Ask a Very Smart Brotha: Are My Male Friends Keeping Me From Finding a Man?

July 25th, 2012 - By madamenoire

Source: Bossip.com

Dear Damon,

I need  some advice. I’m currently single and I’m thinking about being single for the next ten years. I’ve had my heartbroken really bad and it makes me want to give up on trying to have a boyfriend or a significant other. People say that seems highly unlikely since I’m only 23 years old and I have the rest of my life ahead of me. Yet, I feel like this is what’s best for me in this stage of my life.  The last guy put me through so much I honestly can’t do it again. I wanted to know your thoughts. Do you think I should spend the rest of my life collecting cats and sitting at home alone? Or do you think I should give it another try?

Sincerely,

Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,

I’m sorry about your situation. Heartbreak is a real thing — an actual, physical aliment — and I won’t dare attempt to minimize the pain and/or depression you’re currently feeling. It sucks.

Thing is, as time passes, it sucks progressively less. And then, one day, you’ll wake up and see that it doesn’t suck at all anymore. Yes, you need to take time “off” and heal, but you will eventually heal, and you will meet/date/and possibly fall in love again. It may seem far-fetched right now, but Shyte, Snoop is about to release a reggae album. My point? With time (and some weed) anything is possible.

Sincerely,

Damon Young

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  • CarlaKah

    Very insightful. I recognized myself several times…

  • gracie

    Makes sense, now I know.

  • Candacey Doris

    Great advice, especially on the second letter. She may think what’s she’s doing is harmless but most of those guys think they still have a chance. She’s not doing anyone any favors.

  • Pseudonym

    That pic is awfully depressing.

  • OSHH

    Great advice Champ on both letters.
    @ 2nd letter, some people might feel what ol girl is doing is harmless but actually its quite selfish and can be dangerous. People can harbor very unhealthy attractions to those they cannot have. Also she would be occupying herself even though not invloved with these guys they would be taking up space in her life.

  • curiosity.killed.the.cat

    Good advice on the 1st one. It does take time to heal heartbreak and only you know when your ready to try again. On the 2nd one, it’s tricky to be friends w/ guys in general bc from my experience, they always want to catch feelings and bring things to nxt level.

    • http://twitter.com/SirBrotherhood Stephen Sean Hewett

      lol at “catch feelings” that feeling is an erection ma’am, and they do come and go. The girl in the letter was using dudes. Nothing tricky about that.

      • curiosity.killed.the.cat

        I honestly don’t understand how she was using guys that are supposed to be her friends. She can’t help if they like her and all she may be looking for is companionship. On the flip, those guys should be checking for girls that are actually interested in them. Idk if the chick is beyonce or not but I’m sure there are other options than just her. That’s why I believe it’s a tricky situation.

        • curiosity.killed.the.cat

          And to contrast what you’re saying I have seen and had male friends catch feelings for me as well as have seen friendships destroyed bc feelings were not reciprocated. Although I do think guys have their “moments”, I do believe a lot of times there are feelings brewing under the surface.

  • Nope

    Spot on for both responses.

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