An Open Letter to My Single Sistas: Being Single is Not a Curse, It’s A Gift

July 25th, 2012 - By Liz Lampkin
Happy to be single!

Source:www.popularcritic.com

Dear Single Sistahs,

I am writing this letter to my Single Sistas who desperately desire a relationship, to those whose biological clocks are ticking, to those who are at the end of a relationship, to those who feel as though they will always be a bridesmaid and never a bride, to those who are currently playing the dating game, on a hiatus from it or have simply retired from it, to those who are moving out and moving on, to those who fear being alone, to those who are settling for less, to those who are divorced and refuse to open their hearts, and finally to those who have lost a love, and feel as though they can never love again.

I write this letter to each and every one of my Single Sistas to encourage and lift your hearts, minds and spirits to let you know that being single is not a curse; but it is a celebration of a season often short-lived and over looked by seeking out a relationship. As I write this letter to all of you I want to let you know that this time of singleness that you have is a gift that should not be taken lightly. Your season of singleness has a distinct purpose, and it is not to seek a relationship with the immediate hopes of marriage, but it is to build a profound, individual and distinct relationship with your Creator and yourself. This is the time in your life where you can discover who you are, why you were created, and what you should be doing at this particular time in your life.

Being single is a valuable journey in life we often take for granted because we have often been led to believe that if we are not in a promising relationship, engaged or married by a certain age then something must be mentally, physically or emotionally wrong with us and our value as an individual seems to decrease.

However, what many people fail to realize is that being single is a part of life that should be celebrated and honored as much as marriage. This stage in life should be celebrated as much as marriage because this is the time of life where the knowledge of who you are as an individual grows daily. This is the time where you find out who you truly are and stand firm on that knowledge so when the time comes for a relationship you will remain who you are and not morph into who someone else wants you to be.

I know it gets hard sometimes when we see couples holding hands, walking, and out on dates; and I know it is particularly hard when a friend or family member gets engaged and asks you to play a part in their wedding festivities! I also know it’s hard when we see a woman who is not half the woman we (you) are with not only a fine man, but a good one! Hell, it’s even hard to see Facebook and Twitter posts about someone recently engaged to be married! I know all of these things are difficult because as I write this letter to all of my Single Sistas, I am writing it to myself as well.

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  • Kathleen

    Love this! Thank you, I needed this.

  • mikki

    sounds like a motivational speech that Weak lonely Christian women fall for. What did she say that will promise u A MAN? Thats right Nothing! keep Believing a lie or face the Truth, God did curse blk women it’s all N Deuteronomy 28, so Believe her or Believe God. Keep the commandment & stop whoreing with Ur pagan Christian ways & maybe God will give U a man.

    • http://www.therapyiseffinexpensive.wordpress.com/ Zan

      God doesn’t like people who troll the internet to search for articles and leave negative comments…no He surely does not…

      • mikki

        I quoted what The bible says, so U are calling the scriptures Negative? out of Ur Own MOUTH!! YOU WILL B JUDGED.

    • Negress

      I wonder do you have a man?

  • bluekissess

    God knows I needed this letter.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christina-Janay-Samuels/1257305929 Christina Janay Samuels

    Articles like this are why I love this website

  • NSimonefan

    No joke, that’s what I am actually seriously considering doing and soon. BTW, what did you mean by “no potential, trifling db required”?

    • Negress

      Please reconsider and allow the natural bonding process to occur with a flesh and blood man instead of manipulating your circumstances.

  • compgirl

    LOVED this article. It can be soo hard being single but at 27 I am going to enjoy this time to focus on and improve me without the pressures and distractions that a relationship (even if it’s healthy) can bring. I am NOT saying it is going to be easy to see other couples seemingly happy walking around, annoying Facebook posts announcing engagements, etc. but I will enjoy me and my freedom until (God willing) my time and man come. Thanks for the positive message about being single! There are too few celebrating it and those who are for whatever reason…

  • noyfb6

    Great article. I loved being single because I’ve grown to know so much about myself and had more time to focus on my career, relationships with my family and friends and not to mention God. I felt so much in control without having to stress myself and when I began seeing someone I knew exactly what to look for and avoid a lot of headaches by taking my time getting to know that person and vise versa. Note to women being single doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Take this time to get to know yourself and what makes you happy. I promise you that when you’re ready to date you’ll know exactly what your looking for in a man

  • Immaculate

    Great article! I think singleness is a blessing. It’s the best time to build your relationship with God.. once you have done that, it will be easier to separate real love from the lust and separate a quality partner from someone that will just use you. Ive been on a self imposed hiatus from dating and I can say that I am enjoying this time

  • curiosity.killed.the.cat

    I agree. Being single is about being free to do what you want. I’ve done so much and travelled so far; things I may have not being able to enjoy to my fullest extent if I was tied down. Of course, I want a relationship but in the meantime I like my freedom and peace of mind.

  • curiosity.killed.the.cat

    LOVE.this.

  • tay

    I am enjoying my time being single. I’ve been single for six years and I have grown so much. I know who I am, what I want, and what I won’t tolerate in a relationship. My bf has been in a relationship since she was 17 years and I feel sorry for her. im taking trips, going to happy hours, advancing my career and she’s raising two kids, struggling to pay bills, and married to somewhat of a loser. I’m 25 and in no rush to get married. I think about all the women who have been in a relationship during their 20s. They’ll be getting divorces and I’ll be getting married. I wish single women would stop wishing for that. Most of the time those women( in long term relationships)aren’t happy and end up resenting their significant other.

  • SheIsThat

    Great article Liz. This was an absolutely fabulous read slathered in the utmost sincerity. We need more writers like you.

  • DeepThinker

    This is a great article! I am so tired of everybody DISSECTING the reason why I’m single, especially men who are quick to ASSume that you must be miserable. What really irritates me is that some men always try to inflate the importance of having a man by your side, as if you are not worthy without one. No relationship is better than a dead beat relationship. I hate to disclose my single status, because usually the first response is that I need a man or a husband. Why not find out how I feel about being single first and commend me for not taking up with man that is not suitable for me. Getting married is not possible or best for everybody. I believe if it is in God’s plan finding the right man will happen, but for now I still will enjoy my life and be happy for others that have found true love.

    • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

      I completely agree. I think it is interesting to get judged by men (and sometimes women) for having no man the same way you would for being in a relationship with the wrong man. You can’t have it both ways…Imma need you to pick what you are going to judge me for…

      • NSimonefan

        Amen!

  • busty

    finally an article worth reading!

  • http://twitter.com/bagaybon Bagay Bon

    When the writer said that (but it is a celebration of a season often short-lived and over looked by seeking out a relationship) I realized this was just words. A season that is often short-lived will be boring as you count the time for that season.

  • TMAC

    THANK YOU FOR THE UPLIFTING MESSAGE. CAUSE ITS SO HARD.

  • NSimonefan

    Being single may be a gift, but it’s a b**ch when you don’t have children and you want to be a mother. And PLEASE don’t suggest adoption. Nothing wrong with adoption. But most women want to have a baby that comes out of there OWN body.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=668201309 Sabrina R. Clark

      Get the DVD “Soul Mate” its a documentary…it helped to move past my pain! It’s excellent. I gave it to all my single friends one Christmas and they all said it helped them!

      • NSimonefan

        That’s sweet of you to suggest. But honey I’ve moved past the pain. The documentary you’ve suggested, been there, done that. I’ve prayed, read books on being a single and satisfied, single women conferences, etc,. etc., etc. Now, I’m in the I don’t give a damn phase and my focus is being a mom, a single mom at that.

    • Adrina

      Thank you for being the only person walking in REALITY!

  • melissarose10166

    Great article! We need to take advantage of our single state to better ourselves and prepare ourselves if we desire to be in a relationship. Singleness is a great time for growth and betterment. Do NOT let your relationship status determine your worth or your happiness. I’ve heard men and women say they’re not built to be alone and they are miserable alone. If you are miserable alone, how can you make someone else happy? You have to be happy and content with yourself first before you can bring that to someone else.

    • SISTAHNATURAL

      Amen, Amen, Amen and a HALLELUJAH!!!!!

    • Immaculate

      That is so true. if you think someone else is gonna swoop in and solve your internal issues… its a rude awakening.

    • Aja

      I so agree. I get tired of hearing some single woman say how they don’t like being by themselves and I am like dang if you do not like being by yourself how do you expect someone to want to be with you geesh!! No one completes you. You complete yourself.

  • Alexa

    Love this article! This definitely spoke to me.

  • sabrina

    Agreed! I’m currently in love with being single. Yes, I do date, but I don’t want to be in a relationship anytime soon. I’m still working on myself to become a better compliment to my future partner, while also enjoying spoiling myself and focusing on my career. And I don’t have to feel bad about eyeing and flirting with some cuties because I am not tied down to anyone!
    Embrace your singleness ladies!

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