Breakin’ All The Rules! Gabrielle Union And “The Pretty Girl Privilege”

July 10th, 2012 - By Alissa Henry
"gabrielle union"

Source: Whudat.com

When I was in high school, there was a guy we’ll name Kevin who was dating a girl we’ll call Tracy. One day, Kevin and Tracy were together and out of nowhere he began dating a girl we’ll call Kim.  Tracy cried “foul” but Kim said she had no hand in breaking them up and most people believed her. I asked a sensible male friend his take on the drama and was completely floored when he responded: “Kim probably did break them up, but it doesn’t matter. Kim looks better than Tracy so no one cares.”

Granted, this was high school and most of those dating relationships are about as reliable as MediaTakeout’s latest scoop anyway, but it seems that people apply this same juvenile thinking to marriage.

And the first thing we want to know when we hear about cheating is what does the “other woman” look like. Then, whether we admit it or not, we judge from there whether the cheater was really in the wrong.

Obviously, pretty girls have the privilege in this situation, but if that pretty girl is famous too then the general public automatically thinks she can do no wrong.

The most obvious and in-your-face example of this Pretty, Famous Girl Privilege phenomena is one of my favorite actresses Gabrielle Union and my former favorite NBA player’s ex-wife Siohvaughn Wade.

[Sidenote: I don’t know all the facts regarding what went down in that situation, but whichever side of the line you fall on, you don’t know what exactly went down either. So let’s just get that straight from the outset.]

Though she would have us to believe otherwise, it’s pretty hard to believe that Gabrielle Union is the victim in the Dwayne/Siohvaughn/Gabrielle situation. Every time, I hear her say she “took the high road”, I wonder if she is clear on what that phrase even means. Whether she was the “first girl he looked at” or not, Gabrielle Union entered into that situation before DWade’s divorce was finalized, there’s no disputing that. As Kobe and Vanessa Bryant have made evident, a separation is not a divorce and without third parties entering the picture, there is still opportunity there to reconcile.  Gabrielle volunteered to traipse around Miami with DWade pre-divorce and then balked at the idea that she had anything to do with their divorce. Maybe she really didn’t. The actress endured a divorce herself, so I would hope that she didn’t play a part in that hardship being experienced by someone else.

Even if she did, it doesn’t seem to matter though because she’s pretty and famous.

In contrast, Siohvaughn is painted as “crazy” over and over again as if she should be able to flip her hair and walk away from her highschool sweetheart like they were never married while he publicly and callously replaces her. He’s a certified jerk for his actions and even if he didn’t want to honor his vows, I would think he would show a little more respect to the woman that’s been there for him since high school.

For her part, Siohvaughn could certainly afford to dial down the “crazy” in pursuit of gaining custody of her children, but would we be all so quick to call her psycho if Gabrielle weren’t pretty and famous?

I wondered this same thing when Alicia Keys started dating Swizz Beats. Their relationship and wedding were covered in mainstream tabloid magazines with no mention of the fact that their “Unthinkable” romance began as an affair because Swizz was married to Mashonda when they first hooked up.

We’re all willing to look the other way though because Alicia Keys is pretty and famous and she made beautiful music to complement that adultery.

Marriage is serious, yet when there is a pretty and famous face involved, we equate marriage to adolescent dating relationships that “just don’t work out” or ascribe ghetto names like “babymama” to someone’s ex-wife. Maybe it’s the whole “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” thing that keeps us from calling a situation what it is and causes us to give the benefit of a doubt to our favorite gorgeous faces instead.

In my opinion, you can be as pretty as you wanna be and still be wrong.  You can do as many interviews and cover as many magazines as you can insisting what you have is “real” and still be “real wrong”.

And as long as Gabrielle Union is on her “I took the high road” nationwide tour, I’m going to wonder if anyone would even be listening if she weren’t pretty and famous.

What do you think? Do you think pretty and famous women get a pass for otherwise questionable actions?

Follow Alissa on Twitter @AlissaInPink

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  • Sickandtired

    Seriously! Stop calling these women homewreckers. You don’t know the truth about these people or their former marriages. They are all divorced and have moved on. These couples are actually happy and some women are still bitter and miserable. It has been at least 4 -5 years and you are still writing about the same thing.

  • Mystique

    Miss Union is pretty but she is not a child. She is old enough to know a man is married when she sees a ring on his finger or find out he is married. Ignorance is no excuse. She is a homewrecker.

  • Kj

    I so agree with the sentiments in this article. Angelina, Gabrielle, Alicia were all given a pass after they entered into relationships with married men

  • annoyedinATL

    I am completely disgusted by this article. While the author prefaces her comments by stating, “I don’t know all the facts regarding what went down in that situation…”, she still decides to go on a tirade, completing vilifying Gabrielle Union. According to media reports, it took nearly 3 years for Dewayne Wade’s divorce to be finalized. Why should he be forced to put his life on hold for three years? A divorce issued by a judge merely dissolves a civil union governed by man’s laws. As we all know morality and biblical codes of conduct do not always coincide with civil laws. He apparently didn’t want to reconcile, opting instead to move on with his life. Had he wanted to be with his estranged wife, neither Gabrielle Union nor anyone else would have been able to keep him away. Additionally, Gabrielle and Dewayne did not “paint Siohvaughn as crazy”, she did that to herself.

  • ROYALTEE

    THE WRITER OF THIS ARTICLE SOUNDS BITTER AND JEALOUS. MAYBE SHE WASN’T DEEMED ONE OF THE PRETTY GIRLS IN HIGH SCHOOL BUT PLEASE GROW UP. GABRIELLE IS BEAUTIFUL TALENTED, WEALTHY FAMOUS AND IN LOVE. AND SO IS ALICIA KEYS. RELATIONSHIPS FAIL AND PEOPLE MOVE ON PERIOD! JUST BECAUSE I PUT MY SIGNATURE ON A DOCUMENT NOW I’M AT LIBERTY TO FIND LOVE…GIVE ME A BREAK. THATS WHY THE MAJORITY OF COMMENTERS ON THIS ARTICLE ARE PROBABLY SINGLE WITH THIS CHILD LIKE MENTALITY. DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS CAN TAKE AGES ESPECIALLY IF ONE PARTY DOESN’T WANT TO COOPERATE. THIS MAN IS FAMOUS ATHLETE WHO IS RAISING HIS SONS THE RIGHT WAY BEING AN ENGAGED DAD, HE DECIDED TO COMMIT TO A BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMEN WHO IS BROWN SKIN BECAUSE MOST OF Y’ALL WOULD BE HOOPING AND HOLLERING IF SHE WAS LIGHT SKIN ( LIKE IT MATTERS). AND HE’S JUST WON A CHAMPIONSHIP AND HE’S HAPPY. LIVE AND LET LIVE!!!! ALL OF THESE SIOVAUGHN COAT TAIL RIDERS MUST FEEL THE SAME WAY SHE FEELS AND ARE LIVING VICARIOUSLY THRU HER. HE DIVORCED HER IN 2009 IT’S 2012 SHE NEEDS A JOB OR A HOBBY…. AND SHE PROBABLY DOESN’T HAVE TO WORK BECAUSE I’M SURE SHE’S WELL TAKEN CARE OF. SHE NEEDS TO GET HER LIFE TOGETHER FOR HER KIDS AND SEEK COUNSELING AND PRAYER BECAUSE EVERYONE IN THIS SITUATION HAS MOVED ON BUT HER! MADAME NOIRE PLEASE GET SOME MATURE WRITERS FOR THIS WEBSITE AND KILL THIS HIGH SCHOOL B. S. SMH

  • CaramelC

    No matter how “PRETTY” Gabby or Alicia appear to be, their actions/choices were UGLY and self-esteem LOW! They chose to engage & be willing participants with married men who had not finished handling their business at home while publically disrespecting the mother of his children. The FACT that these men left their wives in that manner, shows lack of character in them & these women “THIRST” to be next “wife”. No sympathy will be given when Karma comes knocking on their “new” door & Karma is coming! These type of women need to have enough respect to say to these married men “Look, I understand your marriage is failing, but that is your home, your family, your business…YOU HANDLE THAT PROPERLY! Don’t invite me into your drama, don’t block my blessings…If you care for me like you say you do, than have enough respect for me to introduce me to your family/children and publically in a DECENT MANNER!” I can’t stand it when the OW make excuses for their decisions, blame the married man, the wife for their CHOICES…you are grown and those are your legs you chose to open to a married man….NO ONE FORCED YOU, so take the backlash you deserve from the choice you made!

  • annie

    His ex-wife made it easy to paint her as crazy: her multiple affairs, contracting an STD and later admitting to the affair in an unrelated court proceeding, and general irrational behavior. The court awarded Dwayne custody for a reason.

    It is easy for people who have never been in a divorce to just wait it out, but some divorce proceedings last years. Must the other partner wait-it-out because his or her soon to be ex won’t let go. Life is not so black and white, and such knowledge is only gleaned through experience. While appreciate the efforts made by commentator who have either never been married or divorced to share their opinions on the matter, it usually just reveals their own naiveté.

    • Mrsadkiah

      Thank you. I say this all the time. Divorces aren’t as simple as saying you want one and signing a paper, some take years. And while the LEGAL relationship might not be over, the actual relationship is. I don’t think a person is wrong if they find someone new while waiting on the legal part of the relationship to be over.

  • kyla

    At the end of the day, we don’t “know” whether or not Gabby was a homewrecker but what we do know is that she has conducted more than one interview trash talking the mother of the kids of the man she loves. That’s trashy and low class. If she loves the children, how does she think they will feel if they read any of these interviews? Rule no. 1 of dating a man with children: Never speak ill of the mother of the children publicly or in front of the children. After all is said and done, she is their bio mother and if Gabby is as involved in the children’s lives as she says she is, then they all co parent and coexist and these interviews add more fuel to the fire. I want her to truly take the high road and shut up about it all cause it isn’t about her. It is about the children stuck in the damn middle.

  • Just saying!!

    Okay some of these comments are disgusting. I know this is my third comment on this article but I have to say this. I am SO SICk of the “trample on women” mentality this society has. I mean the way we trea women disgusts me. In EACH of theses situations it was the MAN who decided to stray away, otherwise there would be no affair or whatever you would call it. Also, why do we try so hard to label people!?!? Who the hell are you to be calling someone a homewrecker!? Sorry I’m mad amp but I just had to say that (not to anyone in particular). Check yourself and leave the rest to the man upstairs

    • Just saying!!

      Ugh I was trying to say “man or woman” upstairs but could not edit my comment. Whatever u get the picture lol

  • Guest360

    From my view, Gabrielle Union, though they make a cute couple, was wrong for getting with this man while he was still married. I’m not going to chastise her for it because I don’t know what went on but wrong is wrong and she did wrong. I also don’t want to make the ex out to be the villain but she’s a tad bit on the cray side with trying to kidnap those kids and all. Whatever the case, no one knows the full story but them so I’m not going to call anyone a homewrecker or say they deserve to be cheated on because they arent as pretty as the other woman. That’s not my place.

  • http://twitter.com/unque43 LaVerne

    Well my take on it we have nothing to do with what goes on in these people lives. But, yes there is a but. I just gotta give my take on some on these comments. Sometimes vows are made and as much as we would like to honor them things change. People fall out of love. What would you have a person to do man or woman stay in a loveless marriage. Children don’t don’t or need that. Love my friends is not cherished when you no longer are in love. comments like those of bkabbage is made by someone who has some pain in his/her own life and they are mirroring that pain to this circumstance. There is nothing as sad as people staying together for their kids. resentment surfaces sooner or later. The best thing she can do is be thankful she has a father for her children that whats to be in their lives actively participating. He could have easily had his accountant to send a check every month and went about his life. He wanted a life with his children. Now she his ex is the one in the news being what some is calling crazy. She is scorned and seems not able to move on. I feel for her but she needs to put her kids first and show them a strong mother who no matter what she is feeling puts her kids need first and that is to have two parents who loves them and can get along regardless of what ended their marriage. You can’t tell me being married to D Wade did not improve her life and she needs to now capitalize on that. Stop running around like a bat out of hell. Now it hurts when a marriage ends and you are not the one who whats it to end. I don’t know either of them and none of you either. The fact is that D Wade moved on the marriage ended, but the relationship didn’t because the need to co parent their 2 sons. So they need to respect each other. You mention his mom was not in his life but still he rose to be a man he’s not in jail and he whats to be a father to his sons. His ex should make sure she is in her sons life. Her recent action say at this time she shouldn’t be (maybe) She needs help to move on. I feel for her to have to see your ex who you are not over in the media with his attractive new partner. Who knows it may not work with her, but its their business not ours. Life is like that. He seems to what to do what is right. I can’t blame him for wanting happiness in his life. We all deserve happiness life is short. Marriage yes is an commitment but its not a death sentence. Love is supposed to feel good maybe it just wasn’t feeling good anymore. Let D Wade and his ex work this out. Its their life after all. Just suppose we had people analyzing everything we did every decision we make people telling what we do is right or wrong many of us would be cursing up a storm. So what make you think we can do someone else. Yes they are celebs but some stuff is private as this should be so let them do this.

  • http://twitter.com/vashtikk11 ♥♡PURE ESTROGEN♡♥

    I’m just amazed that Gabrielle Union is on the chopping block when Wade was the one who was married. She didn’t vow not to be in the picture, but he said his vows and broke them so really…he should be the one who is considered to be wrong because no amount of temptation should warrant anyone going off with someone else while they are still married. People should be able to say “no, i’m married.”

  • Just saying!!

    Waitttttt a minuteeee!?!? Alicia Keys got a pass?? Since when!?!? Whenever I mention her name people call her a home wrecker!! I can’t get people to shut up about it already. In fact I used to always wonder why Gabrielle and Dwayne were an “awwww” situation while Alicia and Swizz were “that home wrecker”. People were damn hard on Keys. Maybe not the press but the public sure was….

  • JustSayin

    Soo No One Is Goin To Mention Fantasia? *Looks Around* Alrighty Then.

    • http://twitter.com/vashtikk11 ♥♡PURE ESTROGEN♡♥

      Lol. Right on.

    • Miss Anonymous

      Fantasia got her just dues with people trashing her to heck and back. At the same time people were excusing Alicia Keyes saying that “you cant take a man away” and “its not her fault that he left his wife”

  • Negress

    It worked for Angelina, ijs. Her name means pretty little angel.

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