An Open Letter to Boob Sweat

August 7th, 2012 - By Veronica Wells

Dear Boob Sweat,

You really are a tricky, little wench aren’t you? For years, I’ve had some good laughs at the women who dared not leave the house with a little powder in their cleavage. I thanked God that I would never be one of them. You weren’t going to catch me out here with an ashy cleavage partly because it looked crazy (read:hood) and also because I really don’t have a cleavage to speak of. Being less endowed in the boob department, the only way I would ever have cleavage would be by pushing my breasts together with my triceps. And who can hold that position for long periods of time? I call the area where my cleavage should be, “the Barren Land.” There’s nothing there but my sternum. So imagine my surprise last week when I found that water, aka perspiration, had come to the barren land. It was you boob sweat! (Cue villain noise here.)

Being that this was our first introduction, I would imagine that you would have made a better first impression. But, (and this is where the story gets gross, clutch your pearls if you must) after I slid my finger down my shirt to wipe you away, I noticed there was a very faint, musty smell that lingered in the air. At first, I couldn’t believe it. Certainly that smell couldn’t have been coming from me. I’d just taken a shower! But a second swipe confirmed my fears. How could this be? How could I have boob sweat when my breasts barely speak to each other? I hit the sink to dab away the sweat and the odor. But as I dabbed, I thought, what does this boob sweat mean for my life? Was I going to become one of the powder ladies I’d made fun of? Would I be able to wear barren-land baring shirts in the summer?

I didn’t come up with a solution until later in the week. I was standing in the bathroom mirror, fresh out the shower. I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out my deodorant/antiperspirant. I applied my customary (and excessive) six swipes to each pit. Just as I was about to recap, I looked down at my antiperspirant and had a brilliant idea, Put some deodorant on the barren land. I literally smiled at my genius. This is just what I needed, the perfect solution. I’d keep you away, boob sweat and since it goes on clear, I’d completely avoid the powder marks. I wore a low cut shirt just to test the theory. And sure enough, when I got to work, there was no sweat and no must. Score!

I’m onto your game boob sweat. I know you thought you could use my mistaken smugness against me, that your sneak attack would get the best of me. I was unprepared and unarmed then. But now that I’m onto your game, I know which weapons to use against your trickery. You may have won the battle; but the war, boob sweat, is all mine.

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  • Kayo

    I don’t know. I am not about to put deodorant on my breasts.

  • Candacey Doris

    I use Summer’s Eve deodorant spray. Works everyplace that may sweat. Even on pantyliners for the days when it’s so hot you sweat everywhere.

  • goal digger

    Issue #1 is american women wear the wrong bra size. I went from a 44H at Lane Bryant to a 34HH. Sure I lost over 100pbs but the main difference is the bras I purchase now allows them to be in seperate cups! I do put paper towels under my breast when I work out but now that is the only time there is sweat in my bra.

  • faithcomes

    I sweat under my boobs. I am trying to come up with a remedy for that.

  • D

    Ammens medicated deodorant powder! It is specially formulated for delicate parts like the breast area. I’ve used it for the first time during this summer, and I don’t EVER want to be without it. No matter how hot it is, it keeps my double DD’s fresh all day long. Must try ladies! ( I use the shower fresh one, but the original works great also)

  • Cisneros T

    Bby butt paste works took and plus it stops u from getting an yeast infection under ur girls

  • KJ23

    THIS ARTICLE WAS GREAT!!!! LOVED IT!!!!

  • fe50nix

    I’ve tried it all; mitchum’s, dove, corn starch, talc, baby powder with cornstarch, even baking soda and there is still boob sweat with that faint stink.

    • KJ23

      Mitchum and Dove are horrible. My friends in college and I used to call Dove Pigeon, that stuff did nothing!!

  • bluekissess

    The next letter is how to conquere inner thigh sweat. The powder theory and the antiperspirant theory doesnt really work for me. Back at square one.

  • mzthang

    I always wonder if there is something in the deodorant that will cause breast cancer…hypochondriac for sure..but I do the powder/baking soda.

    • MLS2698

      I think that was the older deodorants with metallic in them. My grandma used Tussy. 0_o

  • MRSA662

    I’m a well endowed woman so I’ve been doing that for years, wearing deodorant under my boobs. Just one swipe under each side and my boobs are sweat & funk free throughout a hot summer day. Plus my bras don’t get dirty nearly as much as with sweaty boobs. I never liked the powder route because it’s too messy.

  • dd’s probs

    so if deodorant is good for boob sweat will the though of deodorant/antiperspirant being link to breast cancer be in our mind?… im not trying to be a debby downer. IJS

  • Erika

    Yes! Deodorant for boob sweat and arm pits.

  • MLS2698

    Boob sweat- meet corn starch powder with a lilac scent.