An Open Letter To Women Who Get Dressed Up And Go To Lounges To Stand Around And Mean Mug: Stay Home!

46 comments
September 5, 2012 ‐ By IndigoBlack

Is it just me, or do a lot of women these days seem to walk around with a chip on their shoulder? And not a bitter chip (I hate the B-word), but a “I-think-I’m-too-cute-and-you-need-to-worship-me-in this-bish” chip. I know I’m not the only person who has noticed this, and it’s most noticeable at a lounge on a Saturday night in New York City.

While helping to celebrate the birthday of a friend this past weekend, I noticed that there was a cast of colorful characters surrounding us in the fancy schmancy lounge we were in (which, may I add, was actually in the middle of the hood). As for the men, there were a few like the one who shared baby momma drama with a friend of mine within 10 minutes of talking to her; the guys who could rap whole songs with their heads down and backs to the walls; the extra buff dudes who think they’re God’s gift to women, and the extra crunk ones dancing for their freedom like the birthday boy I rode with. Hey, I was glad to see he had fun.

On the other side of the fence, there were very over…or make that under-dressed women catching the eye of everyone; the women who look like they just walked out of the office but still drop it like it’s hot; the two-step chicks in sky-high heels; the random hipsters, and of course, the three stooges I saw standing around and sitting with a mean mug all night long. One was a tall woman in even taller wedges who was dressed cute, but stood most of the time, fiddling through her phone. Her two friends included a chick with a blonde Cassie-esque hairstyle who barely nodded her head to the wide selection of music (how can you not find ONE song to like out of ’90s throwbacks, an hour of Soca, recent hits, and “She Got a Donk”!?), while the other, the leader of the pack it seems, sat like the queen bee in her leopard dress. Cute girl, cute haircut, but a permanent mean mug on her face.

When the birthday boy got a bit too comfortable on the dance floor and thought he’d turn on the charm to get one of them to get up and jam with him, he was met with even meaner mugs, some head shaking and a lot of negative whispering between the ladies after the fact. After an intense exchange, he turned around, rolled his eyes a little as he was irked for a second, and then proceeded back into his signature Salsa-meets-Dutty wine dance that had me laughing. When I looked over at the ladies, they were still talking crap about my friend, and for the rest of the night, proceeded to sit in their seats, not dancing, drinking every once in a blue moon, fiddling through their phones, watching other people have fun.

Note: WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE HAVE FUN.

After literally “shaking somethin’” to “She Got a Donk” for the second time, my tired legs couldn’t even sit down because the trio, who had done a whole lot of nothing the entire evening, were stuck to the comfy couches and damn near put a groove in them. I didn’t get their issue, and neither did my friend: “Who comes to the club and just stands around? I mean, seriously?” My boyfriend wasn’t too fond of their behavior either. When I told him I was going to do a piece based on their behavior, he claimed the ladies were looking for someone to worship them, and in a lounge that was filled with a bevvy of many beautiful women, uh, it ain’t happening.

When I asked the birthday boy later what the deal was, he said he asked them why they weren’t dancing and if they wanted to, and he caught the wrath as a response. I felt bad, but he had moved on, and actually boogied down the rest of the night with an equally crunk woman who could keep up. In his mind, the attitudes of the Three Stooges were the same reason they were sitting alone and were going to stay alone. In my mind, they were like many women I’ve seen go out and stay tighter than a tightrope when the dance floor is calling their name, or people are actually interested in meeting them. While they thought they were too cool for school and God’s gift to all who laid eyes upon them, they were doing a disservice to themselves by acting like the chicks from Hocus Pocus.

I’m not saying that every time a guy approaches you, you in turn have to be ready to bust out a move from Breakin’, nor do you have to spend a grip on alcohol just because you’re in an establishment, but why come out (and put on good clothes) if you’re going to keep an attitude on at all times? I have friends who won’t come out the house and hang out if they’re not in the right mood (“Girl, I’m upset now, I’m going to stay home because I’m not going to be any fun”), so when I see people ready to bust a vein in their forehead when somebody asks them why they don’t want to dance at all (and they’re not dancing with friends either), I don’t get it. You could have stayed at home and sat on the couch for free, boo.

In the quest to look cute and stay cute, there are too many of us (and don’t front) getting dolled up in the hopes that someone will catch our eye and that we will catch theirs. However, when we’re approached, some of us are too quick to act like Beetlejuice tapped us on the shoulder. If you’re approached in an inappropriate manner, then please put a brotha in check for his own benefit, but when you’re the one not coming correct and turn into Medusa, that’s not right. Not every request to dance has to turn into a juke fest, you can jam face to face with a guy for one song (or less than that) and sit down. You control how people will treat you. All I’m saying is, as the saying goes, “You attract more bees with honey than with vinegar.” So next time you think you want to spend the night sitting and mean mugging, then walk out telling everyone the spot is wack because YOU didn’t loosen up, do everybody a favor in the future and stay home. Those drinks and seats can be saved for those having a good time. Hey, I’m just saying.

Have you noticed people like this?

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  • DidSheReallyGoThere

    If dressing up fancy and being guaranteed a dance partner is “MN Editor” and his lame friends’ preconceived expectation; there’s somewhere to go where you need not assume any female[s] not bearing a golden band on their left ring finger is automatically ‘free pickins’ for y’all: Dance CLASSES. At a CLUB—–the patrons have paid for the right to sit pretty all dang night if they wish……just as y’all have the ‘right’ to hawk-eye any vulnerable-looking hapless lady and use your Free Speech Amendment to scream harassing weak pick-up lines in our ears as we attempt to hear the song we were nice enough to dance with [y'all] to. If I could generate a petition, it’d be against Double Standards. Who/whatever birthed the notion within men such as yourself…..that “we” are here “for [you]” would be the Defendant.

    It’s not always a chip on our shoulder. It may be some of us don’t even WANT men (it’s 2012. Everyone ain’t dressin like the ‘Cleo’ character in “Set It Off”.) It may be you [and summa of your lame friends] do not attract us. Your breath. Your looks. The fact that the draping across your trouser-front bespeaks a pathetically small phallus that we KNOW betta than to waste time #uck!n with——even for merely one night of casually sexual ‘fun’. You may have turned into “El Brokie” when we DARE mention how thirsty we feel after being pelvically shoved from behind during our ‘dances’.

    Others of us may have a man in our lives (waaaaaaay cooler than y’all)….who we happened not to have brought out with us that night. For whatever reason. It’s none of [y'allz] business….so if “No Thank You” don’t suffice…kick rocks!

    • mia

      then the only question is…why are you at the club?
      Deep down, when we’re honest with ourselves we all know why we go to clubs and that’s to interact with the opposite sex.
      I’d like to see someone argue this.
      By a show of hands, how many females would go to a females only club? Oh don’t worry I’ll definitely wait.

  • mac

    Lol for a lot of women, going to the club isn’t even about dancing or having a good time. They pay their little 10-15 dollars to be gawked at by men and hit on…. aka their little validation and self esteem boost for the week.
    A lot of females also base how good their night was off how much male attention they received, or how many men approached them. It’s all very pathetic.

    The ironic thing is, they give off the most stuck up vibes like the ones in the article and expect to be approached. Got the game all effed up.

    A lot of these girls have probably been “gassed up” (had their egos blown up) by thirsty men previously, so they expect to be drooled over by everyone, hence the “kiss the ground I walk on” attitudes. When that doesn’t happen, it’s a huge reality check. Hence the scowling.

  • T from ATL

    Yep. A friend sent me this article and I agree 100%. Why come out to sit in one spot for 3 hours? It’s always Black women who do this. BTW. The White, Latina and Asian women are dancing along with the sistas who want to have fun.

    • Jerzee Gurl

      Awwwww someone got turned down by one too many black women in the club huh? Can you please explain to me how this became a Black women only phenomenon? I go to all types of clubs depending on my mood and trust me these types of women are in all types of clubs whether they be a white or latin or hip hop club. So please take your generalizations somewhere else!!

  • ladylove

    This is by far the dumbest article smh. who cares what other ppl do at lounges, clubs,or bars. if u wanna shake ur azz, shake ur azz. if u wanna drink, drink. if u wanna flirt, flirt. if u just wanna sit at the bar and look cute, do that. who cares?!?!?! sorry when I go out, I’m not studying the next chick. I’m focused on me, my crew, and whomever I’m chatting wit. so if the chick next to me is textin or whatever. I Dnt care . . .Sorry!!! funny u claim they expect ppl to worship them yet they just minding their business and instead of minding urs u focused on them. The next article should be about ppl who cnt enjoy themselves at the club because they too focused on the next chick.

  • Kayo

    I perceived this as someone not being happy with someone else because they aren’t as sociable as they are.

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  • UdonNo

    this only happens wit black women mostly. you will never find that at a latin club! them spanish girls are hot and love to party!! weeepa!

    • Kayo

      Spanish ‘girls’ or Hispanic and Latina women?

      • UdonNo

        ALL OF THE ABOVE! salsa is made to dance–not stand around and text the girl next you lol

    • Jerzee Gurl

      Yet another man that got turned down by one too many sistas at the club. Sorry your feeling all butt-hurt and raw about it but all black women are like that and I have been to many Latin clubs where the chicks are just standing around trying to be cute.

  • Tolani

    I use to be one of those girls…only because i unfortunately can not dance. I’d get really self conscious on the dance floor when someone would ask me to dance so i always declined. I only went out because i enjoy getting all dolled up. lol I stopped going out though because i don’t want to ruin everyone else’s good time because im a wall flower…lol

  • SXQN

    I know a coupla a sustahs like the ones in the article. Then they wanna talk about me and the other people who are havin fun. Not to cramp their style, but there’s no cause to be rude if you don’t want to dance or socialize outside of the people you came with, But at the same time, if I’m feelin “up” and wanna “dance the night away” that should be my privilige without being mean mugged…

  • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

    HA HA THOSE BROADS ARE NOT THERE TO HAVE FUN THEY ARE ON THE HUNT AND THEY WILL KILL YOU. THAT MEAN MUG IS SERIOUS. WHEN MR RIGHT WALKS IN HE WILL SEE THEM IN “VOGUE” POSTION NOT DOING THE PATRA WITH YOUR RATCHET FRIEND. LOL PLEASE DONT LET IT BE THE FIRST OF THE MONTH WHEN THAT RENT/MORTGAGE IS DUE. you’re welcome

  • That Chick.

    Wow I know the feeling. Went to the club a couple weeks ago and the Hoes of Babalon decided to show up. Aka my hometown enemies. And I had fun the whole night as they watched and talked about me the whole night. They even talked to all the dudes who would approach me. Wow if I’m such a non m.f factor why do they make me so relevant.

  • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

    THEY DID NOT WANT YOU RATCHET FRIEND DANCING LIKE SHABBA RANKS IN THE CLUB. HA HA PROBABLY SWEATY. THE TALL ONE WITH TALL WEDGES WANTS A BALLER OR A WEALTHY GUY (HENCE THE TALL WEDGES) BECAUSE RICH DUDES LIKE TALL GIRLS. THE ONE WITH THE CASSIE HAIRCUT WAS HOPING DIDDY WALKED, THE ONE IS THE LEOPARD DRESS WAS HOPING TIGER CAME IN DUH!

  • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

    KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT IS EASY. KNOWING “WHO” YOU WANT..HA HA HA A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. HA HA KNOWING WHAT AND WHO YOU D O N T WANT IS THE EASIEST OF ALL. HA HA HA

  • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

    THOSE LADIES KNOW E X A C T L Y WHAT MAYBE NOT WHO BUT E X A C T L Y W H A T THEY’RE LOOKING FOR AND ARE NOT PLAYING GAMES. HA HA HA

  • http://www.facebook.com/mrgrace007 Jontae Grace

    I wish houseparties were still around.

    • NSimonefan

      You ain’t said nothin’ but a word, LOL. I like house parties more than the club scene, when I used to do both back in the day. With house parties there was more of that down to earth vibe.

      • mac

        d e f i n i t e l y!! The most fun I’ve had in my life was at houseparties. Everyone is so chill. None of that club snobbery and pretentiousness. You can’t leave a houseparty without making at least one new friend.

  • Brandy

    I rather sit down than dance to degrading songs such “She Got a Donk”

    • MNEditor2

      Aw come on now! It’s a rachet song indeed, but sometimes when you’ve had a long day, you just need to dance and have fun rather than stopping to analyze the degradation level of each song. But I hear you sistah. Thanks for reading!

  • cuzmyfeethurt

    their feet hurt. hurt feet make you mad…. casualties of trying to be cute.

  • Yokessm

    Well said.

  • Another Awkward Black Girl

    As a happily boring girl who has been on the other side of this experience, I wanna try to paint a (possibly) fuller picture. A: ‘Fun’ is relative. Clubs for some boring ppl are often not fun. Incredibly uncomfortable, yes. Most people in the club have fun dancing, so they go the club for fun. If dancing in public isn’t fun for you, you’re not going to be having fun at the club and it will show. And somehow make others mad (I’m also wondering, if anyone wants to elaborate, if boys who don’t dance are also too stuck up to have fun) … Which brings us to B: Why the hell are you in the club then? Sometimes its unavoidable. It’s someone you care about’s birthday, they want to go to the club and you’d be a jerk if you didn’t go. Someone you don’t know too well but are trying to build a relationship with invites you, you go because sometimes it takes a while for people to truly understand that “no offense, nothing to do with you, but no because it will be painful for me.” Now I don’t understand the whole attitude thing because if you show up you might as well put a smile on your face but, smile and all, I will likely turn down your dance requests which leads most to what they think is the only logical conclusion: you think you’re too cute/cool for them.

    • Yukari

      I so relate to you. This has been my life! I would get self conscious and stiff in clubs…like my black girl card was gonna get revoked once I was ‘found out’ on the dance floor. But you have to brave it out b/c you don’t want to put a damper on anyone’s plans. Anyway that scene just wasn’t for me. Fortunately my circle has phased out of the club scene into a more mellow one.

    • Kayo

      ” (I’m also wondering, if anyone wants to elaborate, if boys who don’t dance are also too stuck up to have fun)”

      Nope. Women are almost always labeled negatively when they are not catering to the interest of others.

  • z

    In no way am I defending being a stick in the mud but lounges are lounges, if you wanna sit and have a drink without dancing around to the music it should be ok. Now nightclubs are a different story. Although I can still understand sometimes you don’t always want to dance you just wanna hear music and get a drink poured for you. It’s just something about being outside the house sometimes. Just playin’ devil’s advocate.

    • karma

      I agree…sometimes a sistah wants to just chill with her girls, have a drink, listen to some music, and have some laughs! Not being a stick in the mud like the ones in this article, but just being out with the girls!

    • MNEditor2

      Yeah, I here you about that. I just didn’t understand why the ladies were rude to my friend. You can go out just to listen to some jams and to get some drinks, but there’s no need to mean mug and snap on people. You can politely decline. But once again, I here you, not every night out needs to be a shake-your-body-down-to-the-ground one. :)

      • Reneé

        *Hear… It’s I *hear* you, not ‘I here you’

        • J. OfLove

          Lots of BARS that play good music. Go there if you just want to be out. I totally agree, save the space in lounges for those of us who want to have a good time.

          • Turi

            Why I love bars. I love to sit or post up and drink a beer and not be forced to wear heels.

        • DidSheReallyGoThere

          If poor grammar like that is “MNEditor2″‘s style of written communication; it certainly explains why this article is about as weak as his sense of entitlement-based reasoning for why any female he and his El Lamo crew of predators should “expect” accommodation to their insecurities and lack of Game in the form of smiles, gratitude for their regurgitated compliments and pick-up lines, means of continued personal communications, and gratuitous sex for the couple of drinks and compliments rendered at their expense.

  • dancingqueen

    I hit the lounge to dance. Fortunately for me i know how to dance. I know i piss off a lot of guyz when i turn down a dance request. I’m respectful and nice about it, but when my favorite song is playing the rule is i dance alone..Btw imma need some of you men to take some dancing lessons. Nothing sexier than a man that can actually dance… grinding is not a dance move..hopping around is not dancing…standing behind me is not dancing! I agree MN stuck up folks should stay at home..but you have to wonder …you took the time to dress up..look cute..make-up & hair done..just to stand! another episode of human stupidity

    • Kenedy

      Agreed! Alot of times, i wanna dance by myself or my girls…..its just that the type of dancing i do doesn’t require grinding or 2 people…..i hate it when guys try to grind with me for every single freakin song…..also, please don’t hog me…..i came here with my girls, not you, so give me a chance to chill with them too

  • Cha Cha

    Ditto! I’m not much of a club goer anymore, but when I was, you best believe I stayed on the dance floor. If I wanted to sit around and send out text messages or just sit around period, I wouldn’t bother getting dressed, having my feet hurt in heels, using up my gas, driving around trying to find parking and then stand in line… I’d just sit at home and send out text messages. I never understand the people who do all that, then just stand against the wall or sit around having attitdue with everyone else.

  • olivia

    This happens a lot. Go to the lounge, scowl and spend the night texting. They barely even talk to each other.

    Truth of the matter is that most of these chicks are boring and do feel as if they should be worshipped. I used to hang around these types.

  • DYNAMICALLYDELLA

    I spool love this article. Facebook,twiitter, instagram, and YouTube have too many women thinking they’re celebrities and models. They come out and their disillusioned cloud eventually hovers over and shades everyones enjoyment. We of course still cam get it in lol…but man, that negative energy we can do without.

    • Kayo

      The men are no different.

  • http://twitter.com/MsRedboneBrite Tee Elyse

    I SO hate that!! Like, why you mad at me because I’m in here having fun?? Never understood that!

  • Stanley

    Is it going down or not?

  • Alexa

    Girl! If this ain’t the truth…I could never understand going to the club/lounge and not dancing! Some women are too stuck up to have fun.

    • Na Na

      Exactly, even if I don’t dance wit guys, which I rarely do, I hit the floor so hard with my girls we make other people smile and have fun!