Are You In An Unhealthy Relationship? 15 Weird Signs Indicating That Things Ain’t Right

September 19, 2012  |  
"Couple in an argument"

madamenoire.com

Sometimes you can’t quite put your finger on what is wrong with your relationship, and for that reason you decide there is nothing wrong. Not necessarily true. Here are 15 strange, subtle and seemingly unrelated signs that your man is toxic for your life.

"Man giving woman a gift"

footage.shutterstock.com

He spoils you

Every woman deserves to be spoiled occasionally. But if your man constantly showers you with gifts, begins inappropriately early (like after date #2) and spends tons of money on said gifts, he is probably in great fear of losing you. And that’s a lot of pressure to put on a woman. We easily succumb to guilt and we can feel when a man would be devastated by us leaving him, so we often stay in relationships we don’t want to be in.

"Couple talking about money"

uptownmagazine.com

 

He “advises” you often

It’s great to have a man that cares about your wellbeing. But, he should believe in your ability to make decisions about such fundamental things as your friendships, your career and your finances. If you’re with a man that constantly advises you to do something completely different than what you were going to, then he could just be trying to control you. He certainly shouldn’t be telling you which friends to have, or what passions to pursue.

"Unhappy couple in bed"

madamenoire.com

You don’t feel happy without sex

Sex gives you the illusion of intimacy and that things are okay. That’s why many of the most toxic couples have the most sex. So if you feel anxious if you go to bed without having sex that means you need something as intense as sex to simply feel connected to your guy on any level. You don’t feel at peace simply watching TV with him.

"Woman standing on a scale"

madamenoire.com

 

You’re gaining weight

If you don’t feel nurtured, loved and comforted by your man, you need to get those feelings elsewhere. Often people that binge eat do so because they feel that they are working so hard to keep everything else in their life together, they need to have one thing they completely slack off on. And they let that be their diet.

"Woman not eating"

articles.nydailynews.com

You’re losing weight

Being in a constant state of stress can override your feelings of hunger. If you are typically a girl with a healthy appetite, and you’re finding yourself not hungry, take stock of what’s happening in your relationship. Regular fighting will make you forget to eat! Or simply a regular feeling that something isn’t quite right will take your appetite away because the nerves in your stomach will overshadow your feelings of hunger.

"Isolated woman looking out the window"

fungaineni.wordpress.com

You feel distant from your friends

Females need to share things. It’s just the way we are built. We get a surge of great-feeling chemicals when we facilitate close friendships via conversation. Talking about our romantic relationships particularly facilitates that feeling of intimacy but if you’re afraid to tell your girlfriends what’s happening in your relationship, you’re missing out on all of that. Your girlfriends have known you longer than your man and know what’s best for you. So if you fear their judgment of your relationship, well, you probably should.

"Woman sitting with her elderly father"

colorlines.com

You feel distant from your parents

Any good parent sounds their sirens if their child is unhappy in her relationship. We all shield a few details from our parents but if you’re unable to talk to your parents about your relationship at all, or you have to lie to them about it, you’re keeping your parents from being able to do the one thing they’re here to do: protect you. That will cause some major guilt in you.

"Woman watching TV in bed"

singleblackmale.org

You’re not sleeping well

This one seems obvious but sometimes we have a rough time sleeping and don’t take a minute to attribute it to something happening in our lives. We just think we’re “bad sleepers.” But if you don’t have a general feeling of peace, balance and well-being, your brain and body will not relax enough for you to get a good night’s rest. Try taking a break from your partner—go visit a friend, or even make up an excuse to be away from him each night for a week, but mentally tell yourself at the beginning of that week “I won’t see my partner for 7 days” and see how you sleep.

"Woman checking her phone"

glamour.com

You check your phone often

Are you checking it out of the anticipation of lovey-dovey messages or are you constantly on damage control, never knowing when you’ll need to tend to your boyfriend’s jealousies, demands or insecurities? In general, if a relationship is healthy for your life, you’ll feel secure enough to walk away from the phone and potentially miss a few calls without having to worry about causing a fight.

"Woman reading an article"

madamenoire.com

You’re reading every relationship article

When you feel stable and secure in your relationship, you begin to disregard all those dating advice articles (such as this one). You don’t need words explaining to you how things should or shouldn’t be because your gut tells you things are good. But when you know deep down your relationship is no good, you try to reason your way to stay into it, or get out of it. Either way: you need the words of someone else to explain what is happening to you.

"Two women talking"

madamenoire.com

You’re talking to everyone about it

We don’t only talk obsessively about our relationship when we’re happy. In fact, that eventually wears off as the relationship goes on. But when things are turbulent, you talk about your relationship every chance you get. You look for validation or insight from anybody and everybody. Every topic reminds you of your relationship, and you segue into talking about that instead.

"Woman eating popcorn"

fark.com

You’re dressing bland

You know how we women are: if we’re not happy, we’re not getting out of our sweats! It takes optimism to put all that energy into beautifying ourselves. Typically, when a woman hasn’t been receiving much positive affirmation—whether that be from work, her friends, her family or her boyfriend—she loses the desire to get gussied up.

"Couple Sleeping on Sofa"

ashy2classy.net

You or he feels lazy

It’s one thing to slack off a little on your ambitions when a relationship is new and all you want to do is shack up. But losing interest in and energy for your passions entirely is a bad sign. When you’re with the right person, you find new energy and confidence to finally go after your dreams, even the ones you’re most afraid to fail at.

"Family dinner"

planetgreen.discovery.com

You feel relieved around his friends/family

Do you find yourself pushing to go out with his friends, or go to the family dinner his mom invited the two of you to? This could be because you get to “cheat” in a sense when you’re with other people. You are with your partner but you don’t have to talk to him the entire time. You get to enjoy the buffer of having others around.

"Couple in the bathroom together"

articles.lovingyou.com

You’re together all the time

It’s cute to want to be together all the time. It’s scary to feel you need to be together all the time or else the relationship will fall apart. You should feel comfortable parting ways with your man for a few days to see friends, family and just take some you time. Doing so should not make you feel anxious. If your connection to your man can be weakened by just a few days apart, or you fear he may cheat on you, that’s not a very quality relationship.

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  • Mark E. Desod

    I’m glad it didn’t say anything about making her kneel on rice, naked, in a cold damp basement begging for forgiveness and affection or I might be in trouble.

  • eddie

    This list shout say “a girls point of view on…” this list is horrible and wrong.

  • jay

    This is spot on. It is not saying if you do one or two of these. If you are saying yes to the majority you might want to start looking into it. This goes for guys too. I was in a very toxic relatioship but didn’t know it until it was over. I had to put up with almost all of these things and it eventually lead me to fall into a deep depression to the point I contemplated suicide. At first I saw this from a link on another news site and was just like oh what the hey. Now I am like holy crap I was doing that and that and that. It was creepy. Lol

  • Dave

    How are these obvious problems classfied as weird

  • WooBad

    WTF lady!!! You want some cheese with that whine, you little biaach? Or maybe a wahburger and some french cries? How ’bout a whineken?

  • Blessed.the.2nd.time.around

    Signs you are in a great relationship: if he tells you how cute/beautiful you are & you’ve been awake less than 10 minutes and not out of bed yet; if he worries about your future after his death enough to sit you down and discuss/plan for it–and he’s perfectly healthy; if he notices neglectful friends/family enough to talk about it to you, and doesn’t tell you to get away from them, but encourages you to work it out; if he thanks you for random acts of kindness months or years after the occurrence; if he loves your pets more than you do; if he takes good, attentive care of you when you don’t feel well, even if it’s just menstrual cramps or PMS; if he turns off the tv during his favorite sport because he’d rather be with you; if he loves your parents and treats you as well or better than they do; and if he falls head over heels for you, but waits for you to feel the same without ever saying it…wrap him up, take him home, and always use the Golden Rule because he has respect, support, and love for you that will last forever!

  • Blessed.the.2nd.time.around

    Signs you are in a great relationship: if he tells you how cute/beautiful you are & you’ve been awake less than 10 minutes and not out of bed yet; if he worries about your future after his death enough to sit you down and discuss/plan for it–and he’s perfectly healthy; if he notices neglectful friends/family enough to talk about it to you, and doesn’t tell you to get away from them, but encourages you to work it out; if he thanks you for random acts of kindness months or years after the occurrence; if he loves your pets more than you do; if he takes good, attentive care of you when you don’t feel well, even if it’s just menstrual cramps or PMS; if he turns off the tv during his favorite sport because he’d rather be with you; if he loves your parents and treats you as well or better than they do; and if he falls head over heels for you, but waits for you to feel the same without ever saying it…wrap him up, take him home, and always use the Golden Rule because he has respect, support, and love for you that will last forever!

  • mam

    This is a BS, ultra feminist article…

  • Kimberly Lawley

    I agree total B.S… i have been so married for 12 yrs. We have sec daily we are always around each other and ya he gives me advice but doesnt tell me what to do.. who wrote this story??

  • jimmy

    So we should blame everything thats not right on our mate ? Who wrote this a divorce attoney ?

  • LG

    Terrible article

  • mayra

    Umm no not all women are like that. I think that if the Guy loves you for who you are you don’t have to be all beautiful all the time. He will love you and show you that he loves you just by telling you and showing you even in your sweats

  • Gail

    What a terrible article. I am happily married and we don’t put all of our “stuff” on each other. This article encourages this. Happy marriage need happy BOTH people with enough love to be there in each other’s ups and downs day. Tear, fears, passions and joys. That word again…”relationship” what exactly is that? A no nothing term. I am married. Simple/

  • Just Peachy!

    After reading the first one I am done because that was a poor example and I don’t want to click 14 more times to see any more. The comment thread also helped.

  • wawo so i allmost pinn in all the points. well the relationship its over now so what ever

  • L-Boogie

    Eff that stay single.

  • Britt

    This was a terrible list…i have seen PERFECT relationships where 1 or more of these things occured…..so your man should’nt spil u, u shouldn’t gain or lose weight, and too much sex is bad sex?? WTF?? I wonder if the author of this article has a great relationship…..cuz listening to this list will get u DIVORCED!!

    • Tamara

      Thanks for summing it up Britt. I wanted to read the comments to get an idea of what the list contained because there was no way I was clicking through all that (it annoys me). Good grief! We shouldn’t have to fight to read an article. Smh

    • jenn

      Awful! I didn’t make it all the way thru

    • Howell

      My thoughts

  • JustSayin

    I think one that is missing is and is a HUGE sign is when you are constantly looking for reasoning or validation from individuals. Like those who go on Social Media and vent about their situations as if they are in group therapy. That is a HUGE sign that the communication is broken in the relationship and that you are seeking advice from complete (and unreliable) strangers. There are PLENTY of those on Facebook and Twitter. Especially; if one day they are bad mouthing their relationship, next day they’re single and the day after that their status says, “I love my boo, forever for life!” Matter of fact… that is more of a constant roller coaster of emotions. Oh snap… I thought of 2 more! 🙂

  • TRUTH IS

    The first five threw me off….it’s a catch 22, either your lose or you lose