“My Girlfriend Did A 180:” Why Men Say Women Totally Change Once In A Relationship

August 10, 2012  |  
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“I miss the way we used to be.” “Where did the woman go that I fell in love with?” “You’ve changed.” These are painful things to hear from your partner, but many women do once a relationship has gotten serious. Have you ever noticed that often just as things are getting great, they fall apart? Just when you thought your love was solidified, it vanished? Well, bad news: it might be your own fault.


The first date
Everybody is on their best behavior on the first date. That’s to be expected. You’re not going to show your odd tendencies around any stranger that you’re hoping to develop a friendship with, work relationship with or romantic relationship with. That’s just being polite. You’re not going to lay it out all on the table on date number one because that would just make you seem abrasive. But, eventually, you have to cross that line…


The first month (or few)

Since women are constantly fed the idea that men are terrified of commitment, and that any man you date is probably dating three other women, we’re already ultra aware that men might fly at the drop of a pin. Or a quirk. So, sometimes we try to be perfect. We don’t want to complain about work, show our insecurities or ever make it seem like we are having any problems. We want to make it seem that our lives are totally together. And that we’re not “a mess” (a term men often derogatorily assign to their exes.)


The first month (or few) continued
You also want a man to feel that he can have space. He wants to have multiple “guys nights” a week? You say, “That’s fine!” He doesn’t want all of your stuff at his place? You say, “I totally get it!” Being aware of all the needy, clingy, overbearing women out there that give our gender a bad name, you overcompensate by trying to be as “cool” about everything as possible.


Finally, the commitment
So, why did you do that all? Why did you bend over backwards and make so many compromises? Because you wanted to get serious with the guy, obviously. And guess what? Now he wants to get serious with you too! Congratulations! Except for one small problem…


You’re a real person
You’re not a Stepford wife with no needs, feelings or wants of her own. All of that stress you have about your work, your family—your own life—that you’ve been hiding from him to keep yourself from being “too much drama,” does exist! And you’ll be headed towards a breakdown if you hold it in forever. It’s simply not sustainable to do.


You don’t want a casual relationship
You’re a girlfriend now! You don’t just want to see the guy two times a week, like you did before. You don’t want to take the backseat to guy’s night. You shouldn’t! You’re entitled to more time with your man because now he’s your man.


So, you change

And this is when it happens. All the things you said you were “Totally fine!” with before—you’re tired of pretending to be fine with. All the time you said you were okay with being away from him, you’re actually not okay with that. And all the real life problems and stress you have in your life that you want to talk to him about, you finally spill out. And you go from being the “cool,” relaxed, non-demanding, no-drama girlfriend to “a total mess.” The last thing you wanted to be. You’re not really a ton of drama. You’re just a normal person. But in comparison to the easiest girlfriend in the world—the role you’ve been playing to get the man to commit to you—you now seem like “a total mess.”


You’re not perfect
You’re not perfect. You have needs. You’ll get mad. You’ll be demanding. You’ll get stressed out and need to vent. And you should show that sooner rather than later. If you scare a man off: let him go. He was not emotionally developed enough to handle a girlfriend. Not a toy, but a girlfriend. And that’s what you want to be, right?

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  • Cattaco

    Before I address the “article” (and I use the term loosely), I want to say that this is the WORST website design evah! One or two sentences per page? Come on! That trick didn’t work in High School when you were assigned a five-page paper and it won’t work now. It’s obvious that this website is set up merely to hang ads onto it. The people who run it don’t really give a crap about the content displayed.
    As for the article: Really? Women who suppress their own needs and pretend to be something they’re not run into relationship problems? Who could have seen that coming? And I’m sure glad that someone took the time to copy most of an article that’s run in every issue of Cosmo, Elle, Ms, Good Housekeeping, Vogue…etc for the last 60 years or so. It’s so refreshing to see such hard-hitting writing on such an original topic.

  • men say it because it is true. women are highly competitive. when they feel they’ve `won’ they slack off and or show their azz. not all though, but a lot.

  • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

    If you act fake in the beginning, and try to be perfect when we all know perfection does not exist, then you deserve unhappiness. I don’t know any woman (including myself) that is not real about her needs upfront.

  • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

    If you act fake in the beginning, and try to be perfect when we all know perfection does not exist, then you deserve unhappiness. I don’t know any woman (including myself) that is not real about her needs upfront.

  • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

    If you act fake in the beginning, and try to be perfect when we all know perfection does not exist, then you deserve unhappiness. I don’t know any woman (including myself) that is not real about her needs upfront.

  • jdmann

    Come too hard women submit, come too soft they compete or try to control. Pimp or not to pimp that is the question.

    • Herm Cain

      Only 1 way to go on these b*****s and that’s HARD

  • WhoMe

    Good one. Thankfully I have Reader on my phone, so i dont have to click.

  • Hello

    I’d rather for the woman ‘m dating be human from the jump, then to wait until we’re committed to one another before she changes. Be honest from the beginning. Don’t assume or make an “a** out of you and me” that you have to hide the stresses of life from me, in order to get me later. If I like you, then I like you with the stress. Learn how to communicate while dating without it seeming like you are complaining or nagging. So that when you commit to one another, there is a level of communication expressed and its understood.

  • Things change after sex too but that’s life. I doubt men are willing to give that up because they fear a woman may change.

  • cutie


  • Marquis de Sade

    It’s called LOSS LEADER, i.e. BAIT n’ SWITCH, which eventually leads to CAVEAT EMPTOR: BUYERS BEWARE!

  • GalaxyEmpress

    Because you men drive the average woman CRAZY!!!!

    • Nicole

      lol…Real Talk….I thought I was sane til my ex did a number on me and I started questioning my sanity….SMH

      • JP

        and when that sh*t happens, its not a good feeling. At least you can say he is your ex I’m still going back and forth with my “fiance” and its just there. Love him to death we have alot of great times and we had the worst of the lows. It always seems the one you want aint the one for you.

  • MLS2698

    I didn’t click, but per psychology, personalities change every 10 years.