Mr. and Mrs. Independent: Has Chivalry Been Replaced With Every Man–Or Woman–For Himself?

August 13th, 2012 - By Charing Ball

Researchers from Sweden’s Uppsala University have recently released some rather interesting findings about the rate of shipwreck survival, which gives insight to our long-held beliefs about the state of chivalry in our modern society.

Analyzing the data from 18 maritime disasters involving 15,000 people from more than 30 nationalities, spanning three centuries, researchers sought to determine if the widespread social norm of ‘women and children first’ actually gave women a better chance at survival in maritime disasters. However, what they discovered was that despite the long-held belief, women had a distinct survival disadvantage compared to men. More specifically, the study shows that women survived only 17.8 percent compared to men, who survived 34.5 percent. Ironically, while it is also a commonplace belief that the captain goes down with his ship, this study has revealed that the captain and the crew were 18.7 percent more likely to survive than passengers.  And this all just solidifies why I have no intention of getting on a cruise anytime soon.

However, according to Hank Campbell, writer for Science 2.0 magazine, this study of maritime wrecks reveals just how un-sexist men really are. Campbell writes, “Modern sailors are not knocking women out of the way and getting on lifeboats during today’s shipwrecks because they are less chivalrous, they do it because they are less sexist.”

So the dude who almost knocked me down while trying to enter a door that I was exiting from, only did so because he felt we were equals? Ironically enough, I rarely see this sort of equality happen between two dudes. Hell, if one dude steps on another dude’s sneaker – intentional or accidental – he might catch a beat down. Because you know, that’s a sign of disrespect.

However, nothing about this study or the Science 2.0 column surprises me. It wasn’t that long ago that the cowardly captain of an Italian cruise ship not only abandoned the ship as it sank off of Italy’s coast, but also refused to go back to help save passengers stuck on the sinking ship even after being ordered to.  And how could we forget the father of the year, who “heroically” jumped over a balcony, darted out the theater and into his truck, while his baby mom and their two children fended for themselves against a deranged gunman, begging the question: What would Batman really do?

Yes, I have long suspected that chivalry is a dying tradition. Historically speaking, chivalry was the traditional code of conduct used by those in the knighthood. Over time, its meaning had been expanded to include courteous social gestures given by gentlemen, usually directed at women, such as opening doors and pulling a chair out for a lady. However, these traditions seem to have been abandoned. Collectively it seems that many men folk have taken the “every man for himself” approach to traditional “act-rightness.” Besides pushing past you through a door, I have seen dudes, mostly young men, walk past a woman struggling up some stairs with a stroller without even offering assistance. I have seen men seated comfortably on a bus, not even yield a seat to an elderly woman.  I have even been the recipient of parking spot theft at a mall from some smudge dude, who reckless eyeballed me like I was the one who was taking him to child support court. There is a lot of pent up hostility with the younger guys and it is getting worse from generation to generation.

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  • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

    I also equate chivalry with good manners to match it’s meaning in our time, however, I think that just as much as man is expected to demonstrate good manners, so does a woman. If he opens my car door, when I get into my seat, I am going to reach over and unlock his door (and may even open it while I shout that I am a “gentlelady” :) )

    I appreciate the little things men do to show that they appreciate me. I don’t see it often enough and when I do, I definitely return the “good manners”.

  • Chanda

    There’s still women out there that want to be protected by men because that’s how they were raised and they’e use to it. The problem arises when other women don’t want to be protected and looked after (and getting offended if you even try to) so men will assume most all women feel the same. Guess a man needs to feel that he’s needed before he starts doing things for a woman ’cause not all women are the same or think the same. Seems there’s a very thin line to chivalry. When you let a woman walk ahead of you, you might get a smile and a Thank you or you might get c ussed out!

    • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

      The line is only thin because people (men and women) are not communicating behavioral expectations of their partners. If people say to each other “this is what I need to be successful in a relationship, can you do it?,” it cuts out the confusion.

  • Kayo

    Most men of today, Black men specifically, reserve their chivalry for women who they are attracted to.

  • sabrina

    Listen, I like when men open doors for me and offer their seat to the elderly or pregnant and all of those “chivalrous” acts. I appreciate the men who still do them, regardless of why they do them. Point blank period.

    • Chanda

      Because that’s how they were raised and they already do these acts out of habit. These men are not extinct. As rebellious as I try to be at times, I actually appreciate it too.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jason.f.vorhees Jason Fangz Vorhees

    Great debate in a age when alot of women view certain acts of chivalry as a “soft” character trait.

    • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

      Yes, that is a whole other issue. Either the man is meeting your needs as a woman and is “in tune with your emotions” or he is weak…

      Imma need you to pick one because you CERTAINLY can’t have both.

  • Rastaman

    Not to nitpick but do most women realize that much of what is considered chivalry was born of the era when women were pretty much viewed as property. So along with the idea of men protecting women was the view that they were really safeguarding the value of their possessions. Plus much of what accounted for chivalry by men was usually reserved only for for their kin….in wars and military conflict it was considered a reward for soldiers to rape their enemies women and even capture them as booty.

    Context is very important when we discuss these ideas and yet so many who bemoan the loss of certain “values” always conveniently forget that so many of those values were not that beneficial for those who had no power. i am certain that given the choice between self determination and being viewed as possession most women would choose the former. But if you would rather have a gilded cage then yes chivalry is dead.

  • dontdoit

    Women ARE the weaker sex physically.

    Men are not mind readers so they cannot determined what ideas you subscribe to and which ones you don’t safari as chivalry.

    A woman needs to decide if she wants to be treated as an equal OR as someone who needs protecting. You cannot straddling both.

    Now if you see yourself as equal and a man chooses to do things that are based on chivalry there is nothing wrong with that but at the same time you cannot get mad because he doesn’t.

    • Kayo

      Why can’t a woman be protected and treated as an equal? What exactly consists of protecting a woman anyway?

      • BW1615

        nothing is truly protected and equal…

        • kinismos

          Also because you can’t have it both ways.

  • Eps

    The idea of chivalry is paternalistic. It’s underpinning idea is that women are the weaker sex and thus need the protection and guidance of men. Just think about that for a second.

    • bluekissess

      Weaker as in physically? YES. I wouldn’t mind man protecting me and OUR family. I don’t think any science is needed accept for the fact that men have been more egotistical and selfish. Maybe I’m just blessed to have a dad who would die for me and a lil big brother who would slap the taste out of somebody’s mouth if I were disrespected. So, the statistics may be nice but, how someone was raised and brought up plays a factor as well. Now don’t get me wrong if push came to shove I’ll pop some caps but, I would prefer man to do it

  • Mystique

    My brother won’t give me a dime when i ask him for a loan. He always tells me women are liberated.