If A Man Doesn’t Call Anymore, What Should You Do?

68 comments
September 4, 2012 ‐ By rjohnson
if a man doesn't call

Source: hellobeautiful

From HelloBeautiful

Last weekend I was a guest on the R&B podcast hosted by my good friend Lincoln Anthony Blades. He asked me to discuss men jumping ship during the dating process.

Before You take a listen, let me paint the picture: So guy chases down girl, guy gets girl’s number, girl is like, “ok I guess so you aite, we’ll talk”, then guy and girl go out a few times, have a few great conversations, maybe talk about future dates, then……………………………………………his calling pattern changes, contact less frequent, dates? What date? A call or text may come up a few weeks later and he sincerely replies with, “been busy”…………………………………………………………………… sir?!

How do you process a situation like this? I mean from bird’s eye view it’s simple, but when you’re actually the one who was wined, dined and denied it’s a whole other ball game.
The answer is quite simple. The lovely man you gave your number to was probably on the prowl, has an existing relationship or some messy unfinished business on the side. When we date ideally it’s more than one prospect in the running at any one time. Men tend to understand this and adopt this principle with ease sometimes slipping up with words, promising things they have no business promising.

Read more at HelloBeautiful

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  • AlwaysBlossom

    Keep it moving. And Anthony, sweetheart you have some major issues you need to deal with. Men are the ones who pursue, if he suddenly stops taking interest, I will wonder why because as women we would have invested time and feelings into the situation. I usually try and keep control of the pace, that way I can figure out just how serious he is. Ladies, keep control of the pace, and you’ll pace yourselves in a manner that allows you to not heavily invest in a man that isn’t serious, so then YOU can move on once you spot that he isn’t serious.

  • Jabranpin

    Sometimes a man is not sure if the thing is going the way he hopes it will so he slows down. The writer is very narrow minded. This article is meant for stupid females anyhow.

  • Derek

    It’s amazing to me that it takes a 5000 word article to give the most simple answer, “Fall Back!”

  • http://twitter.com/MadameGigglez Bubblez

    delete his number & move on. simple. dont lose a night worth of sleep over some dude who dont give 2 poots about you.

  • http://twitter.com/futuresatellite Z

    Dating these days is brutal, people fade in and out of your life even when it feels like things are going well. It’s a risk. Communicating your feelings might help. If he’s not open to that you’ll have to keep it moving– yes even if you like him :/

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    Why should you wait by the phone? If you want to go out again or even speak to him, it’s not that hard to pick up the phone and call. If you do and he always comes up with some BS excuse. Then hold your head up high and keep it moving.

  • Machelle Kwan

    If a guy doesn’t call me anymore, I really won’t care and i’m certainly not gonna call him back either. If he’s really serious and available, he’ll keep calling. If he stops, he could be living foul and you could have avoided some big drama and heartache.

  • Elle Royal

    This is simple. First of all there was no involvement in the date. The female waited for the man to initiate it all. Ladies the first thing to do is to decide if this man is the one, or if you want to see if he is the one. you get the gist. Then initiate some action to make something happen, or establish a few things with him. This was all on the man. men are stupid. I hate to say it but it is what it is. This female didn’t involve herself or make the most of the opportunity that presented itself. Involve yourself after you’ve made a decision about the man.

  • Adrina

    If he stops calling, I probably won’t miss it because if I’m just dating (exploring options), there’s always someone else to talk to. He doesn’t have to to owe me an explanation or anything. Just get the hell on *kanye shrug*

  • Pingback: If A Man Doesn’t Call Anymore, What Should You Do? | Z 107.9

  • Cat88L3

    I agree. Keep it movin’ and on to the next one!!! Why are we ladies sitting around wondering & knitting waiting for the phone to ring? Take that energy and focus on a dude that wants you and has no baggage or drama.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

      As a man, i agree.Life is short.Live it ,while you got it.

  • Nope

    What you do is get you some ice cream to go with that humble pie.

  • Reese

    I swear the articles here always speak to a situation I’m going through. My ex (we ended on friendly terms) and I recently came back into contact. At first things were going well and all of a sudden he stopped texting and I’ve been trying to force his hand. But whatever, on to the next (easier said than done)

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

      I`ll tell ya, for a group of ppl who constantly tell b/m to deal with rejection like an adult,Black women sure seem unaccoustomed to doing the same.Some man OWES you something,whereas as you don`t owe a man a DAMN THING!!!Equal?Sure don`t seem like it.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

        Wow, thumbs down.Really?I`d like a response to explain WHY you disagree,but i doubt i`ll get one.

      • 2cents

        when a man initiates the dating, courting, whatever, it says that he is interested (in what, he may not tell you). part of what is puzzling to some women is when there is interest and then there suddenly isnt any.

        it’s not about owing someone anything. its about someone you once liked/liked you who doesn’t seem to anymore. which would hurt man OR woman.

        i’m not a man so I can’t speak on what its like for a man to be rejected but when I think of male rejection its on sight (can i have your number/no/no thanks/have a man etc). In such cases, no real feelings were invested. you may not care why she said no or it may bother you. but to chastise anyone for wondering why they were rejected is a bit much.

        again, its not about BLACK MEN or WOMEN owing each other anything or any of the other hostilities that often get traded back and forth.

        for a lot of us women, if we like you, really invested something in you, and you seemed to pursue us… a good time was had by all. when it stops, it just hurts.

        that’s all.

        • Native_Noir

          THIS!!! BINGO! Thank you so much! Maybe I should have explained it like that. Maybe this explanation will go over better with the Men. Just trying to get some understanding…

          • Native_Noir

            *in my xscape voice* what I need from u is understanding/ how can we communicate/ if you don’t hear what I say/… LOL

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

          I get what your saying.However my point was that b/w have the luxury of being fickle about how they treat b/m,yet when the shoes on the other foot,b/w,DEMAND to be treated with kid gloves,because now you get to pull the”man-up” card.Special treatment when equality is suddenly inconveinient.Not cool.

          • 2cents

            I think you’re so busy pointing the finger at Black women and harping on your own point that you don’t see the “luxuries” that Black men have and use DAILY in their treatment of black women.

            I also think you just want to blame black women for something and also justify how men handle situations with women.

            Who’s pulling a card? A women who likes you is going to want to know why you don’t like her anymore. Period.

            You are SO hostile.

            • 2cents

              *woman

            • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

              Here we go with the “hostile card.”Very predictable.The only “luxury” b/m have is the ability of not getting pregnant,Other than that b/m have to go through a whole lot of hell for a slice of heaven if we get it.So which card are one of you going to pull next.The “my mamas black card”or the”the white man does it card”or the “concern for the community card”.Oh,this is a good one:the”extiction of the black race because some b/m marry outside the race card”.4 decades of misandry,i`m not going for it.

  • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

    Y’ALL NEED TO GIVE SOME OF THESE MEN THIS ADVICE. I SWEAR SOME OF THEM DONT KNOW HOW TO ACT WHAT N O T TO DO WHEN A BEACH DOESNT WANT YOU HA HA HA

  • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

    HA HA AND WHAT DO THEY DO WHEN WE STOP CALLING? HATE LIKE A BEEYOUCH.

  • DoinMe

    There’s also another side of this. It doesn’t always mean that he’s on the prowl or there’s someone else. Some men who aren’t in-tune with their emotions or doesn’t know how to manage them, will flee if he feels like he likes you too much, but isn’t ready. Falling in love with a woman can be one of the most scariest things for some men. In these situations, sometimes it feels like “he just not that into you,” but in reality, its the opposite.

    • Native_Noir

      I have had so many Men (friends, cousins and brothers) explain it to me this way… I just don’t understand.

      • DoinMe

        I had a friend explain it to me this way. He said one time he was in love with a girl and she dumped him and it felt like someone had performed an autopsy on him while he was still alive. Some men are extremely sensitive and have a serious fear of opening themselves up to possibly being hurt. Unlike women, we can eventually shake it off and keep it moving, but for some men, it can jack them up for life.

        • Native_Noir

          I kinda get that, but Men hate for us to use our “baggage” (past) against them so why use their past hurts against us?! Just like they shouldn’t pay for what the last Man did, we shouldn’t pay for.what a Woman did to them. It is what it is though. It helps me weed out the ones that ultimately can’t rock with me anyway. I dont always want the ones that want me but at least I can communicate that.

          • Elle Royal

            find a man that loves your baggage. a man can show off his greatest strenghts conquering your baggage. your baggage will be what captures love for you not what stops you from getting love. SHOW YO BAGGAGE OFF PROUDLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

            • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

              ATTN fellas:What Elle Royal statement really is is a cloaked way of telling men to jump through hoops to appease her.A man has to go through unnecessary headache for the illusion of a fairy-tale ending.Notice women don`t feel obligated to take on a man`s baggage.Once again,equality until it becomes inconvienient.

      • Elle Royal

        be optimistic despite all the negative notions that abound

    • Machelle Kwan

      Well a woman with self esteem isn’t going take it that way. So he’s just going to miss out. Nobody can read anyone’s mind. Men need to grow up already.

    • Machelle Kwan

      Also, I pretty much take that reaction as a sign he’s not ready to be dating. Guys need to man up and be straight jup with a woman or get a therapist. I really don’t have time.

    • Elle Royal

      excellent presumtion for a female to consider. That’s how you deal with a woman with high standards. We make it to much about the expectations but what you are really dealing with one’s standards. u got game. the u that you are doing has game. mommy likey and mommy approve. watch out 4 da haters from this point forward

      • DoinMe

        True too!

  • redfingerpaint

    I’d ask him why he stopped calling. I’d also let him know that if wouldn’t offend me if he found someone else that he liked or that I said something that he didn’t like. (Well, because it really wouldn’t bother me)

    • Elle Royal

      b honest

      • redfingerpaint

        Huh?

  • Native_Noir

    For SOME Men to always be hollerin about “I’m a Man”, sometimes yall can be the scariest so and so’s…. why not Man up and just simply explain that u r feeling someone else? Don’t say it in a harsh way, but telling us personally or just cutting off communication, either way It’s rejection. Id rather you tell me why than be wondering why what i thought was going well suddenly stopped. Maybe we shouldn’t care why but sometimes we do. I’m just being honest.

    • Nope

      Woman up and keep it moving. There’s never a right answer a man can give for a woman not getting what she wants.

      • Guest

        *sigh* u just… Go away. It has nothing to do with getting what I want. I’m a big girl. I know how to handle not getting what I want. And believe me I’m nowhere near desperate for any ole dude or lacking attention so its not even a question of getting what I want. I just think MEN should be Man enough to keep it real. I WOMAN up every single day so dont tell me how to.handle a situation. I didn’t ask for advice. I asked why SOME Men don’t COMMUNICATE better. U always have some bitter sounding ish to say instead of sharing some wisdom from the male perspective, so as I asked on another post, why come on a site geared toward Women when you seem to have something against Women? Exit stage left, please!!!

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

          I`ll clarify for you.A man can DISMISS you without explanation,just like a woman can.He OWES you nothing just like you owe a man NOTHING.Sounds fair ,right?

          • Nope

            Exactly. The precursor to a woman saying “man up” is usually that she didn’t get her way.

            • Native_Noir

              Yet you responding back to me saying WOMAN UP! o_O confused…

          • Native_Noir

            What you mad for Boo Boo? I didn’t say anything harsh but yall sure are passionate about it. Wow, can we have a conversation like adults, even if we have to agree to disagree? It’s not that deep! It’s not like I’m sitting home depressed about this by any means. I made a comment geared toward my sistas on a site geared toward WOMEN! And I said SOME Men, yall acting like I said NOPE and ANTHONY!!! Relax!

            • Elle Royal

              what’s good baby? another adult is here.

            • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

              I`m not angry at b/w for the choices they make.What pisses me off is that b/w seem to think that b/m OWE them an explanation about HIS choices.See what i`m saying is that b/w are allowed to make any life choice they want and NO ONE is allowed to question them on it.But the b/m ,OH NO.The N**ga(and that`s what his name becomes,when you don`t like his choices)has to go into a deep explanation about his life choices.These very blogs exist because b/w are upset that b/m have the same freedom of choice they have.And that freedom does not automaticlly mean catering to b/w.

              • Native_Noir

                I’m sooooo not the type that feels like I can’t be questioned about my choices if it affects another person. Communication is key and Id have no problem explaining (as I said down thread) if a Man seeks explanation. And I do NOT get upset with someone I’m dating for choosing not to go the distance with me! I’m not everyone’s cup of tea (spicy Scorpio). And I dont call Men the N word. I absolutely loooooove black Men! That’s why I didnt generalize, i said SOME. I wasn’t sayin u “owe” us anything. I just wanted to know the reason why Men choose to just cut off communication instead of say hey, its just not working out… I tend to ask questions about things I don’t understand. I’m not here to argue and u r right, u don’t HAVE to explain anything. I got it. Thanks.

            • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

              Oh,and the comment about being an adult.See brothas, that is a “shaming tactic” designed to shut you up when b/w don`t like what you say.I brought a compelling argument based on LOGIC.And because you did not have a valid rebuttal, the ” your angry card” was pulled.Nice try.Don`t work here.

              • Native_Noir

                Okay, Anthony.

                • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

                  Please don`t take offense.I`m just responding to 4 decades of black male misandry.Nothing on this site isn`t anything i haven`t heard my entire life,and quite frankly,i`m tired of b/w thinking i`m responsible for not only their misery, but that i`m OBLIGATED to fix a problem THEY created.What i`m saying basically is NO man is responsible for your happiness,that`s YOUR responsibilty.Thanx for the convo, you are a formidable opponent.

        • Nope

          I do share ‘wisdom’ on here from the male perspective, and occasionally get props. I just don’t put it on a nice shinny, silver platter with garnish like Steve Harvey and the like.

          • Native_Noir

            U r just so far to the left. LMAO. I quit, for real…SMDH

            • Elle Royal

              men r so good 4 us. even when they frustrate the h– out of you. my man just recently learned how to stop being hostile towards me and treating me like i was his enemy. i love em.

          • Elle Royal

            lmao

        • Native_Noir

          Why does this say GUEST and not my name!!! I posted this in response to NOPE cause I’m sick of him and his bitterness toward Women yet he frequents a WOMENs website. Take that ish over to singleblackmale or something. On 2nd thought dont, cause the Men over there act nothing like you! But go somewhere.

          • Elle Royal

            let him stay. His presence is helpful. reality is always better than a delusion. u feel me?

        • Elle Royal

          wow! your frustration is real. you guys have me thinking about something, something like getting a man to be honest, forthcoming and such. I can’t wait for it to develope. Keep keeping it real love.

      • Elle Royal

        good decision

    • Kenedy

      I feel the same way…..i would wanna know WHY too….i don’t feel satisfied with just keeping it pushing….atleast if i know it has nothing to do with anything i said or did, then the issue is you & im good

      • Native_Noir

        Right! But It’s never that simple.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-Muthapukkin-Tinney/100001244269956 Anthony Muthapukkin Tinney

        Wait a minute! A woman can dismiss a man at any moment WITHOUT explanation.We call it a women`s right to change her mind.But a man OWES you a dissertation about why he`s moved on ?Equality sucks when WOMEN don`t benefit,dosen`t it?

    • Elle Royal

      honesty works well in relationships

  • JustSaying

    If he stops calling, you stop calling. Tell ol’ dude to beat it. Waiting by the phone is for the birds.

  • NicPal

    If a man doesn’t call anymore what should you do? Keep On Moving!!!!!

    • quest

      I know right, what else can you do?

      • NicPal

        Exactly nothing but do just that:)

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