How to Tell If Your Guy Is Intimidated By Your Success (And What To Do About It)

July 27th, 2012 - By Blair Bedford

En Bellebeirut.com

Let’s face it: Men have their pride and women have their drive. It’s just our own manmade law of nature (sort of like the, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ type analogy). When the two meet at the crossroads of life (say, after college, at the beginning of your career or in-transition professionally), it can become a clash of the titans, where relationship roles are put to the test.

Whether you have a better salary than your mate or are helping him break into the job market to no avail, eventually the differences in income and growth, mixed in with a little bit of pride, becomes an issue that must be discussed to keep the relationship thriving. Not saying that you must stroke your man’s ego or take a pay-cut for his own contentment, but it might be something you need to discuss.

Could your man’s pride get in the way of being a future power couple? Here are a few signs to tell whether your man is intimated by your success (OR signs that he is intimated by his own possible success!)

Provided by: Madame Noire

He Constantly Looks For Validation From You

For some men, they need that validation or assurance from you to let them know that they’re “the man” of the relationship. It is somewhat typical of certain guys to need validation in their relationship, whether they are the main breadwinner of the family or the protector of the house. In a good comparison, their need for validation is like our innate need to be nurturers sometimes: it’s a trait that is associated with being a woman, a future wife and mother. If you find that your guy, who might be in between jobs or making less than you financially, is looking for his “say” in the relationship at every angle, from throwing a fit about going out because he cannot pay to needing an ego boost every day, he might be insecure with your success.

 

Provided By: forum.santabanta.com

His Attitude Changes (For The Worst) When You Mention Your Job or Finances

You might’ve just had the best day at work: the project you’ve been working on for weeks has been approved and now, you are spearheading a major company strategy. You just received a great evaluation from your boss and you might even be expecting a promotion soon. Days like this, you want to tell it to the world, but when you mention it to your mate, he begins to either shy away from the conversation or doesn’t feel the same amount of excitement that you do. Although it is not directly happening to him, he should still feel some happiness for you, especially if he is thinking about building a future with you (where finances will eventually come into play). If his mood gets sour, he might be envious or threatened by your achievements, especially if he has no success stories of his own at the moment.

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  • wepo1

    Black women have an ego problem! They think black men are in some can of competition with them, which is caused by feminism and white supremacy media propaganda!

    Look, if you feel you are successful that is one thing, but if you are constantly measuring your succes compared to your black man’s accomplishments then you are a borderline narcissist!

    I have never heard a black man complaining about how his angry about his woman’s accomplishments and accolades! I hear black women complaining about how they cant find black men on their level all the time! A black man must be in the church, or at least make more money is just some of the things I hear from black women! Well, those things are nice to have but not all the time do they guarantee you a man with morals and good character!

    Black women have all these egotistic tales of how they are so business minded and void of compassion and just being a down to earth person!

    Black men are not bothered about your pay scale unless you choose to remind them of all you can do for yourself when arguments break out!

    White feminist only wanted to be equally as important as their man! They never wanted to be on top of their man they just want to show they can do the same jobs! This is why a white man can be a stay at home day without any rift!

    Black feminism wants to be independent of black men! They want to emasculate, ridicule, compete, and be the men! They believe they have to conquer their oppresser(black men)!

    For black men to have been the oppressor of black women they would had to have owned something more than black women! Fact is, at the beginning of feminism when black women jumped sides to side with white women black men owned no more than black women because black women also worked! White women were the ones that started feminism because their men did not allow them to work or vote!

    So, there was never any large scale of black men oppressing black women during the 60′s and 70′s! Only fictional media propaganda like books and movies like the color of purple that made black men seem like oppressors!

    • ri

      Rambling much? Couldn’t read past your first 5 lines and am from the UK.

      • wepo1

        f you, f the plane you flew in on, f dem shoes, f yo socks, f yo fairy f a g g o t accent, f yo yucmouth teeth, f yo hairpiece, f guy richie,
        f prince wiliams, and f the queen, this is america my president is black and my lambo is blue nugga and if i catch you on the street im slappin the sh!t outta you!

        • DeLeon629

          Haaaa! Just watched that episode yesterday! lol

  • ElvisWasAHero2Most

    Man, how times are changing. This article is especially pertinent to Black couples, considering most females are far out pacing males in college graduation rates. As Black women become smarter and richer, us fellas will have to do one of two things… (1) adapt to the shift in economic power or (2) enroll into Devry and get that shinny new MBA.

    Personally, I’m all in favor of the shift, but it does raise an interesting question. Can the traditional family still exist if women are the bread winners? Can a woman have time to run a successful company and be a decent mother? I allude to the Anne-Marie Slaughter article in The Atlantic not that long ago, to which she points out a trade off must occur for successful women who want both the ideal family and a six figure job. But like I said, I’m in favor of this… the world is over populated, resources are quickly being depleted, it could be a good thing if women started living for their careers without the pressures of having a family. Besides, I never experienced a household where women weren’t already the bread winners, so this is something I can get use to.

    • Nope

      I don’t understand why working mothers deserve special recognition. My office is full of working fathers too. It’s called responsible parenting. And regarding “tradition”, women typically only want that if it’s offered a la carte.

      • ElvisWasAHero2Most

        Because they are earning lower wages than men, getting harassed at a higher rate both in and out of the workplace, have to bear children, be the anchor of the family all while wearing heels and skirts, I’d say there’s no question it’s more difficult for women than it is men. Besides, let’s be real… way less likely a mother abandons their child than a man. Thinking back to when I’d meet a girlfriend’s family, fathers were seldom seen.

      • DeLeon629

        You’re right about posing this question if you look at it from a “This Day & Age,” or “Equal Opportunity” perspective; especially with the economic demands we now face. Yet we must also consider the downsides of being a mother who spends more time at work than at home (how they affect our society today) & applaud those who are able to balance the time-because they’ll catch hell if they don’t. Call me traditional, but a father is supposed to be out busting his a$$ on the job: Women are much more effective in the nurturing process of a child’s upbringing…

  • Mr Franklin

    How many times is this article going to be written and published on this website? We all know why these articles are written but what I don’t understand is why people continue to read them. Black women have been searching for ways to excuse their singleness for years and over time have developed numerous excuses to free themselves of responsibility. The first excuse for black women being single was because black men were Gay. Years later the excuse became black men secretly desired to be with white women. Now of the last three years or so its because black men are intimidated by your “success”. But I’m confused about the success black women have achieved considering that a quarter of black women live below the poverty line and another quarter are slightly above it. This very website just posted statistics that stated black women were experiencing high rates of unemployment in both the public and private sectors. And let’s no forget about the Pew Center Research report on the rate of black females dropping out of high school (40%). So once again I ask the question what success are black women achieving that would intimidate black men?

    • Nope

      Very, very excellent points. Statistically the majority of Black people, male or female, are not financially successful or highly educated. Hell, statistically most people in generally aren’t. There’s all kinds of logical fallacies by and for women that continue to be used to explain away things mentioned in articles like these.

  • NaturalJem

    My ex was like that & acted selfish and jealous, that’s why he’s my ex……by the way you have a spelling error in your title, it should be intimidated

  • jason vorhees

    Unless you are married ladies this sh*t you shouldnt even be dealing with. If a man regardless of his financial situation cant be happy and keep pushing you to excel in the working world he is mentally stunted plain and simple. Fellas just think if she is making more money than you….Thats less coming out of your pocket. She can pay for her own hair, nails, purses, shoes, jewelry, ugly a** lapdog, carnote etc etc blah blah blah….I have absolutely no issue being in a relationship with a woman who is making more money and excelling in the work force. :O)

    • Nope

      I agree. I don’t know why any man in his right mind would have a sucker attack because his woman makes more money. Unless she’s always rubbing in his face and using it to attack his ‘manhood’, which is usually the very first target for attack when a woman gets upset enough. A man knows and is okay with it, he just doesn’t want to hear about it every two days.

    • Carol

      lol @pay for her own hair, nails, purses etc. I’m so done with these type of articles. If you are dealing with a mature, responsible, self confident, secure man you shouldn’t have any major problem. And, if you are not rubbing it in his face, trying to wear the pant or showing off how independent you are every single second, it should be cool. Just know your roles. These professional women, who have much going for them but chose to settle for useless, freeloader, not productive men is their bad choices. I make more money than my husband, and it’s never been a problem. As long as he’s progressing in his respective field just as I am, we are supportive of each other to be better and respect each other. It should work out fine.