You Gotta Chill, Boo: Signs Your Man Is Too Clingy

July 6, 2012  |  
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A relationship can be such a beautiful and fulfilling thing when it is shared between two level-headed and reasonable individuals who trust and respect one another. However, a needy and clingy person can transform the once enjoyable experience of being in a relationship into what feels like a nagging, festering sore. Dealing with a clingy partner in a relationship can be such an annoying and smothering experience and is very uncomfortable for both the “clinger” and the “clingee”. Clinginess is a trait that is commonly associated with women; however, clingy men are just as common. But, what separates neediness from affection and a healthy desire to spend time with your partner? Check out some of these tell-tale signs that you are dealing with a clingy man.

He loses his cool anytime you miss a phone call

Okay, I believe anyone in a relationship would be a tad annoyed when their partner blatantly ignores their calls. It is very disrespectful and inconsiderate. However, if you find yourself in full blown screaming matches with your guy anytime you miss a phone call or you find yourself answering a barrage of questions such as “What were you doing?”, “Who were you with?”, “What was so important that you couldn’t answer the phone?” chances are you guy is on the clingy side.

He doesn’t like when you go out

Separate friends and healthy amounts of time apart are good for any relationship. If you find that your guy is always sitting in the corner with the sour face, starts a fight, or gets a ridiculous attitude anytime you are getting ready to spend sometime with the girls or maybe even your family, chances are you’ve got a clinger on your hands. When you know for a fact that you make time for him and he is always acting as if you neglect him, it can be very frustrating.

He doesn’t have his own life

“If I’m not your everything, how about I be nothing”. Sigh, a quote from a  Beyonce song hat has been ruining relationships since 2006. This is not a quote to be taken literally. Yes, your partner should be a very important aspect of your life,; however, it is unhealthy for them to be your entire life. It sets unrealistic expectations for your partner and places way to much pressure on you. If your guy has no other interests except going to work and being with you 24/7 that’s a problem.

He’s always doing pop ups and drive-bys

LOL, if you find that your guy is constantly popping up at your job or your home unannounced talking about “I was just in the neighborhood and I figured we’d do lunch” or you’re constantly wondering whether your mind is playing tricks on you or if you really just saw his car speed pass your BFF’s house, you’ve got a clinger on your hands. He was not just “in the neighborhood”, he’s checking your story to make sure you are where you said you’d be. The occasional surprise is romantic, anything else is called stalking.

He’s always asking if you love him

Love is most sincere when it’s given, not demanded. When you know for a fact that you shower you guy with plenty of love and affection, but he’s constantly asking if you love him, something is wrong. He’s insecure and is looking to be reassured of your feelings for him. It might be cute at first, but it gets old and annoying quickly.

He makes plans with you just to ensure you aren’t with anyone else

Do you constantly find yourself bored to tears when you’re at your man’s house or wondering why he even invited you over because he’s paying attention to any and everything but you? The truth is he didn’t really want to spend time with you, he just wants you over because it gives him the comfort of knowing that you aren’t with anyone else.

He’s constantly stressing at the thought of you cheating or leaving

It is normal for one to fear the loss of their partner; however, this fear becoming an obsession is indicative that there are deeper problems. An unreasonable fear of being cheating on or abandoned is usually the root of all other clingy behaviors.

Clinginess is most cases is a behavior that comes as a result of insecurity. The problem with people that struggle with insecurity is that the insecure person usually does not even want to feel that way. It is uncomfortable for both parties involved. Insecurity is an issue that needs to be worked out within, but can’t be fixed until the actual root of these feelings are uncovered. It takes a strong individual to be with an insecure partner but it is possible. Communication is key. Talk to your partner and find out why they may have these feelings. You never know, you may just be able to help them overcome.

Jazmine Denise is a New York City based Lifestyle & Relationship writer. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

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  • Sydney

    im dating a guy right now, and he was really cool at first, but now i think hes becomming clingy… he constantly texts and calls me, im still in high school so we see eachother every day almost all day. hes starting to get posessive of me and keeping me from other people and i dont know what to do… should i break up with him or just talk to him about it?

    • Nham Thien Duong

      It’s a sign that he cares for you, maybe there is a reason why he’s doing this, maybe his family doesn’t love him enough, or may love him too much, affection shouldn’t be a reason of breaking it off, and you must clearly state that you have your boundaries and need your own ”personal space” if you dislike his behaviour.

      • oyster

        Your making excuses for your behaviour. Too much of everything is bad. In life you need a balance. You can’t be overly attached to someone as if you was born with them. That’s just unhealthy!

  • blanksie_11

    It’s funny reading these comments. I’ve seen couples spend all of their free time together and I’ve seen couples have somewhat separate lives. From my experience, if a woman really digs you, she will want to be around you a lot. If she doesn’t, she’s either not that into you or just emotionally unavailable.

    • Nham Thien Duong

      Actually some people are naturally emotionally distant (I once dated a woman like that, she was my first girlfriend and since then I’ve been looking for women who are clingy, like me, but so far I get the impression that they don’t exist :- ), and there are people that need affection more than others (like myself), humans are herd- or group-animals, we aren’t designed to be independent, this is one of the largest sins of modern society that it encourages individualism over collectivism and independence over co-dependence, while I wouldn’t call the ability to function independent ”bad”, the thought that it’s the ”only” way we could exist is non-sense, almost everything we have and do is produced by others, we are literally ”produced” by ”others”, if some people prefer a relationship where they have ”their own space” then let them, but they shouldn’t insult us emotionally dependent people. :-

  • Bella

    A friend of mine has closed her facebook page down because her boyfriend didn’t like all the guys she was talking too. I’d assume this is due to his jealousy, insecurity and neediness.

  • just me

    this was my last relationship; he would get mad if i didnt answer a call or a text, and didnt like me going out cuz he though i was goin to cheat on him with one of my fb stalkers as he called them…hell he wouldnt even like or comment on my post or pic if another guy beat him to it….every guy that approached me was consider “thirsty”….and he would ask me if i settled, why was i with him and did i love him…well long story short he broke it off with me…accused me of cheating…lol which i didnt..still smh about this one….and he is the one still playing on my phone….still smh!!!!!!

  • Y’know, you get what you wish for. Where’s the article of women whining that their man doesn’t show enough affection or act like he cares? As a man who has been accused of both I’d say to a guy that if you’re too clingy OR too distant then you aren’t with the right woman.

    • Nham Thien Duong

      There is a weird explanation for that, women are attracted to ”distant men” as it’s a sign of ”Independence”, in fact I know more women that allow abusive relationships than I know women that even ”tolerate” clingy, and/or over affectionate men, this is because women don’t like the feeling of ”being needed” but rather ”needing someone/something”, if a woman doesn’t need you than she is with you for other reasons, and if she needs you she often doesn’t want to have her feelings reimbursed, though I have yet to see a co-dependent relationship somewhere, I know they exist, but my theory is that those people simply don’t complain about their relationship and remain married until the day they die…

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    These type of behaviors usually result in a Lifetime Pick-A-Flick movie.

  • Mocaleenie

    A lot of these behaviors seem controlling or borderline abusive to me. When a suitor displays any of these I take them as red flags and cut things off.

  • Coco Black

    My ex had an issue with me not picking up the phone ‘Everytime’ he called….let’s not forget the times i was in the gym, in bath, in the toilet etc!! It’s was always “you’re purposely not picking up my calls!”. I felt like I had to run to my phone!! Completely irrational as I picked up the majority of his calls, when he called. He’s now my ex in case you were wondering!!! He was clingy but I can only relate to the first question!! This one had ‘other’ issues like always trying to tell people how to act, or taking the moral high ground all the time. My parting words were..”you need to CHECK YOSELF!”.

  • Shay Renee

    Madame Noire are you spying in on my relation because I swear you have just described it to a tee. Smh. I couldn’t agree more with insecurity being a factor. This type of man doesn’t know how to appreciate a good thing with a good person.


    I think clinginess is a sign of insecurity and that is a huge turnoff. I actually had to just break things off with a guy bc he txtd me two days after we saw each other stating, “oh so u stopped hitting me up ?” I’m like “huh?” Its only been a day since I last seen you. I had to let that go bc that’s a major red flag that he’ll be clingy in other aspects too. No thanks !!

    • Shay Renee

      Girl preach. My dude was calling me at hours when normal people are sleeping and expected me to answer the phone. Normal, rational people realize that a phone cannot be answered if someone is sleeping and cant hear it ringing.


        Lmao, yes irrational is the word.

        • Shay Renee

          I knew something wasn’t right but it just didn’t come together for me until recently. And no matter how you try, irrational people cannot be reasoned with. They lack the capacity to do so.


            Exactly. I think most clingy people are always going to be that way. Its like deep rooted in their personality and it sucks bc it ruins relationships. The guy I was seeing was a nice guy but the clinginess would have killed the relationship and I don’t see him changing his ways for any girl.

            • Shay Renee

              Did yours ever drop to his knees in (feigned) apology when you called him on his bullshit and threatened to leave, and eventually left? I realized that my guy would test my limits to see how far he could nag before I snapped, and right before he knew I would go off he would start with his “please baby please I’m sorry”


                Lol, I just started seeing the guy for a few weeks and he was already showing signs of clinginess so early so I broke things off with him as soon as he started texting me why I wasn’t hitting him up, even though only a day had gone by. That was enough red flag for me. But it almost sounds like the guy you was with was also controlling ?

                • Shay Renee

                  He couldn’t control anything, hardly himself because a Jamaican woman me name and me doh ramp!

    • boomboom

      My husband is sooo clingy that he wants me literally next to him on the couch all the time. He get upset if I go on the computer in the other room. Just driving me crazy!

  • busty

    I wish I had a clingy guy in my life!!! at least I would feel loved!!!

    • Shay Renee

      Honey, please, I implore you. You DO NOT want a clingy man. That type of man does not know what real life actual grown up love is. Clinging =/= Love, at all, whatsoever, at the same damn time, in that order.

      • Nham Thien Duong

        If that’s her choice let her have it, some people like affection more than others, we’re all different people, I’d love a woman who is as hug-addicted as I am, while other men absolutely loathe the idea of a woman like that, people have their own preferences. And ”yes” clinginess can be a sign of love, some people think that you’re the best thing to have ever happened to them, and overreact in a fear of losing you, I don’t see how that’s something negative. :-

  • ang497

    I dated an extremely clingy dude for 3 months (too long). If he sent me a text and I didn’t answer, he’s immediately calling me on the phone. If I was on the phone with him and someone called on the other line, he had to know who it was. It was constant. He did nothing but eat, sleep and breathe me. Talking bout I’d kill someone for you. This fool was crazy to the 10th degree.

  • Miss D

    I (briefly) dated a clingy dude. Called me in the morning, at night, and texted me all day in between. Told him I was going to work out one evening and he got upset because he thought I was going to work out with a guy (I wasn’t, but even if I was, so what?). Good person, but very insecure. Big turn off.

    • Nham Thien Duong

      ¿and did you do anything to re-assure them? I’m amazed that still in this day and age an insecure man is still ”a bad thing”, but an insecure woman is ”the duty of a man to make her feel independent and ”… wait, no you’ll have F.B. walls full of telling those women that they ”don’t need” men, or ”love themselves first”. (–_–)

  • L-Boogie

    I was seeing a guy that would constantly do the drop-by. It was so annoying. After a while I was so tired of it I just stopped seeing him.