Ask a Very Smart Brotha Live: How Do I Keep Him Happy in Bed?

September 5, 2012  |  

Cornise: How do I attract the mate I want? I keep getting hit on by guys I wouldn’t ever date?

DY: Before I answer that, you have to honestly ask yourself if the type of guys you want seem to be attracted to women like you. I’m bringing this up because, well, water seems to find its own level. And, if this is a problem you’re always having, you might need to change either the stuff you’re doing or the way you think about things. For curiosity’s sake, though, what type of guys usually hit on you, and what type of guys would you prefer to hit on you?

Pretty: When is a good time to discuss living together/marriage? I have been with my BF for 7 months and we are in love. Do you think it’s too soon to discuss these things?

DY: This answer is dependent on your age. (Basically, if you’re 25 or below, it’s definitely too soon) With that being said, if this is something you’re seriously thinking about, I think you should let him know its on your mind.

Marie: How do you keep a man happy sexually when he wants it all day every day? I love my man and our sex but sometimes it’s a lot for me but I don’t want to keep him unsatisfied.

DY: You know, your question raises a point I’ve always made in discussions about couples and sex. People put too much stress on sexual chemistry/compatibility — something that can get better with time — and not enough stress on libido compatibility. Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you. If you start sleeping with him more, you’re going to eventually feel like he’s only with you for the sex. But, if you two slow down, he might start to feel like you don’t value him or his needs. It’s a tricky situation, and I think the best way to handle it is just for you to tell him exactly how you’re feeling.

Marie: That’s exactly what’s been happening. I talked to him about it.. Told him let’s try going a day or two without it. Omgnesss was he cranky and kept bringing it up. Like we can have sex for two hours straight he cums 6-7xs and still in a hour maybe less ask for more.

DY: Yikes, lol. He must have a lot of…energy. I mean, if you’re already doing it pretty much every day and he’s still pressuring you for more, I’d remain him that he could always put his hand, a laptop, and some Vaseline to use.

Jamilah: How soon should I tell a man that I am a woman that wants to be only in a committed relationship. I don’t want to scare a man off but at the same time I don’t want to waste my time or his.

DY: Information like that should be shared in the first couple of conversations. You don’t have to blurt it out, but I do think you should find a way to insert it into the discussion. Like you said, no sense in wasting your time or his. Plus, the only guys who’d be “scared away’ are ones who weren’t considering that in the first place.

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