Despite my earnest efforts to try to help Oprah save her fledgling network, she is still hell bent on doing it her way – mainly by interviewing us to death.
And who can blame her? Oprah’s signature program, “Oprah’s Next Chapter,” has produced the second highest viewership in the short lived network’s history. Yet as the viewership numbers appears to be looking up for O, Oprah might be running out of A-listers willing to appear on the show and it looks like she is scrounging through the bottom of the barrel looking for quality interviews. It has also been reported that she has even considered getting OJ Simpson on her show so that she can get him to confess to the 1992 murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. I guess there is nothing like circling the drain of failure to force you to go back on your very public vow to never have OJ on as a guest.
Nevertheless, since Oprah insists on doing things her way, I’m still willing to help a sister out. What can I say? Oprah is my shero. Therefore, as a hard and fast stan, who wants to see her succeed, I have put on my thinking cap and came up with a list of five people Oprah should consider interviewing for her next chapter:
What Will Make Her a Good Guest: Seriously this woman is screaming for a sit down, tell all (and I mean ALL) interview. There is no more intriguing person right now in my mind than Lil Kim. Not only was she the pioneer in the smut rap genre, her rise to fame crosses all sorts of intersections between race and gender and sexuality. She even had good Christian girls walking around, talking about, I used to be scared of the d**k, now I throw lips to the s**t, handle it like a real b****h… Heck, I bet after reading this, about a dozen people went straight to YouTube to pull up her entire archive of music.
What Oprah Should Ask Her: Listen, there is no need to beat around the bush. Just go right in and ask her, “What the hell happened to your face?” Maybe not in that manner, but you get what I’m saying. Then you can talk about what’s holding her back from a comeback; her beef with Minaj; her time in prison and her relationship with Biggie Smalls. But most importantly talk about her face. Heck make it a two-part special. After Oprah gets down to exposing all the pathology behind her…er…transformation into a Puerto Rican cat, she can then hand the reigns over to Iyanla Vanzant, who can lay hands on her, do some chanting and help Kim find her inner peace. On a more serious note: body dysmorphic disorder is a very real thing, even in the African American community. And with so many folks of darker hues doing all sorts of craziness like skin bleaching to appear lighter, that interview could help lots of folks work through some of the same sort of self-esteem issues we’ve seen on full display with Kim.