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There’s a week, every year like clockwork, when all my exes convene in a parking lot garage and discuss our break ups; why they can no longer live with it and hatch a game plan to make me crazy. After this meeting happens they break apart only to begin their week long campaign of strange phone calls, text messaging and bizarre behavior. This campaign includes contacting my eldest sister to somehow get her to talk some sense into me. As persistent as this campaign is, it last only five to seven days; it’s my shark week, minus the sharks but with a few deranged exes.
I can’t prove that my exes are actually in a dingy parking lot making friends and sharing stories but the fact that their harassment campaigns, being three guys in particular, fall in and around the same time is a little too coincidental. This creepy coincidence has led me to believe that they’re combating my rejection with focused persistence (strength in numbers).
I wish this were a braggadocios article but it isn’t? It’s a general WTF?! Every time ex week comes around I’m thrown for a curve because it means more time has passed and they’re still meeting and plotting.
Recently, at a not so cool hour of the night, my phone buzzed. Groggy and half asleep, I took a look at the caller ID, assumed I was dreaming and ignored the phantom call. My caller ID was trying to tell me it was my ex from four years ago? FOUR. YEARS. AGO. We’re not on speaking terms – not to say that we hate each other but it’s one of those situations, where I’m cool with the non-friendship and he obviously isn’t. A few minutes after his call, I receive a call from my sister which immediately confirmed that the phantom call was real after all. My sister informed me that he needed five minutes. Like the hustle man of relationships he was trying to get his time. And because I know my mind can go in a whirlwind of not so healthy thoughts of what he wants now? -why do I care?- I figured what’s five minutes?
Had I remembered that this past Sunday, I received an urgent voicemail from another ex that I hadn’t spoken to in about two years I would not have granted this one a minute. But I did and as I suspected, the five minutes sounded like the results of parking lot plotting! The conversation didn’t last long and nothing of any relevance was said, except when he mentioned that he’d love an invite to “the wedding.” He recently found out I was dating someone and I’m guessing since he’ s discovered this fact he’s been sitting in the dark wondering how he can let me know, that he knows. Or maybe that wasn’t his intent at all. Maybe he does want an invite to the wedding. And maybe my ex that called on Sunday really has something urgent to discuss with me and when number three calls I’ll just pick up and listen to the crazy and ex week 2012 will have wrapped.
But how do I avoid ex week 2013? I’m tired of this. I wish I could say that I’m this woman who cast a spell on men and leave them bewitched -that’s my sisters assumption- but this voodoo I do only works when I’m done with these fellas.
I’m not quite sure why they keep coming back around. If I had to take a guess, I would guess that something in their current romantic situation has gone awry; it’s not working out with the current girl and she’s not as laid back as they remember me being.
Coming back to me, in the hopes that I would be open to their seduction is comforting because I’m the last happy place that these three men can remember. However the problem with this is that I’m nothing like the girl they remember and their seduction has nothing to do with me and more to do with themselves, which is why it didn’t work in the first place!
When I think of the time spent and the work I put into these relationships, only to have my absence be the thing that sparks deep affection? In the end it makes me feel like I could’ve saved myself a lot of grief, money and time if absence was all it took to realize what our relationships were worth it.
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