An Open Letter to My Single Sistas: Stop Searching For Him

September 14th, 2012 - By Liz Lampkin

Dear Single Sistas,

I’m writing this letter to my Single Sistas who are searching for soul mates, in search of marriage, and those who are settling for a common law commitment.  I’m writing to all of my Single Sistas searching for someone to settle down with to encourage you to cease your search for a man/husband because as a single woman it is not your job to seek and search for a mate, but it is your job to be sought. Now I know many of you may be thinking, why is it not my job to search for my husband…doesn’t the saying go, “Seek and you will find…”? Yes that is what this saying says, but it is also said that when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing, and what that means is 1. It is a man’s job to search for a life mate, 2. When a man does find his wife it is a good thing for his life. So Sistas, there is no need to stress out about finding a husband because your husband is in search of you…but are you a woman who is ready to be found by your husband, or by a boyfriend?

Single Sistas who are searching , I urge and encourage you to cease your search for your soul mate, and search within to see if you are marriage material, and deeply ponder and examine your motives for marriage. I urge you to look within the book of life to see what it means to be an unmarried woman serving her purpose first, and then search for what it means to be a wife.

So many times we get caught up in wanting companionship…you know, someone to come home to, someone to cuddle up with, someone to talk to and share with, someone to build with, someone to go to couples retreats with, so forth and so on and all of these feelings are normal and natural. But I urge and encourage you to see if you have the characteristics of a wife as an individual first before you say you want to be married, because the reality of it is, is that most women simply want a wedding, and don’t completely understand the commitment, selflessness, and sacrificial love of being married.

Tags:

, , , , , , ,
More from StyleBlazer
More from MommyNoire

Comment Disclaimer

Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN

← Older Comments
  • kemi

    This surely got me thinking and self searching.

  • dorothycharlesbanks

    I married without being in love with my husband. I came from a very strict household, and I wanted a way to escape, and be on my own. I must clarify that I met my husband when I was in high school, and the “love” I thought I had for him was not the mature love required to adhere to my marriage vows. Lust is no substitute for love when choosing a partner for a life time of commitment.

    Getting married at 19 gave me insight into me as a woman. After my divorce I learned that I did not need a man to complete me as a woman; nor can I hold a man responsible for my happiness. Both have to come from me. I also learned that I am not the marrying kind. My three children are the only blessings from my marriage.

  • blacklatina

    I cried reading this article,it touched me so deep…
    Thanks,an afro latina sister.

  • WHOISBSQUARED?

    IMA B JOINING YAL GROUP SOON….YAL MAKING ME CURIOUS ABOUT THIS HAPPINESS I WANT TO EXPERIENCE….

  • Khadijah White

    What?????!!! Did ya’ll dig this article up from a 1943 ladies magazine?? #fail

  • Machelle Kwan

    Women better take back their power and learn to be happy whether single or coupled up. You have to live your life. A woman isn’t worthless just because she isn’t married or doesn’t have a child.You have to deal the cards that you are dealt. Learn to make yourself happy. Life is an unfair game. Sometimes you get what you want. Sometimes you get what you need. Sometimes you get what you get.

  • Machelle Kwan

    This letter is very unrealistic. While the writer is telling women what to do to “attract a husband.”..Did it ever occur that we now live in a society that doesn’t value marriage, committment, love, or monogamous relationships? These men are no prizes out here these days themselves. So just what are they waiting for?

    • Pivyque

      That’s true, but I think there are more men out there that value marriage than a lot of people think. I think a lot of them are overlooked because they may not have “swag”, lots of money, a flashy lifestyle and a smooth way with the ladies. Men that have women flock to them, tend to have less respect for marriage and commitment because they can get what they want when they want it.

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        Young girls want men with ‘swag’ women look for substance. Just like young boys want a girl that looks like a video vixen. Men want someone they won’t be embarrassed to bring home to mom.

        • Pivyque

          I think that everyone is looking for something different. Ice and Coco are a perfect example of that. My brother would be embarrassed to bring her home, but Ice is proud to have her on his arm. My only question is, how can you know someone has substance if you don’t give them the time of day? A lot of women have a laundry list of things they want in a man and have yet to prioritize that list. So, when a guy comes along that is not tall, dark and handsome, he may get overlooked.

          • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

            that is usually a problem when a woman is young and somewhat shallow. Most men from 18-27 aren’t looking for their wife but a good looking chick that excites them sexually. What’s the difference? Only problem with women being shallow vs. men is if they allow Mr. Tall Dark and unemployed to knock them up.

            • Pivyque

              That’s true. I still think there are more men out there that are looking for someone than the average woman thinks. Having the mindset that they aren’t out there is probably a large reason why some women accept certain behaviors from men.

              • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

                I can see your point. There are men out there who do want to be with just one quality good woman. I just think for the majority of men that doesn’t happen until they get through their 20′s.

                • Pivyque

                  Yeah and it wouldn’t be so bad if they were upfront about it!

    • CommonSensePointerOuter

      Maybe I’m delusional, but I think a lot of men want wives. Even the men who are labeled as “dirty dogs” want wives. The difference is that men want their life companion later in life than women do. They want to “get it in” and then settle down. I have a 15 year old brother who says he doesn’t want to be married untill he’s 35-40. I don’t know where he gets it from (our parents have been married 28 years so he’s seen healthy relationships) but that’s what he wants. It just seems like a part of a man’s nature.

← Older Comments
Get the MadameNoire
Newsletter The best stories sent right to your inbox!
close [x]