Truth be told, it’s not an easy, or most times even a desirable position, to be a female breadwinner, and who wouldn’t want to be romantically involved with someone for whom money was no object when it came to you and the things you could do together? The problem is, even for the 1 percent, that’s a fairy tale right up there with Cinderella actually wearing a shoe made of glass to ball where she met her prince. For one, any man who is working hard enough to amass the amount of income that would allow for such niceties most certainly is going to be neglectful in some other area — most likely the one that ideally matters most, spending time with you. Second, are there not more crucial things to a harmonious relationship than weekend getaways and free meals? What about the man who treats you like a princess/queen in his mannerisms and attentiveness and the kind words he speaks to you? Those things tend to last a lot longer and hold far more weight for individuals who have a true grasp of what real relationships are. Third, no relationship is like a fairy tale 24/7. If your idea of being picky and holding out for “the one” is not settling for someone who can’t cater to your every monetary need, it’s no wonder Chilli is still single.
I’m being assumptive here, but when your frame of reference is Disney princesses it’s no wonder no one can live up to your expectations in a mate. The basic requirement is unrealistic because you actually expect prince charming to present himself in the flesh every day. The reality is most days in a relationship of any longevity will not feel like a fairy tale. Some days are comedic, the majority are dramatic, and there is almost always an underlying struggle not to have the day end like a horror story. No one gets treated like a princess every day, not even real princesses. Ask Kate Middleton. The random acts of romance help keep the spark (i.e. lust) alive; shared values like integrity, honesty, loyalty, spirituality and such are what fan the flame to keep you going during the catastrophes, which most times can’t be fixed by finances.
There’s also an element of selfishness in the “I want to be treated like a princess” complex, that is not unlike that seen of women on their wedding day. I’ve never understood why a day celebrating two people being joined in holy matrimony should be all about one of them — the bride — and it’s evident anyone who feels that way believes their relationship should be all about them as well. Perhaps I have a more practical, 50-50, 2012 view on relationships, but the days of men working by the sweat of their brow just to lace their woman in diamonds and gold are long gone, if they ever existed. Relationships aren’t just about getting things, they’re about giving as well.
If Tionna Smalls couldn’t get through to Chilli through however many episodes of her declaring “What Chilli Wants,” I’m sure my little two cents won’t go too far. But I do wish women would realize they can be their own worst enemies sometimes when it comes to finding “the one.” Dating down isn’t getting involved with a man who can’t put you in a higher income bracket. It’s settling for the charmer whose only resemblance to a prince is his bank account because the reality is he treats you like a pauper and your notion that the relationship is what you truly want is the fairy tale.
Do you dream of being with a man who treats you like a princess? What do you think about Chilli’s thoughts on dating down?
Brande Victorian is the news and operations editor for madamenoire.com. Follow her on twitter @Be_Vic.
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