRIOR to granting the sacred golden priviledge…..she gets what she `done settled for. `Onliest person to be mad at when the frog hops away in pursuit of a more challenging princess is the FOOL who puts it all on the table without any tangible incentive for such a personal investment!

      • MarshaBrady345

        LMAO. I honestly just like the name. I don’t know what all this noise was for, but trust, I’m with current times boo.

    • realtalk

      I don’t read this as blame the woman. She clearly states that men will play these games and gave tips for how to avoid getting played. Lets be real here, men will do and say all kind of things to appear a certain way in order to get what they want. Women do it also. The 90 day rule or what ever trick some women use sometimes is a game to get a certain thing. Just try not to play stupid when a man is clearly showing you who he really is. But honestly, I say just do the best you can because some men will give the best performances just for some sex.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      In around about way the author is trying to tell you difference between a man that respects you and one who only deals with you when its most convenient and advantageous to him.

    • BW1615

      It goes both ways…men are tricked too.

  • bluekissess

    Life itself is a game all of this B.S isn’t necessary. The last thing a woman should think about is if a man is “feeling” her. These mind games give me a headache. I’d rather be single than go through the ringer like I was in the circus. Nonetheless this was informative

    • Nope

      The point is that a lot of women are playing these “mind games” on their self. There aren’t any men that I’ve ever heard of that are walking around with magic potions and spell books. A lot of women are just caught up in their own ego, denial, and fantasy and hate the taste of humble pie.

      • bluekissess

        I guess… I’d rather not bang my head against the wall of over immaturity and running “game”

        • JaneDoe

          Right its like why deal with a woman you don’t want to be bothered with. The games are ridiculous. I being a woman would never waste time one a man sexing him if I didn’t like him. Less headache

          • Machelle Kwan

            Because many of them are just evil and get some sort of sick kick out of hurting women. It’s all a game and refuse to play. More women need to be celibate and teach these men a lesson.

      • DeepThinker

        Plus there are some women that are not being honest either. They are in a casual relationship and making the guy think they are cool with it, but secretly trying to grow the relationship into something exclusive. Or with a man pretending to really like him but hoping for a come up. The deception goes both ways.

    • MarshaBrady345

      I feel the same way. Dating is somewhat of a joke nowadays. Why can’t people just be honest? The majority of these men know exactly what they are doing.

      • bluekissess

        Correct and I think a lot of women didn’t read the deceitful man vs the honest man article which makes this article more complicated to understand the “ego” part.

    • Machelle Kwan

      Amen to that. Men these days are evil and not worth the time.

  • Nope

    Really good article. I’ve always said that women have egos too, theirs is just expressed a little differently. And attention is to a woman what sex is to a man. On a side note, I’ve always thought the whole ‘women are more mature than men’ thing to be ridiculous. Maturity entails being able to interpret fantasy from reality, control ones emotions, etc.

  • kb

    Women need to look at a mans actions and not his words. Sincerity can not be faked.

    • realtalk

      Sooo true!

    • DoinMe

      And that’s the real truth! You can show me better then telling me.

      • L-Boogie

        True. Stay effing single. The only way to be.

    • Gye Nyame

      Thank you KB women have all the power they need, it is a man’s actions that speaks volumes. I’m tired of women acting like victims constantly. When you meet a man you let him know upfront that you are driving and he is just a passenger, if he’s going the same direction in life as you..he can stay along for the ride, if not you can pull over and let him out. Its really that simple.

  • http://magistersthinktank2.blogspot.com/ MagisterVeritatis

    For starters, I want to applaud the writer staff at MadameNoire for being brave enough to post this type of article. I think for far too long women have been bombarded with articles written by men that absolve them of any wrongdoing in relationships and because of this women live in a state of denial when confronted with the true nature of their relationships.

    “Who in their right mind wouldn’t want me?!” – Classic female train of thought

    I’m going to keep this really short. I think if more women took the time to understand how men think and operate many of you wouldn’t suffer from delusions of grandeur. The sad reality is most women fail to understand that when men first see you the first thing in our head is “I’d like to hit that!”. All these fictitious ideas of men seeing you in the grocery store and thinking “I’d like to marry her” is hog wash. The first thing we think about is how good you look and what we can do to get between your legs. It’s not until later that we as men start to see your qualities as a woman (individual) and access whether those qualities would make you girlfriend or wife material. But, I suspect most women already know this and instead choose to ignore it in favor of believing “Who in their right mind wouldn’t want me?!”.

    • kate

      I disagree with this article in one aspect. It doesn’t matter if a man ask ” how was your day, or what are you doing later” men are getting clever by the second. Thankfully I have a man but I see my friends falling for all kinds of schemes. Guys go wayy out to hit it. I think they have found a way to hit in half the time it once took,

      but to you Magister I just want to say in regards to your blog that I like the way it’s shaping up. We have had numerous run-in in the past but I have to say I read your blog and I wasn’t offended where as in the past I have been, and to me that says a lot about your skills and technique. There were a few things I didn’t agree with

      one- You based some of it on internet perception and comments which to me you can’t tell which ones are credible and the ones that aren’t. I say a lot of things about bm but in reality my perception is different.On-line due to some of the guys more women are in defense mode and I doubt you have taken that into account !

      two- You used crazy Kelly who is black as a source when she could be a paid troll to gain hits her story is always all over the place. One minute she’s black, dutch, french..

      three- Kim K I had one small pick with that, but I skimmed and couldn’t find it so maybe it was nothing ! I just wanted to say I liked that you found a way to remain true to yourself but still not offend anyone. Some may be offended but if you can’t take it in a respectable form it’s probably something wrong with you !