An Open Letter to My Single Sistas: Stop Searching For Him

September 14th, 2012 - By Liz Lampkin

Dear Single Sistas,

I’m writing this letter to my Single Sistas who are searching for soul mates, in search of marriage, and those who are settling for a common law commitment.  I’m writing to all of my Single Sistas searching for someone to settle down with to encourage you to cease your search for a man/husband because as a single woman it is not your job to seek and search for a mate, but it is your job to be sought. Now I know many of you may be thinking, why is it not my job to search for my husband…doesn’t the saying go, “Seek and you will find…”? Yes that is what this saying says, but it is also said that when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing, and what that means is 1. It is a man’s job to search for a life mate, 2. When a man does find his wife it is a good thing for his life. So Sistas, there is no need to stress out about finding a husband because your husband is in search of you…but are you a woman who is ready to be found by your husband, or by a boyfriend?

Single Sistas who are searching , I urge and encourage you to cease your search for your soul mate, and search within to see if you are marriage material, and deeply ponder and examine your motives for marriage. I urge you to look within the book of life to see what it means to be an unmarried woman serving her purpose first, and then search for what it means to be a wife.

So many times we get caught up in wanting companionship…you know, someone to come home to, someone to cuddle up with, someone to talk to and share with, someone to build with, someone to go to couples retreats with, so forth and so on and all of these feelings are normal and natural. But I urge and encourage you to see if you have the characteristics of a wife as an individual first before you say you want to be married, because the reality of it is, is that most women simply want a wedding, and don’t completely understand the commitment, selflessness, and sacrificial love of being married.

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  • Machelle Kwan

    Well looks like a big portion of black women are going to be waiting for “the one” for a long time because most of these men are NOT looking for wives in the first place these days. Good luck with that.

    • anony

      exactly!! thx for bringing reality to the table. smh. I’m tired of these stupid articles, we’re in a different time than we were 50 years ago… values have decreased and men are even pursuing women let alone looking for a wife. article = bogus

      • anony

        i mean, aren’t even pursuing

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

    “characteristics of a wife”? chile please. honesty and maturity are not “wife characterisics” but human characteristics. i believe that women should pursue what they need and want. why are women always told to wait and be inactive in their love lives?

  • applesauce585

    My honey died in 2008, he was such a wonderful man. I have been single since then. It’s really hard dating these days. I do miss having love, sharing love and being loved. I certainly hope to have it all again, one day……i have learned to enjoy being “single”, make the best of just enjoying me!

  • JaneJane

    Why do people write letters to single women about 7 times a year???You do some people keep reading the same ol’ recycled advise? If you really need someone to keep telling you why you ain’t married yet, let me know so I can give you my mom’s number!

    • anony

      LOL! amen sista! they dragging this sh!t out! please STOP telling me why I am not married and get a life!

  • Rice&Peas

    One of the best articles I’ve read on here, and so true!

  • Nehemiah53

    Well one thing for sure you will never find Mr. Right dress like that, all
    you will find and get is hard d**k and bubble gum alone with a wet a**! In other
    words If you want to find Mr. Right or be a wife or be taken seriously then you
    must dress and carry yourself like a respectable women.

    • KIC217

      I agree with you and Na Na. You’ll definitely “find” something out there on the ho stroll. Let’s just hope it’s curable.

      • Nehemiah53

        Find-to come upon by chance; meet with: I can’t find my blue socks.

    • Machelle Kwan

      A woman should always carry herself respectable. But that isn’t gonna guarantee you’ll ever meet someone whose gonna love you. Some people are lucky in love some never will be. It’s a game and that’s just the way it is.

      • Nehemiah53

        OK! the same for men.

  • Ms. Noel

    Please, some women are single because they don’t go after what they want. Keep quiet and you’ll continue to be single forever…. I’m jet saying… Get yours… if not be quiet…

    • anony

      ..and thus, why the game is all fudged up now!! women are not supposed to chase men, but some dumb a$$ women decided to chase men and now thats what negros expect. messing it up for the rest of us. smh

  • Kayo

    I don’t understand why it is such a big deal for a woman to pursue someone who she is interested in.

    • Machelle Kwan

      A woman pursuing a man is just setting herself up for a big letdown. I’m old school. If he doesn’t approache me I’ll just assume he’s not interested or he’s attatched and keep it moving. Point blank. Approaching men just sets a woman up to be used and to get her heart broken.

      • Nope

        In other words, you’re terrified of rejection. If you’re ‘old school’ with that, then I’m sure you’re okay with other ‘old school’ ways of men even if they’re sexist…. right…?

      • Kayo

        Why is the outcome of a woman pursuing a man going to be a ‘big letdown’? Isn’t a woman just as likely to be ‘used and to get her heart broken’ by a man who approached her?

      • Pivyque

        That’s not true. I approached my husband first. I complimented him and went on about my business. After that, we kept seeing each other around and talking. There is nothing wrong with striking up a conversation, nobody is saying that you have to stalk the guy and do crazy things to get his attention.

      • anony

        right on again sista girl!

    • Nope

      Because women are terrified of rejection. Telling a woman any form of ‘No’ is worse than calling her the B word.

      • Kayo

        I don’t agree. I think men have more of a problem accepting ‘no’ for answer more than a woman ever would.

        • Nope

          Seriously? But men actually put themselves out there so to speak. In general, women are taught/conditioned to be unassuming, for lack of a better work. Men are taught/conditioned to be the opposite. In other words, IMO men hear ‘no’ more often because we actually put ourselves out there, whereas women generally try to eliminate/avoid the possibility of hearing that word. Not just in terms of male-female interactions either. I’ve read that women are generally much less likely to even pursue business loans, yet they are typically the ones with better or actual business plans. IMO, they don’t go after these very acquirable loans, some of which are specifically designated FOR them, because they are terrified of the possibility of rejection.

          • Nope

            meant for lack of a better word…..

          • Kayo

            Yes, seriously. Rejection may be a part of it, but sexism and racism can keep women from pursuing things.

            • Nope

              I agree, but sexism doesn’t keep women from approaching men, the fear of rejection does. In general men still put themselves out there a lot more, especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex.

              • Kayo

                Actually it does. Sexism in the form of double standards.

  • gmarie

    I agree that we should all strive to improve ourselves especially while we have all of this free time, but I hate the term “marriage material”. You are who you are, it’s about meeting someone who can appreciate that about you.

    • anony

      thank you!!! if God created you as a woman, you are marryable…it just depends on to whom. please stop with these bogus articles MN.

  • gmarie

    I agree that we should all strive to improve ourselves especially while we have all of this free time, but I hate the term “marriage material”. You are who you are, it’s about meeting someone who can appreciate that about you.

  • http://twitter.com/Sumthin_Big Paul Dronette

    Finally!! A mature and well written piece of advice for your target demographic and not the pseudo promiscuity inviting advice I usually see this site.

  • get real

    Ladies I promise u guys give each other the dumbest advice known to mankind. Stop searching for him? As if women was searching in the first place. Ladies do what u gotta do and stop listening to other no men having women.

    • Nehemiah53

      Gread advice I have always wondered why women always listen to or seek advice from people like Iyanla Vanzant, Ellen Degeneres and Oprah etc. women who have never been sucessful at marriage, relationship or raising children. The reason I said women because most of the talk shows target women because they know men will not go for or buy into that crap.

      • Pivyque

        Well, Ellen is married….lol

        • Nehemiah53

          Bull crap, lie, foolish and stupid how can to women come together and be one.

          • Pivyque

            Well, even if you don’t consider them married, they are in a stable relationship. That’s more than you can say about Iyanla and Oprah.

            • Nehemiah53

              Ok I can agree with you to a point but lets not get things twisted now because the definition of marriage is two people a male and female coming together to become one and as MLK said it takes time sometimes years working together to become one, and a relationship is a relationship two deferent types of relationship.

  • get real

    Ladies listen to a man (now I know that’s hard to do round here). Go out and get what you want. Stop listening to your mother and grandmother about “its unlady to approach men” “ladies don’t look for men let them come to u” yada yada. Stop listening to Steve Harvey telling you “God has a man for you just be patient”. Stop playing hard to get and wanting men to chase you because you will lose out. I know you don’t wanna hear this but white women see a dude they want and go get him or atleast try. Me personally I love whn a woman approach me or let me know that’s its cool to approach her.

  • Jan

    Yes, I am prepping, and positioning myself for when he comes.. I am waiting for my husband with a smile on my face :)

    • Norrie

      While you are waiting for “Mr. right”, you are probably passing over many other “good” guys.

      • Jan

        Nah not really.. I take notice and when I don’t like what I see I move one.. I don’t wait around to see what if… Its called not settling. Knowing yourself and what you want.

        • Drew Smith

          I’m not at all angry about that, Jan. You better be fly, though. Because sometimes, chicks get a little too far ahead of themselves, and their notion to not settle becomes their undoing. You may know of the aforementioned chick: She’s typically an aunt who’s kept herself together and is attractive for all intents and purposes; yet, has neither husband, nor child. She’s just fly as hell and not settling… ALONE.

          • dawnnkm

            Isn’t there an ESPN, NFL, Sportscenter BLOG you should be blessing your “talents” on?

            • Drew Smith

              Yeah… that seems like an insult, but unfortunately, it makes no sense. Try again, and this time bring your A game.

  • diggy.p

    I’m single and I am 26. I’m okay with it because I am still working on myself. It’s nothing wrong with being single ladies. That’s the best time to learn what you want to do with your life. All those years I devoted to trying to be a good girlfriend and I never found out who I was. Now I have time to focus solely on myself more than anything.

    • James Kennedy

      I dunno about that because at 26 you don’t have many years left in the tank to be “finding yourself”. You’ll be 30 before you know it. And after you hit 30 your stock in the dating market goes down because most men in their 30′s want younger women to marry and have children with. I say this because I know far too many sisters who used their 20′s to find themselves and ended up lonely because they passed over guys in their youth. I’m not trying to steer you wrong. I just want you to understand how men think. We respect the fact that you want to get yourself together but if the process is going to take several years you might as well get yourself a cat because that’s the only companionship you’re going to have after your 30.

      • Drew Smith

        LMAO!!! Dude, you wrote that with reckless abandon. She’s a chick, man. You can’t go that hard on her. You’re gonna get 100 thumbs down! LOL 100% truth, though — no doubt about it. There’s no way a 33-year-old dude is checking for a 33-year-old woman. Nope. Not. A. Neva. Dudes in their 30′s (below mid-30′s) are on the scene for 25 – 29. It’s a tough world out there for the ladies, but this is what time it is. It’s something innate in men where we recognize the viability of a young woman’s body to produce children. Sorry.

        • http://twitter.com/Sumthin_Big Paul Dronette

          I’m 31 and would actually prefer a woman my age or older. Dating a younger woman ain’t what it used to be.

          • Drew Smith

            My man, quit trying to win on a blog; you know what it is. Sure, you enjoy women your age or older for their maturity and ability to relate to your situation. Cool. However, I’m willing to bet that between a 37-year-old chick and a 27-year-old chick, you’d choose the latter to birth your children. It’s prudent, man. It’s no different than a 27-year-old woman saying she’d prefer a dude a decade her senior over one her age to father her child. Don’t try to write things for the sake of women liking it. At the end of the day, they’ll praise you on a site like this, but women aren’t interested in guys who write things just so girls can like it. They like real men, and sometimes, real men say/write things that — while not very popular — are true. You’ll get ‘em next time.

            • James Kennedy

              Drew I was thinking the same thing. This guy Paul only wrote that comment so he could earn some “likes” and get a few of these old birds to give him some praise. Lord help these thirsty brothers.

        • ChrissyA

          I have to strongly disagree with you Mr. Drew smith I have a lot of family members including my mom and dad who met and married in their spouses while in their 30′s and they are all still happily married till this day brotha…. btw my mom is older than my dad (by a few months) and she was a single parent when they met. Also many of her friends who got married in their early – mid 20′s were all divorced by 40. Sooo

          • Drew Smith

            Sooo… you have a few examples. “Great.” I have a few hundred brethren I’ve met in my lifetime who not only think, but actually live in accordance to my message above. You disagree with me, but out of a group of 100 fellows who graduated high school in 99, exactly how many would you say are married? Answer: A small percentage. Out of that small percentage, how many do you think are married to a chick who graduated high school in 99 or earlier? Yep. Thanks. I’m a dude telling you what time it is; it’s not up for debate.

            • SuZQ

              You know what you are probably right that there are a lot of men out there thinking the way you’re thinking. However, that doesn’t make it right or even the best thing to do. Many people are usually pretty close in age (1-2 years)- only a few very successful and attractive men will attract much younger spouses and it can be difficult relating to someone much younger, but I guess that isn’t important if you only married to have a young wife to bear your children rather than to find a partner. As men age (over 40 in most studies), they also can pose a risk to their offspring with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses. So, it behooves both groups to come together younger. I would prefer a partner- not just a provider- even if that means fewer or no children. So, may we all get what we wish for in the long run. ^_^

              • Kayo

                I recently heard the age gap is usually about 3 years.

                • Nope

                  I’d be interested in knowing what the age gap generally is, but there’s still a bigger biological difference between a woman going from 25-30, than a man going from 25-30. Older men prefer younger women, and younger women prefer older men. The only problem for women is that at a certain point that point of intersection is much, much less biologically favorable for them.

                  • Kayo

                    Older men prefer younger women, but women who prefer older men don’t prefer older men where there is a significant age gap. Not many women would want to have children with a man who will be too old to play with their kid or will require her help to function. So, it is not exactly favorable for men either.

                    • Nope

                      I agree. That’s my whole point. Neither men or women prefer a mate that’s too old, but for women the upper age range is still higher than what a man prefers.

      • Tesa

        Really??

      • Yay!

        While you’re reminding woman of their dwindling stock price after thirty, I hope you have deliberated your own. One thing that my 30-year-old life experience has taught me is that water seeks its own level. If you are as shallow as you sound, boo boo, there is a shallow 25-year-old princess waiting to steal more than your heart. Pray…

        • Guest

          So true! Younger princesses will be looking at him as ‘old, Mr. Moneybags’ an nothing more.

          • ScrewThatOlGeyser!

            How `bout ‘old Mr. Brokie’ boo! Ol’ Jimmy-Boy is nothin but an embitterned MAN (stalking a Women’s Lifestyle Forum website) with nothin to show for himself but an apologetic prescription of vigara and hopes for a female in her 20′s with no sense, ambition, or self-confidence in her desirability to men in general (who hopefully had a $#itty relationship with her father). Current events have proven that we are in a FABULOUS time to proudly be whatever age we are. It’s more trendy than not TO ‘wait’ to settle down, have a baby, etc…which is why so many better-known figures are doing this well into their 30s and 40s. Jimmy ain’t sayin nothin except that he wishes HE (and maybe his sisters/daughters) owned this sense of Self-Power that we do!

        • James Kennedy

          Perhaps but you only live once and I have plenty of money to blow.

          • Yay!

            I knew you were a Trick!

            • James Kennedy

              I’ll be whatever you want me to be but it isn’t tricking if you got it.

              • Pivyque

                Lol wow. To each its own. To 40 year old men, 30 is considered younger. So, everyone has a chance at love. They just have to be open to it.

            • ChileBye!

              no he ain’t! he a JOKE!

          • DontLetYourViagaraFoolYou

            Dear Jimmy; DO SHUT UP. You ain’t got no ca$h for real and the only person you fool ARE the fools of this world and yourself. If you were really as financially well-off as you’ve convinced your imaginary friends inside of your head; you wouldn’t have time to stalk a WOMENS’ Lifestyle Online Forum with your TWO CENTS. Time IS Money….so what are you doing here anyway? N!gg@ PLEASE.

        • BW1615

          well…although I don’t think he used sympathetic semantics, I agree to a point. It works both ways.

      • Getyourlife

        Having a cat, dog or ferret would be a whole lot better than dealing with the likes of this old guy (James Kennedy) here.

        • James Kennedy

          When did 28 become old.?

          • DontLetYourViagaraFoolYou

            I’m so glad we’re not allowed to SMACK people over the internet, or you’d need some prescription-strength pain reliever to go with your next refill of viagara! So now…..you REALLY have deluded yourself into thinking that any of the ladies suffering your scripted gibberish are gonna believe that you’re Rich——-AND Young….with noting better to do, though, than to stalk our forum with your rusty two cents!?!?! Please….just stick to butting into our conversations in passing and harassing us at the club in your Old Man clothes. Your type is waaaay more fun that way. I have dated men with dough. One in his 20s. One is his 40s. They never bragged about their bank balances, because they, like any other (TRULY) rich man know better. You are too pathetic for me to keep tellin off. (sigh). Get a Life. Today.

      • Kayo

        The keyword there is ‘want’. Men may want younger women, but do those women want them back?

        • Negress

          the saying goes people in hell want ice water…

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          No they don’t which is why so many old men cry that “women only want those good looking thugs who got swag” which isn’t true, they just don’t want your old azz. LOL

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

        “I just want you to understand how men think.” thankfully,you do not speak for all men.

      • Machelle Kwan

        Men and women should both be finding themselves in their twenties. You’re pretty much still a kid in your twenties. You don’t know anything about life or yourself. I know I didn’t. Nobody should get married or have kids before they turn 30. But hey hats off to anyone who did know who they were when they were 20 something.

        • Pivyque

          I can’t agree with you there. Just because you don’t know yourself doesn’t mean you can’t find someone and grow together. That’s apart of life and marriage. You grow, change and learn about yourself, but if you find someone in your 20′s to do it with you don’t just throw it away because you’re young. My parents met in high school and married right out of college. They learned new things and traveled to different places together. They had different hobbies and that’s what their friends were for lol

        • Kayo

          I disagree that people are ‘pretty much still a kid in your twenties’ and ‘don’t know anything about life or yourself’. In fact, I find it very insulting to suggest such a thing. There are many of us twenty-somethings who know plenty about life because our circumstances and/or childhood forced us to. And what exactly does it mean to find oneself? What is one looking for?

      • Nope

        Women wind up losing out to the very woman they (maybe) used to be: young and pretty. Most women had they’re shot in their prime years and didn’t mind having their pick of the litter….. until the age of 30 came knockin…..

      • Gye Nyame

        What you said was harsh…but very true, and even though I don’t agree with the whole “find a cat” argument, I agree with most of what you’ve said. I got married at 24 when I had lots of “options”, but i felt I found the right one. I’ve watched women “play the field” in their 20′s when they are the youngest and prettiest woman in the room, but by their 30′s they are competing with 20 year olds (like one person posted “the woman they used to be”). The truth of the matter is biologically men want to date younger women, some don’t but most do. My problem is when James told the truth, women went after him. Makes me wonder why men hate telling women the truth. You may not agree with it but women need to accept when men tell the truth.

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          You would really recommend a 21 year old get married? *raises eyebrow*

      • york

        I feel you somewhat on that. While I definitely would NOT discourage my girls to take time finding themselves, I WOULD suggest that they don’t forget to look up from time to time to see whats going on if they desire companionship in the long run. So many times we’re focused on getting our ducks in a row that we pass up great opportunites that will still allow us to walk the ducks where they are…and unfortunately, there is a “timeframe” that we need to be cognizant of.

    • Guest

      You are young. Travel, see the world beyond your own surrondings, go to yoga/exercise class and journal. All of those things help to make a well-rounded human being, and along the way you will meet people (male and female) who are on a similar path.
      PS Have you seen women in their 30s, 40s and 50s? They look great. If you take care of yourself mentally, spiritually and physically, you will too.

  • kay

    Amen! I’ve been single for six years. The first four, I thought something was wrong with me because I had never been single before. I did some self reflection and started working on myself. I can truly say that Im happy with me, myself, and I. After seeing my friends who married young, miserable and missing out on life, I know that I am blessed. Now that im not looking, men are coming out of the wood work. Because im content with myself I will not settle for just anyone who only shows a little interest. Now i have requirements and standards. It seems to be working on my favor! This article is the truth.

    • Jen

      Love it! I feel the same way. I am happy now that I am single (3 going on 4 years) than I was in a relationship. Its refreshing to see I’m not alone. :)

    • 2cents

      Tell it!! I’m quite content with myself and for the first time ever, I don’t care if I meet “the one” or not. The day that I stopped searching (I remember it well), is the day I got HAPPY. I’m so much happier with my life now that I’m not looking for anyone to fill a space in my bed, mind or heart.

      I’m comfortable in my own space, by myself if need be, and the men I do meet treat me VERY well because I know now that 1. technically I don’t NEED a man and 2. I deserve only good things (I INSIST on it). This lets me spot and avoid BS sooner and oddly enough, I meet MORE men of substance now than I ever did when I was “looking”. I think its because I genuinely like myself.

      When you like yourself, you attract love and happiness from all over.

      I encourage all my beautiful single sistas to get happy and stop looking. You’d be amazed at what happens when you focus on yourself instead of getting “chose”.

      • DoingJustFine

        Love and can relate to you post.. I value myself so much more now so when I notice things that I don’t like its easier for me to move on..
        Being alone isn’t something to be fear but something to embrace because you get to spend some much needed time with yourself, listening to good music, and enjoying your space.. Lol

    • Pivyque

      Good For You! :-)
      I’m a little disturbed that your friends that married young are miserable. Maybe they should go see a marriage counselor and get a grasp on what marriage is supposed to be.

      • Machelle Kwan

        They don’t need counseling. They need a divorce. They were too young and hadn’t really come into themselves. These couple most likely grew apart. The same thing happened to me. I got married and had kids at 25. Way too young. I”m a different person now. I wouldn’t even give my ex the time of day if I met him now.

        • Pivyque

          I can understand where you are coming from. I just feel like divorce should be a last resort unless abuse, infidelity or something extreme like that is happening. Just growing apart, to me, isn’t really a valid reason. I was married at 23 and had a kid at 25. We are different people than we were back then and there was a time when we grew apart because we were both working 12+ hour work days (preparing for a baby) and never really had time for each other. We had to admit that we were drifting apart and put in work to come back together…even if it meant cutting my hours…I hated seeing that “cut hours” check lol At any rate, I just don’t think marriage should be given up on like that. I know every situation is different, but that’s why I always suggest counseling to people instead of divorce. We haven’t had to go to marriage counseling yet, but I think it’s because our pastor mandated pre marital counseling to give us an idea of how to handle potential future problems. It definitely helped! Lol

  • Patricia

    This is true. Women do have to look at themselves to see what are doing and if they are marriage material. Also you have to have respect. Women do really need to understand the importance of who they are married to. Men the same. You cannot marry someone because the person is fine, got a nice body, different race, that does not mean that they will make a good husband or wife. People do need to understand what is really involved in a marriage. You need to have two people who understand the marriage commitment and willing to work at making it work, it needs to go past the wedding ceremony, the reception and the honeymoon.

    • Norris

      I agree that more women need to ask if they are truly wife material. Way to many women think having a pretty face or a phat a$$ makes them wife material when in reality is really doesn’t. What one man finds as wife material another man will argue is not. I think in the black community brothers find humble well rounded sisters to be wife material more so than what many believe we want – video vixens.

      • Bev

        What treat if a man gets it all tho. Nonetheless most men don’t marry their dream women and most don’t re-evaulate their dream woman and then get married and feel stuck because she really wasn’t everything he dreamed off.

        • Norris

          Stop presenting your opinions as facts because your generalizations of men are misleading considering that you don’t know all men.

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        not sure if I believe that. many men have proposed marriage to my old high school friend, 3 kids, 3 different daddies, works sporadically, got the mouth of a sailor, credit 3 ways to f*cked up, wrap sheet and everything. What does she got going for her? She’s pretty with a big ol’ booty.

  • kierah

    I got the same message from a young female pastor a few years ago. It changed my life.
    I took the message and worked on myself for a few years in preparation for when my husband would find me. When I met my husband, I didn’t feel like I still needed to get myself together. I was ready. I was whole. I wasn’t just wife-material –he saw me as a wife from the beginning.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      That’s deep. There’s something to be said about actually getting a life before trying to merge with one.

  • brandy

    Bad advice. Be proactive!!!

    • Na Na

      that’s the thing, working on yourself IS being proactive. We’ve been confused to think that proactive is hitting the club or dressing a certain way or hanging out at the right spots. Being proactive is getting your mental and spiritual right so that when he becomes apparent you aren’t bogged down with baggage that will make him of no use to you anyway because you are not ready to deal with a mature and fulfilling relationship.

  • Anon

    Dear whoever-the-hell-you-are –

    Worry about your own loins, and posterity.

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