Your Man’s Cheating Produced a Child – Can You Work It Out?

July 15th, 2012 - By Brooke Dean

candydiaries.com

If you’ve been following Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta, you know that one of the main storylines involves infideltiy. While finding out that your significant other has cheated on you is bad enough, discovering that a pregnancy has resulted from that affair can be even more devastating. If the relationship is fairly new, you may decide that the ONLY way to handle such a blow is to simply bounce. After all, if he’s running around town cheating, and NOT using protection, you’d be better off leaving him…and saving yourself and your health in the process. But what if he’s your husband? What if you have children of your own together? Do you still leave, or do you work it out?
There is no right or wrong answer; only you know what you can and cannot handle. However, if you choose to stay in a relationship where a child is the product of an affair (confirmed by a paternity test of course), there are a few things you need to consider in order to reconcile the relationship and move past the pain.

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  • Kristina Tramel

    Wow, let me think about that..NO!!

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  • sammi_lu

    Maybe when I was a bit younger and a lot more naive..but now..HEEEEELLLL NAW!! That child would be a constant reminder of that betrayal..and I know I wouldn’t be able to fully forgive so no point in trying to fix something that is broken beyond “like new” repair.

  • Zettai

    Can I read an article that WASN’T inspired by an episode of Love and Hip Hop, Basketball Wives, or whatever stereotype-perpetuating reality show is on VH1 these days? Kthanx

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LBSPSV27VXWMQ62NT7IIYVKWD4 NaomiH

    No wouldn’t stay its bad enough he cheated but he made a baby too. I couldn’t stay even though children are innocent that’s a lot to swallow. I could never trust him again so there would be no point in staying.

  • xyzebra

    I would not break up my marriage over some side piece and her kid. Especially if I have children with this man. Why should my children go without a father, they are the legitimate ones. I would forever use his “mistake” as leverage to get what I want out of him.

    • bits

      and i’m sure you would not treat the other child fairly. this is a childish and spiteful reaction to a very serious situation. I’m sure you throwing his “mistake” in his face every chance you get will keep super faithful.

    • FAMURattler

      You speak as though it is the solely the side piece’s fault. YOUR man is the one who stepped out with total disregard for you AND your kids to be with the side piece and produce THEIR kid. It takes two to tango; so it is just as much your man’s fault as it is the side piece’s for cheating and procreating…that is, if she even knew about you in the first place. ALSO, staying with a man for the children is not such a good idea. Kids know when something isn’t right. Think of the example you are setting for your kids when you stay with a man who obviously didn’t care enough about you and your kids together to resist temptation. Give them the credit they deserve for their mental capacities. In addition, if you leave your man, your kids don’t necessarily have to be without a father. He can still be a part of their lives without you two being together.

  • Guest 22

    In my early-mid 20s my guy of 6 years got someone else pregnant. Something inside told me to check his voice mail, something I had never done ever. Some girl had left a message so I called her back pretending to be his cousin;inviting her to our family Xmas party. I found out they’d been together for a year, she was 3mos pregnant & that his dad knew about her. He walked in while I was still talking to her. I walked up to him smiling & calmly told him she was on the phone. He tried to play dumb, so I repeated myself and just snapped. I even cussed his dad out. His mom had to hold me back from whopping both of them. It especially hurt me b/c we had just gotten engaged and I had a miscarriage a year prior. I did think about trying to work things out but it became mentally, physically & emotionally exhausting. After side piece #1 had the baby I discovered there had been two other side pieces and the first one was pregnant again w/twins. They hate the mess out of each other. She still does late nite drive byes w/kids, who are now 9 &7, in tow.

    • bits

      the dude and the dad both deserved to get cussed out and asses beat! I hope you are doing well.

    • sammi_lu

      Daaaang!!! I was ready to grab my popcorn and blankie..DRAAAMA!! The worse is when you discover the family members know and are accepting of the cheating..it made my blood boil when I found out that my ex’s mother not only knew about the other girl but was low down enough to lie and cover for him when he was m.i.a. So relieved u subtracted yourself from that equation.

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  • Pivyque

    I think it depends on the woman. Personally….at this point in my life…no. I just wouldn’t have the heart to forgive him and stay with him…. BUT if we were 40+ years into the marriage and he had a one night stand that resulted in a kid …I’d consider staying. At that point it would be more about the life that we built together than my own feelings towards him.

  • ladytwerksomething

    I was a side piece and I got pregnant.My child suffers everyday because her father wants nothing to do with her.I met him at a party we had sex and I got pregnant.I knew he already had a pregnant girlfriend but now our kids are 3months apart.It kills me that I go on his fb page and see all these pics of him and his first daughter living it up doing all the things farthers are supposed to do with they kids but all my child gets is $85 a week in child support which doesn’t help me because I have another 2year old that I have no help with.The other woman always gets a bad rap but you main chicks need to step it up at home so that ya man won’t go looking for happiness elsewhere.Kids are innocent they shouldn’t have to go without there father because he was a liar and he’s tryin to hold on to his other family/wife

    • guest2222

      girl please you put yourself out there . and sounds like not once but twice. kill the noise !

    • LemonsandLimes

      As a grown adult having unprotected relations with a man who already had a woman (which you apparently knew about and didn’t care about), YOU are also to blame for this. You could’ve used protection as we women have WAY more birth control options, and you already have a child that you get no help for?! Puhlease, no sympathy here for YOU. For that poor child, yes. And Yes, deservably so the other woman DOES get a bad rap, you blaming the “main chicks” right there shows what kind of sense you have. Place some blame on the GIRL looking back at you in the mirror. Sure dude shouldn’t have been out creeping, and yes there is a lot of disgust for him too. Next time pick a man who is 100% free and available to procreate with so you dont set yourself up to be a single parent.

      • ladytwerksomething

        Idc any wife or girlfriend that sticks by a man who cheated on her and had a baby with the next chick is dumb.Let him raise his child and build a family with his child’s mother regardless if the mom is a side piece or not.

        • LemonsandLimes

          His wife is also his child’s mother–and he happens to live with and be with her. This is the dynamic that you asked for when you decided to go through with having unprotected relations with a random dude. Yes, I agree that there should be a relationship between father and child, but there are many reasons why that doesn’t happen, some I agree with and some I don’t. And I’m sorry, he has ZERO obligation to have anything to do with you other than the business side of coparenting. If you are looking for anytype of family feel, you most likely won’t get it. It’s the price you pay when you decide to go out and sleep around with a man you are not committed to, even if he was single. Is it unfortunate? It is. The children are the ones who suffer the most.

      • ladytwerksomething

        Idc any wife or girlfriend that sticks by a man who cheated on her and had a baby with the next chick is dumb.Let him raise his child and build a family with his child’s mother regardless if the mom is a side piece or not.

    • Pivyque

      I’m sorry to hear that you get no help with your first child. However, you should know that sometimes the “main” is doing her part and the “man” just wants to go out and have his fun. KNOWINGLY being a “side piece” should not be an option for you. Kids should not have to suffer, but the reality is that, in these situations, THEY DO. YOU are to blame as well, because YOU chose to lay down with him and produce a child. Maybe you should make better decisions and you won’t end up with more kids and no one to help you with them.

    • Miss D

      I’m confused. You’re a side piece and are being treated as such. What made you think a man who cheated on his girlfriend would treat you like a queen? Additionally, you have another child with someone who doesn’t even pay child support. I think this tells more about your choice in men, rather than what girlfriends/wives don’t do at home. It’s difficult for me to feel sorry for someone who knowingly had unprotected sex when they weren’t able to afford a child. Unless you start carrying yourself with some dignity, you will find yourself in this position again. The only person to blame is you. May God have mercy on your children.

      • ladytwerksomething

        My choice in men has nothing to do with the fact that these men know they have women and they still sleep with me My daughters are 3 and 2 they should have there fathers around.And my point is that they shouldn’t have to suffer because there dads want to try and keep there other families happy by ignoring my kids.If there women was keeping them happy in the first place they wouldn’t cheat

        • reese

          Most men cheat because of other reasons than satisfaction. He must not have been satisfied with you because he ran back home. And they probably laugh at you constantly. I would. Thats why they are face book friends so they can show you that one monkey h o e don’t stop no show. Cheating is usually about sheer selfishness and ego. You were just a place for him to relieve himself, thus the second ninja that bounced. You didn’t learn the first time.

          • MLS2698

            OH LAWD, my blood pressure. What year is this, 2012? Women can’t still be doing this…………..3yr old, 2yr old. Back to back idiot!

        • LemonsandLimes

          EVEN if the father was in their lives, at best it would be part-time every other weekend, the standard visitation schedule. Kids still don’t win. Now if you had waited until you had a full-time man, a man who was 100% dedicated to you and to raising a child with you, your child(ren) would have a full-time dad and they wouldn’t have to suffer. And TRUST ME, cheating is not the fault of the wife. She didn’t make him go out and stick his stuff into someone willing to have it. Cheating has virtually nothing to do with their women not keeping the man happy. Cheating is a reflection of self-hatred, depression, and low self-esteem. So at best, you got knocked up by a man who hated himself and needed an ego boost because he didn’t see himself as adequate. NEXT TIME, get knocked up by your OWN HUSBAND who actually WANTS kids with you, and you will have someone there for your kids as it should be.

        • Kay

          Your choice of men? So you. Sleeping with married men is a recurrent thing?

        • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

          You sound very young and misguided (well, I HOPE that you aren’t older and that clueless)…I feel so sorry for your daughters with an example/mother like you. Will you be teaching them that it’s ok to sleep with another woman’s man, have unprotected sex, and put themselves at risk for an STD/unwanted child if she isn’t “keeping him happy”? I’ll be shocked if you’re not a grandmother by 30.

        • guest

          I’ve read all your comments and you continuously prove yourself to be one pathetic individual. I wanna feel bad for you but you don’t deserve anyone’s sympathy. I feel sorry for your kids who has a mother like you who refuses to take responsibility for her actions and mistakes. You will probably teach your lack of morals to your children and they might be in the same situation as you are when they reach adulthood. I hope they manage to surround themselves with more positive women role models cause they won’t be getting it from mom. Your logic is twisted, maybe you didn’t come from a good home environment yourself so you think a “sidepiece” is an ok thing to do.Please speak to a counselor so you can resolve whatever emotional issues you have, so you don’t make the same mistake again with other men and put your current children in an even worse position by giving them more illegitimate siblings that there mom can’t afford.

        • MLS2698

          There you go with that damn ” happy” word again. Happy is as happy does! and right now, YOU AIN’T HAPPY!

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eliza-Beth/100003391668904 Eliza Beth

          What part of it is YOUR fault do you not get? Don’t ruin someone’s life and then expect to get sympathy. The man cheated on his wife, and you helped him do it. YOU punished your children, and so did he. If you wanted your kids to have a responsible father don’t sleep with irresponsible men.

      • ladytwerksomething

        My choice in men has nothing to do with the fact that these men know they have women and they still sleep with me My daughters are 3 and 2 they should have there fathers around.And my point is that they shouldn’t have to suffer because there dads want to try and keep there other families happy by ignoring my kids.If there women was keeping them happy in the first place they wouldn’t cheat

    • Ki

      Im sorry your kid has to suffer because of you and your baby’s father dumb decision. But you my dear get no sympathy. You knew he had someone and was being dishonest with him and you expected your cat to lock him up and become a husband and great father to your kid ? You are insane and pathetic . You should take that 85 dollars and buy you some esteem and a good slap in the face. And so should the father. I hope everyday you see your child’s suffering face that you will never ever do something so selfish ever again.

    • Treacle234

      You knew he had a pregnant girlfriend, yet you still had sex with unprotected him? Oh dear, you could have taken the morning after pill to prevent this pregnancy. I feel sorry for your children, please focus on your children and raise them without bitterness.

    • MLS2698

      If the ninja was looking for “happiness” as you say, then why are you ALONE with HIS child, doesn’t he want to be happy with you? Those childish BOYS are looking for puthy from a simple minded side piece. You clearly are not happy based on your own post. Did you get the first baby that way? Please! $85 and a struggle is what you deserve until you get smart. * cuss under my breath*

  • Ms_Noel

    Nope, been in this situation before. It one thing to cheat but to get someone else pregnant is a deal breaker for me. The same way you found that man you will find another. Do not settle and move on because if the show was on the other foot the man would most likely be out of the door.

  • FromUR2UB

    I feel pretty sure I couldn’t do it, even if I tried. For me, the child would just be a constant reminder of the cheating. I wouldn’t want the child to sense my resentment, but I think eventually, he/she would. I’d have to get out of the relationship because I couldn’t deal with all of that gracefully.

  • rosemary davis

    Why would anyone sane want too stay with a man Husband or not who has brought another Woman and child into the relationship or Marriage?? My answer would be hell no too the 10th power this woman and child would be wooven into your life for the rest of your life taking the things that should be given to you and give them to this stank and her bastard baby and going ahead and marrying someone after finding this information out is ludicris!!!!!

  • Think

    *your

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