Let’s Be Real Here, How Many Baby Showers Does One Mother Need?

August 21st, 2012 - By Brande Victorian

Watching “R&B Divas” last night (great show by the way), there were a lot of deep issues to pick apart but one of the lighter things that stuck out to me was the fact that six babies in, Keke Wyatt’s friends were throwing a baby shower for her. Where they do that at?

Immediately, I wondered if Keke knew how lucky she was (and where her hand-me-downs were from her other five kids) as my mind drifted back to a discussion I’d recently had with my coworkers about baby showers and the subsequent gift-giving that is required every time one of your family members, friends, or even distant associates decides to bring life into the world. When all was said and done, our consensus was that every mother is allotted one baby shower — two at the most if you have a child of a different sex somewhere down the line. It would seem, though, that we’re in the minority on that.

Just this summer, an old friend/acquaintance of mine was having a baby shower and did a Facebook tag letting me know I was invited. Initially, I thought, “aww this will be fun, let me think of what to get her.” As the days dragged on, right up until the morning of the shower, I’d talked myself all the way out of that pseudo-obligation. For one, she was on baby numero tres and had already had one of each sex — within four years. What could she possibly need besides some new onesies, diapers, and bottle nipples? With all the people tagged in that generic post, she would be fine. Second, I was in the midst of moving and knew I could find could use for the dollars I’d spend on her gift to finance my relocation. After all, I wasn’t having a going away or house warming party because, like her, this wasn’t my first time doing this. There was also the issue of a Facebook invite that made me feel less obligated to attend. I can admit I was a tad lazy and a bit selfish in my reasoning, but is it not a smidge self-centered to also expect people to shower you with presents every single time a single, perseverant sperm meets your egg?

Ironically, this weekend I came across the episode of “Sex & The City” when Carrie protested single women’s rights to shoes in light of the exorbitant amount of money she spent buying presents for her friend’s children only to be criticized for spending a pretty penny on herself. It’s true, when you are single and childless, you have a tendency to feel (and be treated) like Santa Claus all the freaking time. If it’s not a baby shower, a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, a wedding, or a christening, mother’s day and father’s day are sure to be around the corner. Even if you are your only financial obligation, doling out cash for these events every time they roll around can be taxing on one’s wallets. I won’t even get into the issue with people putting all of the expensive items on their registries, but when you start trying to double and triple up on these types of things, let’s just say you should be well-prepared to expect fewer and fewer RSVPs each time around.

And essentially, that’s all the person on the receiving end of such invites can do –not go. You can’t stop someone from wanting to celebrate their sixth baby or their third marriage, you can however suggest they check their attics and basements for the boxes of gifts they got the first time around and tell them to make it do what it do. Of course, they may be slightly offended if you aren’t the first person to arrive with the biggest gift-wrapped box in the room and the brightest bow on top, but there are plenty other ways you can show support for these monumental times without breaking your bank. Who wouldn’t want a babysitter, or someone to help them put together furniture, or re-decorate the nursery, or re-baby proof the house? Time, I have no issue giving; I’m just not trying to be one of the three wise men who comes bearing gifts every time the sun comes up. Making it rain may be a hot catch phrase for people with endless ends, but as far as I’m concerned you’re only allowed to be showered once per every major event in your life, you better get all that you can get out of me the first go-round.

What’s your stance on multiple baby showers, and even bridal showers and wedding gifts for divorcees?

Brande Victorian is the news and operations editor for madamenoire.com. Follow her on twitter @Be_Vic.

More on Madame Noire!

Tags:

, , , , , ,
More from StyleBlazer
More from MommyNoire

Comment Disclaimer

Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN

  • Redd

    Amen!!! I was just saying the same thing about this selfish chick I know who was pregnant with twins (boy and girl) but insisted on throwing her own baby shower for herself when she already has a 2 yr old girl and a 4 yr old boy . 3 baby showers in 4 yrs??? Seriously I declined the last one. Don’t expect gifts every time u get knocked up.

  • Tracey Urban

    I know someone who had 4 baby showers. I told my husband this is ridiculous. Then she had the nerve to get mad because we were only going to attend one. Hefer lucky she got anything!!! When I was pregnant with my little girl I didn’t even want to have one. I wanted the gift of sleep…but I did appreciate the presents. :-)

  • Anon

    One baby shower for the first child and that is it. Anything more is just tacky.

  • Guest360

    I think after 2 or 3, you’re done. Especially if you’re having babies of the same sex. A baby shower is supposed to be where friends and family come together to help two people get on the right foot for impeding parenthood. It is NOT supposed to be about you getting the newest and most expensive things for your baby for free and I resent the people in my circle trying to make it so. If you need a little help, I’m all for you having a baby shower, even if you’re on kid 5. However, don’t expect to get that diaper warmer or the stroller that puts itself together. I’ll buy you a pack of diapers and keep it moving. You want the good stuff, you come out of pocket and do it yourself. I hate when “friends” look at you sideways just because you didn’t get them the most expensive thing on their list. That’s not what a baby shower is for.

  • Miss D

    One or two. I think it’s selfish to expect your family and friends to buy you new things every time you have a child. Nothing wrong with hand me downs – an infant/toddler could care less where his clothes come from.

  • Hehe

    I thought baby showers was not only about the gift but celebrating a new life coming into the world?

  • redfingerpaint

    Usually it’s when the sex of the baby changes from previous or if there is a large gap between two children. At the end of the day, the mother can have as many as she wants, it doesn’t mean you have to attend.

  • Eliza J.

    A few years back a friend of mine was having her second baby and I told my mom that I was on the way to her baby shower. She was like “what, she already had one, that’s tacky.” She was raised with the notion that a mom gets one; any child after the first one, the parents should be prepared for. I know that I have attended more than a few for second and third children and it gets old. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for years so maybe it’s a sore spot in that way too. I think if the friends want to throw you one then fine but I don’t think you should throw more than one for yourself. Even if the baby is a different sex; they can still use the same basic stuff.

  • Hillari

    Uh, the toys, clothes, etc., that mama received at the first baby shower can be recycled and used for the second child, third child, and so on. One shower is enough; I’m not shelling out money for each kid that comes along.

  • Mia

    I’m okay with one shower every 5 years or more. Not annually. I’m having my second baby shower next month, but my my children will be 14 years apart! There are things around that were not even invented my first time around! The only thing I have from my first born are pictures! So, I’m on my second one, and I’m looking forward to it! I would not, however, have third.

  • Ms_Mara

    I say go for it. Let that new baby have some shine and get some new gear! lol Hand me downs are cool and practical, but I don’t see anything wrong with a new baby getting new things. Celebrate that new life! Now, multiple bridal/wedding gifts for the same person, that’s a different story. All they get is a smile and a “Congratulations!”. :D

  • Pala

    One and done! I agree. I’ve spent SO much money on baby showers for women who had more than one child. Then there was the engagement gift, bridal shower, and the wedding. It was really out of control. I even went as far as to tell my godsister, “If you can’t afford the child, why have another one?” She was on her fifth, all who were close in age. I said, “No! I’ve given enough!” We lived on hand-me-downs … all six of us back in the day. I have one son and no one offered to throw me a baby shower. Don’t worry, I didn’t cry me a river. He received more than anyone could give him. This whole idea of gifting every child has gone overboard. When my “one” special day a year came around I didn’t see any of them women dousing me with gifts.

  • kb

    one and done! Esp if it is a person who is married w/a decent income. Baby showers, wedding gifts etc are supposed to be really for young couples who don’t have much, to help them.

  • DeVanneJuiceeJeniceChinn

    i KNOW this is off topic, but Keke and her “husband” O_O i aint seen a “man” like that since Doug Christie!!!!

    • April64baby

      I was thinking similar thoughts. He seems to be very weak and she definitely seems to wear the pants. Although those pants she had on at the shower were quite hateful! Not sure if I’m going to keep watching this one or not.

  • ItTakesAVillage

    I see nothing wrong with it. My husband and I gave most of our baby clothes away to other new parents after our daughter outgrew them. Baby clothes and gear take a real beating (vomit, poop, food), stuff is recalled, and often most carseats, cribs and swings can’t be used after 2 years for safety issues. Would YOU wear something that had been stored in a basement for 3 years? Would you make your newborn? Plus, what’s wrong with celebrating a new life being brought into the world and supporting others? If you don’t want to bring a gift don’t. Also, very rarely does someone throw themselves a shower, it’s usually friends who want to show love.

    • Eliza J.

      Well, you as the parent could also buy your new baby new things yourself. Not trying to be rude it’s just that just because someone doesn’t have a baby shower for the second child doesn’t automatically mean the child must use hand-me-downs. It’s an option but it’s not the only one. I agree that if your friends want to throw you one then that’s their business (but even then, they usually invite other people in your life who were also probably invited to the first one). I think if parents look at it from other peoples side that these things can get expensive. My husband and I get invited to parties all the time…showers, weddings, housewarmings, baby birthday parties, etc. At a certain point you just get like enough all ready.

  • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

    I agree, whole-heartedly with the author. But it’s 2012, and everyone seems to have this “ME, ME, everybody celebrate ME! Over and over because of course I have to outdo so-and-so” vibe going on in their heads nowadays. Modesty was killed sometime in the 80′s and overindulgence was born. I’d love to blame reality shows and facebook but honestly it really started before they came along (although they added a gallon of kerosene to the fire).
    I know the episode of SATC being referred to and loved that one. I’m a mother yet I found myself riding with Carrie on that one. I’m certainly not knocking celebrating yourself and your acheivements or milestones but there is such a thing as overkill, people.

  • Trisha_B

    I agree w/ the 2 showers if one’s a boy & ones a girl. But if there is a big gap between two boys or two girls, then i’ll probably understand having a baby shower. B/c your need new clothes & etc. & also, if its friends throwing it then they must not mind buying stuff for the baby. I know some mothers who say they don’t want baby showers but their friends throw them one anyway

  • Charla

    I agree with 2 showers at the most if you are having a different sex. An acquaintance had a shower a few weeks ago for a baby boy even though she already has a 2 year old boy. We aren’t close so I didn’t feel obligated to go, but I did wonder why she needed another one in such a close amount of time of her first child given that they are the same sex.

  • MLS2698

    I’m sorry, but I don’t like baby showers at all. I’ll give a gift, but I don’t want to play the games and all that other stuff. And the guys at the shower……..seriously, what kind of men are they? And, why did they have the shower outside, when the inside decor was much nicer?