Be Real, It’s Not Just Hair –and You Do Care

August 2nd, 2012 - By Brande Victorian

If there’s one Biblical ideal almost every woman in the world has subscribed to from the beginning of time—perhaps unknowingly—it’s the scripture that states “a woman’s hair is her crowning glory.” When I say people have taken that passage and ran with it, I’m talking a Flo Jo sprint to Carol’s Daughter, the corner beauty supply, and back because no matter how much we want to throw out that cute, “it’s just hair” catch phrase we know good and well, our attitude toward what adorns the top of our heads is hardly as casual.

You mostly hear natural women say “it’s just hair,” when they are forced to explain why they no longer have any after a big chop. Interestingly though, as their hair grows back, their free time will begin to be spent scouring the Internet to find a how-to video for a twist out or reading product reviews or finding a natural hair meet up or trying to accept the new type of beauty that doesn’t involve several inches of hair falling from their scalps. It might have just been hair that hit the salon floor the day they got rid of it, but when it starts growing back it turns into much more—a project of sorts and for some, a new identity.

Even a woman who gets a simple haircut, not even a big chop, deals with the same. You can go from shoulder-length hair to a pixie cut and start proclaiming short hair, don’t care, but the moment you leave the salon, you begin to question how people will respond to you now. Will they think you’re still attractive, will you be seen as less or more beautiful than before, will your sexuality be questioned, are you even the same person? All that inquiry spawned from the simple snip of some scissors and $40-$100 missing from your wallet.

Just something as simple as a bad hair day can get someone cussed out quickly because you just don’t feel like yourself. It might be too humid and your hair is frizzy, your curls won’t last, you sweated out your perm, your hair’s too short to do anything with, you’re tired of wearing the same raggedy ponytail everyday—whatever it is, if any of those thoughts are the first ones to flood your mind when you start your day, chances are you won’t just have a bad hair day, you’ll have a bad day period; and anyone who comes in contact with you might as well.

And though there are a slew of other things that can go wrong, so to speak, with our physical appearance on any given day—a pimple, rip in our stockings, having on the wrong bra—nothing holds nearly as much weight as our hair not being up to par—even when it comes to our weight. If it was a toss-up between your hair being laid and you getting it in in the gym, the hair’s probably going to win. And if someone wants you to go somewhere and your hair is not looking right? Rain check please!

Hair is serious— to all women—and the gravity of it most of us haven’t been able to escape no matter how many times we chant, “it’s just hair.” The question is, is it a problem? Though in most denominations, people today are no longer bound by old testament teachings, if you still believe your hair is your crowning glory, is that such a bad thing?

Because society has become so beauty-obsessed there’s this unspoken, yet clearly evident attitude among those who aren’t apart of the beauty elite that if you care about your physical appearance, you’ve essentially drank the sugar-free Kool-Aid. It depends. One’s hair shouldn’t stop them from engaging in society but there’s a huge difference between being conscientious of what your hair looks like when you leave the house and trying to make the strands you were born with into something they weren’t mean to be just to fit some Eurocentric standard.

Outside of that merry-go-round, women should feel the freedom to say no it’s not just hair and I do care—just like you care that your skin is blemish-free or you can fit into that body-con dress for the party Saturday night. We’re allowed to want to be beautiful by our own standard and if that means investing time and money into our crown then so be it, that’s better than frontin’ like you don’t when you know you do.

Do you think it’s OK to spend a lot of time dealing with your hair and wanting it to look a certain way or does it mean your oppressed by society’s obsession with beauty?

*Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.

Brande Victorian is the news and operations editor for madamenoire.com. Follow her on twitter @Be_Vic.

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  • Tracey

    Honestly, it is JUST HAIR. I have natural hair and more often than not, I do a ‘shake and go’ I went natural because I didn’t want to deal with all the stuff I’ve had to deal with a perm. I’m in my 30′s and had a perm from 15-25, chopped it off and I keep chopping it off. I now have long natural hair and I honestly hate thinking of what to do with it. I’m about to cut it again. On the grand scheme of things I care about, my hair really doesn’t cut it. I’ve had a weave once in my life and never again. The amount of money and stress and flat ironing was too much. So anyhow, long story short, this is one black lady with natural hair who can honestly say she doesn’t stress about her hair.

  • Negress

    If I’m free from my hair shackles, I’m not free from wanting to look good and be admired. If my hair is combed with my eyebrows/eyelashes on I’m good.
    Bad hair=bad mood.

  • Anon

    Yeah I’ve never understood the “it’s just hair” catch phrase. I mean it is just hair in the sense that if you cut it, it’ll grow back, if you dye it, the dye will eventually fade or grow out BUT it’s not ‘just hair’ in the sense that we don’t take pride in it or care about its appearance. Nobody wants to walk around with a jacked up do. Whether it’s natural/permed/weaved, short or long, nobody wants their hair to look other than how we want it to look and every woman, not just black women, wants their hair to look presentable.

  • Anon

    Yeah I’ve never understood the “it’s just hair” catch phrase. I mean it is just hair in the sense that if you cut it, it’ll grow back, if you dye it, the dye will eventually fade or grow out BUT it’s not ‘just hair’ in the sense that we don’t take pride in it or care about its appearance. Nobody wants to walk around with a jacked up do. Whether it’s natural/permed/weaved, short or long, nobody wants their hair to look other than how we want it to look and every woman, not just black women, wants their hair to look presentable.

  • Anon

    Yeah I’ve never understood the “it’s just hair” catch phrase. I mean it is just hair in the sense that if you cut it, it’ll grow back, if you dye it, the dye will eventually fade or grow out BUT it’s not ‘just hair’ in the sense that we don’t take pride in it or care about its appearance. Nobody wants to walk around with a jacked up do. Whether it’s natural/permed/weaved, short or long, nobody wants their hair to look other than how we want it to look and every woman, not just black women, wants their hair to look presentable.

  • NiceNasty

    Last time I checked the scripture states “The silver-haired head is a crown of glory,
    If it is found in the way of righteousness.” Proverbs 16:13. So please refer back to your bible before you try to throw verses at people when you don’t know for yourself. And not everybody cares about their damn hair, those are the women YOU talk about because they wear their hair any kind of way and YOU always have a problem with it. Mainly cause it’s not looking how you think it should. So please stop worrying about others and what they do if it’s not causing you any harm.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D2JU54QTMQJO2IGAMOE4HEE5KA Big BakedApple

    Tell it like it T-I-S.

  • Crystal

    It really is JUST HAIR and it actually dies once it leaves your scalp. I’ve had long hair, I cut it. I’ve had short hair, I let it grow. I’ve had natural hair, I permed it. I’ve had permed hair, I let it grow out natural. This obsession with hair is so tied to deeper emotional issues and deep seeded mental conditioning. When you are truly free, nothing, absolutely, nothing on your body defines who you really are. You define you.

    • NiceNasty

      I agree 100% and then some.

    • NiceNasty

      I agree 100% and then some.

  • Yevette Jackson

    As an African American woman with natural hair the discussion about hair is just sad. The issue isn’t what you do to “your” hair. The issue is when your thoughts are projected onto women who choose to have their hair different than what you currently have. This discussion would not be happening if women on Twitter and Facebook had not made negative comments about a 16 year old Gold Medal gymnast named Gabby Douglas. We have way too many issues that are adversely affect our community. Stop tearing each other down. Do you..and if you don’t like the way I do me or they way other women do themselves…keep you opinion to yourself. Let’s build and uplift each other rather than tear each other down.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001665451613 Myesha Mee-Mee Baker

    Having long hair is sooo overrated!In the black community having hair that touches your neck is long hair Lol having had long hair I used to hate it I was ashamed to wear my hair loose my hair was thick bushy and long and reddish.I have a bad perm in now and a messed up hair cut and a hair color I hate horribly!I was transitioning for a year so I went in to get a Mohawk cut and some color..long story short the guy fucked my hair up so bad that I went to the beauty supply to buy a scarf to cover by head Smh then he had the nerve to sat my hair was nappy!I messed up and got a perm it didn’t take and I really regret it…its shedding and thinner.All because I was listening to everyone else…I’m gonna transition again for a couple of months get the big chop and get some Senegalese twists!

    • Ash

      I’m sorry you’ve had trouble with your hair. I put henna and indigo in my hair which has loosened my curl pattern and given it volume and I will wear it straight or curly. It takes a long while to find something that really works for you. What worked for me was anything and everything organic. (I deep condition with organic mayo and egg yolk!)

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001665451613 Myesha Mee-Mee Baker

        Aw thanks!I surely will look into the henna I heard it helps with hair growth too I will try that conditioner as well!

  • MissR

    Ok I’m all natural and I don’t go around spouting the “I am not my hair” mantra. I am my hair and I care what it looks like. I’m not going around with unruly hair and saying “it’s just hair”, I still take pride in it. I love the days when my twist out is just right. I go thru so much just finding the right products and I’m sure I spend more than I did when my hair was straightened. And when I have bad hair days, I got a bad attitude to go with it because I do care what it looks like. I hate when the natural police goes around spouting that, yeah right! Whether it’s all straight or kinky curly you care what it looks like.

  • Ash

    Long hair, do care… I get my ends trimmed every 12 weeks and I still have difficulties doing that.

    • sholla21

      Long hair do care. Growing it as long as it can be and trimming it myself because no hairdresser is allowed to come near me with anything that looks remotely like scissors.

      • psylocke_2001

        You ain’t nevah lied!

      • deb

        lol. very true!

  • DeVanneJuiceeJeniceChinn

    THANK YOU!