You Know That’s Annoying, Right? 6 Things You’ve Got to Stop Saying to Your Single Friends

August 21, 2012  |  
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Aaahhh friends and family. Though deep down you know they have your best interests at heart, sometimes they say some of the most unintentionally hurtful things ever. This is certainly the case when it comes to your romantic relationships… or lack thereof. Even though your network found major flaws in your last five boyfriends, they certainly don’t want to see you single either and they’re going to make that very well known… to your face. Just like somebody telling you you’ve gained weight, throwing your singleness in your face can be a potentially sensitive subject and usually something you’re well aware of. Here are the things we single girls wish you would stop asking, saying or suggesting.

Why Don’t You have a Boyfriend?

I still consider myself to be relatively young; but apparently when it comes to some of my older and sometimes younger, (like teenaged), family members, my catch-a-man shelf life is rapidly expiring. Now, in their defense sometimes this question is asked out of general bewilderment; but other times, they say it like I’m some type of freak of nature. I guess my kinfolk have some type uterine hearing capabilities I just didn’t inherit.

*Sad face* Are you Happy?

Thank you for your concern. But the really scary thing would be walking around in a perpetual funk because I don’t have a man. Now, we all want to give and receive love; but not having a boyfriend, boo, husband or significant other at any given moment is not reason to break down. This question suggests that I can’t achieve true happiness or at least contentment on my own. If I’m mentally and emotionally stable, that’s just not true.

You just have to put yourself out there…

This is another well-meaning comment that is frustrating as hell when it pops up, unsolicited. Now, if I’ve asked you how I can meet somebody then cool, thanks for the advice. If I haven’t, and I’m not a certifiable hermit, I’m not trying to hear this.

Maybe you’re just too (insert man-repelling adjective here)

While we could all stand to learn and grow, this type of comment makes it seem like the person is fundamentally unattractive to the opposite sex. Regardless of whether the statement is true or not, is of no consequence. Unless you’re having an in depth conversation about someone’s flaws and how he or she can improve themselves, and not just to get a man, this is probably going to hurt feelings.

I know somebody…

Eeek! The funny thing is, it never occurs to people that one, especially if that one is a woman, would consciously choose to be single. So our friends, the ordained matchmakers, feel it is their appointed duty to set up potential love connections. When I get desperate enough to the point where I can admit I need a bit of assistance, I’ll let you know, promise.

You’re not getting any younger…

*In my Ben Stein, Clear Eyes voice* Yes, thank you I understand how aging works. Ever since the day I was born, I’ve spent every day of my life slowly dying. I needed that burst of optimism. (End scene.) There’s no need to state the obvious, love or even worse try to scare me into procreating with the first man with a moderate to high level sperm count. Things happen when they’re supposed to happen. Relax your mind.

All my single ladies, (no Beyoncé) what are some questions or comments do you get tired of hearing from your friends and family members?

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  • Bee

    “You’re too intimidating”
    “If youre not in a serious relationship within 4 years don’t come home”
    “Change your standards”

  • Nicole

    I have to say, these were ALL spot on! The one I especially dislike is how family and friends try to set you up with a guy. I’m sorry, but your taste in men is MUCH different than mine and you have absolutely NO idea what attracts me to a guy. It’s very uncomfortable being introduced to a guy who knows they’re trying to set you up with him and he does nothing for you, romantically speaking. It’s like I’m suddenly put on the spot, having to crush a guy’s ego, just because you couldn’t leave well enough alone and let me make my OWN choices. When I come across a guy I’m interested in, you can rest assured I’ll make my own moves in my own time, thank you.

  • one fine day

    relationships are over rated right about now. Especially during this ” BIG EGO ERA” & “everyone wants to Date a str!pper Era ” . Everyone too stuck on self.

  • CarlaKah

    OHHH MMM GGGG Yes why the H do they say that? Most of the ones who say that didn’t find their man by sitting around??

  • CarlaKah

    “If you would cook and clean more, your last boyfriend would’ve been happier”.

    “You should act more “black” and less “educated”.

    “You should try wearing heels and make up every day for like, uh, a month. I bet good men will be trying to marry you then”.

    “A man that wants a wife, wants someone that is less busy then you. Try going to church”.

    Oeh and my favorite: “Maybe you’re just to outspoken and artistic. I don’t know a man that likes women for their intelligence”

    Funny how so many of these “preachers” are with same abuser for years. STFD I do not want your life boo-boo.

    • Oh god, I have been there, and heard so many of the same lines you just mentioned. And people have told me to stay with abusers as well. It’s like sorry, but if a man can’t love me for my intelligence, artistic ability and just me in general, then he’s not the man for me. And the people that constantly suggest staying dressed up or focusing work on cooking, cleaning and the like, I don’t know any women that get into a relationship wanting to be barbies or their SOs mommy replacement.

  • Kayo

    I think too many people assume all women want to be in relationships. I also think one thing that many people do not even consider is that some people, for emotional reasons do not desires relationships.

    • CarlaKah


  • random

    “what happen to so-so?” He would’ve made a great husband(yeah right so-so was a liar,cheater or insert any negative adjective to describe opposite of good husband). “What are you waiting for? Insert family member needs you to get married to a doctor or lawyer and take care of family member”

    • CarlaKah


  • RandomTandem

    “When are you going to have kids” this comes out of their mouths in between “GO SIT DOWNS!” and “AY! STOP FIGHTING”…..and my question is, do they want me to have kids because misery loves company? Nothing about their parenthood makes me want to drop everything and be down with THAT! if anything, the more time I spend around kids the LESS I want them! Though I do love small cuddly babies, they grow into loud annoying kids! And I need to know why my family keeps trying to inflict that life upon me!

    I like my freedom! I like being able to get up and go where i want to go when i please without having to pay someone to watch my kids or take them with me! I also like being able to sleep longer without A) having to wake up in the middle of the night and B) without having to get up extra early to drop my kids of at day care/the baby sitter before I go to work!

    I also like my money! I like bags and shoes much more than I like diapers and formula, so get out my face! when i want to deal with babies i just borrow theirs lol

    • RandomTandem

      I havent met ONE married couple yet that makes me say OOH I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE. Marriage makes me want to run for the hills. Im good. lol

      • CarlaKah

        I’ve met one. And only one couple. I’m 26. And no it ain’t my parents or grandparents for that matter…

  • Nicole

    I hate this one…I’m so glad I’ve found “insert name” He’s perfect. I feel bad for the women in this day in age it’s so hard to find a good man..Thanks for the positive reinforcement.

    • CarlaKah

      I always ask if “insert name” has a brother or cousin. If you feel sorry for me you won’t mind me being his sister in law right 😉

  • Ashe

    I’ve gotten the “Why don’t you have a husband and kids by now.” And I am so tired of it. So I just told last person who asked me that “I keep forgetting to pick them up at the “husband and kids store” on the way home.” I mean really, its not that simple. Some of us are single by choice and really want to wait for something meaningful that will last. I don’t need a man just to walk around and say I have one. Just because you are not in a relationship does not mean you don’t have a fulfilling life.

  • Kisses

    “You don’t need a man, they’re all dogs anyway”….normally coming from the chronically single auntie with even more chronically single daughters!

    • CarlaKah

      I know right can we break that cycle, by being positive up in this B?

  • Jolene

    Some of those females in relationships, especially the ones in fake or destructive relationships do not need to tell those things to their female friends or acquaintances if they are not looking to get thrown snap backs at them.

  • Jolene

    Some of those females in relationships, especially the ones in fake or destructive relationships do not need to tell those things to their female friends or acquaintances if they are not looking to get thrown snap backs at them. Leave it up to single women for them to decide.

  • UmOk

    Oh so its not just me??? Whew!!! I can relate to all of this…

  • sabrina

    “We need to find you a man!”

    you and i both know you’re not going to take it upon yourself to actively go out into the world and find the perfect man for me, so let’s just stop right there sweetheart. just because you finally got into a relationship doesn’t mean i immediately need (or even want!) to get into one too.

    • UmOk

      ^^^^^^Girl yes! Hate that one too.