Toya: After going through a string of so-so relationships, I’ve decided to step away from the dating world to figure out if it’s all “worth it”. I know you don’t speak for all men, but in your encounters do you think men want to settle down and find someone or is it all about getting into a woman’s pants?
DY: Since you’re already aware that I don’t speak for all men, you should also be aware that men, like women, vary. There are some men who want to settle down. Some who just want to bag and beat. Some who are “sitting” out just like you said you’re planning too. And some who have no idea what the hell they want.
As far as finding the guys who are more “LTR-minded,” since you can’t make a man want to commit, the best way to weed out the pretenders from the contenders is to let men you meet and date know that you’re not with the b.s./”Why don’t you come through and chill?” type of relationship. Trust me, women who carry that mindset — and stick to it — have a way of attracting like-minded men.
Dejonnee: I have a question that’s been pestering me for awhile now: How does one shake the label “just one of the guys” and move past it, into something more romantic? For example, I’m friends with a lot of guys, and we love doing the same things (most of the time), and I’m not considered unattractive, yet, if I were to show interest into one of them, how could I come across as sincere? (weird question I know).
DY: I’d give you the same advice I’d give a guy asking how to stay out of the dreaded, coitus-less abyss known as “the friend’s zone”: Don’t “befriend” guys you’re interested in dating. I’m not saying you can’t be cool with them, but if you initially present yourself as “the cool homegirl” instead of “the woman you need to court and date,” it’ll be near impossible to escape that box