The talks didn’t end there. Dante would eventually break my heart and instead of keeping it to myself, as most teens in puppy love do, I shared it with my parents who were well aware of us. They lay awake in our living room waiting for me to come downstairs and discuss it. My mother/father understood the melancholy that could pull you from deep slumber when your adoration is fragmented. Ready to cram my emptiness with midnight snacks, I was instead confronted with hugs, promises, and a letter my father wrote just for me.
These same conversations took place throughout the most pivotal benchmarks during my youth, including losing my virginity three years later, the manifestation of insecurity and financial liberation. We discussed my issues with weight, the frequent deficit in my bank account freshman year, and the importance of familial communication.
I couldn’t say the same for everyone.
Sophomore year of high school, Tisha (my best friend) lost her virginity and was dumped the same day. I watched her unravel slowly, after meeting her near her home, trudging the way back to her abode. It was apparent that something had gone wrong, her spirit now lingering behind her and her face long and weary. Her mother sat at the kitchen table upon our entrance; Tisha opened her mouth slowly to relay her story.
“Ma I, Ma I…”
I was proud. I stood by and waited for her to confess it all.
“Ma, I need to talk.”
Her mother looked up from her bible, “When you’re finish doing your homework and writing an explanation for why you’re late, we might talk.”
They never spoke. In fact, by the time they did speak, it was too late. But that’s another story. I’m not saying that Tisha doesn’t deserve some blame when it comes to her actions, but the atrocities that are born from the lack of communiqué with a loved one are far worse. Release and guidance have amazing healing powers.
Listening and witnessing the horrid stories of confidants and girlfriends, mistakes driven by the lack of heartfelt dialogue, I often asked if their mothers had certain discussions that are pertinent to the rearing of girls or any child for that matter. I discovered that most of them lacked this sort of camaraderie with the matriarch of their home. I also pondered if these mothers were aware that these conversations were extremely essential.
Most times, they are not.
Talking about EVERYTHING is essential. We are the molders of our daughters, nieces, cousins, sisters and more. There is a vast importance within the conversational bond between mothers and their children. When you converse with your adolescents, opposite of lecture (sometimes), you stand to embed quotes into their psyche that will last them a lifetime.
We have the power to instill no, next times and I’ll-do-better into the children we raise. We are more than firm hands and angry tones; we are listeners and shoulders. We are I-was-there-once and let-me-tell-you.
There is power within correlation. Young women are obliged to hear your connection. There is nothing taboo about the conversational bond between two women, one seeking advice and the other lending. Delve into the things that matter.
“RivaFlowz” is a teacher and professional writer living in New York City. You can follow her on Twitter: @rivaflowz.
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