A FOOL FOR LOVE: The Truth About Ride or Die Chicks

101 comments
July 14, 2012 ‐ By Jazmine Denise Rogers

sohh.com

I sat watching Love and Hip Hop Atlanta last night, wincing at Mimi’s semi-emotional scene with the rest of the world as she poured her heart out to K.Michelle about Stevie’s baby fiasco with Joseline. Part of me wanted to feel sympathetic for her, I mean no woman wants to hear that her man has gotten someone else pregnant, but then again is Stevie even qualified to be called anyone’s man at all? I mean his penis pretty much seems to be public property. Then, I thought woah, Mimi is way too calm. This probably isn’t the first time this has happened. *sigh*

Ride or die chicks have been around since the beginning of time, Bible days if you will (go read the story of Sarah and Abraham if you need proof). Before they were known as “ride or dies”, they were simply known as women who stood by their men and didn’t dip out at the first sign of stormy weather. Somewhere around 1999 we were introduced to the term “ride or die chick”, and since then all hell has broken loose. Good women who once stood by their men in the face of normal adversity such as financial hardships, sickness, etc. were now being expected to toss all of their God-given sense out of the window and stick by their man no matter how ridiculous the foolishness is that he brings to her doorstep. This term has been marketed and romanticized by music, novels, and television to the point where it is sickening. Women eventually began to proudly rock their ride or die titles as if it were some Girl Scout’s badge of honor, which was no different than writing “I’m a fool” across their foreheads because riding for a man through any and everything is downright foolish. Every woman should draw the line somewhere.

Women have many different reasons riding with their men through the craziest of situations, the most sincere reason being love. For example, Tashera Simmons, wife of rapper DMX. I’ve always deemed her as one of the strongest wives in the entertainment industry. It can’t be easy to stay with a man who struggles with substance abuse, not to mention his countless run-ins with the law. Yet, somehow, she found the strength to stay. Sadly, in return she was cheated on and left to cope with the fact that he had six children  outside of their marriage resulting in her eventually filing for seperation. It really makes you wonder what the point is in riding for your man if this is what the end result will be. What I will say is that the man who came up with the “ride or die” philosophy is absolutely ingenious. He’s convinced women across America to give their all only to receive crap in return.

Then, you have Mimi and Stevie J. While I do believe that Mimi loves Stevie, I can’t help but think that there has to be another driving motive accompanied by love that is keeping her stagnant in that relationship.  The disrespect that Stevie demonstrates over and over is unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed before. Lastly, there’s Emily B., baby mama of Fabolous and one of the only reality stars that actually moved me to tears. I felt for Emily as she’d burst into tears on camera. It was clear that she genuinely loved Fab and was devastated that he was so reluctant to claim her publicly, not to mention the fact that he was constantly being photographed by the media with different women. Things do however, seem to be looking up for Emily these days.

Sticking by your man through hard times is one thing, but allowing him to make you his fool is something else. To be a good woman who stands by her man is admirable, to be a ride or die is foolish. Sometimes staying isn’t what makes you strong, but knowing your worth and deciding that you won’t tolerate abuse or disrespect. People do make mistakes and forgiveness is important, but once a mistake becomes a habit it is time to reevaluate.

Sound off, ladies: At what point did you have to say enough is enough?

Jazmine Denise is a New York City based Lifestyle & Relationship writer. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

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  • Amanda

    They key here is to be ride or die for a man that’s worth it, and has to be your ride or die man in return. This has to be a two-way street, and there has to be mutual respect and admiration. I could never be a ride or die chick to a cheater or abuser–that’s just sad. But my man and I know that we are there for each other no matter what, which is healthy in a relationship built on a solid foundation. I can text and say “I need your help with something” and 15 minutes later he’s at my door with a baseball bat, a tool bag, chocolate, and hugging arms, to cover whatever need I might have at that moment, be it an intruder, a leaky pipe, or just a bad day. I am the same way. You have to be able to fiercely defend each other and then in private go to him and find out the real story. My man calls me his RODC simply because I defend him and praise him FIRST AND FOREMOST, until something contraindicates that trust, which is then handled in private. I am there for whatever he needs, whether it’s to watch his daughter for a night with the boys or to rub his back after a bad day or have dinner on the table after he gets out of a long day of work. Nothing is inherently wrong with being someones ride or die, but you have to do it right. The rewards are astounding.

  • nesha

    I agree…I’m all about sticking by my man during hard times..but if he is just disrespecting me publicly and not caring its time to let him go..but I think most women stay because of security and not wanting to b alone..but if he is out all the time and never with u spending time then u alone anyway..might as well let him go..I’ll rather b alone than with someone who don’t care about me or my feelings

  • RealDeal

    It’s okay to “ride or die” for your man, as long as you “ride or die” for yourself also! Doing the latter will cancel out the whole “I’m a fool” option. That’s the problem with a lot of “ride or die” relationships today. People care about their relationships so much, that they totally forget to care about themselves. Expect to get what you giving. Besides, a “ride or die” chick need a “ride a die” man and a “ride or die” man shouldn’t cheat! Sad thing is, a lot of men cheat and do whatever they want in a relationship, even if he cares about that woman, because he knows he has a “ride or die” chick. If women stop falling for that, men would do better! The way I see it, that “ride or die” badge is an “its okay to do me wrong” badge.

  • baddvixentype

    i highly doubt the whole situation with mimi and stevie (or stebbie as josline calls him) is anything new to mimi. She said shes been with him on and off for 15 years. he said he has 5 BABY MOMMAS! obviously he’s had babys on her before so why would we expect her to leave now if this is what has been going on long before it was broadcast on television? She should have drew the line the moment he decided to disrespect their relationship and creat another family…but that my opinion. its her life. to each its own. Maybe one day she’ll wake up and decide she wants better and she doesnt deserve anything less.

  • Zettai

    I do not understand the difference between “ride or die” and “blood is thicker than water”. Some people treat their family members just as bad as these men treat their women (watch any episode of Jeremy Kyle, Maury, Steve Wilkos). Yet the person on the receiving end of the pain always says “well they’re my family so we’re going to work it out no matter what”. WTH?

    I say you are stupid to let anyone treat you like a deaf dumb and blind dog on a leash, whether it is a man or a woman or blood or water.

  • Sunset

    Marriage is just another way for uncle sam to get in ur pockets and invade ur privacy a ring shouldn’t determine what u do for ur lover honesty love and trust should if a child or children knows that their mother and father are happy their happy regardless if they are married or not marriage is overrated love is love same rules apply in a relationship dont lie cheat and be there 4 1 another thru thick and thin.

  • etilmaimetrop

    Married or not, there has to be some strong level of commitment and determination in a relationship. The term “ride or die” has jaded what use to simply be love. I’ve stood by my man (who I’m engaged to) through tough times. People said I was stupid to stay, but now he and I have grown together, matured together, and we are happier than ever before. Its something about seeing each other at our lowest and rising up that makes our relationship so strong. If you run every time stuff gets hard you’ll never find peace. I believe that the man that is for you, is for you in season.

  • paris

    I fell in love with a guy, he cheated and got someone pregnant so I left. It should be that simple. I don’t feel bad for Mimi or women like her, I think they are fools for alowing themselves to be continuiously humiliated, hurt and disrespected. Being ‘ride or die’ does not mean sacrificing your soul to your mans selfish needs. Bump that ish.

  • Lola

    This is the truth…

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    Did anyone else notice… that when a man cheats and she sticks by him she’s a “ride or die chick” but if she cheats…. then she a h0e, sneaky b!tch….. can’t trust woman etc…

  • gwent

    its human to ride until we are convinced its time to quit it… some of us take longer than others . its too bad that love demands so much of us, including selflessness at times…. women should check out when that mans checks out – including cheating, emotional harm and disrespect.

  • gwent

    its human to ride until we are convinced its time to quit it… some of us take longer than others . its too bad that love demands so much of us, including selflessness at times…. women should check out when that mans checks out – including cheating, emotional harm and disrespect.

  • Snippi

    I don’t believe ANYTHING that happens on LHH it seems scripted to me like it’s trying to be a soap opera. Thats why MImi is so calm and puts up with Stebie, because she’s reading a script. Duh.

  • MissQ123

    Its one thing to think a man is cheating its another think to know and see it and still be with him ,sadly its the times and world we live in now

  • FromUR2UB

    Well, for one thing, Sarah suggested that Abraham conceive a child with another woman. I think we’re supposed to learn from that story that we shouldn’t ask for what we don’t want.
    I don’t understand, Jazmine, why you consider Tashera’s support of DMX, a strength. Not to sound cliche’, but love means treating someone with respect and kindness. He is neither respectful nor kind to her. He does not genuinely love her, because he doesn’t have love for himself. What is the point in fighting for a love that doesn’t exist?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_RMFE5V6ITVKKO4XIJXKPBBYJDI najaca

      No, the writer is trying to point out how she was good to try to stick in there because she wanted to support him through his addiction BUT ultimately she was humiliated and burned in the process. I don’t think she’s contradicting herself, she’s just pointing out that this logic doesn’t work!

  • DatsLife

    Ask any man if he will be ride or die for his woman and the answer would most likely be NO. As women we feel if we wait it out a man will eventually change. A man is most likely to change a woman before we can change him. Black woman are taught to be their man’s mother than his woman.

  • Jacquiline Perkins

    ”ride or die chick” what about whats thing ”HE” is welling to do for you ”IN THE NAME OF LOVE”if a women cheat ”the tables change” but for a man a has to understand man is being a man…what the ”HELL” DOES THAT MEAN…”an azz hole by any other name is still a azz hole?

  • TrueDiamond

    True story: my best friend used to be a “ride or die chick” for this one dude. I always thought she was crazy for that. But not to long ago she got locked up being a ride or die chick. 4get all that! I’d rather be his “ride and live chick”. haha!

  • http://www.facebook.com/nikki.page.37 Nikki Cartell

    WELL WRITTEN

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=536872959 Aaron T. Starks

    As long as emotionally-immature women chase the bad-boys, man-children, and swagger-filled men of the world, you’ll have no end of “ride or die” chicks. These women are addicted to drama and these types of relationships are just right up their respective alleys.

    • CHANELclutchAOWW

      True. But that doesnt apply to every “ride or die”( *hate the term) female.

  • Aly

    the other motive is…money. no she’s not going to go anywhere cause im sure she doesnt have anything to fall back on. as long as he controls the money she aint goin no where…later for that.

  • CHANELclutchAoow

    My heart goes out to Emily. She deserves better & not to waste her youth, love, beauty & loyalty on a clown like Fab. ONLY if she knew it. She is also sending the wrong messages to her daughter & son. As children, they are watching & taking mental notes of EVERYTHING we do. Our actions & decisions. I’m to great for mines to see me as a ride or die chick.

  • CHANELclutchAoow

    This piece was good. Wish it was a little more extensive. I copied n fwd’d link to my family & closest female friends. I used to be that RIDE OR DIE CHICK. To EVERY EXTENT OF the TERM. Until i had children. It’s funny because the worst of what I endured, tolerated, forgave and stayed loyal to WAS BEFORE I had my twins. All bets were off after having kids. No way would I allow them to see me being anything less than respected & honored cherished by ANY Man. I became stronger. Which I wish I did before the kids. The opposite happened unlike most women. Children gave me green light to resign from Ride or die chick bs.

  • LeeLeeC

    Yawn….

  • Miss_Understood

    Great Topic! I think men have somehow been able to manipulate many women into believing that being a “ride or die chick” or “down a– chick” is an honor. This is much like those who believe that being called the “wifey” or “baby mama type” is actually a compliment.

    I am always proud to say that I am NOT a ride or die chick-not because I don’t value loyalty, but because I value myself! And I definitely refuse to be any man’s baby mama!

    Side Note: does anyone else get asked if they have any kids way BEFORE they are asked if they are married or engaged?? SMH

    • judi4410

      Yessss….people look at me like I’m crazy when they ask me why don’t my boyfriend and I have kids..we’ve been together going on 10 yrs (separated for 2 of them). We were young when we got together 21 & 22…explored other options and realized where we wanted to be. Now he grew up hood where no positive men (or women either..his family ain’t ish) …I grew up huxtable life where I had nothing but positive male role models and everyone married and respected their wives and don’t believe in baby mamas…hes ready to have a baby and get married, but doesnti care which order..I have made it painfully clear it will be 2, before 1…and some of his friends are baffled when I tell them I’m waiting to get married because bm is not in my title at all before Mrs. will be…

      • Jazzy

        Excellent standards for you! We teach people how to treat us, and it its far time for men and the.world to see a woman who values themself at all cost. I was 31 with no kids and waited to get married to the man God had for me. A wife not a baby momma, and my friend didn’t respect my values so she had to go too. Ride or die is for the birds (chicken heads or hood rats) because when a man findeth a good wife he findeth a good thing . so stop giving these non deserving men the best of you and being hurt when they can’t reciprocate..Emily, MiMi, Erika, and every other woman guilty of this.

  • http://twitter.com/PhoenixRose360 PhoenixRose360

    Enough should be enough, when you compromise yourself and your beliefs for him, but unfortunately for some women it isn’t. Too many of us don’t love ourselves enough to know when to let go, because we feel that we won’t find anyone else. But as someone told me, there’s a top for every pot, stop settling for foolishness!!

  • Co-Co Diva

    I’ll ride, but I ain’t dying for no damn body. Meaning, I have my man’s back, but when his behavior starts having me camped out in my feelings, then I’m done.

  • Cyn94601

    Ride or die always seems to be one sided! She rides (or dies emotionally or spiritually) while he gets to do whatever! Seems to me that if it was so good, it would go both ways!

    • awet

      Thank You! You “ride or die” or the one that “rides or dies” for you!

  • Miss D

    I have a friend who’s in a ride-or-die type relationship. Dude has been in trouble with the law more than once and she’s posted his bail. They break up and make up what seems like every week. He has put her through hell and she continues to stick around. I tell her that she deserves better, but she continues to deal with him. As a friend, there’s only so much I can do. When she tells me they get into a fight or some drama, I just listen. If she texts me about the foolishness, I don’t respond because it’s the same old mess that she chooses to put herself through, despite advice from several people other than me. Almost none of her friends (myself included) really like this guy and there is nothing that we can do about it, so I will just let her learn on her own.

  • LLSevin

    Almost every single last one of my close friends fit the “ride or die” description to a tee. They take care of their men, cook, clean, give up the goods, etc. on a regular basis, and are not married or in any hurry to get married. I can not see myself taking care of a man, or a boy claiming to be a man. In my opinion if a guy says he is looking for a “ride or die” chick, he is really looking for a mama to take care of him and let him get away with murder-so to speak. I have been lucky to realize red flags before they turn into TNT in my past relationships, and get out of those potentially harmful relationships. I have been in a few relationships and witnessed dozens of different type of relationships. The so called “ride or die” relationships have TWO insecure individuals trying to find themselves in what they feel is Love. Its sad for women to think they have to live up to these outlandish standards. Set your own standards ladies before you try living by someone else’s.

  • Ash

    Well, I raised in a Catholic home and there is no such thing as divorce only in the events of either adultry or domestic violence. That might be where the “ride or die” mentality comes from. Since this was the way I was raised, I plan on following it. However, I’m not going to marry someone who doesn’t show me affection, respect, honesty, and trust.

  • klynn

    This is the very first articles that I totally agree with. Very well written. I know so many woman both older and younger who just do not love themselves. A real man would appreciatea woman who loves and respects themselves. Use that energy and improve you live, often times we marry someone, but they are not your mate. God is not going to send your mate into the mist of that mess, but he will give you the desires of your heart.

  • Dee

    I have a friend that stuck with her baby daddy thru his many stints in jail, him putting a knife to her throat threatening to kill her while she was pregnant and of course him giving her an std all of which doesn’t seem to bother her at all. I had to take a break from our friendship because her stupidity was becoming exhausting smh

    • IllyPhilly

      Plus one. I had one of those friends too. It’s sad that we can know the same types of women in different places of the country. It’s totally color blind as well!

      • Nola

        Add me on that list I had to let go of a friend who stuck by a man who impregnated two women while she was pregnant too and him living with of those women lying to her that he’s about to leave that woman. Stupid as she is she waiting for him to leave the woman and kept defending him. I got tired of her and kept it moving until she herself woke up to realize to wasted 7years of her life with a no good man waiting for him to stop messing around. I know I felt bad about breaking our friendship but I had to it was taking the toll on me I was becoming emotionally wrecked and unable to let a man in my life for fear he’ll do to me what that ahole was doing to her. But i’m glad i did

    • melissarose10166

      Ms. Dee, you stated it very well: “I had to take a break from our friendship because her stupidity was becoming exhausting.” I have a friend who seems to be stuck on stupid and hearing about the same stuff over and over when the solution to it lies in her hands is very exhausting. I am taking a break from that friendship as well. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who does that, I felt a little bad at first.

    • chaka1

      God for you. Her drama will drag you down.

    • lalatarea

      its even worse when children become involved because now she’s setting the example for her children on what is “normal” in a relationship and the cycle will just continue. Honestly i couldn’t be friends with a woman like that.

  • Truth

    OH, for the record, Sarah wasn’t a ride or die chick! Reread the story!

    • NSimonefan

      Thank you! That’s the only part of this article that I disagree with. Sarah wasn’t a ride or die chick.

  • Ride4myself

    This article needs to be posted on every highschool bathroom wall so that our young women GET IT….

  • Ride4myself

    I had a convesation with a guy friend recently who has a ride or die chick. He made a comment at the end of our conversation that went something like, “and if she doesn’t like it I know I can always find another chick”. That alone did it for me.. If a man isn’t treating you like your his queen (one and only) damn a ride or die bc he can always find another sucker bc ther are plenty out there…

  • Rashee

    Me i thank thats how women get aids, by letting the men do what ever they want. Thats how things get spead. Cause men dont care about the woman his wit. A line shouldnt be crossed. A woman shouldnt never let a man dip and dive in every hole there is, but u gotta be not insurcure, let them go and let them fall on their face.

    • Mia

      Your right.. I was recently with someone for 6 yrs and about a week ago I did something I never did was go through his text msgs. I found he was seeign 3 other women 2 of which he ws sexing.. When I approached him about putting my life in danger bc that was my main concern he called me an immature *****. I am a ***** bc I am concerned about my health.. We will not even be on friend status at this point bc he did not care enough about me to not sleep around.

      • Rhonda Chambers

        Honey that’s the typical response from a no good ninja. That type of dude only cares about himself, what he wants, and how fast he can get it. He’s trash and you need to worry about yourself and your health at this point. Go get checked out and next time go through and extensive background check before you get serious.

      • Rhonda Chambers

        Oh and after 2 years and he hadn’t proposed baby girl it had been time for you to bounce. Don’t waste your life on a bum ninja again. Next time, make sure he’s right. Do what ya gotta do to find out if he’s a liar. You’re entitled not to be somebody’s fool.

    • Rhonda Chambers

      Oh yes. These foolish women nowadays are sitting back while their men are sleeping with other men and they have full knowledge of it. It’s disgusting and so many women are going to get diseased from these stupid relationships. Folks got to draw the line somewhere…It’s NOT worth it.

      • Mia

        It sure isn’t..

  • LuLu_Slim

    Ride or die is a term for women who feel they have no other options.

  • Rhonda Chambers

    This is a good article. These “ride or die” chicks are usually women with low self esteem who will accept any and everything just to have a man. Why give everything for so little in return? These women are left broken and abused. All for some “love”. It’s NOT worth it. That’s not love.

  • Rhonda Chambers

    This is a good article. These “ride or die” chicks are usually women with low self esteem who will accept any and everything just to have a man. Why give everything for so little in return? These women are left broken and abused. All for some “love”. It’s NOT worth it. That’s not love.

  • Ride Or Die Mrs!!!

    Interesting article.I am in a situation where I a have been married to a man for 18 months. He is a good husband & father. Now when he was 20 he did something dumb & got put on probation. He reports,works & does what he is supposed to. 9 days ago the P.O shows up & finds a gun my husband had in the home(we had 2 attempted break-ins) Although I didnt know the gun was there & it was illegible I get why he had it. So what Now that he my have to sit 1-3 I should bail.NO thats where I feel like I am being doing exactly I signed up for better or worse. Now if he was some thug who was just wilding out I would not have even married him in the 1st place BUT I will not leave him because he got in trouble for simply protecting his family. Any comments welcomed!

  • Ride Or Die Mrs!!!

    Interesting article.I am in a situation where I a have been married to a man for 18 months. He is a good husband & father. Now when he was 20 he did something dumb & got put on probation. He reports,works & does what he is supposed to. 9 days ago the P.O shows up & finds a gun my husband had in the home(we had 2 attempted break-ins) Although I didnt know the gun was there & it was illegible I get why he had it. So what Now that he my have to sit 1-3 I should bail.NO thats where I feel like I am being doing exactly I signed up for better or worse. Now if he was some thug who was just wilding out I would not have even married him in the 1st place BUT I will not leave him because he got in trouble for simply protecting his family. Any comments welcomed!

    • LuLu_Slim

      You have children and were unaware that there was a firearm in your home?

      • Big Mike

        Sometimes this is best. It keeps the kids from finding the thing and playing with it, and it keeps the wife from worrying. It depends on what kind of family you have. It seems that this brotha was trying to do what he thought was right – even if there were some things he could’ve done better, his heart was in the right place.

        Blessings to you and your family, Ride Or Die Mrs!

        • LuLu_Slim

          No, she should have known so that when the father is not home and happens to see the children near where the firearm is/was she could have deterred them from it. What would have happened, God forbid she was washing dishes etc. and one of her children found it and hurt or killed someone in the home?

          • Amija James

            I totally agree! And if he was Ride or Die Mr, wouldn’t he respect her enough to tell her?

    • JazGirl

      You are right; you have absolutely no reason to leave. This is your husband and not some random body taking up space in your life (huge difference). You did mention that he was a good husband and father which I’m guessing means he is good to you and your children. Although a gun in the house without you knowing isn’t a smart idea, I don’t think his intention was to harm you or your children. Your job is to support and accept that he is an imperfect human and will make mistakes. This is one of them. I think the women the author mentioned above are those who purposely waste time and energy on men who obviously don’t want them. Because your husband married you, there’s a strong possibility that he wants and needs you. Stay strong!!!!

    • Truth

      In my opinion, this article doesn’t apply to you! Stand by your Man!

    • Amija James

      I’m not an expert on probation, but if you have been married for 18 years and he did something dumb when he was 20, shouldn’t he be off of probation? No offense, but seems like he might be a bit of criminal so obviously you have been dealing with these kinds of things for sometime.

      • http://www.facebook.com/ayana.vines Ayana Vines

        She said 18 months.

        • Amija James

          Okay, my bad!

      • Miss_Understood

        She said 18 months not 18 years…

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_RMFE5V6ITVKKO4XIJXKPBBYJDI najaca

      Well, everyone makes mistakes. What did he do that was dumb? You glazed over that. That’ will explain his character. There are plenty of men that mess up when their young and straighten up. As long as the gun was for the home protection, fine. Forgive him. BUT if there’s other criminal behavior going on, drinking, clubbing or fighting men in the street, he needs to be left.

  • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.codner Barbara Codner

    What Mimi has for Stevie isn’t love. Love isn’t about being a doormat and seeing how much you can put up with.

    • Miss_Understood

      Agreed…what she has is FEAR of being alone, broke, a single mother, etc. It’s more embarrassing than sad to watch because she seems so smart, classy and beautiful-goes to show that a lot of men are capable of ruining a powerful woman by convincing them that their companionship alone makes the world go round…

    • guest5

      the thing that is so funny about the situation is he actually laughs in mimi and joseline’s face. he smirks when he tells the lies and gets off on them getting mad. its almost like he is saying to himself here she goes again with this same lame argument knowing full well she isn’t going anywhere. i swear that is probably what he is thinking.

  • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.codner Barbara Codner

    What Mimi has for Stevie isn’t love. Love isn’t about being a doormat and seeing how much you can put up with.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/tessiemae Theresa Tessie Dobey

    Some women would just forgive a guy to have them in their life. To bad she has no respect for herself, if she did she would not tolerate this flat out disrespect. I know from experience.

  • lalatarea

    first off if a man is NOT ur husband “ride or die” shouldn’t even be in the equation. second you do for him what he does for you, if your man treats you like a queen (NOT cheating, playing emotional games etc) then yes you ride hard for ur king. unfortunately the examples you’ve given don’t qualify and like most chicks with this mentality they have low self esteem and weren’t raised to love and respect themselves. Only a woman desperate for love our money would “ride or die” in those situations & its sad wee not raising our little girls to demand better.

    • lalatarea

      *love or money
      *were not

    • Val

      LOVE the first sentence!

    • Val

      LOVE the first sentence!

    • melissarose10166

      I, too, LOVE your first sentence: “If he’s not your husband, “ride or die” shouldn’t be in the equation.” If he can see that you exude all good qualities and will be by his side through thick and thin or a “ride or die,” then he needs to MARRY you, not just put a ring on it. You don’t want to forever be the “girlfriend with the ring.”

    • Amija James

      Even if a man is your husband, you should not be a ride or die. I have friends who think that because they are married, they should take bs. My husband is good to me and I’m good to him, but I’d leave if it meant my health or safety. Certain things you can work out, but putting me at risk for HIV is taking ride or die too far. Because even if Mimi and Stevie J were married, he could still give her HIV. A real man would never put you in a situation that is bad for you. And real men don’t want a ride or die chick because he knows she’s effed up. Ride or die is a hood term that needs to stay with the hood boogas and hood rats.

      • http://twitter.com/BluberiHartford Tarnekia

        Oh i love you because we feel the same way

      • lalatarea

        did u even fully read my comment because you’re mentioning points i already said were unacceptable. and ride or die simply put means you will stand by your SO through adversity and won’t dash at the first sign of trouble like losing his job etc. I’m sorry i wasn’t clearer in my comment.

        • Amija James

          The only thing I responded to in your comment was about a man being your husband. The rest is just me stating my opinion.

    • Miss_Understood

      Being married does not necessarily disqualify a woman from being a fool or disrespected…just recall the women of earlier generations who were married for DECADES to men who abused them, cheated, had outside kids, were alcoholics, gambled their money, etc…unfortunately a lot of the same women who believe marriage trumps a dysfunctional relationship are the same who wait 20 years and 4 children to finally walk down the aisle

    • The Boot

      They have the term and meaning of ride or die chick all wrong. U need to go back to the hood. Cause the ride or die chicks I know what go for that sh!t.

    • The Boot

      They have the term and meaning of ride or die chick all wrong. U need to go back to the hood. Cause the ride or die chicks I know what go for that sh!t.

  • HannibalMrs.

    I agree also. In my case, I married to a man I won’t be a fool for. As stated in the article, I will be there for him through ANY of life’s adversities, HOWEVER I draw the line at infidelity! My vows (which I take VERY seriously) state: “For better or for worse, FORSAKING ALL OTHERS”; As long as there is not another party brought into our relationship, I can pretty much “ride” through the other things. Humiliation is not a badge of honor I am willing to wear. You must STAND for something, or dammit you’ll FALL for anything!

  • GodsChild82

    I believe God honors marriage a union between man and woman. A boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is different from marriage. In a marriage you go through obstacles to keep your thriving. I hope your articles promotes marriage and not shacking up.

    • Don’t Worry, Be Happy

      Wait I’m lost. Who said anything about shacking? Living situations were never even mentioned?

    • Amija James

      If my husband decided to go out there and have unprotected sex and was getting b*tches pregnant, I’m out. He already knows that HIV is a deal breaker! Yes, God honors the union, but if man can’t, woman shouldn’t!

    • CHANELclutchAOWW

      I strongly agree God honors marriage and a union btwn 2 souls. However this article isn’t about that. It applies to both married & single women fitting that RIDE or die chick profile. In relationships or marriages that are unhealthy. Destructive even. Idea can also be taken that RIDE or die behavior shouldn’t be shown to a mate if unmarried. I agree. But this article is ABOUT self help. A WOMAN thing. Universally to ALL WOMEN. NOT a marriage thing.

  • BellaUnaRed

    Totally agree. At some point you have to know when to fold ‘em. No human being deserves to be disrespected. Love is not and will never be anything negative. If negativity is being manifested and its being called love, time to analyze who and what you’re dealing with.

    • Kells

      Your right and it all boils down to lack of selfesteem

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1266184933 Rebeca M. Llanos Viera

    Its a self esteem problem glorify by what the girls hear and see in music,t.v.,soap operas (very common in latin america,Im from Puerto Rico and I see it every day at my work in a middle high school) and in there own households.

  • Kay

    I a ride or die friend. Her husband told her that he doesn’t have a curfew, he cheats, and he can’t keep a job. But still my friend walks around with a smile on her face. Besides all that foolery shed trying to have as many kids with this man. Maybe doing this so he will love her more? Idk but she’s royally f@$king herself because I there will be a day when he or she leaves. Shell be stuck with the bills and all those damn kids.

    • Kells

      Ride or die ends with me dipping into my own pockets to support a man.. Thas crazy to me

    • Miss_Understood

      Some women are so desperate to be somebody’s “Mrs” that they will accept whatever they can to have that title. They justify his cheating by saying “I’m the one with the ring” or “He still comes home to me at night”…I’m just a little skeptical of marriage after seeing so many negative examples of it

  • IllyPhilly

    “Good women who once stood by their men in the face of normal
    adversity such as financial hardships, sickness, etc. were now being
    expected to toss all of their God-given sense out of the window and
    stick by their man no matter how ridiculous the foolishness is that he
    brings to her doorstep.”
    You got right in my head!! I have been saying this since the term came out and I was a teen!

  • Sarah L. Webb

    I completely agree with this article. Men will go as far as women let them. When we lower our standards for fear of being alone, that’s when men know they can get away with pretty much anything. You can love someone and not be with them if it means being a doormat. Lots of women have walked away from a man they love because they lived themselves.

  • ThisChick

    Totally agree with this article! Thats why I tell my boyfriends I’m not a ride or die. I may love him but I love myself more. We can go through some stuff but you gotta know where to put your boundaries. I have some friends who are some true ride or die….for men they should even be in the car with! Its really sad.