An Open Letter To Women Who “Baby Talk”
Dear Baby-Voiced Women,
I just have one simple question for you all, why do you do what you do? Truly, what is the point of speaking in a voice that could not feasibly belong to a woman of your age? Is it to feign innocence, to solicit sympathy and compassion or has it just become a subconscious habit at this point? What is going on? You may think this is endearing but in reality, this baby-voice is one of the most infuriating things in the world, second only to a small child incessantly, kicking the back of your seat on the airplane. And like the bothersome child on the plane, I will give you the death face.
Not too long ago, I was friends with a girl who would sporadically start speaking Infantish. One day, having heard this high pitched, whiny, sickeningly sweet voice more times than I cared to remember, I asked her, “Why do you speak like that?” And you know, she didn’t have an answer. Paying close attention to the times she’d used it, I assumed she employed the baby voice to illicit some type of sympathy or even pity for her and the situation she was trying to convey. But it just didn’t work. In fact, it had the opposite effect. It was so annoying I couldn’t concentrate on anything she had to say. Lucky for me and our friendship, after I questioned her, I never heard the baby voice again.
Have you ever noticed this baby voice phenomenon is a trait employed solely by women? (And Baby Voice Darius from Awkward Black Girl doesn’t count because he just whispers.) I’ve never seen men pretending to be child-like…not intentionally anyway. But with women? It’s all the rage. Think about it. How many times have you seen women dressed in school-girl uniforms, women posing in with their index finger in the corner of their mouths, pretending to be helpless? Remember the child model Thylane Lena-Rose Blondeau, who was photographed topless? She was 10 years old at the time, in full makeup on the pages of Vogue and other publications. Everyone from her parents, the photographers, the editorial teams etc. found no fault with a little girl posing in adult clothes or in various stages of undress. Why is this okay? Why is this little girl, though undeniably beautiful, someone we’re putting in the pages of adult magazines…for adults to read? With spreads like this, is it really such a drastic leap to wonder why child pornography is so prevalent on the internet?
You probably didn’t expect me to go to that very sobering, very real place. But it’s the truth. I can’t help but think the baby voice is an attempt at tapping into what society tells us men like, young. Very young, pedophilic young. Thing is if you’re speaking in baby voice, trying to be appealing to men or charming to women, think about the type of man who would be attracted to that mess and the fact that you’re annoying the hell out of everyone else.
Yours in annoyance,
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