Are You Up For The Challenge? How Dating An Emotionally Unavailable Man Is Like Rescuing A Dog

September 3rd, 2012 - By madamenoire

From YourTango

By Ms. Kristina Marchant

Learning how to connect with an emotionally unavailable man is like learning how to gain the trust of a beaten dog.

One of my dogs, Pumpkin, is a little feisty chihuahua I found one morning under a car by my house. She was covered in fleas and very frightened. I brought her into my home and she became my third furry, canine companion. She was not, however, the sweet, eager-to-please pup that dog lovers cherish.

Pumpkin growled frequently, was distrusting and distant. She didn’t allow my other dogs near her. One of my dogs is a macho Jack Russell terrier mix and he’s a real bruiser. My other dog is a sweet-hearted chihuahua mix who is very polite and doesn’t know a stranger.

Little Pumpkin warmed up right away to my chihuahua mix and not to my Jack Russell mix. Why? Because my Chihuahua mix invited Pumpkin to come closer, as opposed to my Jack Russell mix who constantly tried to bruise his way into her space.

If you are loving an emotionally unavailable man who remains at a distance, isn’t emotionally open and who has admitted distrust in women, it’s best you extend an unspoken invitation for him to get to know you and come close, rather then trying to “pull” love out of him like fingers from a Chinese finger cuff. Just like a Chinese finger cuff, his love will resist your advances.

How do you invite an emotionally unavailable man to come closer? You must do two things: sit on your hands and remain emotionally open to receiving his love. Everything has to be on his terms as far as how close he comes to you. Wanting to see you, be around you, hold you, know you, caress you, let you inside his heart and soul … it’s all got to be on his clock or he won’t trust you and will even feel resentful.

See what other considerations you’ll need to make dating this type of man on YourTango.com.

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  • Derek

    Someone actually wasted the time to write an article on how to “pursue” one of these losers? Instead of saying “Run for your Life”? Wow #smh

  • Maris

    Not worth it.

  • Adrina

    Don’t waste your time because if the roles were reversed, he wouldn’t waste his. You shouldn’t have to fight for affection especially if you’ve been together for a while. If a man (or woman) is unavailable emotionally, they need to stay single until they work on their problems. Why put someone through that for your own selfish gain? #ninjaplease

    • guest

      Thank you. A man would never invest in a woman that was unavailable, emotionally or otherwise…

      He would just move on to the next chick.

  • OSHH

    I’ll NEVER fight a man for his affections, love, friendship, loyalty, to be a better person etc, ever again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • olivia

    Ladies let’s call it for what it is…

    Men who are “emotionally unavailable” are manipulative losers. These “boys” love to see a woman give her all while they have no intention on reciprocating.

    They derive pleasure from your heartbreak. You shower them with love, they withdraw…

    Sad but true.

  • Elle Royal

    I saved my dog, I mean man, and because I saved him I consider keeping him on a short leash a privledge as reward for saving him. He was a dog to other women but he is my sweet puppy now. Yeah boy.

    • MLS2698

      Don’t forget to neuter.

  • MLS2698

    Put him back on the teet!

  • La-Di-Da

    Why even bother trying to have romantic relationship with an emotionally unavailable man…? Sounds like a grand waste of time and effort.

  • Cat88L3

    I say why bother when an emotionally unavailable man who you can find a man that is? It’s too much trouble, hassle, and heartache. I just finally cut all ties with my ex who was emotionally unavailable. One of the hardest things I’ve had to do. We were together for 4 years and talked about marriage and kids. He had good traits, but he was also insecure with low self esteem. I was focusing so much on him playing the role of fixer & caretaker, that I was losing myself in the process. We truly loved each other, but he didnt want to work on things by making the necessary changes or attempts. I realized that I couldn’t be the fixer anymore because it was too draining. Also, I would never want my marriage to have those dynamics. Now I’ve made room in my life for a man who is emotionally & mentally secure.

    A relationship should be an equal give and take among both parties. My new saying is that everyone has baggage, but there is a difference between a carry-on or 2 & a Samsonite store!

    I’m never dealing with the store no more, lol!

  • Miss D

    Speaking from experience…don’t do it unless you have the patience of Mother Theresa. You may be understanding, initially, but after a while it gets extremely difficult to be patient with a person who won’t open up to you, especially if you haven’t given them a reason to distrust you. My previous relationship was with an emotionally unavailable man and I tried everything in my power to make things work. I tried to get him to talk about his feelings, got nothing. I backed off and gave him time/space, still nothing. Eventually learned he had problems trusting people and I couldn’t be the one to fix it. It’s hard to see someone you love go through that, but I promise you, you cannot change these people. My current relationship is with a man who is very open with me and it’s a huge relief.

    • Cat88L3

      Cosign 2000%!!!

    • Miss D

      Let me add that it’s easy to lose yourself and become a miserable wreck in these situations. Don’t go around trying to fix people – let them make the choice to heal on their own. Your happiness and well being is worth so much more than that.

      • JaneDoe

        Best advice

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