Hold The Hell Up: 8 Red Flags To Look Out For In Your New Man

July 10th, 2012 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers

Source: Gossip On This

I am a firm believer in that saying by Maya Angelou that says “When people show you who they are believe them the first time.” This philosophy should be applied to all aspects of life; however, this should be a golden rule for women who are in the dating game. Over and over we hear women drone ” He wasn’t always like this,” or  ”He just changed on me one day out of nowhere.” No, boo, he didn’t change. He was always this way, he’s just finally showing you who he really is. As women when we first meet a man, out of eagerness, naivete and sometimes low-key desperation, we overlook major flaws and red flags just for the sake of being coupled up. Unfortunately, we usually wind up paying later with broken hearts and hurt feelings. Check out some of these red flags that should never be ignored.


He’s inconsistent 

Have you noticed that this new guy is severely inconsistent with just about everything in his life? Does he frequently speak of switching jobs, changing banks, and moving after short periods of time? This is what we call fickle. While there is nothing wrong with appreciating variety, this type of inconsistency can also come off very unstable. When a man can’t commit to anything in his life for an extended period of time it is a sign of deeper issues. If nothing in his life stays around for long, chances are, you won’t either.

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  • TheTruth

    i would add to this list:
    1. A man who lies
    2. a man who doesn’t call when he says he’s going to
    3. a man who has communication problems
    4. a man who doesn’t have a license or a car

    these all describe the last man i was dating so glad i ended that! deuces!

  • CA Pullen

    Those things are true. Most women see these signs that indicated in the above article but, over look it and think or try to change a person. You CANNOT CHANGE A PERSON, IT IS UP TO THAT INDIVIDUAL IF THEY WANT TO CHANGE. I just don’t understand women who get into some of these situations. Especially if they guy is lazy and don’t want to work. If the woman tells the man that he does not have to work, then why should he? It is sad that some grown men don’t want to work because they don’t want to take direction from anyone on the job. NEWSFLASH: you will always take instructions from somebody. The only way you will get out it unless you are dead. When you do get a job, you have to work , not to expect a promotion on the first day of the job. You have to work hard and earn it. With the baby mamas, most men do have at least one baby mama, I do agree. Some will lie about how many children they actually have and women need to really watch and observe and check the man out. I have to also agree with the guy who is on the rebound. A lot of men are on the rebound always talking about their exes. If they person is so good, they why don’t you attempt to try to work things out with her and stop wasting my time? I have other things to do besides wasting time with a rebound guys who is not over his ex. Disrespect is one, is the guy disrespects you, you should go the other way.

  • Caydence James

    This was a really good list! Nice Jaz!

  • talia

    He always mentions he will protect you…. and you are on your 2nd date with him?? He’s possessive.

  • amansview

    Having worked for years with divorced people, I would like to add the following, which can be applied to women as well:
    (1) tries to make you jealous
    (2) control freak (people do not become less controlling)
    (3) fiscal irresponsibility
    (4) emotional problems
    (5) criticizes you publicly
    (6) does not respect your thoughts or opinions
    (7) will not address issues (There is no such thing as avoiding conflict; you can only delay it. It will explode eventually.)
    (8) holds on to resentment
    (9) not supportive of or belittles your goals
    (10) cannot make a decision without his parents
    (11) cannot receive the authentic love you wish to give

    • curiosity.killed.the.cat

      Oh God. These are excellent points especially point 2, 4, and 7. I will be sure to keep these in mind in future.

    • amansview

      (12) tries to isolate you from your friends and family

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002245014425 Michael Amons

    Well this is what happens when you always go for the type, the look, the income type of men! Don’t some women realize that the nerds are the best ones?? One day they’ll figure this out when all the typical men are , just played out! I laugh! Because I’m none of these things! Thank you Jesus! Love being a reject, So I CAN HAVE THE RIGHT WOMON IN MY LIFE!! Reject on ! Because this is all you will get!!!

    • curiosity.killed.the.cat

      You have a point there. A lot of my friends will overlook a nice guy for the “bad” guy bc it is more appealing but truth remains, it may be in their best interest to give the nice guys a chance.

      • amansview

        The reason that a lot of women overlook good guys is because in life most people perform to a level that is equal to their own confidence level. They cannot be happier than their self-esteem allows them to be. It is very difficult, if not impossible to outperform your confidence levels or self-image in any area of life. If they do so temporarily, eventually they will “snapped back” like a rubber band, and this effect is universal. The control of the self-image over your life is absolute and pervasive. Healthy people are not attracted to unhealthy people and vice-versa. I never wonder why women date “bad” guys, because I understand the psychology behind it. Her choice only reflects who she is. It can’t be any other way.

  • curiosity.killed.the.cat

    Pretty good list, imo. I feel like the minute a guy shows you himself, RUN! I mean it. There is no point to give him the benefit of the doubt because you’ll only regret it later. I mean birds of a flock, fly together. Why would you want to keep company with a no good man. It will only reflect on you.

  • mz_chocolatina

    It would be REALLY nice if I didn’t have to click through 8 pages just to read this article. . *sigh*

    • curiosity.killed.the.cat

      Yes. These lists could easily have been compiled onto one page. Luckily I am bored and looking to pass some time.

  • The Miss

    These women who actually need a list are simple. Most times the “sidelines” know the deal, and they accept it because they lack self esteem. I hear them call into the morning talk shows and the biggest comment they push is “If she was doing her job, he wouldn’t need me.” I really want to call in one day and say “If you were doing your job, he wouldn’t need her”….just my two cents.

  • Gapch

    Truth moment- I consign all this.