Out From The Shadows: The Time A Guy Followed Me Home Late At Night To Get My Number…

August 31st, 2012 - By Victoria Uwumarogie

Source: women-in-charge.net

I know it has to be hard for men. They’re always expected to make the first move and be the pursuers, yet they run into many women who rebuff their advances with the quickness, ignore them flat out, or yell at them for being a bother. Yeah, I get that it can’t be easy. However, there are just some ways of “hollering” that need to be banished. First on the list? How about trying to spit game at a girl when she’s walking home alone after 12 a.m.?

In my neighborhood in the city, sometimes you’ll find me walking the streets late in the evening (or early in the morning) after kicking it with girlfriends or hitting up festivals and events. Because of that, I’ve learned three important things when it comes to navigating my way home after dark, and they include the following: Walk fast, ditch the headphones, and always have my keys ready to open my door…or in case I need to jab a creeper in the eye. As a woman, you always have to be on guard for someone waiting to abduct you, assault you, rob you or follow you home, and because I live about three long blocks from my train stop (about a seven minute walk if I move fast, three if I run), I’ve gotten used to being paranoid. On the way to the train very late one evening, I had a man in a rapist-looking van drive slowly next to me and ask if he could give me a ride. According to him, I was too pretty to be walking the streets by myself. What he didn’t know was, I was also too smart, even in the slight downpour that had begun, to get in his car and go anywhere with him. I said “No thanks!” picked up the pace with these long legs and took extra long strides until he finally drove away. As uncomfortable as all of that was, it wasn’t as alarming as the time a young man actually followed me as I walked home to try and “holler.”

It was about 12:30 a.m. and I had just got off the train and was headed back to my place. I had my headphones in but planned to take them off once I got outside of the train station. So when a guy in the station tried to get my attention I really couldn’t hear him. I looked back very fast to see if someone had said something, as I didn’t want to slow play in the grimy station (which reminded me of that one scene from The Wiz) and saw no one right behind me. But as I walked up the steps, I felt like there was someone following me. I looked back and saw a man trying to rush up the steps behind me, and he tripped on the second step. Something about his clumsy behavior reminded me of a drunkard, and at that time of the evening, unless my a** was exposed or I dropped my wallet, there wasn’t anybody on those streets who had a reason to stop me to chat. So I put even more pep in my step, snatched out my headphones and did a speed walk that would make those Olympic power walkers proud. But lo and behold, as I came up the stairs, this man was running up the stairs, and as I got down the street, he was jogging in my direction. There were no police cars around to flag down, so I tried to cross the street to be sure that I wasn’t losing my mind (“Is this guy really about to try follow me home???”) and as I crossed, he crossed and cut me off near the middle of the street. Getting tired, and frankly, a bit pissed, I put my house key in between my middle and ring fingers, and decided that if he was going to abduct me, he was going to have to be ready for a fight first. As I turned around, ready for something out of a movie to happen, this is what he said:

“Heeeey, how you doing? What’s your name with your pretty self?”

Before I knew it, I was in the middle of the street screaming at him: “WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME!?” The man who had just tried to play smooth Casanova in the street was now a bumbling, somewhat scared fool: “FOLLOWING YOU!!? Ain’t nobody following you! I was just trying to talk to you for a second! I live down the street, what you mean “following” you!?” As he walked away from me in a huff, talking ish on the way, for a second there, I thought I might have overreacted. But then, I remembered that this was the same fool running down the street after me 20 seconds earlier. While he might not have been following me with the intent to harm me, he was indeed FOLLOWING me, and doing so while I was alone on an empty street at 12:30 a.m. By the time I got home, I was still shaking from the worry I had felt at one point, and the sheer tomfoolery of the whole situation. To be frank, I was grateful to be safe, yet enraged at his behavior. Is that how you approach a woman???

Look here men: I don’t care if Halle Berry is walking down the street in her birthday suit at 1 a.m., you don’t pull a stunt like this. Late at night when a woman is walking home or anywhere alone, you need to leave her be, because while you might think that you look like Rico Suave, chances are, you probably look like a murderer to her. Your advances most likely won’t get the response you’re looking for (except maybe from the thirsty chicks), and instead of getting us excited, these attempts to come on to folks can be very frightening. I don’t know when people started assuming that this was acceptable behavior, but it can get a guy just trying to innocently woo a gal a face full of pepper spray, or in the case of my fool, a bruised ego. In a society where roommates are killing roommates, husbands are offing wives, and women are being kidnapped in broad daylight from Target stores, it’s hard to trust anybody and assume their intentions are harmless. At 2 a.m., you might just want my number, but I might think you want my life. Therefore, brothers of all backgrounds, please refrain from thinking with your junk and think with your heads next time you believe that the nighttime is the right time to get your mack on.

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  • Bannef

    Anyone saying it matters what you’re wearing is absurd. I distinctly remember being followed home from a guy while walking back from the library at 11:30 pm, and I promise the clothes I study in aren’t even particularly flattering, never mind attractive. It made for a funny story afterwards (he was pretty drunk, and his parting line after stopping in front of my apartment and hearing that I had roommates was “Oh, so it’s like a no guys allowed thing?”) but at the time I was terrified.

  • Ohmygod

    That a delusional statement. I hope you realize some men actually are attracted to the tomboy type?

  • Machelle Kwan

    I don’t go out at night, but I often have to walk alone in the daytime. I always carry a knife and I stay aware of my surroundings. A woman alone has got to look out for herself.

  • Machelle Kwan

    It’s dangerous out here for a lady especially at night. And the sad part is it’s black men i’m always suspicious of the most. If I can’t get something done before nightfall, it just aint happening. A lady shouldn’t be out at night alone unless it’s important like coming from work and even then she better be strapped and alert.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    I remember it was night time, and this guy followed me up my driveway. And I do not have motion sensor lights on the side of my house. He had the audacity to come on my property. With the strings of kidnapping,rape and mass shootings I can’t take that chance.

  • Souly

    Yeah, sorry I don’t walk the streets alone that late at night. If I’m going somewhere and coming home late i’m driving or getting a ride. If I don’t have those options I simply don’t go out. Sucks to have to limit yourself like that as a single woman but it’s better than putting yourself in danger right?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

    i am glad you called him to task! he should be aware of the violence that men commit against women and realized that chasing a woman is not right(especially at 12 am!). matter of fact,he should have simply went about his business because you didn’t even give him any cue that you were attracted to him to begin with. lastly,i believe that he was up to no good;he had to have seen you looking anxiously around yet he didn’t make himself known to you? you sound like a fighter so i believe that’s why he didn’t attempt to rape you. effing creepy,sick puck.

  • WhoMe

    Glad you were ok but take a cab home if you can.

    • Jenni

      Do you realize flagging a random cab is as safe as riding home in a strange man’s car?

  • thegoodluckpig

    After reading this I had the same reaction as some of the lower rated commentators. Why would you take the 7 minute walk alone at night? Let me backtrack by saying you have every right to do what you so, but part of being a woman is understanding the risks that exist living in NYC (whether or not it SHOULD exist is a different convo.) I for my part have come home to the South Bronx after midnight on a few occasions. I’ve never been accosted on my way home because I take steps to prevent it. I’ve been called overly paranoid and maybe I am but if I’m getting off the 4 train after 1AM, I’m taking a cab the 5 blocks to my home or I’m calling someone to pick me up from one of the few 24 hour stores in my neighborhood.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

      you don’t get it. being drunk and diving a car is “taking a risk”. walking home is not “taking a risk”,sweetheart. the problem isn’t women walkng home,at night,it’s the men who are raping the women that are the problem.

      • thegoodluckpig

        uh, thanks sweetheart? I think I acknowledged that in the post or tried to anyway. I don’t want to start a convo about victim blame that’s not the point of the initial post or my comment. I do however stick by what I wrote; anyone man, woman, etc walking through a neighborhood like mine at 4AM is taking a calculated risk. Everyday we leave ourselves susceptible to rape, robbery etc. NYC is a crazy place and if a cab helps me feel a little safer that’s what I’ll do.

      • Nehemiah53

        Your comment is just plain stupid, very unwise and childish. If you were
        wise and know predatory men are out there why would you walk alone at night in a
        dangerous place.

        • Kayo

          Only a naive man or woman would make a comment such as yours. A woman is at risk of being raped no matter where she is. Just because a woman decides to walk alone at night, it doesn’t mean she is ‘plain stupid, very unwise and childish’. It makes YOU unwise, stupid and childish to believe that the problem is women walking alone at night and not that there are men who do bad things to women.

          • Nehemiah53

            All I am saying is just because you are a women and you got your right to do what ever you want to do when you want to do that doesn’t exempt you from
            using GOOD COMMON SENSE!

            • Kayo

              ‘Good common sense’ would be telling men not to follow women and/or commit crimes against us.

              • Nehemiah53

                Again you are right on that point but I want my sisters and nieces to be wise and protect them selves by using what god put between there ears and use good common sense because everybody know there are bad men and women out there preying on unsuspecting women and men. Kayo think about it there are more males than females by far getting kill. Now think about this all them bad men out there was taught by a women first, think
                about that.

                • Kayo

                  There are more men being killed than women?

                  Men who do bad things were taught by women?

                  There is nothing to think about as those two statements are idiotic.

                  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

                    my word…@nehemiah53.

                  • Nehemiah53

                    Kayo you are angry, mad and in need of counsel.

                    Counseling-professional guidance in resolving personal conflicts
                    and emotional problems

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

          you live in fear. i won’t.

  • asiam

    Or how bout u walkin to ya bldg peep dude standing by the door…you know he dont live cause…but you gotta get in…so what do you do??? its late so i can’t turn around like “oh i forgot something” so i go in my bldg look behind me and dude actually didn’t follow i get in the elevator then i notice i didn’t hear the front door close…lo and behold dude opens the elevator door…like on some sneaky ish…my heart was pounding…i press my fl, he press some random fl…i get off walkin along…yo dude gets off too??!!! im like WTF…so i slow down hesitated and kept giving him the “look” im praying inside…then i act like i can’t find my keys and start knocking on my door….then he suddenly realized he was on the wrong fl and says to me” oh my bad im on the wrong fl sorry bout that have a good night beautiful”……..creeeeeepppppyyyyy!!!!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

      quick thinking with knocking on your door! that’s sad that we women have to be on alert beause of evil men.

  • Nika

    Not all ladies who walk the streets after 12 is coming from a party. You have some women who have to work late like that to make ends meet. An adult does what they have to do to take care of business. But it still doesn’t matter if the women is out partying or simply working, it does not give a male or female the right to approach her from out of nowhere. Actions like that will get you hurt or even killed depending on the person. They just haven’t tried to approach the right one at night like that yet.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mssunshine.carter Mssunshine Carter

    stop walking home alone dummy,you asking for trouble,next time you may not be so lucky

    • sweettea

      When I was 19 I had a a job from 3 pm to11 pm and took a train and a bus to get home by 1 am. needing to work to survive isn’t optional for everybodyand my risk for attack was the same as the authors even though I wasnt out having fun

    • Kate

      Ok then, dummy. Lets make a promise. If you pay my bills and buy me a car. then I won’t walk home alone after my 3-11pm job. Deal? No?… Didnt think so.

      Maybe you should stop with the victim blaming.

  • bahamianempress99

    THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! I have been saying this for so long…in fact I had to say it to some fools last night who lined the street to my doorstep and accused me of looking at them like they were rapists. At 4 am everyone does fool! It’s gotten to the point where I tell dudes on the street “I don’t have a name after a certain hour of the night.” I actually had to call the police on two guys who tried to holla at me on my way home, partially cause I felt cornered, partially cuz they couldn’t take a hint, and partially because one dudes pants were undone. So glad I moved! But the same shenanigans still occur…

  • Kayo

    I’ve lost count the number of times men/boys have followed me to try and talk to me. It’s the reason why several years ago I started carrying mace. Men will almost do anything to talk to a women, no matter how creepy it makes them appear.

    • Machelle Kwan

      Dress sorta tomboyish when you’re out alone. You won’t catch any nice guys who aren’t trying to hurt you, but you won’t get hassled either.

      • Kayo

        Dressing sort of tomboyish won’t do anything. My style now is androgynous and it doesn’t matter what a woman wears. I’ve had men bother me whether I was wearing a winter hat and coat or shorts and a tee shirt. I’ve even had guys hassle me at 6:30 in the morning.

  • fitnessforlife

    Oh, hell. A man old enough to be my great-grandfather called himself ‘being interested’ in me, today. Scurry sh… He had the nerve to be toothless. And I don’t like the fact that, just the other day, another man approached me at a coffee shop clear across town and these two both go to the same effin church.

    The world ain’t that d*mn small. I’m on high alert! A lot of these men out here are dirty, disgusting, psychopathic sociopaths.

    My whole intuition and instinct shook me so hard today. I know something sinister is going on here.

    I praying, even harder, for discernment, protection, covering, foresight, insight, whit and wisdom.

  • Nicole

    You didn’t have no business out by yourself anyway being a woman in this crazy world. I’m 18 & I don’t even walk the streets at no damn 12 am by yourself unless you strapped!

    • http://www.facebook.com/mssunshine.carter Mssunshine Carter

      thAnk you nicole SHE IS CRZY A HELL

      • Nehemiah53

        You and nicole are smart and wise women however stupid women [the ones who click on the down arrow below you'll comments] think you’ll are crzy, just think about how twisted things have become!

    • Guest

      Hey i was wondering why i had to get to the last commenter to read that. Why am i out walking by myself at an ungodly hour? Not once either?

      • Nehemiah53

        The reason you had to wait to the last to read wisdom is because people have become stupid they don’t think wisely because someone told them they had some rights to walk alone in a dangerous places at night and no harm will come to them because they are women and it’s there right.

    • Nehemiah53

      She walk alone after 12:30AM at nithe because they told her she have the right to because she is a women!

      • Nicole

        Not safe. Regardless she shouldn’t be alone walking. Parents teach that just like don’t get in cars with strangers.

        • Nehemiah53

          Nicole you are a smart and wise women, the women right movement was justified however unfortunately in some way it made women stupid in other words it gave women the ideal that they are free to do what they want without regards to there personal safety first because the law said they have the right too which is plain stupid, the women rights movement dupe women into thinking just because the law said you have the right to walk alone at night by yourselves, go drinking get drunk with men you don’t know, no mean no and he suppose to stop, and no harm will come to them because they are a women and have the right to, they do not considering the law want protect you against predators or the lawless because the police only come after you have been violated then you are hurt that’s when the police come and try and find the prep and lock him up but you are still hurt looking and feeling stupid!

        • Kayo

          Do you tell men they shouldn’t be walking alone at night?