I sat watching Love and Hip Hop Atlanta last night, wincing at Mimi’s semi-emotional scene with the rest of the world as she poured her heart out to K.Michelle about Stevie’s baby fiasco with Joseline. Part of me wanted to feel sympathetic for her, I mean no woman wants to hear that her man has gotten someone else pregnant, but then again is Stevie even qualified to be called anyone’s man at all? I mean his penis pretty much seems to be public property. Then, I thought woah, Mimi is way too calm. This probably isn’t the first time this has happened. *sigh*
Ride or die chicks have been around since the beginning of time, Bible days if you will (go read the story of Sarah and Abraham if you need proof). Before they were known as “ride or dies”, they were simply known as women who stood by their men and didn’t dip out at the first sign of stormy weather. Somewhere around 1999 we were introduced to the term “ride or die chick”, and since then all hell has broken loose. Good women who once stood by their men in the face of normal adversity such as financial hardships, sickness, etc. were now being expected to toss all of their God-given sense out of the window and stick by their man no matter how ridiculous the foolishness is that he brings to her doorstep. This term has been marketed and romanticized by music, novels, and television to the point where it is sickening. Women eventually began to proudly rock their ride or die titles as if it were some Girl Scout’s badge of honor, which was no different than writing “I’m a fool” across their foreheads because riding for a man through any and everything is downright foolish. Every woman should draw the line somewhere.
Women have many different reasons riding with their men through the craziest of situations, the most sincere reason being love. For example, Tashera Simmons, wife of rapper DMX. I’ve always deemed her as one of the strongest wives in the entertainment industry. It can’t be easy to stay with a man who struggles with substance abuse, not to mention his countless run-ins with the law. Yet, somehow, she found the strength to stay. Sadly, in return she was cheated on and left to cope with the fact that he had six children outside of their marriage resulting in her eventually filing for seperation. It really makes you wonder what the point is in riding for your man if this is what the end result will be. What I will say is that the man who came up with the “ride or die” philosophy is absolutely ingenious. He’s convinced women across America to give their all only to receive crap in return.
Then, you have Mimi and Stevie J. While I do believe that Mimi loves Stevie, I can’t help but think that there has to be another driving motive accompanied by love that is keeping her stagnant in that relationship. The disrespect that Stevie demonstrates over and over is unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed before. Lastly, there’s Emily B., baby mama of Fabolous and one of the only reality stars that actually moved me to tears. I felt for Emily as she’d burst into tears on camera. It was clear that she genuinely loved Fab and was devastated that he was so reluctant to claim her publicly, not to mention the fact that he was constantly being photographed by the media with different women. Things do however, seem to be looking up for Emily these days.
Sticking by your man through hard times is one thing, but allowing him to make you his fool is something else. To be a good woman who stands by her man is admirable, to be a ride or die is foolish. Sometimes staying isn’t what makes you strong, but knowing your worth and deciding that you won’t tolerate abuse or disrespect. People do make mistakes and forgiveness is important, but once a mistake becomes a habit it is time to reevaluate.
Sound off, ladies: At what point did you have to say enough is enough?
Jazmine Denise is a New York City based Lifestyle & Relationship writer. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise