Please…

The reality is that a large portion of black women (educated and uneducated) are attracted to THUGS, BALLERS, or what other races of women would describe as UNDESIRABLE men. As a race we can no longer deny that traits seen as undesirable in other groups of men (i.e. hypermasculinity and hypersexuality,) are promoted as keys to manhood in the black community. And the biggest supporters of these risky behaviors is Black Women.

One black women start choosing the right men, you will start to see a decrease in the number of bitter black men.

I love this article speak sista preach

Any wise man knows that you can’t win an arguement with a woman, especially not online. Doesn’t matter if you’re arguing about what day of the week it is. But even online, women will resort to their typical tactic of being the loudest or having the wittiest comeback for crowd pleasing instead of using logic and then crying about things later on. I mean, women don’t even like one another and have decades of practice arguing one another, so why should a wise man think he would gain any ground in that same area?

First of all thank you for your post, but I think it goes without saying that the black community is varied in attitudes and opinions, so I hardly think that you are speaking for the entirety of the black community. Second, this response is not to be adversarial or confrontational, but I do want to add some perspective (at least my perspective) to your post. I normally do not respond to posts in general, but I feel that it is necessary based on some of your contentions. First of all, you go into a discussion about two pictures that were posted on Facebook. The first is about “a guy being rejected by a group of women in high school for being a nerd and years later seeking his revenge on these same women by being a successful man, who is now out of their league.” You act as if this has never happened ever in the history of human life! This happens all the time and all races and both genders. I do not understand how this is reflective of “bitter” black men (or black women for that matter). I was a nerd in high school and I am proud to admit that I still am and always will be. I hold no ill will toward the women who have rejected me, because I realized then what I realize now (and what I think the comic strip suggests) and that is that high school is not the highlight of my life, it is just a stepping stone. I went off to college, got to travel the world and saw things many will never have the opportunity to see. I have had girlfriends; have experienced heartache and happiness alike. Through it all, I’m stronger because of it. Some of the women who have rejected me are still back home with a gang of kids and are regretful about how they viewed the world and how their lives have turned out because of that view. Some of these women are successful and married and happy. I think this is also reflective of (and what I also believe the comic strip creator was trying to suggest) is that there are a lot of black woman who have the absolute wrong idea about what good values are in a man. I read through it and I don’t think it suggests that ALL black women think this way, nor do I believe that all black women think this way, but a lot of them do. Just like I think there are a lot of black men who think that the measure of a good woman is how big her breast and bottom are or how light her skin is. Most black men are more open minded than this. Just like most black women are more open minded about how they view their male counterparts.
The second picture compares “black women in the ’70s with the modern black woman. In the picture, an afro-wearing woman is bestowed with values of her love of God, knowing how to cook and clean and being submissive to her man, all of which are supposed to be good. Whereas, the picture of the woman from 2009, who ironically rocks a blonde weave, doesn’t cook or clean, is shallow, strong and independent. Of course, these virtues are considered bad.” Again I am perplexed because I not understanding the connection between the picture and “bitter” black men, especially if the picture is speaking the truth. There is an old say that goes “men are have the men their father were.” This is very true. It seems that the men of our past had more wherewithal, ingenuity, were harder working and more resourceful. With that being said, I also believe the same about women being “half the women their mothers were.” Women did value a “love of God” and “knowing how to cook and clean,” and more so than they do now. Respectfully, your interpretation of this picture is either misguided, misleading or both. First of all, are you suggesting that, knowing how to cook and clean and having a love of God and being submissive to your husband is a bad thing? Black women don’t hold to these values as much as they did back then. It is a sad fact that both black men and women have become lazier with time whether its physically, mentally, emotionally, culturally or spiritually. Second, you conveniently, left out the fact that a woman “has more power” being submissive to her husband. What does this mean? Well let me explain by using the very examples you cited in explaining the “flaws” of this picture with Elaine Brown and Angela Davis. You are taking their roles in regard to the relationship to the men close to them completely out of context in hopes that your audience would be so blinded by their own inner-rage that they would not see the flaw in this example. You were wrong. Elaine Brown and Angela Davis were strong and independent women, however, they were also supportive of the men of the Black Panther Movement; a movement started by black men and was aimed at bringing about positive change to the black community. Not to say that there was not gender bias in the movement nor to say that these and other women in the movement were not leaders in their own right, because this is all true. However, they loved, supported and care for their black men were willing to fight and die side by side with them because of what these men believed in and, in turn, what they themselves believed in. Also, and I think this is the most pivotal point, they allowed the man to take his place as just that, The man! They knew that it is the Black man who is (or should be) the first line of defense for justice and opportunity among the black masses. As black men (in the African tradition of manhood) it is our responsibility to fight and to die to support and protect the women, children and elders from fear, exploitation and annihilation. These women understood this and because they understood this and acted in such a way, it set a fire under the movement! This is where their power came from. A word of advice to you and your audience: If there are black men willing and able to step and take charge and do the right thing by the race, let them. There is such a tendency among black people to believe that black men can do no right. So much so that the ones who do wish to do right often get overlooked and are not trusted. Women cannot do it all by themselves, no matter how much they have convinced themselves otherwise. Something somewhere will go lacking. It is up to black men and women to work together to fill those voids. But I digress. Let’s go back to your post. You then go on to discuss how black men are angrily posting videos on youtube about how “oppressive” black women are and how they treat these men so badly. I noticed that you described these videos and blogs in plurals. The reason I bring that up is because either one of two things (or perhaps both) are happening at this point in your post: One, your over-exaggerating or, two, you have made it your business to go out of your way to take time out of your life to sit and view multiple numbers of these videos and blogs that essentially say the same thing over and over again. I know this because I have viewed some of this videos myself and QUICKLY realized that these are guys who are either blowing off steam or have their minds made up that this is have they will always feel about black women, regardless of what anyone does to prove otherwise. In either case, my question to you is simple: Why are you choosing to subject yourself to this nonsense so much so that you feel that you had to respond to it in a posting? I know that this is nonsense and you know that it is nonsense, so why waste your time with it? These postings don’t just pop up in your search engine and your finger slips and falls on the mouse button. You’re going out of your way to search for these postings. To prove what? That some black men fill a certain way about some black women? What do you get out of viewing this stuff? If you know it doesn’t apply to you, then why bother to view and why bother to respond?
To the overall “bitterness” charge; I guess that it is safe to say that we ALL have been bitter about something or another at some point in our lives. It’s not specific just black men or black women. You then conflate the idea with women not responding to men “hollering at you from the passenger side of their man’s jeep.” I live in an area where a lot of that is going on and I usually see these men moving on to the next woman unfortunate enough to be walking in their sites, they usually don’t rush directly home to their “mother’s basement” to blog about the experience. You further go into the “bitterness” charge by mentioning, quite condescendingly, I might add, that the root of their bitterness involves “whatever mommy, ex-wife or baby mom issues” they may have. So now you’re a psychotherapist? What statistics are you referencing and where can I find them? What research have you done to prove this point and where is that posted? You’ll probably respond to those questions by saying that you are basing this stuff on your own experiences. Well let me ask you this then: Have you been with or around every black man walking the face of the planet earth? There are a lot of us around. How can you know how we all feel? I say all that to say this: The “you’re just bitter” response is an easy cop out answer to a far more complex issue. Both genders use it and it is getting old and doesn’t solve anything. And if somehow, this is an issues (and I’m sure it is in some cases), then who the hell are you to throw it up in their faces so arrogantly. As a social worker, I realize that you don’t make a lot of progress by talking “at” people as opposed to talking “to” them. If you truly feel that these are serious issues, then this post should be about encouragement and understanding and love instead of being condescending and disrespectful.
I think the question that should be answered is why there are so many black men at odds with so many black women and vice versa. Don’t get me wrong. There is a lot for black women to be upset with black men over: mass incarceration, an influx of single mother homes and an overall disintegration of black manhood. On the flipside, there are issues that black women need to account for as well: having babies out of wedlock, being the fastest growing population with HIV/AIDS cases. Now you’re probably thinking that the issues I aforementioned with black women have as much to do with the men in their lives as with the women themselves. This is true. However, doesn’t it take two to tango? The key is not to lay blame, but to ascribe accountability ON BOTH SIDES. Both black men and women need to, for the sake of the race, come together and explain their frustrations and make peace and, most importantly figure out how we can solve our collective and respective problems! We can’t rely on the media, because the media is a part of the problem, if not THE problem itself. Every day we are bombarded with negative images of black men (such as on the rap videos on BET) and black women (such as with the reality shows on VH1). All of this is by design, the one thing this society fears is the black masses united and if their media can portray black men and thugs and criminal and womanizers and black women as being arrogant, loud gold-diggers, that can drive a wedge between the genders. We do not realize that these images are being promoted by men and women who sold their souls and have sold out the masses for money and fame. To hell with everybody and everything else! And we chose believe in this crap! We as black people have a horrible habit of taking what we see and swallowing it whole as if it were the unbiased truth. We never take the time to read between the lines and analyze. We choose to, instead, continue to feed the monster (or at least you do).
Most substantial op-eds present facts and figures to back up their beliefs and opinions. I read your post up and down and all of what you are saying is based on hypotheticals, generalizations and your own narrow life experiences. It almost seems, based on the tone and language, as if you’re just as angry as the men you are writing about (who also use nothing more than hypotheticals, generalizations and their own narrow life experiences). Please forgive me if my tone seems angry. I am only speaking from my heart. We have to stop this madness and begin to love and support one another for our children’s future and that of our own. With peace, love and blessings, thanks for reading. I welcome all comments and suggestions. Hotep!

It’s not a copout to say it would take a lot of sociological input to describe why sometimes, but not most of the time, these pictures are accurate but also why there are lots of professionally oriented and educated black women that completely take care of black men. The simple answer, in my opinion, comes down to the fact that there is a lot of dysfunction in the black community and that dysfunction leads to emotional damage and values that are not good for building meaningful relationships. It’s true for a lot of men and women and it is what prevents people from connecting and building something together. And for many of these people, the values celebrated by many parts of the culture, like from some hip hop and rap, don’t cause, but serve to normalize this dysfunction even more. I’m not saying that all people are influenced by music the same way but it certainly does provide the dysfunctional narrative for a lot of people’s lives.

The sooner we overcome the emotional damage that is the legacy of slavery, the better off we will be.

Yup they get bitter and catty like females, thats how you know they didn’t have a daddy to raise them.

BM need to face the reality they really mad cause they don’t have a daddy but it’s easy to be a stank misogynist and troll BW!

I think only the black men that are actually no good are the ones called no good. If that isn’t you, then you shouldn’t be offended (don’t take on someone else’s baggage) plus there are a lot of black men who have entitlement issues (i.e. with job search etc.) Everyone has problems as well as baggage.