After seeing Nia Long’s Essence magazine cover last week, we were all a bit confused about the whole “Single, Satisfied and Raising Her Boys”, headline considering as far as we knew she was in a relationship with her youngest child’s father, Ime Udoka. Now that a few more details from her feature article in the August issue have been revealed, we see Nia is definitely not single in the sense of not having a man, but if the only options are single or married, she’s most definitely on the single side of things and not making any sudden moves to get to the other.
“Marriage is not a priority for me,” she told Essence. “I’m not saying I’ll never do it; It’s just not where we are as a family.”
Nia admitted that she has “never seen a marriage work,” and since she only recently established a good relationship with her oldest son, Massai’s, father and her own, she said her focus has been on “emotional maturity” rather than becoming a wife.
“Massai’s dad and I have had the most challenging times, and I wasn’t always sure we wouldn’t end like my mother and father,” she said. “But we’ve arrived at a place where I can truly say he’s not a baby daddy, he’s my friend, finally. He is an amazing father.”
Having a better relationship with these two important men has also helped Nia be a better mother, she said.
“I’m a lot calmer. Less clingy and demanding. When Ime has to be gone for long stretches at a time, as he had to the first few months after Kez was born, I took it as an opportunity to nest.
“It had been a minute since I had an infant and I had to get back into the rhythm of being a new mom. I really enjoyed having the space to do that at my own pace.”
As far as critics go, Nia said she’s not immune to the negative commentary on her family structure but she’s happy doing what works for her.
“I’ll be at home with my man, having a perfectly loving time, and I’ll see all these comments on some site about how wrong I am for not being married,” she said. “I don’t feel less loved or less loving because I’m not married.
“Motherhood is not easy, but it’s natural,” she added. “I worked hard to have the career I wanted, but I’ve also been deliberate about my personal life. None of this is a mistake.”
As long as she knows what she’s doing, more power to her. The only thing I’ll say about Nia’s explanation is that people need to realize the same emotional maturity that’s needed to be someone’s wife is also necessary before you become someone’s mother, but it looks like she’s working it all out. What do you think?
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