On Sunday, at the People of Freedom party meeting in Rome, Italy’s prime minister advised pretty young women to find a rich man to marry. Silvio Berlusconi, known as the dirty old uncle of the world, said it’s a little harder to make happen, but men should aspire to be gold diggers too. Imagine Obama trying to fix the world and our doling out wacky advice for our relationships too?!
Don’t lie. Someone, at some time in your life, has told you to marry for money. And you thought about it for a minute…
I could open a boutique,
I could have long lunches and spa days,
I could go back to school,
I could travel on a Tuesday and not worry about going to work next week,
I could help out my friends and family…
This is what goes through the minds of women—and men—who marry for money. They immediately see dollar signs and luxury. But is it always worth it? It depends on what you want out of life and, let’s be honest, what you are willing to put up with. Marrying someone with money means you’ll have money, but you’ll also still have to manage life.
We’re all grown, Mesdames, so let’s get to the nitty gritty. The fairytale of getting a guy who is everything is not happening. I’m not jaded, just being realistic. If you marry someone for money, there’s usually an exchange. No, he’s not going to be rich and fine and around your age and want kids and a great communicator and home all the time and faithful. You’re going to have to be with a 54-year-old (nothing against those who are 54, of course) who has already had his kids and is not interested in changing diapers. Or he’ll be an executive who can take you on trips around the world, but you’ll never see him because he’ll be in meetings. Or he’ll be rich, and want a family and be faithful, but he’s a dud with no personality, no romance, no conversation, and wants you to wear flat shoes only because he’s 5’3 (no offense meant to short guys).
Can you handle all of that? Then, I’d say go for it.
We know that money doesn’t solve all problems. If you’re an angry woman you’ll still be angry; if you’re the jealous type, you’ll still be green most of the time – just, this time, with even more green in your pocket. If you’re depressed, too short, too tall, don’t get along with your mama, wish you had more girlfriends, or need some focus in your life, dollars are not going to solve those issues. But yes, they may just help you decide how to make the steps to get your ish together. Agreed?
The book “Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped into the Romantic Dream — and How They’re Paying for It,” was written by two fortysomething professionals who want to tell younger women some home truths about the postfeminist dream. One is Daniela Drake, a doctor with an MBA, and the other an Emmy-winning television producer, Elizabeth Ford.
The marry-money idea will always strike a cord with us modern women because it seems backwards, but some women are finding it’s just what is necessary right now. Given the current working culture, women are rarely able to earn as much as men — especially after children. And should their marriage end in divorce–about 50% of them do–it’s also a fact that women rarely bounce back, either professionally or financially, as easily as men. The female divorcée, is unlikely to spring back romantically either, unless she is some kind of a Heidi Klum version of a thirtysomething.
So is marrying money the solution? Is it really emotionally satisfying? As much as it can buy, money, as they say, won’t cuddle with you at night. Marriage is exhausting enough with someone you love — imagine doing it with someone you don’t.
The freedom to love who you want shouldn’t mean you have to sacrifice financial security, but just make sure you are fulfilled, Mesdames.