4 Things To Do BEFORE You Check That Chick Who Just Wrote On Your Man’s Facebook Wall

August 20, 2012  |  

From Your Tango

By Jen Kirsch

We’ve all been there: you’re having a great day until you log on to Facebook and see that some girl—that you may or may not know—has written on your boyfriend’s wall or liked his status … again. Whether or not she’s a threat isn’t as important as how you deal with it.

Here is a step-by-step guide on how to react, deal with the emotions you’re feeling and how to approach your significant other without looking (or being labeled as) a “crazy paranoid” girlfriend.

Step 1: Don’t act impulsively. When we see something that hurts us in some way, we often want to mark our territory, and the ideas that come to mind in the heat of the moment are usually one’s we would never think of if we weren’t worked up. The same goes for writing passive-aggressive status updates (you know the kind: lyrics and quotes that are clearly referring to this situation). Therefore, don’t click “like” or make a catty comment on this girl’s wall post on your boyfriend’s page. Just because it’s easy to respond right away doesn’t mean you should. Don’t feel and type. Instead, allow some time to pass, because if you make a scene, you’ll end up looking bad, not her. Remember, whatever happens on the interwebs is there to stay. People get instantly alerted of your comments and posts, and try-as-you-might to not look jealous or paranoid, people tend to see through things. So no passive-aggressive status updates, k?

Step 2: Pinpoint the real issue. I get it, the last thing we want is some random all up in our significant other’s grill, but instead of getting all wrapped up in the who, what, where, why, when and how of it all, check in with yourself to see what the real issue is here. Do you think your partner is cheating? Do you not trust him? Is this girl a smokeshow and you’re jealous of her looks? Do you think he’s keeping something from you? If you can pinpoint the real cause of your negative emotions, you can deal with them. Let’s be real here, girly: when we get upset, it’s about stuff that we’re going through and not about the actual trigger. To make yourself feel better, do things that make you happy. Work out, treat yourself to a blow-out at a blow dry bar or a mani, and perhaps write a gratitude list of five things you’re grateful for. By focusing on the positive, you can see yourself as worthy and not as a victim. What a great way to feel in control, I say!

Check out the next two steps on YourTango.com.

*Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.

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    good advice but recent history has taught me that there is always more than meets the eye to a female who is not a blood relative of your boo that keeps liking/commenting on ALL his status updates, links, photos as well….how you deal with that is an entirely different matter when it happened to me i asked him he said she was a new coworker he had just added and i believed him it was her i felt was upto something so i made his photo my profile picture and cover photo for a while and made sure to make normal comments on each photo or link that she commented on that way when it got to her notifications and she clicks on my name she would get the picture and she did

  • naomi

    Assuming you have good instincts, sometimes you just go with your gut when it comes to these things.
    In one situation with a guy I was dating, this girl would tag him in pictures of herself, and call him her “husband”. I tried to convince myself it was innocent because sometimes I have silly little inside jokes with my guy friends too. I brought it up in passing and he swears up and down she’s just a friend. Initially I believe him. But something just kept telling me I was being lied to, so I pressed the issue.

    Imagine my surprise when I find out he really is her husband. LOL

    • Rayjulian85


      • Meeka

        double wow!!! i did the same with my ex i always felt that something was not right since we were long distance so i started tagging him in my photos and two females sent me messages claiming he was their man when they saw the tags (he was the only mutual friend we had in common) when i asked he denied but as they say there is no smoke without fire so i did some digging of my own and found out the truth that he was a serial long distance dater the three of us were all based in different cities and were all bonafide girlfriends his siblings knew about all three of us but chose to play us along with their brother. He got caught out in a threeway conversation that me and one of the other girlfriends set up.

  • its 2012….get 2 fb pages already…one for family and your S/O and one for everybody else.

  • diggy p.

    Been there, done that…this PSA came just a little bit too late. I was in a long distance relationship with a guy who barely called me and would hang out with the other woman frequently (after I moved), as we all stayed in the same crowd. I was already suspecting something, so when “she” posted “I Love You and Miss You” on his wall, I completely flipped. Especially since he responded “Aww (insert btches name). Not the most rationale way to handle the situation but I also considered her a friend, so I was hurt and bewildered. The guy eventually dumped me because he thought I was a nutcase who flew off of the handle and acted on impulse. I since have matured a lot, but that comes with time. I am no longer even on these social media outlets. They stir up too much drama. I avoid them at all costs.