Is Desire Negotiable? Why My Man Needs To Find Me Irresistible

September 10, 2012  |

Ladies, does your man make you feel like you’re the apple of his eye?

Mine used to, until we settled into the relationship and I started to feel like I was just cute enough. Beauty is subjective. But even the woman that most men agree is attractive has had her share of failed relationships. A look at the dozens of modeling agencies, music videos, and fashion runways, are compelling evidence that for every beautiful woman, there are hundreds more just as stunning.

A friend of mine once told me I was a “stage 1” kind of girl. He said that I was the kind of girl who preferred when a relationship was fresh, something new to look forward to, like a pair of Nike’s fresh out the box. But when the “newness” wears off, I tire easily and become eager to move on the next great thing, treating men like I do my profession, always wanting to try my hand at something new. I don’t agree. What I know I’m after is that feeling of desire from a man. I’m not so superficial as to want to be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if nothing else, I want my attributes, physical and otherwise to be absolutely lovely…to him.

Over my adult years, I’ve noticed that the higher the caliber of man I date, the more likely that man is to have his pick of beautiful women. But there should be much more to a beautiful woman than her skin that radiates, her curves that challenge the number eight to a dual, her scent unmatched by the rarest flower. She is cut from the “finest cloth”, a rib from Adam’s side. But then there is her intellect, her way with words, the manner in which she carries herself. There are those things that set her apart from the others…

One Sunday morning, I found myself at a gas pump when the man across the way sat in the driver’s seat of his Suburban, looked me up and down and then yelled “Hey beauty, you got a number?” from his car window. I glanced up, but was silent and even that was giving him too much attention.

I like to feel unique when a guy asks me out. Regardless of the facts, I want to feel like I’m the most beautiful woman he’s seen in his life. Or if not his life, at the very least, that day. I want to feel like he doesn’t do this every 30 minutes, like it’s as routine as checking his email. A woman wants to feel special. And so, if she plays hard to get, understand that she is just looking for some persistence on the part of the male to show greater interest. Some say the new millennium woman is full of herself and will forever be alone. But when I think about it, I would much rather be alone than to be with a man who could take me or leave me. The man who is indifferent, who could just as easily swap me out for the next beauty that crosses his path. I want the man who finds me irresistible.

I heard a man once say that getting a number from a woman that gives her number out to everyone is no accomplishment. Similar to hitting the slow kid in a game of dodgeball. Anybody can do that. But if you can hit the moving target, the kid nobody hits because he’s just that smooth, now that’s something to talk about.

I want to be something to talk about. I don’t want to be cute enough to talk to, cute enough to sleep with, cute enough to be arm candy. To him, I want to be the candy everyone is looking for because it tastes so good but it’s hard to find because most stores just don’t carry it. So rare, that when you do come across it at a random gas station mart, you do more than yell from a car window, but you get up close and personal, grab it with both hands, and say “I’m getting this.”


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  • IJS

    You said your man cleans, cooks, works hard – so what are YOU doing? If you man is doing all this stuff but he doesn’t feel like you’re pulling your weight, he ain’t gonna find you attractive for long. There’s a saying that goes, “show me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a man who’s tired of (bleeping) her.” Could you be so wrapped up with the superficial, romantic aspect of your relationship that you’re forgetting to take care of the more meaningful stuff?

  • No Cleopatra

    Insecure much? Or are you so conceited that you believe a man is supposed to kiss the gravel you walk upon and drink your bath water?

  • SFC

    I agree. I was tryna explain these same ideas to someone and they just weren’t getting it(but then again it was a guy i was talking to smh) If that desire isn’t in their eyes, the passion is sure to crumble over time. You can seethe passion in Obama’s eyes when he looks at Michelle, and even random “older” couples i know do the same. Thank you for helping me see that what I’m looking for isn’t “wrong.”

    • BW1615

      Yes, but she says some very flattering things as well…

  • dee

    Dream on dreamer….

  • PCC914

    If I’m reading this correctly, you feel that you’re “special” & you’re not willing to give a man-who doesn’t see that, the time of day. You’re well within you’re right. If you want to catch my attention, is it too much to ask that you charm me & formaly introduce yourself? Hell, that’s gonna work in your favor if anything. Every woman doesn’t have to swear by this article but if you’re a respectable,confident woman, “Aye, lemme git yo’ number!” should NOT get a response from you.

  • Jazzy

    I think I get what you’re saying but it didn’t come out quite well. There is a thin line between confidence and cockiness. It is good to be confident but it is even better to be humble. When a man first meets you, you are no different than the others he met prior to you.Who you are and what you expect should shine through your actions and not your attitude. Being the most beautiful and his eyes doesn’t always come at hello (well, it shouldn’t). I once heard this: When most men first meet a woman, it’s usually about the physical (sex/external beauty). But a woman who wants to be seen as more than a sexual conquest will carry herself in a manner that will give the man a desire to see more than just her panties.
    I believe that it is always better to focus more on the love we give than the love we get– trust that God will take care of you.

  • Rose

    I agree with you. It’s nothing wrong with wanting to be the apple of your guys eye. Or having a guy make you feel like he’s so lucky to have you, so he treat’s you as such. Isn’t that how it’s suppose to be? When a woman know’s her worth guy’s have no choice but to treat her right if he want’s to keep her. In my opinion that would include making her feel beautiful and irresistible.

  • gr8p

    I think understand what you’re saying in this piece. You are talking about romance and/or seduction. These are not American men’s forte. So, I think you’re going to have to deal with the dating pool you’re swimming in or find another pool. This is not the French countryside or the Amalfi Coast. You are not likely to find a man who has been schooled in any form of romance or seduction or ‘treatment’ of women. He may have been told to open doors and not chew with his mouth full or pay for dinner, but beyond that…he won’t believe he needs to be free with the compliments or romantic gestures. And there aren’t many American women who’ve been taught to expect this.

    • Nope

      Agreed. And most of these men were also raised by women……. **crickets**

    • Na Na

      I’d just rather dip into a different pool than to take subpar treatment because the man wasn’t raised my kind of right. Life is too short to be dealing with whatever you feel is unacceptable.

    • diggy.p

      I’m currently seeing a French guy and they are extremely romantic! As an American woman..I’m just not used to this treatment. But, I do like it! And when he speaks kind of just does something to me.

  • sabrina

    I see what you mean, but I also think you may want to grab a slice of humble pie. quite frankly, guys see beautiful girls every day! why should they “worship you”, especially seeing that you don’t give off the best attitude when a guy simply approaches you in any kind of way.

  • Nope

    This was kind of all over the place. On one hand your friend perceives you as treating men as being disposable, yet seem to struggle with men that approach you in a similar manner considering men encounter dozens of women of interest in any given month. Was that man supposed to exert a lot of energy into a total stranger?

    And as far as ‘playing hard to get’ women say it all of the time that ‘men are hunters’. Well, hunters go with the highest and best possible odds and successful hunters are those that hunted efficiently. They cast a wide net. And hell, even a cheetah will only chase its prey for only so long.

    You basically sound really self absorbed.

    • yes I would agree self absorbed. She wants to a man to make her feel like he can’t live without her. Her relationships like most relationships probably did start off just like that. He was totally smitten by her and fed her ego/insecurities until he got comfortable and the compliments weren’t as forthcoming then she was on to the next to chase that constant reassurance that she is desirable.