I’d Rather Be Single Than Deal With…How I Realized I’m My Happiest When Riding Solo

September 5, 2012  |  

Being single seems like the plague to some women. It’s like a disease that is searching for a cure. Normally, that cure is in the form of a man. But sometimes being single is better than being in a relationship. I know it may seem farfetched to some, but hear me out. After some time, I can say that I have recently found joy in my single status.

No, seriously.

I haven’t given up on love and hope that a man, marriage, and a family will come, but I have decided that there are just some things that aren’t worth me handing in my single-girl card for. Nope. Not just yet.

Of course a cheating man is one of those things. And most women, besides the ones on any VH1 reality show, would agree; but I’m referring to the things that are a bit more subtle and less scandalous than my man tipping out on me. These things, although they seem small, make for a bad relationship that usually leave me feeling as if the single life is more attractive.

Within the last two years, I have had a couple of opportunities to be in a relationship; and while they were initially tempting offers I quickly…and sometimes not so quickly…realized that being single was definitely the better option.

Without a bit of hesitation, I can easily say that I would rather be single than be in a relationship that lacks trust. Trust issues, like communication problems, are usually at the root of most troubled relationships. It’s really simple, without trust you have no relationship.

We all know this, but often neglect the notion because we want love; but I’ve learned firsthand that no amount of love can resuscitate a relationship that has been killed by the lack of trust. Being single is much better than dealing with a man I don’t trust or one that doesn’t trust me. It’s a headache that single girls have the luxury of not dealing with.

The lack of trust is something that most would say makes for an unhealthy relationship, but there are other things that often go unnoticed that make a relationship just as bad. One of these things is allowing one or both parties to get too comfortable. I would rather be single than be in a relationship that’s just comfortable.

‘Surviving is not enough’ is one of my mottos in life. To live just to say you’re surviving is not living. I want more. And the same is applicable in relationships. I would prefer being single than being in a relationship that’s just holding on by the threads of comfort. Same routine. Small talk. No excitement. Just comfort. No thanks! Being single is more exciting and less mundane than sticking around in a comfortable relationship.

I would rather be single than be in a relationship that requires me to make compromises that jeopardize my dreams or go against my beliefs. Some men require a lot, others require too much, and some are just unrealistic with their requirements. I’ve dated men who say they support me and my endeavors, however, they only support me when those endeavors don’t interfere with their time. If a relationship requires me to neglect goals simply to satisfy a man, I’d rather be single until I find someone on the same page.

My I’d-rather-be-single list isn’t a ‘fake-me out’ attempt to enjoy the single life or a cover-up of “I-Can’t-Get-A-Man-Syndrome.” Honestly, being single is sometimes more appealing than being in some relationships. I have experienced the nuisances that unhealthy relationships can bring and found that being single has actually been the cure.

I am also the first to admit that most people, especially women, want to be in a relationship at some point in their lives. As people, ultimately, we all need love, and yes, it’s a wonderful thing. But here’s the thing: love is wonderful when it’s the right kind of love, and even then, something so wonderful can become hurtful and draining when it’s not right or based on the right things. Therefore, why put yourself through the ringer to tell be coupled up? Being single, at least until you find the right kind of man and the right kind of respect and love, is much better than being in a relationship when it’s wrong.

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  • Daniel

    There are more single people now because of Facebook, Tinder, Grinder, and on and on and on. It is too easy to find someone else who is single. Being in a healthy relationship takes commitment from both parties, but now a days, everyone is too scare to commit to one another for fear of missing the next “big” thing. The way we use technology, distract us, and we tend to easily forget our goals and aspirations, and we go for our desires.

  • Cameron Ladd

    Being single is my default preference for fulfillment, happiness, and yes, love (there being more than one kind of love). I hope society keeps moving in the direction of not stigmatizing us who are happy without a romantic partner.

  • IHaveNoCats

    I’ve never felt any desire to be in a relationship.
    Being single is another day.

  • Shane

    Funny, women would rather be single because of purely selfish reasons. Men would rather be single because women are so selfish now. As usual you are doing it to yourselves.

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  • Without a doubt, being “healthily alone” is far better than being in a poor relationship. Not enough women believe this, though…and that’s just too bad.
    -Author: The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree

  • Machelle Kwan

    Being single is always better than being in some old crazy relationship that’s full of drama. Quite often I observe women who stay in drama filled situations and endure abuse just to avoid being alone. To me it’s not worth it. I may be without a mate, but I have something that’s more valuable..Peace of Mind.

    • catina

      Yes Lord, you sound exactly like me

  • That’s A Lie Because if being single was true GOD wouldn’t had made Eve to join Adam…what’s the point of just being alone if you want a family?

    • Machelle Kwan

      I don’t think he wants us to be alone, but I don’t think he wants you to end up with the wrong person either. Honey, being desperate has never done a woman any favors. Besides, life doesn’t begin or end with a man. Times have changed and the so called “good man” is just about extinct. There’s nothing wrong with a woman living her life. Because if you’re waiting to find a man before you start living, you might wake up and your whole live has passed you by.

  • maxine

    Being single person is interesting. You observe the ups and downs that many couples go through in relationships. Sometimes, I feel like the third party who narrates their lives for entertainment because its so chaotic and filled with drama, On a serious note, I have been single for a long time and I learned that single girls who are desperate for relationship lack self-morality. Also, they are unable to make a commitment to themselves that they will be able to share their world with someone who they’re compatible with. I’ve been told that I have really high standards in selecting a bf, but I don’t believe in settling for garbage or jerk-offs using their genitalia as a compass. Therefore, I am waiting patiently for my potential “soulmate”, if there is one. I refuse to be one of those desperate girls searching for Mr.Right Now because I am trying to enjoy life as a single female until the time comes for me to share my world with Mr. Right, that if he exist in reality.lol.

  • I wont say that marriage is not for me. Whom ever God sees fit to put in my life as my husband fine. He’ll make sure we find each other, but until then i’m going to enjoy being single.

  • me oh Me

    Preachhhhh. I have huge goals and slacking on climbing the ladder of success to accompany you in your loneliness but you said you support me! I rather be single for now until a man who has great goals comes along I can push him he can push me successful together happily single for now.

  • Ivoirbeauty

    Yup…The older I get the more I am settling into my own and it’s great not to be pressed. I tell you people (women & men) look at me funny when I profess my love of being just where God has me at the moment. It’s very freeing to realize that being single is a GIFT! I am not envious of my married/booed up girlfriends and also it’s made my dates very interesting…I am very relaxed and myself since my realization and it seems like the men don’t seem to know what to do with that, some think it’s a game and others roll with it (guess which type I have been spending my time with??). Anyway I am having a lot of fun and would view anything else as a bother at the moment *shrug*

    • catina

      You said a mouth fulllllllllll I can promise u that. Sound like me word for word.

  • Ave

    i found that trust is generally the strongest pillar of a relationship. i believe comfortability and ‘surviving’ come from boredom and personal stagnation. anyway back to trust, i violated my GF trust by venting to a mutual friend about a bad and embarrassing trip to Houston. needless to say the friend asked her about the trip and she felt betrayed. it wasn’t the fact that i said anything bad about her. it was the fact that i could or have said something(which i didn’t) that just hasn’t surfaced yet which hurt her. the unknown is what hurt the most. it’s been a year and she still holds that over my head.

  • L-Boogie

    This is my permanent motto. Career goals are my only aspirations. Also, Madame Noire yet again my first comment did not show up.

    • Jo

      It did…

  • L-Boogie

    I really like this article. Thisis my permanent motto. Marriage is not in the cards for me.

    • L-Boogie

      Typo: This is….

  • KJS

    I am finding comfort in being single at the moment myself. Less headache, less things to be stressed over, and more time for me. I look forward to a good healthy realtionship one day but for now I am enjoying the single life.

    • catina

      Yes I agree. I love bringing single. Peace of mind

  • OSHH

    Chile being single is better than alot of thangs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!