A FOOL FOR LOVE: The Truth About Ride or Die Chicks

July 14th, 2012 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers

sohh.com

I sat watching Love and Hip Hop Atlanta last night, wincing at Mimi’s semi-emotional scene with the rest of the world as she poured her heart out to K.Michelle about Stevie’s baby fiasco with Joseline. Part of me wanted to feel sympathetic for her, I mean no woman wants to hear that her man has gotten someone else pregnant, but then again is Stevie even qualified to be called anyone’s man at all? I mean his penis pretty much seems to be public property. Then, I thought woah, Mimi is way too calm. This probably isn’t the first time this has happened. *sigh*

Ride or die chicks have been around since the beginning of time, Bible days if you will (go read the story of Sarah and Abraham if you need proof). Before they were known as “ride or dies”, they were simply known as women who stood by their men and didn’t dip out at the first sign of stormy weather. Somewhere around 1999 we were introduced to the term “ride or die chick”, and since then all hell has broken loose. Good women who once stood by their men in the face of normal adversity such as financial hardships, sickness, etc. were now being expected to toss all of their God-given sense out of the window and stick by their man no matter how ridiculous the foolishness is that he brings to her doorstep. This term has been marketed and romanticized by music, novels, and television to the point where it is sickening. Women eventually began to proudly rock their ride or die titles as if it were some Girl Scout’s badge of honor, which was no different than writing “I’m a fool” across their foreheads because riding for a man through any and everything is downright foolish. Every woman should draw the line somewhere.

Women have many different reasons riding with their men through the craziest of situations, the most sincere reason being love. For example, Tashera Simmons, wife of rapper DMX. I’ve always deemed her as one of the strongest wives in the entertainment industry. It can’t be easy to stay with a man who struggles with substance abuse, not to mention his countless run-ins with the law. Yet, somehow, she found the strength to stay. Sadly, in return she was cheated on and left to cope with the fact that he had six children  outside of their marriage resulting in her eventually filing for seperation. It really makes you wonder what the point is in riding for your man if this is what the end result will be. What I will say is that the man who came up with the “ride or die” philosophy is absolutely ingenious. He’s convinced women across America to give their all only to receive crap in return.

Then, you have Mimi and Stevie J. While I do believe that Mimi loves Stevie, I can’t help but think that there has to be another driving motive accompanied by love that is keeping her stagnant in that relationship.  The disrespect that Stevie demonstrates over and over is unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed before. Lastly, there’s Emily B., baby mama of Fabolous and one of the only reality stars that actually moved me to tears. I felt for Emily as she’d burst into tears on camera. It was clear that she genuinely loved Fab and was devastated that he was so reluctant to claim her publicly, not to mention the fact that he was constantly being photographed by the media with different women. Things do however, seem to be looking up for Emily these days.

Sticking by your man through hard times is one thing, but allowing him to make you his fool is something else. To be a good woman who stands by her man is admirable, to be a ride or die is foolish. Sometimes staying isn’t what makes you strong, but knowing your worth and deciding that you won’t tolerate abuse or disrespect. People do make mistakes and forgiveness is important, but once a mistake becomes a habit it is time to reevaluate.

Sound off, ladies: At what point did you have to say enough is enough?

Jazmine Denise is a New York City based Lifestyle & Relationship writer. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

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  • nesha

    I agree…I’m all about sticking by my man during hard times..but if he is just disrespecting me publicly and not caring its time to let him go..but I think most women stay because of security and not wanting to b alone..but if he is out all the time and never with u spending time then u alone anyway..might as well let him go..I’ll rather b alone than with someone who don’t care about me or my feelings

  • RealDeal

    It’s okay to “ride or die” for your man, as long as you “ride or die” for yourself also! Doing the latter will cancel out the whole “I’m a fool” option. That’s the problem with a lot of “ride or die” relationships today. People care about their relationships so much, that they totally forget to care about themselves. Expect to get what you giving. Besides, a “ride or die” chick need a “ride a die” man and a “ride or die” man shouldn’t cheat! Sad thing is, a lot of men cheat and do whatever they want in a relationship, even if he cares about that woman, because he knows he has a “ride or die” chick. If women stop falling for that, men would do better! The way I see it, that “ride or die” badge is an “its okay to do me wrong” badge.

  • baddvixentype

    i highly doubt the whole situation with mimi and stevie (or stebbie as josline calls him) is anything new to mimi. She said shes been with him on and off for 15 years. he said he has 5 BABY MOMMAS! obviously he’s had babys on her before so why would we expect her to leave now if this is what has been going on long before it was broadcast on television? She should have drew the line the moment he decided to disrespect their relationship and creat another family…but that my opinion. its her life. to each its own. Maybe one day she’ll wake up and decide she wants better and she doesnt deserve anything less.

  • Zettai

    I do not understand the difference between “ride or die” and “blood is thicker than water”. Some people treat their family members just as bad as these men treat their women (watch any episode of Jeremy Kyle, Maury, Steve Wilkos). Yet the person on the receiving end of the pain always says “well they’re my family so we’re going to work it out no matter what”. WTH?

    I say you are stupid to let anyone treat you like a deaf dumb and blind dog on a leash, whether it is a man or a woman or blood or water.

  • Sunset

    Marriage is just another way for uncle sam to get in ur pockets and invade ur privacy a ring shouldn’t determine what u do for ur lover honesty love and trust should if a child or children knows that their mother and father are happy their happy regardless if they are married or not marriage is overrated love is love same rules apply in a relationship dont lie cheat and be there 4 1 another thru thick and thin.

  • etilmaimetrop

    Married or not, there has to be some strong level of commitment and determination in a relationship. The term “ride or die” has jaded what use to simply be love. I’ve stood by my man (who I’m engaged to) through tough times. People said I was stupid to stay, but now he and I have grown together, matured together, and we are happier than ever before. Its something about seeing each other at our lowest and rising up that makes our relationship so strong. If you run every time stuff gets hard you’ll never find peace. I believe that the man that is for you, is for you in season.

  • paris

    I fell in love with a guy, he cheated and got someone pregnant so I left. It should be that simple. I don’t feel bad for Mimi or women like her, I think they are fools for alowing themselves to be continuiously humiliated, hurt and disrespected. Being ‘ride or die’ does not mean sacrificing your soul to your mans selfish needs. Bump that ish.

  • Lola

    This is the truth…

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    Did anyone else notice… that when a man cheats and she sticks by him she’s a “ride or die chick” but if she cheats…. then she a h0e, sneaky b!tch….. can’t trust woman etc…

  • gwent

    its human to ride until we are convinced its time to quit it… some of us take longer than others . its too bad that love demands so much of us, including selflessness at times…. women should check out when that mans checks out – including cheating, emotional harm and disrespect.

  • gwent

    its human to ride until we are convinced its time to quit it… some of us take longer than others . its too bad that love demands so much of us, including selflessness at times…. women should check out when that mans checks out – including cheating, emotional harm and disrespect.

  • Snippi

    I don’t believe ANYTHING that happens on LHH it seems scripted to me like it’s trying to be a soap opera. Thats why MImi is so calm and puts up with Stebie, because she’s reading a script. Duh.

  • MissQ123

    Its one thing to think a man is cheating its another think to know and see it and still be with him ,sadly its the times and world we live in now

  • FromUR2UB

    Well, for one thing, Sarah suggested that Abraham conceive a child with another woman. I think we’re supposed to learn from that story that we shouldn’t ask for what we don’t want.
    I don’t understand, Jazmine, why you consider Tashera’s support of DMX, a strength. Not to sound cliche’, but love means treating someone with respect and kindness. He is neither respectful nor kind to her. He does not genuinely love her, because he doesn’t have love for himself. What is the point in fighting for a love that doesn’t exist?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_RMFE5V6ITVKKO4XIJXKPBBYJDI najaca

      No, the writer is trying to point out how she was good to try to stick in there because she wanted to support him through his addiction BUT ultimately she was humiliated and burned in the process. I don’t think she’s contradicting herself, she’s just pointing out that this logic doesn’t work!