There’s Something You Should Know About Me…7 Things You Should Probably Reveal On a First Date

August 2nd, 2012 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers

syneedapenland.com

“I’m Celibate”

Many may disagree with this one, but I’ve been thrown into the middle of some pretty outrageous situations since I made my vow of celibacy years ago. I’ve been cursed out, called a liar, called a user and so on. I’ve been asked “Yo, why you trying to play me like a sucker?” “What have I done to you?” as well as a host of other comical yet outrageous questions that could have been completely avoided had I disclosed this information early on. Many people seem to take it personal when you tell them the shop is closed, as if it has something to do with them and couldn’t possibly have been a decision you made well before meeting them. This is certainly a bit of information I prefer to lay on the table very early in the game, this way there are no surprises and any sexual expectations of me are dispelled with the quickness. You may run into those who won’t believe you, some may even challenge you on it, and how you handle that is up to you. But, I would say, let them know what they’re is getting themselves into from the start. You’ll save yourself plenty of headaches. If they decide not to stick around after the fact, hey, that’s their loss.

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  • Vandellish

    As an experienced, childless man I can tell you that PLENTY of ladies that I’ve gone out with have not mentioned their kids until the 3rd or even 4th time that we’ve gotten together. It’s almost as if they assume that WE THINK we’re on a different level than they are because of the kid(s). That’s absolutely not the case but it’s definitely a turn off when women don’t say anything from the get-go. I usually end up avoiding them, thus avoiding any future deception. Then, of course, they typically assume my avoidance was because of the child.
    And around and around we go!

    But yeah this is a pretty accurate list for men and women.

  • Cindie

    I gave up dating a while ago…too much drama involved.

  • Nat Turner

    To be honest from my experience women that say they are celibate seem to be more clingy and had sex faster than women that are not.

  • Malika

    Also, its unfortunate, but you have to ASK about marriage these days because folks will lie. I recently started talking to a gentleman that travels a lot and is well off. He seems like a great person, and the next time I talk to him, I plan to ask him if he’s married. I also plan to google him thoroughly. I don’t have time to fall in love (again) with a man that is not completely available to me and I’m too old to be playing anybody’s side boo.

  • Malika

    Also, its unfortunate, but you have to ASK about marriage these days because folks will lie. I recently started talking to a gentleman that travels a lot and is well off. He seems like a great person, and the next time I talk to him, I plan to ask him if he’s married. I also plan to google him thoroughly. I don’t have time to fall in love (again) with a man that is not completely available to me and I’m too old to be playing anybody’s side boo.

  • Malika

    I’d like to know about his religious preferences. I’m not a Christian and I have no intentions of calling myself one. So if a dude is going to hold it against me that I will not be attending church with him 4 days a week, I’d like us to get that on the table up front. I’m okay with someone that is a Christian, but if you’re looking for someone that is going to be dedicating her life to Christ and all, of that, I’m not your girl and you’re not my type, so let’s end it before it begins.

  • Malika

    I’d like to know about his religious preferences. I’m not a Christian and I have no intentions of calling myself one. So if a dude is going to hold it against me that I will not be attending church with him 4 days a week, I’d like us to get that on the table up front. I’m okay with someone that is a Christian, but if you’re looking for someone that is going to be dedicating her life to Christ and all, of that, I’m not your girl and you’re not my type, so let’s end it before it begins.

    • Vandellish

      That’s whassup ;)

  • Malika

    I’d like to know about his religious preferences. I’m not a Christian and I have no intentions of calling myself one. So if a dude is going to hold it against me that I will not be attending church with him 4 days a week, I’d like us to get that on the table up front. I’m okay with someone that is a Christian, but if you’re looking for someone that is going to be dedicating her life to Christ and all, of that, I’m not your girl and you’re not my type, so let’s end it before it begins.

  • Kayo

    The more information you can glean from someone, the better, because then one can search public records to find out if someone has a criminal background.

  • Team Nymphis

    I need to know
    1. Any stalking priors
    2. History of std’s
    3.spit or swallow
    4.can you cook
    5.can you handle big beef
    6.depending on how we met…are threesomes uncomfortable for you
    7.cash,credit or link?
    8. Is there any tucked in or taped down fat I need to know about?
    9.hygeine issues
    10.outstanding bills

    • Chanda

      nah, not all that on a first date.

  • Candacey Doris

    Children, and still married (but separated) are things i would like to know on the first date. The rest can wait for a bit, but I definitely want to know.If you have ten children by tend different women, that’s a deal breaker.

  • Tori

    Ummm… yeah I’m gonna need to disagree on the prison thing. I do not date felons and /or convicts. So I would definitely need to know whether or not you’ve ever been to prison, cause that’s a deal breaker for me. I’ve never been to prison, so neither should he.

  • Adrina

    This is a great list! And sadly,, you have to ask if someone is married, and include the phrase “in any shape, form or fashion”…because people will say no bc in their minds they are not together but still legally bound to their “ex”.

  • realadulttalk

    If you tell someone you don’t want anything serious, in my experience they assume it’s some kind of reverse psychology to get them to commit. No one has ever believed me when I told them that–I stopped bothering.

  • sabrina

    I was just dating this guy, and after our first date, we were having a phone conversation. I jokingly asked if he was married, and then continued on joking and asked if he had kids. He said yes, a son, and I was like O_O seriously?! I was just kidding…
    so that made me think that if i didnt say anything, he wouldn’t have told me about it, which made me feel a certain way. if you have a kid, that’s fine and not a dealbreaker with me. i’m just going to need you to be upfront about it. the fact that he refrained from telling me this info also gave the impression that his son is not that important to him either, which also didn’t sit too well with me either. he would never bring up his son again and would seem a bit agitated when he was (accidentally) brought up.
    now that i can’t deal with.

    • realadulttalk

      In his defense…I don’t like discussing my child too much with someone I’m dating. Unlike him I let it be known I have a princess right away…but after that I don’t really want to discuss her and find it very intrusive as well as a turn off if he does. I’m very protective of my daughter–no one meets her–and you will only learn things about her over a long period of time. That you asked jokingly if he had kids may have been a problem for him–perhaps he doesn’t have custody or there is a lot of drama or many other reasons that it could be a sore topic.

      • Adrina

        If it’s a situation of drama, then that person should definitely speak up and not drag someone into that. It’s only fair. I think you should tell someone you have a kid, and like you said, tell them about the child over time.

    • LawGirl713

      I am a mom and I don’t bring up the fact that I have children on the first date, unless they ask. My reason for this is because I may not have an interest in ever seeing them again, so I feel no need to divulge that info. I guess I have been lucky because most of the men I have been out with knew ahead of time. Although this 1 particular guy failed to tell me that he had children, a wife, no job, and was paying for the date with HER credit card that was declined. I paid for my dinner, and left him there with a hurt face and an obligation for payment. I am so glad that I am in my 30s now and immune to most of that 20-something bs.

    • sabrina

      i feel like with women, that’s totally different…even if it is very hypocritical of me. but we’re all very aware of how men can be when it comes to their kids (deadbeat, triflin’, etc.) … so being that he never came out to claim his kid voluntarily seemed shady to me and whether true or not, made me feel as if he was one of those kinds…i have talked to a man who had a daughter before, and he told me off the bat about her; i really appreciated that. he spoke so highly of her as we got to know eachother, and i totally respected (and loved) that. so the fact that he couldn’t even voluntarily mention that he had a child at some point didn’t seem right.

  • nia

    I think the “legally separated” point is a good one to be brought to surface. I once dated a man for the longest and he would refer to his spouse as the “mother of my children”. When I told him I was expecting, that was when he told me he was still married yet separated. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me his response was, “I didn’t ask”. It would have saved me heartache and the pain of an abortion if he would have told me this in the beginning.

    • lalatarea

      how did u let yourself get pregnant by a married man? see this is the ish i be talking about! lol but seriously ladies you should know if a man is married, ever been to jail, filed for bankruptcy, etc before you have a child with him.

      • RJA

        She got pregnant b/c she had unprotected sex. She didn’t have the kid, cuz she said she got an abortion DUUUHHH!! Good move on the abortion btw

    • Candacey Doris

      How did you let yourself get pregnant when you didn’t know him that well? Birth control! Hell, why were you sleeping with him at that point? You could have ended up on the ten o’clock news if his wife was crazy.

    • status quo

      You live and you learn. Don’t make the same mistake twice. People act like they are so perfect on this website its disgusting. Only God is perfect. Keep your head up.

  • http://twitter.com/bagaybon Bagay Bon

    There was this lady that I was doing everything for, for about a month. She waited until we were deep in a make out session in her house to let me know she was celibate. I was like what? Are you serious?

    I got out of her house and went home. It was over to me. Would you believe she had the nerve to call me and ask me for an explanation? I simply told her to get herself a man who is celibate like her, and stop trying to make one celibate for you.

    • realadulttalk

      Now that’s just wrong!!! Not you–her. And I don’t blame you b/c it sounds like she was using you.

    • curiosity.killed.the.cat

      if it was a month, it wasn’t all that serious anyways…you never asked, just expected…that’s what’s wrong these days…everyone has expectations and when they are not met, they want to up and dissapear. w/e.