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Blended families are just as common as traditional families these days. While your definition of what exactly qualifies as traditional may vary, there’s no question that blending new parents with new kids is a challenge.

The role of the step mom is particularly hard because moms play such an integral part in all our lives. While there are many frustrations that come with step-motherhood, there are steps you can take to make the transition easier. Though I’ve never been a step mom myself, I know quite a few and polled their experiences of becoming step or “bonus” moms to young children, pre-teens and teens. Here’s the best of what I gathered about what not to say to your step-children.

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