How To Have A Successful Threesome In A Relationship

September 18, 2012  |  
"Threesome"

examiner.com

It’s not for everyone. In some cases it can destroy a relationship. In many cases, if it happened, it was a sign that the relationship was already doomed. But for some couples, in some situations, just a little spice can bring them back that feeling of being excited to be in the same room, of feeling attractive and attracted to one another again, and  feeling adventurous: and that spice can come in the form of a threesome. Here’s how to pull it off and get all the benefits, and none of the downfalls.

"Couple on their computers on the couch"

luxavision.com

Why do it?

So you’ve been with your man for a long time. Maybe you have kids and busy jobs and sex happens once every few weeks while you’re waiting for your laundry. You know each other so thoroughly—you’ve bought one another Pepto-Bismol and Spanx—that seeing the other person as a sexual object is nearly impossible. There is no mystery left there. You’ve lost a sense of your own identity as an individual and just feel like the other half of this safe, bland relationship. If this is your situation, this is where a threesome may come in handy.

"Couple arguing"

boujibuzz.com

A few precautions

If there is something truly wrong with your relationship—say you’re often fighting, there is a lot of jealousy or just turbulence in general—a threesome is not your fix but will only make things worse. A threesome will easily enlarge any negative feelings or insecurities in a relationship if they do exist so it is not for the unstable couple. It’s for the stable—too stable—couple with no issues whatsoever, except for their bland routine life and complacency.

"Woman thinking"

funkadelicsquared.blogspot.com

So, how do you bring it up?

You don’t want your partner to in any way think your desire for a threesome stems from your desire to simply be with somebody else. In other words, you don’t want it to look like you’re asking for a get out of jail free card for cheating. So, say something like, “I think experiencing something this new and exciting together would really bond us, and help us feel more attracted to each other again. This third person is just a segway to us getting closer.”

"Women sitting at a bar"

girlgetaways.com

Who’s your third?

Do you hire a high-class hooker? Do you hit the bars with your man and flirt up a woman you both agree on? Do you ask a friend? That depends on multiple things…

"Two women having coffee"

madamenoire.com

If you ask a friend…

You run the risk of awkwardness afterwards because you see them regularly, and the potential for jealousy because you have to see your man interact with a woman that you know, at one point, was able to turn him on. Who’s to say she won’t do it again? However, a friend can be good if it is one with which the boundaries are clear. If you have a female friend who you know would never under regular circumstances want to be with your man, and visa versa, but they are simply up for it because it’s a “novel” situation that they want to try out, a friend might be your best bet.

"Woman sitting alone at a bar"

madamenoire.com

If you ask a stranger…

You avoid any awkwardness afterwards in your social circle. However, because you have no prior knowledge of how your man really feels about that stranger—as you would know had it been a friend—you might be left wondering if he found himself highly attracted to her, and even fantasizing about her after the fact.

"One man flirting with two women"

hellobeautiful.com

In most cases…

Most couples that have successfully pulled off threesomes enlisted a friend, with whom the boundaries were clearly set and it was obvious to everyone that there were no further feelings there, other than the excitement over getting to try something new.

"Feet under a table"

askmen.com

 

What happens after you’ve chosen the third?

Most couples have said that after landing on their third, they’ve felt more excited than they have in years, almost like teenagers again. They immediately feel more attracted to their partner because they were game for such an adventurous and novel experience. Both partners feel giddy leading up to the event because they’re sharing a secret, something they maybe haven’t done in years.

"Couple talking on a couch"

hellobeautiful.com

The honesty is bonding

Look: if you’ve been with your man for years, you’ve both fantasized about being with other people, or simply about doing new things in the bedroom that you’ve been afraid to ask for. If you fantasize about them quietly and alone, then you become further and further away emotionally from your partner. Many couples have said that talking openly about their fantasies instantly made them feel closer. Just the conversation about the threesome made them feel not defensive, as they’d feared, but more on one another’s team.

"Woman doing sit up's"

blackhealthzone.com

How to prepare

Many women say that preparing for a threesome made them actually care about their bodies again, getting back into the gym, jogging or whatever activity they used to do before they became comfortable in their relationship. They had the urge to treat themselves to pricey lingerie, after maybe having stuck to a strict budget for a long time. Having a new person to impress with your figure lets you feel empowered again, and like a sexual being again—something perhaps missing in your relationship.

"Two women drinking wine"

footage.shutterstock.com

The night of

Keep things simple. Have your third over for some wine. Don’t be afraid of the awkward beginning, or of talking about what’s happening. This isn’t a Adult Videos flick. You don’t have to all read from scripts. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to say, “So should we start this?”

"Feet at the end of a bed"

inmagine.com

What do you do?

What you do is up to you. Many couples draw the line at intercourse between the man and the third—the new woman. Go with your gut on what is comfortable for you. What happens should stop at whatever the most timid person is comfortable with, so that nobody is left feeling they were pressured into something or even worse, feeling jealous.

"Woman walking out the door"

123rf.com

What about afterwards?

It should be understood that you, the couple, invite the third if you want to do it again. You’re in a relationship and that has to be respected. This one time experience doesn’t make this a three-person relationship.

"Young couple in bed"

thefreshxpress.com

Avoid a repeat

It’s probably best to avoid a repeat with the same person because then you risk crossing over from, “This was just a new experience we all wanted to try together” to “We are people that regularly get physical together” and that’s where jealousy can come into play. You need to always feel that the third person and your partner didn’t do this because they’d always had some attraction to each other, but rather because it was just an opportunity to try something new.

"Young woman looking in mirror"

blackhairinformation.com

You get yourself back

When you were single, you probably did all sorts of wild things that made you feel alive and proud of yourself. It’s a common complaint of people in long-term relationships: “When did we stop having fun? When did we stop doing crazy things?” A threesome can remind you of who you are as a Hot, adventurous woman. It can help you re-find your identity within the relationship, and it can remind you of who your partner is, aside from just that old boyfriend/husband of yours.

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  • Chef Santos

    Threesomes are always predicated on a man having two women. What if a woman isn’t bi and wants the threesome with her man and her fantasy man? This doesn’t address it from the perspective that a woman might not want to have half a man.

  • Squeegee your 3rd EYE

    Dear America..
    The reason you are SOOO FAT is because you have the pleasure of having your cake and eating it too… Sometimes too much freedom of speech is a bad thing and it becomes easily abused.
    If you want an article that is about a Two male One female three way… GO FIND THAT ARTICLE! This clearly isnt that one! Whoever wrote this article clearly has the freedom of the press… So as soon as you freakass ladies saw no mention of being a ping pong ball table for two dudes.. or a roasted chicken getting stuffed from both ends.. You shouldnt have further wasted your precious lives reading on.. and then going one step further and posting about how all women are subjected to being a piece of submissive property! No one said anyone was being forced into anything, last I checked…. Very rapey mentality some of you ladies have. Sounds like some of you like being a submissive sex objects bouncing around between two men.. that would be the only reason to pine over double penatration.
    So yes, clearly this article is written by either a women with female interest.. or a man. How could most women not have female interest? Female human beings are one of the most precious, and beautiful things in exsistence! So from now on… please think before you type!!

    Please American women! Open your 3rd eye!

  • Guest

    Someone needs a dictionary. Next time, when you want to write about threesomes do feel free to face the fact that it means three PEOPLE. NOT two WOMEN and one man but THREE people as in THREE same sex or TWO MEN, yes MEN, and ONE woman. Mmmkay? Bye now.

  • Guest

    Sometimes, the problem is the person not the gender. The woman rocked. Her man sucked. People are too quick to blame homosexuality when their heterosexual relationship flops. For all you know, she might end up with another man in the future who rocks her world better than this last boyfriend. Just saying.

  • Present

    @Josiane •Thank you- my sentiments exactly 🙂

  • Mimi

    SMH at the act of even writing this article.

  • Chris

    Curious as to why this doesn’t address a threesome that involves another vs another female. I think both areas should have been covered.

  • scotsqueenie

    So, what about threesomes with another MAN?? I mean, a simple orifice count would indicate that a proper threesome should be comprised of two men and one woman… this so called “article” makes some very male-chauvinist assumptions about three-ways.

  • Christine Rene-Howard

    This article is horribly sexist. I want a how-to on how to bring another man into my relationship.

  • T.sweet

    My experience with doing a threesome with my husband, and my best friend was not harmful to my relationship. It has been six years since we did the threesome, and we are still married. Don’t get me wrong, our relationship is not perfect, but are arguments are not a result of the threesome, but money (it will kill a relationship faster than a threesome ever could). As far as the relationship with my best friend , we are still the best of friends. The three of us hang out just like we did before the threesome (it only happened once). Maybe I am to trusting, but my husband never gave me a reason not to trust him then or now. I would not recommend anyone to try this if they or their lover is jealous or grimy (scandalous).

  • Jen

    Threesomes can possibly work, but one or the other (of the couple) would have to be bisexual. If both people in the relationship are hetero, it ain’t gonna work. I’m straight, I don’t want another naked woman anywhere near me in a sexual context, and I don’t want her near my husband. My husband is straight, he most certainly doesn’t want to see another naked man with a boner in his bed. Seriously though, threesomes are very, very touchy – best left for only the MOST open-minded of people. If anyone ever wants to experience one, do it before ever getting married because more often than not, a 3P eventually leads to marital issues or divorce.

  • M.L.

    A friend and his wife had threesomes throughout their marriage. They are now divorced. He got one of their “girlfriends” pregnant, but they stayed together for years after that. He then got too close with another one of their girlfriends and it was over after that.

    Why be in a committed relationship if that’s what you want?

    • Smoov Mocha Nut

      Right. Why be in a committed relationship, if you don’t want to be committed (physically)? Swingers & open marriages say they enjoy the intimacy they have with their partners as well as the (open) freedom to have sex with other people (either together or alone). Many of them say the arrangement works well as they’ve done it for years, but may not be a healthy, sustainable lifestyle for others.

  • Diva in Dena

    Clearly this is just another article to read but if you do want to have a 3sum in your relationship the wife/girlfriend should ALWAYS be the one in communication with the 3rd person…state exactly what the couple is looking for by always being up front….i actually have had very successful 3sums with couples because the communication is always open and there is sexual attraction….as long as everyone knows their roles in it then it should be fun and exciting!

    • Pam, The FV Wildcat

      I still say if your man wants to bring another woman into you all’s sex life, then tell him you want to bring another man in.. Don’t allow yourself to be disrespected like that. Show some self respect and dignity.
      If you allow a threesome where he brings another woman in, it’s for his pleasure, not yours sweetie. Get some sense. Once you start doing that, you will be sharing him from now on. 3-15-13
      Really, men are selfish, sexually. They basically think about their own genital’s release, even when they love you. Wake up ladies, and see men as they are.

      • Bruce Wayne

        Yes, put all men into the same category. What an intelligent thing to do.

  • Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas

    u know what i really don’t have a problem with what grown people do at all…however when u say threesome it’s always two women & one man…i don’t know to many men that would be comfortable with watching their woman get d*cked down by some other dude so all things being equal do what u wanna do…but if u letting him f*ck other chic’s u should be f*cking other dudes too.

    • FV Wildcat

      You are so right Taneesha. We as women lose all our self respect and dignity, trying to satisfy our man’s every whim. But do you ever see articles and photos, with 2 men and 1 woman, telling men how they need to satisfy their woman? No, we don’t.
      3-9-13
      . Heck no, men are selfish and we women allow it. Women act silly and stupid for men. We change ourselves for them. We now have a nation and a planet of selfish, spoiled men and we women are much of the cause. Stop listenig to Steve Harvey and Mike Baisden. Listen to yourself and your mama. Your mama most times can tell you everything you need to know, if we would listen to her.
      Women need to love themselves and just hold off on all the begging, pleading, and changing your body and mind for a man. They really do not cae that much about us. And no, I do not hate men, I just love and respect myself, my mama before I start giving him sex. I can do without sex. He needs it. but if I give a boyfrirnd sex, he darn well had better show me respect. We are not property and should act as such.

    • Smoov Mocha Nut

      Good point. Agreed. It’s selfishness.

  • Ms. Marie

    If you’re into that, why be in a committed relationship or get married? No thank you.

    • Smoov Mocha Nut

      That’s a realistic thought too. I’m thinking that the suggestion of a 3some was something that “would NOT” become a regular activity or necessity for the relationship to prosper. Rather it was just a novel, 1-time experience just for the sake of trying it to see what happens. Many couples hate it & move on…some coupes like it but prefer not to try it again…and then there are couples who’ve tried it, liked it, & practice it whenever they get an opportunity or meet a 3rd that fits their shared “liking” – that’s called Swinging. lol. Another topic of relationship lifestyles altogether.

  • You don’t discuss bringing in another guy. Another chick would not interest “some”.You asked on my disqus if I tried it. I can’t even carry it off in my naughtiest fiction. And the Segway thing hit me too. Sex on one of those funny new bikes?

  • taz

    I wonder if your man will be so willing if u wanted a man to join…using the same reasons listed above. Woman do too much for men but them men wouldn’t do half for you

    • Guest

      PREACH! Smdh!

    • Smoov Mocha Nut

      Totally agree. It takes real security & a healthy dose of confidence to do a 3some…especial with your own partner. Most men only can imagine themselves enjoying the pleasures of 2 women at once, but get totally intimidated or infuriated at the thought of their own woman enjoying another man’s intimate/sexual advances. It’s truly humbling to see your partner enjoying sex w/o you (providing the enjoyment)…but that’s a huge area of maturity where most committed couples have not attempted to explore most-likely.

  • Had a friend who tried it and it ruined her relationship she left her man for the woman.

  • Bubbah

    HIRE INTELLIGENT PEOPLE THAT READ AND ARE NOT TOO PROUD TO USE THE DICTIONARY!! THE CORRECT SPELLING (SEGWAY) IS S-E-G-U-E.

  • It can work. I’ve had one before. The key is communication. And make sure eveyone is on the same page. Try not to pick someone that isnt more sexuallexperienced then you or your man. Lol

    • Sexually experienced*

  • Josiane

    This article must be written by a man since it only talks about bringing another women. What about bringing another man into your bedroom with your man?

    • I just threw up a litttle bit in my mouth. -_-

      • Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas

        lol

      • Guest

        Throw up all you want. A threesome means just that, three people. If you can’t deal with another d!ck then you dare not even mention another tit. If you can’t tolerate it then do not expect your woman to.

      • Smoov Mocha Nut

        Most men say “Hell No!”, when the 3rd is suggested to be another guy. But like the article mentioned – only go as far as the most timid person in the group is willing to go & agree that the 3rd does not have intercourse with either partner. If a guy isn’t willing to consider a 3some with a guy, why should a lady be so willing to consider a 3some with another woman? …but this is where insecurities hide & being honest is where all of this will work, especially after the experience.

        But if the notion of a 3some is unsettling, try other things like separating to mingle/flirt with other guests at a party/club/bar where the atmosphere is generally adult-mature (in nature) – then meet up with your partner in a private corner to trade flirty stories & be intimate.

        There’s all kinds of simple things long-time couples can do to “step-up” the excitement in their relationship. Most of these things do involve doing something which is the key & being open & honest is priority as well. Being unwilling to – at least – try an idea (when your partner was open enough to even tell you) really stinks. But if concerns about the negative effects are reasonable, then the openess of discussion will probably be a good route initially.

  • Kay

    OH… And we wonder why people steryotypicsl black women …

  • get real

    Every man’s fantasy. “No, not my man” .Yes self righteous woman, yours too.

    • Adrina

      i agree with this lol. Women have fantasies too that some men can’t believe either, but hell, I think they’re willing to try lol. Women are hestitant bc they don’t like competition just like men which is one reason why I think men don’t want another man in the 3some.

  • She Speaks

    Nothing wrong with a threesome. Make sure all parties involved are mature enough to handle the situation (and afterwards) and be sure to COMMUNICATE. Just speaking from experience. It can definitely be a fun, exciting, interesting way to play out fantasies etc.
    I know was the one that mentioned the idea to my man and planned it out so there was no gray areas.
    Anyway, I can already picture the comments coming from this article saying “It will make/give your man a reason to cheat.” etc. I’d bet you he already wanted or was cheating on you before that.
    P.S. MN, pop-up ads…get rid of them. Kthxbi.

    • Ebony

      Yes as long as all parties are not marrried or in committed relationships. You don’t need to be in a relationship to have 3somes.

      • Aaron K. McNeil

        Here we go with this BS thinking. Seriously, and this is why MARRIED SWINGERS have better relationships.

        The only things required are trust, and communication

  • nat

    This is a terrible idea.